Requested by KatieCro :) 

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Peter hummed, tugging his mask over his face. Gordon Ramsay was supposed to be coming to the tower again for the third cooking lesson so far. 

He skipped out from his room, then stopped, and walked backwards several steps, looking at Vision, who stood extremely straight, a lamp shade on his head. 

"Uncle Vision? What are you doing?" 

"I'm not Uncle Vision, I'm a lamp." 

Peter blinked him for a few seconds, rather confused as to why Vision was currently a lamp. 

"Why are you a lamp?" 

"Because Chef Ramsay is coming today. Do you not remember last lesson?" 

"How the f*ck did you manage to set the bloody mixer on fire?!" 

Peter's face relaxed with understanding. Vision was definitely not a good cook, though neither was anyone in the tower, for that matter, with the exception of Wanda, Pepper, Steve, kind of Bucky (depending on the day, the weather patterns and if anyone in close proximity is wearing pink) or Natasha, though that was only when it was Russian foods. 

The worst in the tower was definitely Tony and Vision, and Peter wasn't far ahead, though he got his cooking skills from Aunt May, and the lessons were definitely helping. 

"He's not that bad," Peter said, though he could still hear Gordon screaming at Tony for breaking the egg yolk when making a fried egg. They hadn't filmed the other two cooking sessions, though Peter was pretty sure they were supposed to be live streaming this one, just for fun. 

"He is that bad," Vision told him, shuddering. "If I can camouflage with my surroundings, perhaps I won't have to join in..." 

Peter raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything, for Vision stood out like a fluro yellow cat in a room of dogs. 

"Suit yourself," he said, shrugging. "I think it's kind of fun." 

"He's nice to you," Vision told him. "Because you're only young. Didn't he give you a gummy bear last time?" 

Peter nodded- that was true, everytime he did something wrong the chef would help him fix it, and tell him what to do next time to prevent making the mistake. Meanwhile, everytime any of the adults made a mistake, a string of curse words would be yelled at them, heard by Peter despite Steve attempting to cover his ears every time. Did he forget he had super hearing? 

"Well, good luck, I think he's here." Peter told him, then skipped away again, humming a tune quietly and watching as Tony frowned, reading the back of the cooking supplies. They had gone shopping earlier that morning for more cooking supplies, which had been rather chaotic- Thor had disappeared the moment they arrived and came back with armfuls of pop tarts. 

Steve's reaction had of course been-

"Thor no." 

"Thor yes." Thor had replied, dumping them all into the trolley, on top of the jars of pasta sauce and a watermelon Peter had managed to sneak into the trolley without Tony or Steve noticing. Bucky had grabbed at least twenty plums, and Natasha started eating dry pasta randomly, the loud crunch making other shoppers turn to look at them. 

Clint and Sam raced up and down the aisles in shopping trolleys, (which was of course filmed by Peter) despite Steve trying to quietly hiss at them to stop. Wanda was showing Vision the names of the spices.

"This one is paprika, that one was chilli powder before." 

"Ohhhhh, and this one is cinnamon?" 

"Er, no, that's oregano- didn't you read the label?" 

"No. Is this salt?"

"That's basil- it says it right here, look-" 

Peter, meanwhile, had been driving Tony up the wall with his puns. 

"Another one bites the crust-" Peter sang, hauling several loaves of bread into the already overflowing trolley. 

"God dammit Peter just stop." 

Then, later on, while Peter was grabbing some brownies, he said this-

"Robert Brownie Junior!" 

Tony sent him a weird look. "What the hell are you talking about?" 

"He plays you." Peter replied casually, picking up a tray of cupcakes. 

"What the hell do you mean-"

"Shhh! The readers will duct tape me like last time!"

"whAT?!" 

Steve and Bucky were down in the milk aisle, looking at the insane amount in the cold fridges. 

"It's how much?!" Bucky exclaimed, looking at the price. An old lady beside them smiled. 

"The price has gone up quite a bit since my age," she said. "Are you boys not from around here? Most boys your age find it quite normal." 

Steve smiled crookedly. "You could say that." 

After they had collected the milk and found where the others were, in the lowly aisle, they stopped dead. 

