Heartbreak Saturday nights, getting ready

To make you see that I'm better already

I put on every perfume

And I do it to hurt you

You stood in front of your mirror, trying to smile at your appearance. You looked great, your hair pin straight and your makeup flawless. The dress had been one of your favorites, but now it brought back memories you didn't want to think about. You knew this was all a coping mechanism and that underneath you were broken. This was all a ruse.

Make sure I smell like your bedroom when I was in it

Wearing that dress when I met you and sent you spinning

And I flirt with your friends

But it's beggars revenge

'Cause she's with you again

And I try to look away

You showed up to the party at Flash's house, but you didn't know why. What was the point in breaking your heart all over again? You just stood in the hallway of the mansion watching kids chug cups of spiked punch in red solo cups and you just couldn't tear yourself away. It was like a drug, the heartbreak. The promise of seeing him again made your mouth taste ashy.

'Cause in my head, in my head, in my head, in my head

I'm yours, and I should know better but I

Can't forget, won't forget how it was before

Oh it felt forever, baby

We should still be holding on

I should still put on your coat

And when the music dies out

You should still take me home

'Cause in my head, in my head, in my head

I'm yours still

A few sips of liquid courage and your head was buzzing. You didn't usually drink, but you knew you'd need to tonight. Bodies were swaying in the living room, and Flash was playing some rap song. You waded through the crowd and your breath hitched. The sight made you feel numb.

Peter and MJ were sitting on the couch, along with the rest of their friends. Ned and Betty were on the other side, talking to some people. But you weren't focused on them, your eyes were locked on Peter. They were holding hands and they looked so in love it made your heart hurt. He leaned over and whispered something in MJ's ear which caused her to laugh. Then Peter brought his lips to hers, and you swore she smiled into the kiss. Your insides turned and you ran to the bathroom.

After the couple making out had left, you emptied your stomach into the toilet. You retched and held your own hair back, since there was no one else to do it for you. Your eyes burned as you remembered that it had been Peter's job when you went to parties. Without warning, the tears came, and before you knew it you were sobbing on the marble floor. You curled up into a ball, hugging your knees to your chest.

'Cause in my head, in my head, in my head, in my head

I'm yours, and I should know better but I

Can't forget, won't forget how it was before

Oh it felt forever, baby

We should still be holding on

I should still put on your coat

And when the music dies out

You should still take me home

'Cause in my head, in my head, in my head

I'm yours still

You dragged yourself off the floor and stood in front of the mirror. An hour ago you had looked pretty, but now you looked like a mess. Your hair was matted and tangled, and your mascara was running down your face. You wet a piece of paper and drew it across your face, the makeup bleeding onto it. For a moment you stayed there, your palms digging into the counter as you stared at your reflection.

What had happened to you? This wasn't you anymore. It was someone else so broken you couldn't recognize them.

You stumbled out of the bathroom and took another cup from the kitchen. You drank the whole thing in one second and threw it somewhere. When you found the couch again, Peter and MJ were gone. You should have been thankful; you weren't sure if you could handle seeing them making out. But instead you walked outside onto the balcony in pursuit.

This dress too nice for a jacket

So I'm freezing

You're walking past and on habit, I lean in

Close to your toes 'cause I still think they're in us

I know I should give it up

You were shivering as you felt the cold air hit your shoulders. The dress you were wearing was practically sleeveless, and you wished you had brought a jacket. The balcony was less crowded, just full of people making small talk. You hadn't gone far when you found them, holding hands alone. Peter's jacket was slung over MJ's shoulders, and he brushed her hair out of her face. You forced yourself to look away, walking backwards until your back hit the wall. People were throwing you confused glances as you wiped your eyes, trying to focus on something other than your ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.

It was so fresh, that it felt like yesterday when Peter came to your house.

"I want to break up." He said, looking anywhere but at you. You sat on your bed, your face mirroring utter disbelief.

"W-what? Why, what did I do?" You whispered, your eyes welling with tears. Peter saw your face and he knew what he was about to say would destroy you. But he couldn't lie to you anymore, it wasn't fair to you.

"You didn't do anything. It's just...I don't love you anymore." He said, and you let out a strangled sob. You'd had some suspicion that something wasn't right with your relationship recently, but nothing could have prepared you for what Peter had just dropped on you.

"You don't love me anymore?" You cried, getting to your feet shakily. The floor was spinning and you would have collapsed if you weren't so focused on what Peter had just said. Peter just stood there, his face hardened. It seemed like you were the only one that was affected by this.

But then, you'd been the only one in this relationship for weeks.

"I'm sorry, it's not you, it's me." Peter said, wincing as you picked up the picture of the two of you. You looked at it for a moment before looking back to him.

"What's her name?" You whispered, just loud enough for Peter to hear. Peter closed his eyes, feeling his resolve weaken. He didn't know how you knew, but you did and now it would have to come out.

