THIS IS NOT A FLUFF! A bit of a trigger warning! Suicidal theme and a ton of emotion. I'm writing what I wanted to do for so long. But just to go along, it's not about me, it's about Pewds. So everything he is wanting to do is what I contemplated doing long before discovering my true potential and its value. This will mostly be in Pewds POV and also, you can tell in the "X readers" I write, you, reader-san, are usually pretty dominant in the relationship (sorry if your not really dominant/possessive but I think it's cute) . This is kinda what happened to a friend but she stopped. But like yeah sorry, I felt like venting a bit. The parents Felix has in this story are made up. This is just because I'm feeling a bit depressed so just venting. Bare with me guys.

Felix's POV *

I walk down the miserable grey cement sidewalk with my hands in my hoodie pockets. Blasting my music through my headset I sigh and look up at the grey sky as the precipitation from my breath floated up into the air. The sky mirrored my feelings right now. My father kicked me out of the house saying I'm worthless and a failure to him, my mother cussed me out and told me to sleep somewhere else tonight. I sigh again, kicking a loose pebble sitting on the ground. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!" I screamed thinking no one was around, but a certain girl with (E/C) eyes and (H/L), (H/C) was watching in sympathy as I shuffled my feet along the sidewalk. My feet felt like they were solid bricks, weighing me down. "Felix!" A girl's voice called from behind me as I heard small feet hit the pavement as they got louder. It was (Y/N). My crush since kindergarten, now in grade 12 like me. And is in love with her boyfriend who is 10 times more buff than me since I'm just a adolescent with no muscle what so ever. I huffed and continued walking, clutching my iPod in my pocket. "Felix? Did you hear me? Turn and look at me!" (Y/N) said grabbing my arm. I sigh and look at her. She shrunk back seeing I was depressed and she lowered her small hand and dropped it to her side. "Sorry Felix. I just thought you'd wanna chat, you looked lonely." (Y/N) said, sighing. "It's alright. I got kicked out again" I shrug and continue walking. "Hey! You can stay at my house if you want. Like, I have a couch, you can use my bed if you want somewhere to sleep tonight" (Y/N) offered me. I shook my head. "It's okay (Y/N), I'll just climb up the old tree up to my window." I said, declining her offer, she was too nice to me, the nerd. She was so popular and had amazing grades and yet here she was talking to me. " please Felix! It's flu season and I don't want you to get sick" (Y/N) pleaded, practically begging me. "...fine" I said, giving in since she wouldn't stop poking my arm. "Yay! Come on!" (Y/N) dragged me to her house and I was hit with a warm scent of cinnamon buns in the oven and some turkey cooking. "MOOOOM! I'm hoooome! Felix is here too!" (Y/N) shouted. Her mother came out wearing an apron and a confused and then concerned look plastered on her face. "Oh my, Felix dear, you got kicked out again, didn't you?" Mrs. (L/N) asked me concerned. "Yeah. How did you know?" I asked rubbing my temples, an oncoming headache was starting. "It's my motherly senses! Well actually to be honest, we could hear shouting from your house and (Y/N) was outside and knew what was happening, I told her to get you inside because she saw you walking down the street. Also (Y/N) begged me to let you stay over." Mrs. (L/N) said wiping flour off her hands onto her apron. "Well that's very nice of you, Mrs. (L/N)" I said grateful for the hospitality. "Dinner is almost ready so why don't you two get cleaned up and go sit at the dining room table." Mrs. (L/N) shooed us off to the washroom. (Y/N) could tell something was up with me when I started itching my wrists. She didn't know. She didn't realize the bags under my eyes. My constant referral face to be similar to a kicked puppy's face or a lost kitten. Which I found dumb but I don't need pity support from her. I don't need her charity. I cut my arm just last night and I totally forgot so I rolled my sleeve up and (Y/N) gasped. Before I had time to realize she grabbed my arm and practically ripped the sleeve off when she rolled it the rest of the way up. Scars and fresh deep cuts decorated my arm in red like a canvas.

Your POV*

"F-Felix?! Oh my goodness..." I gingerly turned it around and there were more.i looked at him with fear. Why didn't he tell me? Was he afraid to show he was hurting? I wanna help him. I will help him get past it. He ripped his arm away from my grasp and washed his hands and rolled his sleeve down and hugged his arms close to him. "(Y/N), don't look at me like you don't know what is on my arm, you can't tell anyone, you hear me?" Felix snapped a bit but I could tell he was just hurt. He just backed up until he hit the bathroom wall and slid down. Curling into a ball, leaning against the wall. "Felix..." I said, unsure of what to do. I felt so bad. "I-I can't go back to living there. I get beat up all the time at school and at home, and no one would give a l-living hell if I died" Felix said, his lip quivering as tears began rolling down his cheeks. His long blonde bangs covering his eyes. "KIDS! Dinner is ready!" Me and Felix looked out the bathroom door and we slowly just wandered over to the dining room table and sat down. Felix hadn't really touch any of his food and went to sit on the couch. He dug something out of his pocket and ran straight to the bathroom. What did he just grab.

