if you don't have anything nice to say....log into your livejournal.

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Mood: refresh this it changes hourly

  "i liked you, but then i got to know you." she's a sweet girl without any spice. boring in bed and in conversation. she had a chance for weeks and lost it by being afraid. deep down despite the fact she seems oblivious a girl always knows, and she's looking in empty eyes and dark corners for a sign that something is still there. the wrinkles on the mattress sheets from trying too hard not to be her boring self in bed nights before and the alarm clock slid at an angle from one too many slaps to the snooze button. the hotel blankets kicked to the floor. hug the sheets he slept on cause he's m.i.a. last call made on her cellphone: it's always the boy. delusion or love. funny how the word "amazing" can be used positively and negatively. it doesn't matter what happens during the day, it's empty hands and hearts at night. empty plans in the morning. besides when you hang yourself- you do it yourself right? your own foot even kicks out the stool. relentless... a skipping record repeating one line over and over without an off switch. it's 10am the next morning and she's still alone. she's still alone. the first thing she checks is not the alarm clock but her cellphone. no voicemails. no missed calls. she sighs sadly and rolls over back to sleep. maybe in an hour he will call? here's everything you wanted shaken up like a magic 8 ball and you keep trying til you get the answer you want.

"i never even got a chance to like you." the computer screen is her question and desperation is her answer. clinging to her internet dates with her internet mates. who needs a real boyfriend when you've got a userinfo full of fake ones linked? this is girl number two. she spent the last week of her life ruining friendships over a boy, dropping plans to pick up hopes. flying out and trailing this boy around and finally realizing she was moving too fast. one hand on speed and the other on the emergency break(down)s. well we know what you are up to and you make us sick. if you can't have what you want go back to what you have. like snickers, why wait? if you have what you want go back to wanting what you can't. it's a cycle. we're forever never happy with what's in front of us. plan b. what are the other options? we want more. we want the excitement. we're forever making backup plans. the safety net. security is only a phonecall away. a pout. a latenight visit. staring at that one name signed on your buddylist. it isn't obvious to anyone you're flinging yourself into another fling. your friends are just backup plans. each and every one of them has a purpose and if they don't live up to your expections they're dead to you. all that's left are credit card bills for flights and phonecalls you made to the boy. events almost worth remembering. pictureframes line her walls without any photos because none are worth memorizing. girl number one was one of her best friends. seems like you've fucked guys over worse than whoever invented the vibrator. congrats. but i don't want to be another name on the list. by now that 8 ball is thrown against the wall, cracked, and you're sitting emo style infront of the computer holding your face in your hands, elbows pressed to the edge of the desk.

"you're becoming something that we're not." quoting ... I know you read this. It scares me to think about you being sick. Please know that I'd do anything to make you okay. I'm sorry I can't tell you that in person. Love. words i say lose meaning seconds after i say them when the truth is right in front of my face, laughing when i try to look away or pretend it's not there. i should have seen this coming, but that's okay cause i can watch it leaving though it does get me everytime, i guess that's what i get for trusting you again. over it or not. it wouldn't be so bad if you'd stop hitting on other guys and looking over your shoulder for my reaction. like it's the only reason you are is to upset me. you can do fine on your own, i was always just holding you back. for being so under the weather you move pretty quick. feel better anyway. also be sure to send your hospital bill my way. i'm dumb enough to pay it so you're well enough again just to go be in someone else's arms. note: we dated three years- you were only 15. if your friends (yeah the ones that are supposed to be my friends too) would stop and think about it they wouldn't get so uptight about me reacting and caring- "gee, the dude that broke his fist in a car window over j- worried about her? that makes no sense, dur" i don't get how you are shocked i'm just acting how i always do when you find someone new. i am sick of seeing people use you for drama with me to get publicity, attention from me means attention to their new up and coming band. your last boyfriend used you before- remember? how he came to me and wanted to start a rivalry, how it would "benefit for both our bands"- and i just don't want to see that happen to you again. but if the intentions are pure i just want you happy.

sorry honestly if anything i said was hurtful. i just have to be honest and get these thoughts out of my head and down in writing and this is the only way i can.

and on a totally unrelated subject cause people can't let this die:

The photos? Wentz claims they were stolen when someone accessed his Sidekick PDA by guessing his password on the T-Mobile website. When he discovered that the photos leaked, Wentz was so upset that he had a car accident, considered quitting the band and booked some sessions with his psychiatrist. Still, he acknowledges that the photos weren't meant exclusively for his use, and it is surprising that someone so Internet-savvy would leave such pictures, which were on his Sidekick for over a year, so vulnerable to hackers.

how dare pick apart my flawless and true story about my sidekick being hacked? i'll give them a ladder if they promise to get over it.

oh yeah and by the way- this?

If you needed a face transplant after an accident, which one of your bandmates' faces would you like?

Andy: "Who do you think?"
Patrick: "It'd have to be Pete's."
Pete: "I'd shoot myself!"

by that i meant of course that i would just shoot myself instead of steal my bandmates face while they were using it- wtf? or like i would be too tramatized by the accident to want to live on. no- my bandmates are so attractive there is no way my ugly personality could suit their pretty faces. there we go.
but seriously i was just kidding. take a joke before you become one. thanks......

anyways closing this out cause i spent waaaaay too much time on it and can't be bothered to make sure it makes sense cause i never do. i gotta say though i am excited about hanging out with someone on friday. the rest is pretty hush hush. so hush.

xo.

edit- [picture]

oh boy not this again, haterade must be fresh in stock. my official responce:

Haha sorry my band is not jumping off any buildings. If anything Andy will die in a freak accident where he accidently eats real meat and kills himself out of guilt, Joe will get Bijou pregnant and run panicking into traffic and end up paralyzed- distraught when he is unable to nudge anyone by telekinesis from his hospital bed, Patrick will die of clogged arteries and Pete will take another visit to Best Buy. But none of us are dying via jumping off buildings. As for SA; Samaire Armstrong will get a good haircut for the first time in her life and die of shock. Xoxo always, Pete Wentz and the rest of his horrid band.

seriously. stop "giving us the attention we want" because we don't want it. my n00dz are doing overtime, d00dz.