"I am not a... How can I put it? I write the way I perceive, I guess"

~

Mood: no comments 

  If you can still act I can still kiss you. Sometimes I almost believe you when my heart falls somewhere between my legs. No need for words, twist my arm instead. Some girls wear makeup, some wear a new face for every day of the week. Ive learned everything I know from screwing up. The things that really matter dont until theyre gone.

Rock bottom is like the reset button to life. My pen will trace lines along the road that lead me back to you. The ink shows how many times Ive fucked up. Maps to little cities in small states with big eyes and huge hopes in our chest. I want new love but it doesnt want me back. Can we start again? But no matter how perfect the pose or pout, the answer is always no. Got lost looking for love between lips and knees, with sloppy kisses and hotel keys. I must have gotten it completely wrong somewhere. Skin and flesh have done us wrong. Ive never seen anyone fail like I can.

I dunno. I feel like my life is either going by too quick or not quick enough... Lets start again. Its already my 27th birthday in a matter of a few weeks and I feel like Im putting the spare in transparent. Nothing but a backup plan. Sometimes I should just bite my lip, the flatterer gets flattened when the ears and eyes his words are meant for come back to him mangled and disposed of. A line like "I hope this makes you laugh and you miss me" is taken maliciously, like all I did was write something so youd miss me and be hurting. All I meant was for you to feel sorry enough for me to take me back.

That is actually what a day in my life is like and that has happened to me, more than once. Try as you might, a art of being able to write a fancy sounding sentence about someone isnt the end of all your problems. Sometimes its very much the start.

This is my life revealed in sentence form, and its 26 years to life.

Now I get the whole sparkle and fade thing. We really do fade. You cant even see one thing shine when everything gets dull around it. Ive seen "friends" come and go, people that randomly decide to abandon me. People that talked to me and thought I was pretty okay turn on me. Left and wrong. The plague is a less than charming way to describe it but right on. I want to be the exception to this, to you.

The davinci code makes me feel a little better about dying. Like just maybe dudes like me still can make it to heaven.

"I am doing something I learned early to do, I am paying attention to small beauties...whatever I have...as if it were our duty to find things to love... to bind ourselves to this world" -- Sharon olds pretty much says how I feel best with that.

Writing from a dark corner without restraint, this wasnt meant to make sense.

Pee es- is scans of the Blender issue we are in. If you read it a lot of what I say and do will make more sense.