this is only fiction but that doesn't mean it's not real in my head.

~

  this is a story about a boy and a girl that doesn't really begin but that's okay because it never really ends either.

the girl watched the weather channel cause it was always reassuring to know atleast someone was having a sunny day. whenever the weatherman said "chance of rain" it always made her laugh, cause there was always a chance of anything. a chance of cows falling out of the sky. a chance of god reaching down and flicking your car off the highway. she never ate the peach gummybears out of the bag. she hated throwing out the bag though, cause it always felt like someone else should have them.

she was just the girl next door. depression couldn't touch her- this girl never let anything get her down. she would turn the channel and stand up, grabbing her coat to head outside but she'd always get stopped at the front door. strict parents. but that's okay- the boy would always be waiting at her window.

there was always a "chance of" something horrible happening. horrible like his birth. horrible like their ever meeting. imagine the couple sitting at a restaurant, no one nearby would point to her and say about her boyfriend "i want to have what she's having," but they were dressed to undress not impress.

"one thing i can't stand," he would state at the restaurant between bites of food she'd never even tried before, "is when people stare," he motioned with his fork about boys she didn't even notice were staring. she wasn't interested.

outside his car always stopped at every green light and drove past the red. right now it wasn't even running. gripping lighter fluid and heavier burdens, his words came out as a joke without a punchline so noone knew to laugh. he'd cheated himself out of a girlfriend and into a mess. guilt must be feeding on his guts because he sure doesn't have any left. the therapist said "you don't have enough money for the kind of help you need." the pharmacist said "i've got a lot of pills but none of them can help you." but still the bigwigs behind prozac and xanax prayed for kids like this to be born. he's stainless silverware with rust. he's the bruise on her hip the morning after. three blocks away from the girl he tried to figure out if it was tears or sweat. he only ate the peach gummybears out of the bag.

love was just three blocks and a "chance" away. imagine 'strangers in the night' but a lot more strange. what were the chances they'd be sharing love? he was the boy all the mothers pulled the curtains closed on when they saw him walk down the street before they warned their daughters about boys like him. she was a girl who saw less daylight than someone with ataxia-telangiectasia. he was the breath of fresh air that she would rather choke than be without.

he wrote "i love you" in the dirt on her window, only he messed it up and she had to read it backwards, but she got what he meant. some would call it obsessed or stalking, he just called it love. the "i can't stay away from you" won her over and she let this dirty boy into her room.

it was the world vs. them and they were ahead by a point.

"death threats" were something you always mumbled under your breath so the cop cars didn't find you breathing heavy outside of windows imagining a gun down his throat. just cause she stayed in didn't mean the boys stayed away. once he got to know her he also got to know jealousy and 50 new and different ways to torture someone. when he was hurt he wanted to hurt back. and in his head saying things like "i'd like to burn my old flame," were okay. it's spit out in spite and hits all the right nerves, and in his head he was taking a torchblower to your house. "the word of the day is gas and we're gonna spill it." but the past didn't matter anymore because he had a future with her.

"happiness is only there when it's right in front of you. and when she goes away she takes it with her." he had told a friend, "loneliness will never go away, you just forget it sometimes when you're with that one. if you can see yourself growing old with her, then you can see yourself happy."