Felix's POV*

My hands shook as I held the bottle of pills. I poured a bunch into my hand and swallowed them all in one gulp. I felt woozy and stuck the bottle back into my hoodie pocket and went out. I got dizzier as I walked. I ran my shin into the coffee table and laid down on the couch. "I-I'm just gonna sleep on the couch okay?" I said, putting on my best act to not worry (Y/N) and her mom. "Okay--" (Y/N)'s voice answered but got cut off as I fell into a deep sleep.   I awoke feeling horrid and my stomach did flips so ran to the bathroom and threw up last night's dinner in the toilet. I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, I was paler than a ghost on Halloween. Just then (Y/N) walked into view of the mirror. "Felix I... FELIX!!!!! Oh my goodness you look terribly sick! MOM! Get the medicine and some chicken noodle soup on the stove. And grab a bucket while you're there!" I started walking but swayed as my knees started to buckle beneath me a bit. (Y/N) put my arms over her shoulders and guided me to the couch while feeling my forehead. "Felix you have a high fever!" I could feel the sweat gathering on my forehead and my hands became all clammy. "Forget everything mom! We need to take him to the hospital now!" (Y/N) tried getting me to stand but I fell back immediately, I was too weak to use my own legs. I could feel (Y/N) grab my arms and her mom pick my legs up. I was placed what I guessed to be the backseat of their car a so heard a engine start. "(Y/N)...I..." I slurred and fell asleep again. I wake up again. Feeling like this is the hundredth time I've woken up I looked around. I was connected to a heart monitor and there was a drip attached to my one good arm. "Ah. So you're awake Mr. Kjellberg!" A blunt voice of a doctor sitting in a chair got my attention. "Yeah. Why am I here?" I asked him although I knew why. "Why? We ran some blood tests and you had an overdosage of medicine. That's why. You were delirious for bits here and there, and other times you became aggressive, frothing at your mouth and cursing." The doctor looked at me above his glasses. "Oh" is all I said.
Just then (Y/N) ran in and hugged me. "Felix!!! I'm so glad you're okay! Please don't ever do that again!" (Y/N) continued and hugged me, almost choking me. We had spent most of the day talking like normal people would but visiting hours were over so (Y/N) went home. I left a note on my hospital bed and ripped the drip out of my arm, blood gushing out from there. And I disarmed the heart monitor and then took it off to prevent getting attention. I ran up flights of stairs , finally reaching the roof. I called (Y/N). "Hello?" (Y/N)'s sleepy voice answered. "Hey, it's me, I am on top of the hospital building." I said. "What?! Why are you up there for?!" (Y/N) whisper screamed to not wake her mom up or any other residents in the house. "I'm leaving." I said in a whisper, only loud enough for her to hear. "I'll be up there in 5 minutes Felix!" (Y/N) said in a panicked voice and I heard a her close a car door. I dropped my phone. Just as my toes touched the edge, the door behind me slammed open. "FELIX!" (Y/N) screamed. I shook my head and just took a step back. "I can't take it (Y/N)... Please let me just do this" I said, trying my best to not cry. "Felix! Don't do this! Please!" (Y/N) begged, her tearstained cheeks glistening under the light of the stars. I remember meeting her. First day of kindergarten and we both knew we'd be friends for life. Grade 6 was our first argument. Grade 9, she rejected me asking her out. Grade 10 she gave me the cold shoulder for a whole year, hanging out with the football jockeys and cheerleading squad. Up until now. Before I could react, (Y/N) had her arms wrapped around my torso. "Don't leave, Felix... I don't know what I'd do without you" she sobbed quietly and I hugged her back. Tears were now streaming down my face as well. But behind her back, she didn't know that the sleeve of my good arm (the right one) contained a blade. I carefully took it out and sliced my wrists, watching as it dripped blood, I was feeling tired and weak, mentally and physically. I sliced my right wrist as the world faded to black. I managed to whisper out the last words I could muster out of my chapped lips. "I love you... (Y/N)..."

Your POV*

Felix fell limp in my arms, pushing me backwards a bit. "Felix?" I asked, he just said he loved me... But he isn't moving, I figured he was still just a bit woozy from so much movement since being placed into a hospital regarding his symptoms of a flu . But when I grabbed his shoulders his head just hung there lifeless, not looking up at me. "Felix?!" I repeated much louder, panicking after noticing his lack of movement. His arms slid off my shoulders and hung there just as lifeless as his head. *clink* the sound of metal hitting cement was heard hitting the ground in front of me. It was bloody. "Felix?!?!" I started shaking him, now freaking out and hoping he's just playing a classic childhood prank of playing dead like they used to in the road, enraging the neighbours and making them scared as hell. But then I see blood dripping form his sleeve and roll them up. He sliced them open.

It's been weeks without him. I regret not spending every minute with him the last few years. I read the note he left on his hospital bed addressed to me.

It read:

"Dear (Y/N),

You have been a good friend, even if I felt you were never there at all. I regret everything and anything that ruined your life. I hope you can carry on and live a life. We will still be friends even if I'm not physically beside you. But I'll be there, for your wedding, for your first born, as you age. I will watch. My heart was on my wrists. Bleeding out but I did it for you. Stay safe.
, Felix"

I couldn't stop mourning over him. I drew half a heart on each of my wrists and put them together, he is the missing part of my heart.

I wouldn't forget him.

That sucked so baaaaaaaaad!!!!!
*smashes face against keyboard*

Jdjsjossblsjabjwjabzkjsoa zjoehsidhshsohsushsjjHSUSHJHSIAJjajHjajajhJjAjajJjKHjJjHJJ

This part may be deleted so...

Yeah I felt like venting in story form, don't judge please. A good story isn't great until there is emotional stuff. I don't know. I am sweet on the outside, cold and bitter on the inside. Sadness is the emotion I connect with the most since I had it pretty much my whole life since day 1 of my life on earth. Sorry...

Word count: 2325