Thor was holding up Peter, who was trying to grab something from the very top of the aisle. Sam was laughing so hard he was clutching his side, while the two DadTM's worried about Peter's safety. Natasha filmed it, and Wanda and Vision quietly snuck a couple of bars of chocolate into the trolley. 

Peter, of course, managed to fall and bring down most of the lollies, spilling some of them everywhere. The Avengers used that as an excuse to buy them all, and by this point those with actual common sense (Steve and Tony, though in reality they really didn't have any) were done with life and had given up on trying to discipline the children, buying it all. That was how the lollie stash in the tower quadrupled in size in one day. 

Then, Peter got lost, and they had to retrace their steps to find him before they went to the checkout with their three overflowing trolleys of food. 

He was in tears when they found him, looking around like a lost toddler, and seemed very grateful when they came back. 

"Dad you came back for me!" He said, wrapping his arms around him. 

"Sure did kiddo, come on let's pay then you can have a jelly cup in the car." 

"Awww yissss!" 

"Peter don't ever say that again."

"Why?"

"Because you just f*cking traumatised me that's why." 

"You forgot about me, I think I can traumatise you back." 

"First of all, no, second of all, no." 

"Suit yourself- awwww yisssss! You bought vanilla yoghurt!" 

"That's it, no jelly cups." 

"What?! But daddddddddddddddddd-"

And that was their extremely long shopping trip, which was only meant to take half an hour, and during which they were only supposed to buy a few bags of flour and some milk. 

"Hey, I thought Mr Ramsay was here?" 

"Nah, that's just ClInt and Sam watching Hell's Kitchen again." Tony replied, not looking up from the packet of baking soda.

Peter turned around, and indeed Sam and Clint were snickering at the tv, where Gordon Ramsay was screaming at someone, face red. 

"Oh, okay."

"Is Vision hiding again?" 

"Yeah, he doesn't want to join in. How'd you know?" 

"He pretended to be part of the carpet last time, I tripped over him and had to get a knee brace for a few days." 

Peter snorted, covering his mouth with a hand. "When's Mr Ramsay getting here then?" 

"He just texted me, in a few minutes-" the elevator dinged, and out walked the chef.

"-Or now, that works too." 

"Hey Tony, Spider-Man, Sam, Clint. Where's the robot?" 

"He's a lamp." Peter explained nonchalantly.

"He's a what?" 

"A lamp. Just down the hallway." 

"Thanks." Gordon walked down, and a few seconds later a rather inhuman shriek wasnherd and Vision ran out, lamp shade still on his head, screaming, with Gordon running after and cackling the entire time. 

"Right, time to get down to business. AVENGERS! ASSEMBLE!" 

Almost like soldiers, the other remaining avengers not yet in the room ran down, tumbling down the stairs when Wanda, in the back, tripped on one of Thor's dolls and made Natasha, Thor, Bucky and Bruce tumble down like dominos when she fell on them. 

Peter stifled a giggle, glad he had live-streamed the entire thing, having began to do so the moment Gordon had entered the building. So far, it had over two thousand views, or more (he really wasn't checking). 

They each got to choose what they wanted to make, and Peter being Peter, he wanted to make guacamole. 

"Peel the avocado, peel the avocado, peel the avocado, peel the avocaaado," Peter sang, yeeting the avocado seed at Bucky and grinning as it his his hair, got avocado in his hair, and landed in his cake batter, jamming the electric mixer he was using. Bucky growled in frustration and pulled it out, looking around for the culprit. Peter pointed at Wanda beside him, who was making simple tacos. 

"Guacamole, Guac-Guacamole," Peter continued singing as Bucky angrily walked over to Wanda and tipped the bowl over, emptying the entire bowl of cake batter into her hair. 

"What the f*ck Barnes?!" Gordon shrieked, stopping from where he was showing Sam how to chop without cutting himself, and to prevent him from getting yet another Dora the explorer bandaid on his fingers. Peter was quite glad he was live streaming this, it was hilarious. He was sure the viewers thought so too. 

"Guacamole, Guac-guacamole," by this point, Bucky and Wanda were screaming to each other in two seperate langauges while Gordon tried to seperate them. 

"Guacamole, Guac-guacamole!" Peter finished his song, smiling at his rather good guacamole in the bowl before him. 

