remember when we used to throw down- now i just throw up.

~

when i close my eyes i still hear your voice,
not yours, but hers.
who i thought you were-
the girl i fell in love with...
"just pretend this never happened
just forget the promises i made
forget the baby
and the room where he would have stayed
all the moments where we laughed
before i took your heart
and then gave it back broke in half
think about me then
but not about me now.
things you thought were real boo,
werent at all what they seem.
you're awake so write us off as a dream.
and when you dream i'll meet you in yours
she hurt you but i love you
i existed because of you
but i died because of me"
her voice soft and yet so clear-
and when i open my eyes she's gone.
just a figment of my imagination.
i'm left in a cold sweat with sheets that still smell like her.
my hands don't feel the same without hers in them.
stumbling out of bed with the buzzing in my head.
breaking down in hallways and hearts.
wherever there is vacancy.
and there is where you left me.
the fine print on dirty paper.
overdue and underdosed.
i am a mess of pills and bills.
the kind of mess you sweep under a rug and not throw away.
nothing feels the same anymore.
but that isn't a bad thing.
thank you to my friends-
and anyone that has worried about me the past few weeks.
without you id be as dead as i feel.

xx