Warning: lots of swearing in this chapter, because that character is known to swear soooooo.... sorry to those who might not like swearing :)

When Peter received the news, he almost choked on the pasta he was eating. 

"Holy fudge you actually went and got Gordon freaking Ramsay to give Uncle Vision cooking lessons?" Peter said, eyes wide. 

"Yeah, and he insisted on giving us lessons too. Something about seeing my atrocious omelettes..." Tony explained, twirling spaghetti with his fork. 

Peter snorted, hiding his smile by shovelling food into his mouth. Rolling his eyes, Tony continued. 

"Anyway, he and a camera crew'll be here tomorrow at ten. Do you want to be yourself or Spider-Man?"

"I'll be half of myself, maybe we can just put the mask part on and have the rest normal?" Peter said, wondering if that would give anything away about his identity. 

"That should work," Tony replied. "We'll have to ask Pep about it though." 

******

The next day, Peter bounded excitedly down the stairs, Spider-man mask on his face, with a pair of jeans and a jumper with 'I make horrible science puns but only periodically' written on it, paired with a pair of Christmas socks. 

Gordon Ramsay was already downstairs, being filmed as he talked about what he was about to be doing, and Peter tripped when he saw him at the bottom of the stairs, tumbling down the rest of them until he was looking up at him, the camera trained on the two of them. 

"You're Gordon Ramsay!" Peter said excitedly, standing up. 

"Kid, are you going to do that everytime you meet someone famous?" Tony asked from behind the camera, sipping his coffee. 

"Yep! Sorry to interrupt Mr Gordon Ramsay sir, please continue." 

Smiling, Gordon Ramsay finished what he was saying, and the camera person switched off the camera. 

They went through introductions and went over what was going to happen, setting up all the stations and ingredients. Peter was quick to become friends with the camera crew, and soon enough, they were filming again. 

"So, what are we making here?" Gordon asked, despite knowing exactly what Peter was making. 

"Gingerbread!" Peter yelled excitedly, adding a little too much spice into the mixture. Gordon had helped him with most of it, and grimaced when Peter added so much spice. 

*****

It didn't take long for Gordan to get frustrated. 

"What are you?" 

"An idiot sandwich." Vision told him, his face smushed between two slices of bread. Beside him sat a bowl with dried onion flakes mixed into the biscuit mix. 

In the background, Peter was covered in flour, a pink frilly apron on, giggling into messy hands. 

*****

"How's it going?" Gordan asked, walking back to Peter's station. Peter was pouting, looking rather upset even with his mask on. 

"Someone sabotaged my gingerbread!" Peter said tearfully, sniffling behind his mask. "There's chilli flakes in it!" 

The camera footage cut in the video to Sam, who whistled as he mixed his own perfect gingerbread mix, a small smirk on his face. 

"That's okay," Gordan told him. "We can start again. We just need some more flour and-"

He turned around, the camera following him, to find Clint, Steve and Bucky absolutely covered in flour. Steve was on the floor, with Clint standing on him holding a bag of flour and looking like he was about to throw it at his face. Bucky seemed to have been either trying to get Clint off Steve or joining in- holding an empty packet of flour, a large pile of it already on Clint's head. 

The three had frozen when the attention was placed on them, and Gordon sighed loudly. 

"Errr- do you need the flour?" Clint asked, offering out the large bag of flour. 

*****

Finally it had gotten to the point that they were putting their trays in the oven. They set their timers, then sat down to have a break in the meantime. 

Clint, Steve and Bucky were still covered in flour, and Wanda hadn't noticed the smudge of mixture just above her right eyebrow. Peter was rubbing a cloth over his spider-man goggles. 

Gordon had yelled rather a lot in the kitchen. Peter was glad it was recorded, because it was hilarious. 

"What the f*ck why did you put onion flakes in the mixture?!"

"This is f*cking gingerbread why is it so hard to make?"

"Did you just drop the entire f*cking egg in here? For f*cks sake you don't even know how to crack an egg oh my god..."

"Spider-Man that's perfect guys look at this, a damn child has done better than you look at this- did you just dump sprinkles in the mixture?!"

