idol is COOKin: I found someone else, sorry =(just a heads up, this mofo is going to be all over the

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just a heads up, this mofo is going to be all over the place. feel free to just comment with something random and i'll probably think you read this.

sooo i never have been one that has had to be told when to update, but i pretty much know i have to now, i've put it off for too long. not because i don't want to- but because it's going to be basically the same repetitive bullshit as the last few times i've updated this journal. yah i'm single and that sucks. yah it feels like i don't have a band and that sucks. yah i miss touring and the fans and the free shit in dressing rooms. boo hoo. luckily, some new designs are coming out for my clothing line and we may get a tour together for fall out boy and work on songs for a new album. i kinda sorta feel like i am part of a band again, yay.

fn mtv (i also update about this every update, i know i know) was fun this past week because joe's wife was on with her new band, and it wasn't just because she is married to joe or anything. i like her band and especially the video. that is probably one of the most creative ones i've seen in a while and i was really impressed so hopefully others that were seeing it for the first time were as well. this next week on the show we have the jonas brothers and like, slipknot. i know slipknot wears masks so that it's about the music, not how they look or who is a heartthrob. i relate to slipknot, i do. i think people would like fall out boy a lot more if we all wore masks. or just me. or if i was just not in the band altogether haha.

i was digging in the cupboard before i sat down to write this and it took me a few minutes to find the pills that help me sleep. after looking at bottle after bottle and label after label, it just hit me now that maybe i really do have too many pills.

apparently i'm banging katie gilbert because i was pulled over in a car with "too dark" tinted windows with her- luckily she was driving because the coppers dug for something to bitch about and hit paydirt when they found i need to get a new license. but it's funny people are saying i'm fucking her, it's kind of how if i comment someone's post i want to date them, and if i mention them in my away message i AM dating them. gotta love the logic in that, nobody can have just friends. someone make up rumors i am banging all of the pussycat dolls please so maybe it can happen. it's really bullshit, it's like people are more interested in who you aren't dating than who you actually are. more interested in a rumor over a truth.

i mean seriously? the only thing of mine that is getting blown is my money.

oh yeah- i like how bullshit is a legit spell check word and doesn't show up with a red line on firefox telling me i typoed or misspelled something. is motherfucker ok? wow it is too. this shows how easily amused i am at 4am. whoa. haha no wonder i set that rug on fire with travis before. it's time to go to bed when the yawns are louder than the keyboard- i am almost there but not quite. even when i yawn and my eyes are sore, i will lay down and still not be able to sleep sometimes. it sucks.

i forgot the paragraph i was going to write here, oops. i'll probably remember it later.

so i was thinking about this earlier: it's funny how money can buy you anything when you have it, so you stop wanting the things you want as much. if you can buy it easily it doesn't mean as much to you in the long run because you didn't have to wait to get it. you saw it and you bought it. like let me explain.. the first thing i bought when i had a good amount of money was that gi joe aircraft carrier on ebay because i had wanted one for years and years. but now, when i want something i can buy it right away- and it loses its charm. does anyone else notice that? things aren't as valuable to you if you can have them right away? i think that's why i like all these limited edition and hard to find things, i kinda have to work to find it and get it and then it means more to me because i put some effort into it. so no, money really doesn't buy you happiness. i think that was my point, if i even had one..

sometimes i miss the old me- at least back then i was miserable for a good reason. i wonder if someone like me can ever really be happy for longer than a few days at a time, or even hours it seems sometimes. but anyways wow am i done with this fucking update? i may finally go get some sleep now but i doubt it, i'll lay in bed and fake it. sleeping i mean- i try to leave the faking it part to whatever girl is with me. goodnight xo p