sit down and let me tell you the worst way you can spend $10

~

  and the worst thing you can do in the bathroom.
over here the time and days are far off from what they are back home but i've not changed my clock for it, or my mentality. forgive my morbidity this comes from watching three and a half hour long horror flicks past midnight with the lights out. best way ever except even your own shadow on the wall from your arm reaching for a pillow will make you jump if you aren't paying attention- or are paying too much of it. dark dim lit rooms and strange pictures on familar walls. i've noticed one thing- hotel rooms never really change from place to place- just the bedding, the towels, the pictures on the wall and how many free samples you get in the bathrooms. how many channels are on the tv. if there's a balcony and a minifridge or not depends on the amount you want to spend. every hotel room is as close to home as you can get when you're as far from it as you can be.
and no, my plane didn't crash this time either.
what is worse than faking being pregnant for attention?
having a miscarriage for attention.
did you fake everytime you were sick?
think of it as the opposite of a growth spurt because we're actually progressing backwards.
"Negative thank you jesssssus"
noone can blame me for a "fuck you" reply to that.
how many times did you punch your stomach to get it to turn blue?
none?
so what was that hospital visit a few months back?
no test results or pink strips can prepare you for the way my face hits the floor as the box hits the trash.
you never really wanted this anyway, just a way to make the boyfriend stay within arm's reach.
to hand him the pills that would make him forget everything you are about to do so maybe he'll love you again one day.
this is me, millions of miles away, missing only my mom and hemingway, my friends and my failures.
anything i ever thought was an accomplishment just gave me empty promises and "negative" test results.
better luck next time.
every day has a sunrise and a sunset.
we've perfected the art of sleeping through every sunrise.
sorry if my honesty is cruel but it's nothing that can be forgotten or flushed when it's unacceptable or unwanted.
"forgive me father for i would have sinned had she not changed her mind and decided anyone's life but her own was an inconvience for her. i guess we're okay still right? save that spot at the table in a few years for me."
you don't need to see seven horses fly past the window to know the end is near. the dialtone in your ear is close enough.
every thought i have anymore is like a frayed noose around my neck and it's just a matter of finding which one is worth dying for.
and i have too many thoughts.
write off as "unloveable".
this is me, pete wentz, not pete wentz from fall out boy, but pete wentz, the loser from wilmette that somehow "lucked" out and got noticed, when he'd rather still be the dork in the corner of the room that nobody even talked to or noticed. pete wentz, single, miserable, and destined to die that way without ever having accomplished anything he really wanted like to be loved for how he is rather than who he is, and have a family of his own.
the girl you think has everything really does but it's because she took it all from you.
by the time you realize this you don't have any time left.
measure your lifespan by how many times your heart can take a breaking and keep on beating.
every single significant moment of my life my heart either made it or faded.
hearts weren't meant to break, just to beat- and i don't think mine can beat this.
to you suicide watch isn't waiting around for someone to kill themselves so you can stop it- it's waiting around for someone to kill themselves so you can see that they don't back out.
maybe everytime i write something miserable it's like a game to you- how hurt can you make me seem this time. maybe you don't really get that i am hurting. that behind these words are sore eyes and spirits.
you write sad entries to try and gain friends- then whine how they all are fall out boy fans. i hope your "friends" understand what you've done and support you while you prepare strip after strip to make sure it's really gone.
i'll build a wall with all the writers blocks if they keep me from thinking of you.
turn the page to another chapter- this one doesn't involve you. your star player's been kicked off the team.