"Sugar!" Peter had said, pouring more, only to have Steve and Tony jump on top of him and wrestle it out of his grip. 

"No! No more sugar- we do not want another sugar high!" Tony had yelled desperately. 

"Look at this man, look at him- the only f*cking person in this kitchen with common sense." Gordon said later, gesturing towards Steve's perfect gingerbread mixture. 

"Oops," Steve said, the lid of the spice jar falling off and the spice pouring in. 

"...nevermind." 

Peter's favourite part so far was when Peter caught Tony when he wasn't looking, pranking him effectively, on camera. 

"Hey Tony! Catch!" Peter yelled, and Tony turned, only to be pelted with raw eggs, which cracked all over him. 

"P- Spider-Man!" Tony yelled angrily, allowing the egg to drip onto the ground. "I am so gonna get you back!" Tony grabbed a handful of egg, but Gordon got in between them quickly. 

"No pranks in the kitchen! Especially egg, it can lead to injury." 

Peter made a face at Tony through the mask, hands on either side of his head with fingers spread out wide and thumbs by each ear. He wiggled his fingers, and that was all it took for Tony to chuck the eggs. Peter immediately ducked to avoid them using his spider sense, and heard a loud gasp from behind them when they hit Wanda. 

"Stark!" She had yelled in anger, looking down where she was now dripping with egg white, yolk and egg shell. 

To say the least, that hadn't ended well for Tony. 

The loud beeping of the smoke alarm brought Peter from his thoughts. 

"It seems Vision's oven is on fire." Friday told them, and everyone raced to the kitchen to see what had happened. 

The baking paper had been caught on the outside of the oven and caught fire, but the gingerbread, while rock hard and slightly charred, had survived. 

"You turned your oven up too high. Next time have it around 180 degrees celcius." 

Vision nodded, taking note of this fact. 

They set out their biscuit to cool, and began with entertainment in the meantime. 

Clint, who grew up in the circus, did some juggling, teaching Peter. 

"It took me years to learn how to do this, so I don't expect you to get it right away," Clint told him, and handed him the fancy juggling things. 

Peter started juggling, getting it straight away first try. "Are you gonna start throwing stuff in like you showed me Uncle Clint?" Peter asked, but Clint was too busy being both salty and shocked to throw anything in, so Natasha being Natasha, she threw in a sharp dagger. 

"Nat!" Clint shrieked, snapping out of it quickly. Tony stood up and activated his iron gauntlet, ready to catch the knife, and Bucky threw out his metal arm. 

Peter was having no trouble juggling the knife, spinning among the regular juggling sticks and a random apple Sam had chucked at him earlier. 

Everyone scrambled to try and grab the knife, while Peter recounted a vine that he thought was rather similar to this situation, the knife spinning around and around in the endless circle. 

"So there's a kid, and he's running around a pool I think, and the adult goes; what's that? And he yells- a knife! And then the adult goes- nooo- oops...." by the end of the story, Peter had managed to stick the dagger into the ceiling. 

"Well at least it's better than his hand." Steve pointed out. 

Gordon, meanwhile, looked confused as hell. "What the f*ck," he said quietly. "How the hell did you do that?" 

"It's called a spider sense mr Gordon Ramsay sir," Peter explained. "Basically- Ah f*ck, I can't believe you've done this!" Peter cut himself off, rubbing the back of his head where Sam had chucked a small marble. 

"Wouldn't it warn you of that?" Bucky asked, frowning in confusement. 

"Yeah, but I thought I was just going to trip or something I dunno, I normally ignore it... anyway my spider sense warns me of danger." 

****

Finally, it was the time to start decorating their gingerbread houses and assembling them. 

Steve's was very neat, everything precise and standing up perfectly. Being an artist, he also managed to decorate it beautifully. 

Wanda's was similar, but slightly messier especially where she had been gluing the walls. Bruce's was similar, and he had been the quietest in the kitchen, following instructions (unlike Tony Stark, who winged too many things in the recipe). 

Sam's wasn't even standing, and Clint hadn't even tried- he just glued all the walls and roof parts together in a stack with the icing then decorated it with some lollies. 