"WHAT'S HER NAME?!" You shouted, your eyes red and your mouth quivering. Peter shrunk back, not sure what to do. He'd never seen you like this, so feral and angry. You had finally snapped, your composure shot to hell.

"It's MJ." Peter replied, his gaze falling to his shoes. You gasped, tears streaming down your cheeks. MJ was one of your best friends, how could she do this? How could Peter do this, with her? Then you remembered how MJ was always canceling plans and disappearing around you.

And it all fell into place.

"Get out." You said, gritting your teeth. Peter looked up, seeing you clutching the picture frame. Your voice was dangerously low, like you were ready to do something. The picture no longer made you feel anything but anger, and it coursed through your veins.

"Y/N..."

"GET OUT!" You screamed, throwing the picture at Peter's head. It just narrowly missed, hitting the door frame and shattering into pieces. Peter left immediately, leaving you to stare at the shards of glass on the floor in front of you. With a sad laugh you crawled to the pieces and sorted through them until you found the picture. It was one that MJ had taken of the two of you, when you were in Prague. Your fingers found the ends of the picture and you ripped it to shreds, letting the slips cascade through the air.

The shards remained on your floor for weeks after, a symbolic reminder of the violent way your relationship had ended.

You didn't know how long you had been dreaming, but when you shook yourself out of it, Peter was walking past you. He hadn't noticed you, but on habit you leaned in. You could smell his cologne, that woody thing he loved to wear all the time. You used to make fun of it, but Peter would just tease you and say that he knew you loved it anyway.

And he was right, you did. Everything smelled like it, his sweatshirts, his textbooks, his hair. Even your blanket no matter how many times you washed it.

Feel's like half of me's missing

But there's no whole

You don't care who I'm kissing

When the lights go

Oh I know, I know that you don't

It felt like your throat was on fire. You ran back into the house. You needed to leave. The skies had opened up, and people were calling rides or making plans to stay over at a friend's. You pushed past the people and ran into the rain, letting it pour down on you. People were staring as they passed by, but you didn't care anymore. You looked back and some part of you hoped that Peter would be there, ready to take you home.

But he wasn't, because you meant nothing to him anymore.

You walked in the rain, your dress soaked through and your hair falling in your face. Your house was three miles away, and you knew that you would come down with a cold. But you were numb, your body devoid of feeling. It was like you were drugged up and blindly walking around in a place you didn't know. You hit an uneven patch and almost stumbled, but you caught yourself. Your phone was at home, you hadn't bothered to bring it.

Who were you going to call anyway?

When you got back home, the lights were off. Your parents had gone out for the evening, some conference at work. You switched on the light and stood in the empty hall, kicking off your shoes and throwing them in the dryer. Your dress was sticking to you, and you couldn't stop shivering. Trudging up the stairs, you peeled it off you and took a shower, the warm water washing away the traces of the night.

'Cause in my head, in my head, in my head, in my head

I'm yours, and I should know better but I

Can't forget, won't forget how it was before

Oh it felt forever, baby

We should still be holding on

I should still put on your coat

And when the music dies out

You should still take me home

'Cause in my head, in my head, in my head

I'm yours

In my head, in my head, in my head

I'm yours

You sat on your bed, just staring at the floor. After a moment your eyes drifted to the doorway, to that same spot where the frame had shattered. The shards were gone now, but when you blinked they returned. The picture was long since discarded, though now you wished you had it to look at. On your nightstand lay your phone, black and cold. You looked down and realized you were wearing Peter's old sweatshirt, one he had forgotten to take back.

It was all you had left of him.

Something made you do it. It wasn't like you, to text him after all that. After everything that had happened. But you did, taking the phone and finding his contact. Truthfully, you didn't know why you still had it saved, but there was his face and it broke you all over again. Trembling, you began to type.

Pete,

It's been a long time, I hope you're okay. I know this must be weird, me contacting you after what happened. And you have a girlfriend now, and I doubt she'd want me still talking to you. But I just needed to tell you something before it's too late. I love you, fuck, even though you hurt me. I shouldn't still love you, but I can't stop. I know you said you don't love me, but if there's any chance that you still do please come back to me. We can start over, whatever I don't care. I just want you.

Your finger hit the send button, but all you got was a failed to send message. Frowning, you tried again. Sometimes your room had dead zones in it, and this had happened before. But nothing changed, the message still had that little red exclamation point underneath it. With a cry, you clamped a hand over your mouth as you realized why it wouldn't send.

Peter had blocked you.

He didn't want anything to do with you.

"No, Peter." You whimpered, letting the phone drop from your hands. It hit the floor and stayed there, the screen still illuminated. You fell back and buried your face into your pillow, your heart in your stomach. The power went out, throwing you into darkness. Your eyes watered as you stared into the black.

"But I still love you."

In my head, in my head, in my head, in my head

I'm yours, mm

In my head, in my head, in my head, in my head

I'm yours