i haven't updated this thing for real in what feels like a decade or whatever. so here goes. a few days ago me and parker (he doesn't have a band anymore so he trails along and lives vicariously through me) pissed off a double decker out the window. well technically only i did. sorry to anyone unfortunate enough to be standing on the sidewalk i aimed for across the street. parker made a comment how it wasn't worth taping cause i didn't have 60 fob crew dudes laughing in the background. wha.. is it still funny without an audience? i dunno cause we were both laughing at least. parker stopped laughing though when i shoved my crotch in his face. uh.

speaking of crew... word is when we tour with fftl (oh no) you guys are wondering how many of the fftl crew i'll sleep with. the real question is how many haven't i slept with already? just kidding. but i've heard this chad crews dude is kinda dreamy. i dunno though. hehe.

er..

still not sick of the new kanye west cd. as amazing as it is being overseas i need to call home to my mom and dad soon cause i am getting the tiniest bit homesick. had a weird dream last night that i worked at a grocery store. maybe it was more of a nightmare. whoa. i mean being stuck in a 9-5 job? kinda scary. but sometimes i wonder if i'd be better off.. i dunno. the weirdest part was i ended up fucking up and quitting the job cause i was like the slowest person working there and then to top it off i forgot to clock out so i didn't get paid for that day and was like "oh fuck this". haha.

actually got to see william beckett for a second too, i can't get enough of him. he seriously is like the most amazing person in my eyes ever. not too many people can make me blush behind a sidekick or whatever. he does. i am kinda starting to get over the whole "but he isn't a girl" thing cause come on. he is lots better than one. he is for sure dreamysigh. you don't know what you're missing.

anyways before i start drooling on my keyboard or getting other wet stuff on it...

lately it seems like my friends are offering me a backbone when i can't find my own. i'm getting out of this okay. somewhere things shifted from it being hard to get away from you to it being hard to be close to you. i know you mean well when you still try to talk to me but so much has changed (mostly you). i'm done with the drama but it isn't ever done with me. you're tired of my excuses and i'm just tired of me. sometimes i'd like to just shut myself out from the world but i can't ever do anyone any favors, right. leave no stones unturned but what about stomachs? queasy or butterflies its gets to the point i don't know which it is. dreams of falling asleep next to you. stolen kisses you plan on returning. we're just a wet dream in the scheme of things. afterall miracles wouldn't be miracles if you could concoct them with chemicals in tubes.

we know what we're missing.