so on your bedroom lights jealous.

~

  tossed and turned alone in my bunk for far too long, my eyes shut but i can't sleep.

thinking about you/me, nothing and everything at once.

i feel like a shirt, but one on the floor not on you. a sink, drained. a paper, burned. a cup, empty.

a car, stalled. or maybe i'm just stuck in reverse.

i'd call you on the phone but i don't wanna find out you're not alone. break another payphone and promise. lost my temper and a chance, the dialtone just never had it. we're over ourselves, but we're under headlines and sheets. passing fault like pepper and salt when i should point my finger at the mirror. all this is getting me is less sleep. just hanging on together/on to get her.

a phone, hung up.

i'm comparing your past to my future. i'm starting to see i've never been anything but your plan b. i'm the pain in your neck keeping you up latenights. papercut up. the nail in your coffin keeping you down. the noose around your neck keeping you up. a stain on your life plan, your future. nothing but the rest. a trophy boy, with more fingerprints from the person in second place than you. the best laid-off plan. blow off the dust. blow off the trust.

we can't take this change to the bank. we can't fix what you can ignore. red says we're overrated, black says we're underrated. we should call it off. i never was a gambler anyway. the lines are blurred, disconnected. if you'd just wake up you'd see you're letting more than sleep take me away.

i get jealous of pencils and how they can erase their own mistakes, planes and how they take off... wish i could. haha even jars can put a lid on it. i can't even do that.

haha wow i am losing my mind, look for that and my temper, my chances.

i know things like a hug or a kiss (off) shouldn't mean as much as it does to me and doesn't to you. the only happy mediums that exist are listed under psychics in the phonebook. yeah less talk and more time. i don't know what i know anymore.

it's a good night for a bad everything.