Bucky had evidently tried then gotten frustrated- the end product a pile of smashed biscuit, icing, and a bunch of sticky lollies with crumbs stuck to them. 

Tony also semi tried, but the house was wonky and the roof was slowly sliding off. 

Natasha had a pretty neat one, but she had made it the creepiest gingerbread house Peter had ever seen. It didn't look one bit christmassy, and more like a haunted house. 

Peter's was nice, but then it was coated in so much lollies, icing and sugar that you could hardly see the gingerbread house anymore. 

Then there was Visions. 

The gingerbread was charred and burnt, and the house had no roof. There was a load of icing on it and one lollie. It looked like this ->

Vision definitely wasn't one for the kitchen, that was for sure. 

Soon enough, after several photos were taken on phones for social media accounts and such, it was tasting time. 

Gordon Ramsay sat down at the table, and they filmed it in a way that made it very dramatic- with background music it would be even better. 

The got in a line with their gingerbread houses- Steve first in line. 

Gordon took one bite, then spat it back out onto a napkin. "Way too much spice in it," he told him, shaking his head. "Good presentation though." 

Bucky came next, and Gordon grimaced as he lifted the large silver dome that covered the plate. 

"Oh my god what did you do?" He said, looking at the mess on the plate. 

"Eh, I got frustrated." Bucky said, shrugging. 

Gordon picked up a bit and took a bite. He paused just for dramatic effect. 

"This, is f*cking delicious." He told him. Bucky smiled, taking away the plate and immediately bragging to a pouting Steve, while Wanda went up. Her's was also pretty good, though the mixture was a little dry. 

Bruce's was the best, and everyone wanted to take a bit of his after. 

Sam was told that his tasted good but it wasn't standing and shouldn't be classified as a house. Sam thought that was fair enough. 

Gordon had to use a knife to cut through Clint's stack of biscuit, and he was quickly told it tasted like soap and he didn't know what he did wrong but it was f*cking disgusting. 

Natasha's was creepy, and tasted just as creepy. 

"Tastes like that weird fake blood they sell at halloween," Gordon told her, grimacing, and washing it down with water. 

Natasha just smiled at him with narrowed eyes, but took it away nonetheless. 

Tony's was undercooked, and the icing was too runny and not mixed properly- there was still several lumps of icing sugar in it. 

Peter's was way too sweet. 

"Wow, honestly, you're going to give yourself cavities and diabeties with this. If you're gonna have sweet, you're going to need something to balance it out, yeah? Most of the time fresh fruit or something, but maybe mint would work well with the gingerbread house." 

Peter nodded, soaking in the information like a sponge. 

Finally, it was Vision's turn. 

Gordon couldn't keep the gingerbread in his mouth for more than two seconds. He spat it out almost immediately, wiping his tongue with a napkin and looking utterly disgusted. 

"First of all, there's egg shells in it you f*cking donkey. Second of all, this is more burnt than a cremated chicken. Third of all, there's so many f*cking pieces of ginger in here it's an effing Weasley." Gordon dug his fingers into the biscuit and pulled out an actual slice of ginger that Vision had put in. 

"Disgusting." 

——————

Comments to the video, later uploaded to YouTube and a TV special:

TrevorToad:

Lol Avengers getting roasted by Gordan Ramsay 😂

BridgetRiddlew:

Earth's mightiest heroes certainly aren't Earth's mightiest Chefs! 🤣🤣

Satanschildspeaking:

Spider-Man juggling a knife whattttttttt 😳🤯

—————————

A/N Sorry it's not very good, really tired rn cos I needed to stay up late to help my mum with something yesterday, plus we had an end of year excursion yesterday and we went to a theme park. Thank god it was the last day of school today (whew)

Also

My sport class merged with four different classes today and we played dodge ball in the gym and I somehow ended up being the last person on my team. 

It is not fun being yelled at by literally an entire gym of people

I was shaking afterwards like legit shaking

And I wanted to know- does anyone else get this? Cos my friends dont and I probs shouldn't be making such a deal out of it but ehhhhh it happened sooooooo yeah 

Have a nice day

Happy reading

:)