happy two year anniversary of being stuck with me forever. wahahaha

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woah. there are actually things i could talk about besides my wife but today is our anniversary so i am gonna save that for the next update. onto the sap- it has been two years that we've been married. can you believe she's put up with me that long? i can't. whenever i get in a bad mood and am a grump around her i always feel so bad after wards. luckily it doesn't happen too much- i blame a lot of how and who i was in the past on the way i was treated and some of the people i was around and thought cared about me but didn't. but this isn't about the past- this is about the future. and thanks to my wife, i have a lot to look forward to- and a lot of reasons to keep my chin up.

i am pretty sure that by now everyone knows that i had a huge crush on ashlee before i even met her- it was pretty much love at first sight. i didn't really have a lot of "crushes" on pop stars- she was the one that stood out and i found myself thinking about even though the whole idea of me with her seemed like something out of a science fiction novel. like there was no way in this world she would ever date me. when we finally met it felt like we were meant to be- at least on my side, i think it took a little convincing to make ashlee feel the same haha. but for real- i had never had that connection with anyone before. it made me start to question everything- the whole best buy incident and why i survived it all. i was destroying myself and meeting ash turned that all around. seeing bronx makes me realize i really was supposed to make it through my twenties, that not everything i was doing or had done was a mistake. did i get famous just to meet her? was she famous so that one day i'd want to meet and find her? that comes off kinda cocky but it feels weird to reach a point in your life that made you feel like you had done something right instead of constantly having to question your own judgment. sometimes there really is a bigger picture to everything. thinking about how i lived past the whole best buy thing, how i got past my self-destructive stage and now i'm a husband and a father? kind of insane and heavy to think about. i don't wanna think about the other alternative endings this story could have had. i can safely go as far as to say if i hadn't met ash i don't know that i'd still be here today, if i wouldn't have just self-destructed the way even my managers and best friends were starting to think i was going to.

so anyways, enough of that and some more happy talk. anniversaries are pretty much the holiday you get to pick when it happens. today definitely feels like a holiday too- i woke up today next to my gorgeous wife and sometimes it's still like, "is this real?" even two years later. we always wake up in about the same mood too- either we're both playful or we're both sleepy, we're both joking around or we're both serious. it's kinda weird. it took me a long time to find her, to find someone that cared about me and was really into me the way i was with them- but she was worth the wait for sure. which, this actually brings me to one more thing i want to cover in this...

marriage itself. i get asked what marriage is like, if i like it, if it's worth it to marry someone, if i regret it ever, stuff like that a lot. i will try to answer that now in the best way i can. the clearest way. no- i never regret it at all. even when we fight i know that she's it for me, and that i love her completely. is marriage worth it? i think it depends on if you found the right person or not. have you found someone that makes you want to quit the crap and be the person they deserve? i used to be the type of guy to never really settle down- even so much as flirting and stuff, still going after someone else while i was in a relationship (again, i was with girls that did the same to me- so it felt justified in my head) but ash didn't play those head games i was used to. she didn't string me along. she didn't tell me one thing and mean another. yeah, we have a few, small little fights every now and then. of course i dramatize it because i get scared to lose her, and even when i feel like i'm losing her i can't think of how my life would be without her. i can't go back to being myself if i'm without her- she's become a huge part of me. and i don't want to raise my son with someone else. i don't want to go through parent teacher conferences and school plays and festivals with anyone else. i want to experience it all with ash. i think back on some of the girls i've dated and i realize i couldn't have ever been married to any of them. i can't imagine it getting this far and raising a kid with them. i imagine the constant fights, jealousy issues on both sides, people that seemed to hurt me just to see that i cared still- that would still be going on while i am this old. and that's another thing, i'm too old for the games. they stopped being fun like how many years ago...? oh wait- yeah they were never fun in the first place. i guess how you show you care about someone sort of changes as you grow up too. you no longer have to get someone jealous and screaming to know they care. it's nice actually. really nice. weird. i really am growing up.

the best thing i can tell anyone thinking about marriage is really reflect on your life leading up to this point, this day where you're considering it. and can you see yourself with this person in 10 years, in 20? how about in 50? do you want to go through life with them- every up and down? ash is the perfect girl for me. i find her absolutely incredible, she makes me laugh and always pulls me out of a grumpy mood, she knows exactly what to do to get me to smile. i like to think i can do the same for her. and i never get sick of her, i never get bored with her. we can sit in a room and be silent and neither of us feels restless. we don't have to entertain each other. even when she makes me watch chick flicks i get into them for her- after i get done playfully groaning at the beginning, and yawning- which usually leads to her swatting at me. but yeah, she is the person i want to tell everything to, the person i want to watch everything with, and the person i want to go everywhere with. she's my best friend. i recommend marriage because it's the best decision i made for myself- but you have to make sure you're with the best person for yourself first. and i know i am.

so yeah, i should probably post this thing already. basically the summary of this is that today is an incredibly happy day for me. for real. i think even if my car tire went flat, someone splashed me with mud and pissed in my morning starbucks before i drank it, i would still be happy because i am always coming home to you. that's how marriage should be. the best thing that you have going for you. and ash? you're the best thing that has happened to me, period. i love you. happy two year anniversary, and i can't wait for each one to come. love, pete.