He then picked up one of the old pips and carved a face out of it, waited until it bled with red, then yeeted it at Steve. 

Steve caught it, as planned, and he looked down at it in horror and screamed. Loudly. 

The scream made Sam jump and cut himself again, and Natasha looked to see the source and cracked up laughing, tipping the bowl of flour over and all over her front and the floor. Tony, who was walking past, slipped on the flour and fell over in much the same way one would fall when slipping on a banana peel. Wanda and Bucky were literally on top of each other by this point, Wanda's eyes and hands red, her hair still covered in cake batter, while Bucky had the facial expression of a spooked horse (or a Bucky being chased by an angry cat by the name of T'Challa). Gordon was yelling at them to seperate for f*cks sake you effing idiots, while Thor cheered them on.

"How I love to train with my fellow friends!" Thor said happily. "We may be Morons together!" 

At this, Peter cracked up laughing and slipped on the flour by his feet, pulling a little bit of his guacamole onto his head, and Vision tried to pull Wanda off Bucky. 

Bruce was the only normal person in the kitchen, kneading his dough and turning and looking directly into the camera with a dead expression. 

Later on, once Wanda had cleaned herself up and Bucky had apologised, everyone was back on track for their cooking. Gordon was tasting Peter's guacamole, and Peter was staring up at Gordon, deep in thought. 

"That's really good." Gordon told him, and Peter caught Vision looking up on the other side of the kitchen, eyes narrowed and face stony with jealousy. He was currently mixing a chalklike biscuit dough with paprika in it instead of cinnamon.

Peter grinned, forgetting nobody could see it, then decided he needed to ask the question that had been bugging him for years. 

"Thank you Mr Ramsay sir, can I please ask you a question?"

"Of course." 

"Does it bother you that you were named after a train in Thomas the Tank Engine?" 

Gordon looked at him for a few moments, and the entire kitchen hushed. 

Then he laughed, loudly, clapping a hand on Peter's shoulder. 

"You have a good sense of humour Spider-man." With that, he walked away, yelling at Bucky to hurry up before the oven overheated. 

Peter watched until Gordon was a good distance away then leaned closer to Steve and whispered; 

"He doesn't know I was being serious." 

Steve just laughed, leaning back and clapping his chest with his right hand. 

Peter frowned, annoyed nobody was taking him seriously. 

A while later, they had finished making what they were all making, and lined up to have it tasted. Peter had repositioned the camera so it would catch Gordon's facial expression, and would move it to whoever was bringing their food ups face for dramatic effect, zooming in far too much on each person's face just for comedies sake. 

First up was Thor, carrying a massive beast he had roasted that looked nothing like a pig, for it was bigger and the snout was much more like that of a dogs. It also had six legs, with one of them protruding from it's backside and one protruding from it's stomach. 

Gordon sniffed it and grimaced. 

"It smells like rotten eggs..." he said, carving a slice and putting it on his plate. It was strangely white inside, with the consistency of chicken nuggets. 

He sliced a cut and raised it to his mouth, taking a bite. He frowned. 

"It tastes like fish." He said once he'd swallowed. Thor beamed at him. 

"It is the body of a rodent from Asgard, I've had it underneath my bed for several weeks and found it while cleaning my room for the bed." 

At this, Gordon lifted up a paper towel and began retching into it, trying to rid himself of the rotting rodent Thor had tricked him into eating. 

"Water, water someone get me some water!" He yelled. Clint's eyes widened as he jumped into action and poured some tap water into it, then handed it to Gordon, wincing as some of it spilt over the side and onto his lap. 

Gordon didn't seem to mind, gulping it down with wide eyes. Thor looked rather upset that the chef didn't like his meal, and after listening to a long lecture about hygiene and why you couldn't just give people rotting, dusty meat, filled with a curse word after every word, it was the next person's turn. 

Sam was next in line with his tray of tarts. He seemed rather proud of them, and they did look rather neat. 

Gordon bit into one then immediately spat it into his napkin with yet another grimace. 

"Earths mightiest heroes certainly aren't earth's mightiest cooks." He told him. "Exactly how much salt did you use?" 

Sam shrugged. "Something in between 2 teaspoons and 2 cups. Closer to 2 cups." 

"Did you even follow the f*cking recipe I gave you?" 

