Take three guesses and call me (out) in the morning.

~

This is the first day of my life...

Did I ever tell you how calm you look asleep? Your breathing is slow and steady, to the point mine is racing to keep up. Wrinkles and worries fade into oblivian and fears abandon you the way I never could. I stay awake to watch you sleep cause no dreams can touch reality. Your eyelashes rest against your cheeks in a way that make my lips jealous, and your lips are parted just enough to keep me dreaming while Im awake. Words I want to hear whispered in my ear, you make my heart melt. I feel a little less awkward and a little more relieved for everytime I stared just a little too long and you caught me. Painrelief to my aching heart. Youre the closest to gold anyone can ever get. Ive never wanted anything so bad.. and if this is what it is to want something, then Ive never wanted anything before...

Theres a new game called "going places" only me and you can play. Or is it called "me and you vs. the world" where we cant lose. Im saving spaces for places in my head were gonna go someday. Ive got more than enough baggage but you make me lose it.

Like.. My hands dont feel the same without yours but it isnt even trying. If youre not a little bit afraid then youre not really in love. If your heart doesnt skip a beat around her ever then it isnt worth it. Life, death. Two things as serious as you. Heart, lungs. Two things I need less than you. Earlier yesterday I watched an ambulance go by and it felt like I was in it. Tell me how Ive been watching life pass me by with you by my side.

And yeah. Im supposed to be hanging out with Chelsea but things havent worked out that way... I dont know, and Ive barely spoke to Jeanae lately, at least not about anything I want to. I havent really been hanging out with anyone except Patrick. Not even dudes in other bands. But thats okay. I tried to talk to Mikey and died off. And, the only member of FFTL that doesnt hate me is Sonny, and I guess sometimes Matt when I feed him. But thats okay too. Worked on lyrics with Ryan from Panic at the disco, its seriously flattering when you inspire someone and their work turns out way better than yours. And Ive talked to John and Michelle Nolan a little, but only on IMs unless those were phone calls... er. Whatever. I just think John deserves better than what he goes throgh and Michelle is a better sister than she realizes. Im here for them and anyone else I guess so if you ever need advice or just want to vent you know how to reach me. The Q and A on the Falloutboyrock.com site is kind of.. well 9 out of 10 times it doesnt work, so if you have IM me thats fine.

Sorry for the above rambling. I dunno, being cryptic is overrated sometimes. Patrick and I went and saw a movie Thursday night at midnight and I was playing this game called "Make Patrick blush" which basically consists of.. making Patrick blush. He bought the movie tickets so I paid for a cab to the theater. I told Patrick our ride there was a surprise, I had him thinking it was anything from a limo to a semitruck. I had the cab driver pick up whatever cheap flowers he could cause I figured Patrick would laugh it off and throw them out, but he ended up putting them in the bus. He blushed a few times from that, and once when I asked the cab driver how long until we got to the theater because "My boyfriend wanted to get me in the dark theater already," which resulted in him blushing the worst yet. When we got inside the theater we ended up throwing popcorn at this dude that kept saying "Shhh", and when I say we I basically mean just me. Id throw popcorn and Patrick would slap my hand. Call me sadistic cause I kept doing it so hed hit me. Wink. Oh and yeah, grabbing his leg also results in a hand slap. Later on I had to piss and Patrick refused to let me go on his legs so I had to walk all the way to the bathroom. Being "sneaky" I came back in the other door and grabbed his shoulders to startle him, this resulted in him dropping the popcorn all over the floor. Haha. And last night we just laid around the bus and talked about things, I told him a lot of stuff Ive been dying to tell anyone, especially him. Everything he said made a lot of sense.. Im not one to get into personal details though. Its just amazing when you can find yourself even closer to the closest person to you in your life. Then again when doesnt he amaze me? Its funny how this little guy means more to me than anything ever could, how over the years hes been by my side when anyone and everyone else would turn their backs.

As for the drama, luckily its died down. Theres better things in life called living and loving, Id rather be doing them than fighting. I am not always the most mature kid but I do know that no matter what, youre going to get hurt. Some things are worth the hurt, as long as you know what is from what isnt, youre set. Youre worth the hurt.

Kisses to my forehead from you mean more to me than kisses to my lips from anyone else, so yeah. You know what that means. And to pretty much anyone, Im sorry for keeping out of touch and reach, I probably had more to say but I forget..

xxoo Peter