"music shouldn't be a competition" - mariah carey

~

Mood: Just okay

  okay so last night. the grammys. what everyone is updating about on your friendspage. this is no exception. i guess i should update about it here even though like i told joe- i did update about it on the site already.

it definitely did pretty much go as we planned- just not the whole time.
see we really did at first think we were gonna lose even though i did have a thank you speech ready. we went in thinking you know, we're gonna lose, and it's okay. at least we were nominated- think of all the other amazing new artists out there that weren't- and as we were sitting down i told joe they usually announce best new artist after like 30 minutes or so just from like, watching it on tv before. and they were saying best new artist was next. right? so pretty much we're like waiting. and waiting more.
everytime they said 'best' joe perked his head up and sat up, thinking it'd be us.
i did the same everytime they mentioned kanye.

and i gotta say kanye's performance was the best and i'm not like biased or anything but that really was awesome. i loved that they had broke phi broke out there. i knew it was phi patrick tried to say it was flat. but then again patrick thought it was "and when he got on he leave your ass for a while girl". that kid is my best friend haha. anyways kanye totally should have won best cd of the year, i've been listening to late registration for like what almost a year and i'm still not sick of it. i kinda hate how bono was all "next year kanye" or whatever. what was that about?

you might argue but honestly to me bands like u2 shouldn't even be up for awards anymore, they should be the people taking those lifetime achievement awards or whatever. everytime u2 puts out a cd it's gonna be amazing. they could record themselves taking a piss and sing over it and it'd sell 500,000 records day one. how is anyone supposed to compete against a band like that? it's like at the vmas how they put green day against mcr, they don't have a fair shot because green day is known around the world and loved by people of all ages, even if mcr's cd had been way better, they still don't have the fair shot. i dunno. like my point is both are pretty much amazing bands but green day's been around almost like 20 years now, mcr's pretty much only been around a few. green day pretty much inspired us, mcr, etc- how weird would it be to actually win against them, someone that inspired you?

blah blah blah. sorry i could ramble for hours about pointless shit. so 3 hours later they finally said best new artist- and we were psyched up by this time, i mean we even thought maybe they skipped reading it right away for suspence cause the unlikely band won- us. but when they read the winner, they didn't read our name. we all just sat there kind of stunned and i got about 5658678345 ims to my sidekick saying 'whutttt omg petey U should have won =(' so i shut it off cause no one wants to hear that right away, as much as it shouldn't be it sorta adds insult to injury. salt to the wound. i think the worst for me was knowing my parents got their hopes up too, and came all the way out here just to see their son lose.

but we sat in our seats and talked it out, calmed down a little. like i said on the site no one threw a tantrum and at least they didn't show us on camera losing. that'd be kinda cruel. we were on our sidekicks talking to william and he had said this to us and it made me smile:

MrWilliamBeckett: goodnight guys
MrWilliamBeckett: sorry
MrWilliamBeckett: yuo're best new artist in my heart
MrWilliamBeckett: <3

pretty much you can see why i love that dude with everything in me. he sat there and talked to us the whole time, helping andy mock my kanye obsession but psh. when we lost he stuck around, he didn't bail afraid we'd all be in sour moods. i have the best friends.

it goes without saying but the ride back to the hotel was the longest. the noise had died off and the camera flashes stopped. the disappointment sunk in. no one really said anything, and when i did i started to say shit like "we'll never be nominated again, it was a once and a lifetime deal" and i ignored most of the messages i was getting to my sidekick because "you should have won" wasn't meaning what it should have. joe was saying this was pretty much a sign we'd be going downhill all year, and we both came up with valid reasons supporting this theory. it was pretty much depressing.

then i started to read over my thank you list a few times and i realized just cause we didn't take the award home, nothing changed about those people i listed off to thank. they were still there for me, for us. they were just as proud and believed in us just as much. nothing had changed.

i got back to the hotel room and took off my jacket and signed online right away. there were a lot of messages from our fans and friends being supportive and telling us they were still there. it helped out a lot, and i started to feel okay again. it's kinda dumb to get so down over losing an award but anyone would. we're only human, and barely that sometimes. patrick and i stayed up for a while and after i ordered food to be delivered we worked on a song i jokingly suggested we call 'second best new artist 2005' or would it be 2006? i dunno but we won't call it that. working on a song right away was cause we were kinda motivated to prove anyone that said we shouldn't have even been at the grammys or that we weren't "grammy music" wrong. instead of throwing in the towel we used it to smack each other in the ass and giggle and flail our arms about in a fancy hotel. er.. what?

but yeah. i dunno what we'd do without the support we get. so thanks to everyone that was there for me last night. or for joe. or for patrick. or for andy. or for all of us. when we wanted to crawl out of our skin and die you made us feel okay to be in it.