"Nah, I couldn't be bothered."

"This is why you can't f*cking cook. You don't f*cking follow the instructions." 

Sam huffed and took the tray away, Wanda being next in line. 

Being a rather good cook, they were quite good, though extremely spicy and Peter had to quickly pour him a glass of milk. 

After Wanda was Clint, and Gordon took one look at the white river of clumpy flour and raw egg before yelling-

"Oh f*ck off, if you wanted me dead you should have just f*cking said so." 

Clint smiled sheepishly, and next was Vision's turn. 

Even though he was technically an Android, Peter could see him physically sweating as his trembling hands placed the plate down in front of him. 

Gordon lifted up the white biscuit and it instantly crumbled to dust almost like Peter in a movie everyone tries to forget. 

"Not a good sign," Gordon told him in warning, using his fork to lift up half of a biscuit and placed it in his mouth. With one chew it was dust and tasted almost like those tablets you're supposed to bite, but slightly spicy...

Gordon used water to swallow all of it, grimacing. 

"Did you put paprika in this you dumb f*ck?!" 

Vision trembled slightly, rubbing one of his arms. "Er, I thought it was cinnamon-"

"It's f*cking labeled do you f*cking know how to read you absolute sh*thole?!" 

Vision didn't say anything, slowly taking away the plate. Peter felt bad for him- he had tried so hard after all. 

After Vision was Natasha, with one of her classic Russian dishes that Gordon declared was 'effing delicious' and said that 'at least one person in sh*thole knows how to cook'. Vision looked even more sad, but Wanda cheered him up with hugs. 

Bucky was next with his messily frosted cake, with such a withering glare that Gordon almost didn't have the guts to tell him it tasted disgusting. Almost. 

"This is disgusting. There is scrambled eggs in here- did you cool the butter before putting it in?" 

Bucky made a growling noise and almost lunged at him, if Steve hadn't hurriedly shoved his plate into Bruce's hands and grabbed both of his shoulders, leading him away and whispering comforting words to him. 

There was the sound of several smashing noises, which caused Tony to sigh. 

"There goes Pepper's favourite vase," he said, staring up at the ceiling. "Barnes'll be grounded for sure." 

While Steve was consoling Bucky, Bruce put his plate down to be tasted. It was relatively good, though slightly mushy in the middle. 

After Bruce was Tony with a simple omelette, which he had somehow messed up within the three hours he had been given to make it. 

Gordon looked at it for a few seconds, then looked back up at Tony. "How the f*ck did you manage to f*ck up a f*cking omelette."

"Hey, I tried my best." Tony said, pouting, and crossing his arms. 

Gordon poked his fork at the raw yolky part of part of the omelette and the black, burnt part on the other side of it, as well as the oily, blackened onions beside it. 

He took the smallest bite, spat it out, and handed the plate to Tony with no words except for his slightly sickened looking face. 

Once Steve came back, he tasted his pancakes, which were almost perfect if not a little doughy in the middle. 

Finally it was Peter's turn. 

He had his guacamole and chips ready, which Gordon tasted. He said it was good, but a little flavourless and bland. It was good for Peter's first time though. 

After all the taste testing, everyone who's food that Gordon liked was placed on the coffee table and they watched Hell Kitchen, Gordon giving them information on behind the scenes. 

Peter sighed as he looked down at his guacamole. 

"It's such a shame I don't like avocados." 

Wanda, nearby, choked on her chip, eyes wide. 

"You don't like avocados?! What is wrong with you?" 

Peter just smiled sheepishly. 

A/N Hey sorry for the break of the fourth wall back there, being superheroes they don't really listen when I tell them to not say anything about what they know, but they'll shut up now. (Muffled screaming heard in background) I've tried repairing the wall a few times now but I'm really running out of bricks especially since it was pretty much as dusty as Peter last time, so if anyone has any spare bricks it'd be greatly appreciated. 

Also duct tape too, I may or may not have used it all to gag and tie them up.... definitely not...

Anyway, hope this chapter was ok/as good as the last cos apparently people liked that one?

If anyone wants any part 2s for any chapters let me know soon cos I need to finish this book up now that i'm running out of ideas. Requests would be appreciated as well. 

Happy reading

Have a nice day

:)