if i ever act heartless it's only because you took it from me.

~

they say things get better with age but we're just getting worse.
like new stories on recycled paper.
the only constructive thing i've ever done was build my life around you.
whatever worse case scenerio is always more like deja vu or memories.
i turn the last light out in a city 29 hours and 2018 miles away without lifting a hand.
sometimes just the middle finger aimed at the nearest mirror.
i find myself looking at you as if you were something up on some display out of my reach that was finally brought down for me to touch.
and with as shitty as i can be to you-
that is always how i see you.
someone i don't deserve to have near me-
always kept out of reach for a reason.
someone too fragile for clumsy, shaking hands.
pretty fucked up to be broken by the same hands only trying to hold you.
"i love you" should never be used as an excuse but i do it anyway.
i don't know how you put up with this mess,
changing like a chameleon that noone can ever recognizes because he's got a new look every time you see him.
when i'm gone i think you just miss the comfort of the shadow past your window.
across your body while you sleep.
sometimes i think a shadow is all that's left of what i used to be-
and he trails along at my feet waiting to make a comeback.
someday, we can only hope, he will.

xxoo.