Peter slumped in his chair, hoping he could somehow deduce where they were going. Sure, he was paying attention in class. But he glances at his watch for a couple seconds, listens to Karen's status update, and BAM! There's the bell. And Peter had forgotten to check where they were going. "Hey, Parker!!" Flash sneered. "What IS it?" Peter snapped, blinking out of his flashback. He was getting tired of dealing with Flash's crap. "Are you going to introduce us to your friends the Avengers?" He drawled. Peter froze. "Wait, what?" Flash snorted. "You know, your BEST friends? The ones we're going to visit today?" Peter's eyes widened. This explained Tony's reaction when he waved a slip in front of him. He had laughed - he must have known the times lined up - Peter was so screwed. "I never said they were my best friends. I intern for Stark Industries, not the Avengers, and I'm certainly not that important," Peter lied. Flash just opened his mouth to say something, when a book flew through the air and hit him. "CAN you fuck off, Flash? I doubt anyone here speaks dumbass except you, as it appears you're fluent in it." MJ dignifiedly stood up and retrieved her book, which had called open to a page with a drawing of - Peter? Was that a crisis drawing? Before he could get a closer look, she slammed the book shut and flipped Flash off cheerfully.

"Students!" The teacher - Mr. Harrington - yelled. "No violence at school!" He exclaimed, looking pointedly at MJ. Flash had only a second to look triumphant when the teacher turned on him. "Not to mention, Mr. Thompson, there is no need for bullying either." MJ smirked, unfazed. Then Mr. Harrington turned to Peter. "Okay, we need to talk," The man said sternly. Peter sighed, and Ned slid out of their seat so Peter could get out. "Good luck, man," He whispered. The boy walked up to his teacher. "Yes sir?" Mr. Harrington stared at him. "We need to talk about your internship," He declared. Peter stared at the man. "Is it that you don't believe I have one?" Peter sighed. "No!" Mr. Harrington said quickly. "I do believe you have an internship - you're my brightest student, and you wouldn't lie about something as important as this. Although may I suggest keeping it - how do they say it these days? - on the d-low." Peter stared at his teacher. "The d-low?" He queried. "You know - the down low, the down, the 'd', the 'd-low', right?" Mr. Harrington trailed off. "Whatever. It is clear that Eugene feels threatened by you, and it is hard to know what one can do when they are uncomfortable. You get me?" Peter nodded, and backed away.

~This is a time skip. Such wow.~

Peter stared at the doors of Stark Towers. The place he lived. The place Aunt May used to live until she won the lottery. After Mr. Stark took custody of Peter. Then May left on a two-year trip around the world on a cruise for some amazing sightseeing spots and much needed relaxation.

The doors flung open before Mr. Harrington could let them in. "Hello there, Midtown High!" A loud, dramatic voice declared. Peter's eyes widened. He knew that voice, even with his back turned. No. No. Nope. NOPE. He tried to violently deny what was happening.

"It has come to our attention that you are a special tour group." Tony said. "Well, not all of you, just one person here. Oh yeah, and two of their friends," He said dismissively. Peter facepalmed. Ned grinned, and MJ just shook her head sadly for him. Peter looked at his classmates, counting off their expressions. Confused, confused, interested, confused, confused, confused, intrigued, confused, and - smug? Who was that? Peter sighed. Of course it was Flash. Why was he smug? The boy had puffed out his chest and raised his chin. Ah. Peter thought. He thinks that he is the one Tony is talking about. It made sense. Flash had a decent reputation, but an ENORMOUS ego to boot. "Who?" One of Flash's friends - Sawyer - asked. Tony smiled mysteriously. Peter had to admit, that was one of his talents. "I'll tell you at the end, although you should be able to figure it out from the treatment they get. But for now..." Tony paused for the effect. "Enjoy an exclusive tour - with ALL of the Avengers!"

Fuck life.

He was screwed.

MJ laughed. How dare she.

And then they came. Natasha, Clint, Vision, Wanda, Steve, Bucky, Bruce - who, Peter thought, looked highly uncomfortable, Sam, Rhodey, Thor - wait, Thor? He was here? "Peter," A familiar voice said from behind him. "OH MY FFFFF-FLAPJACKS YOU CAN'T JUST SNEAK UP ON INNOCENT PEOPLE LIKE THAT!" Peter screamed. The god of mischief just grinned "ASDFGJSLDHHRJSJSK!!!" Peter yelled. That is totally a word right? Yep. Totally.  "Anyways, now that you're hear, can you stab me? I need to flee," Peter said. "Nope!" Loki said cheerfully. "EVERYONE WE ARE GOING INSIDE! Reindeer Games, get your ass over here and stop harassing my ki- my- Peter. My kick-ass Peter. Yep. But he's not mine. Just Peter. Kick-ass Peter. Or kind Peter. Yep. Heh. Why would he be kick-ass? Because - he's not a superhero.  Not that you can't be kick-ass without being a hero. Not that I should be cursing in front of kids. Much less my ki- my kick-ass tour group! Okay maybe I should start over." Tony sighed, facepalming. "Let's just go inside, alright?" Midtown High looked between Peter and Tony for a few seconds, as if trying to figure out who to be more astonished by. Ned was smiling slightly, and MJ was not even trying to hide her snickers. (Not the candy bar.) Finally, Mr. Harrington nodded and they trailed through the doors. "Stark, Tony. Alpha 10 for eternity. Welcome back, Boss! Ms. Potts would like to speak with you as soon as you can. Harrington, Roger. Omega 1 access for the next 3 hours." FRIDAY paused. "Jones, Michelle. Alpha 5 access for eternity. Leeds, Ned. Alpha 5 access for eternity. Welcome back, MJ, Ned. Ms. Potts would like to see you, MJ, after school. Dr. Banner requests that you come to his lab afterwards as well, Ned." There were muffled gasps and anxious talk. "Thompson, Eugene. Omega 1 access for the next 3 hours." Tony's eyes darkened. Welllllll frick. Of course he remembered the one name Peter had told him was bullying. Tony looked over at Peter, and Steve had already started walking towards him. There was a slight whistle in the air, and Peter's Spidey Senses went off. "NAT!" He yelled, launching himself toward Flash, spinning to grab the hilt of the knife. Peter closed his fingers around the cold grip and held it still against the force. The boy looked up to see the blade of the knife just inches from Flash's forehead. Peter realized FRIDAY was talking, and realized he'd leapt through the sensor. "Parker, Peter. Alpha 10 access for eternity. Nice to see you again, Peter! I'm glad you came through this entrance today!" The AI exclaimed. The school was yelling now, questions and surprise filling the air.

"NATASHA!" Peter's voice added to the tumult. "What?" She asked innocently. "Do we have to have the 'No Killing (Relatively) Innocent Minors' talk again? After what happened last time?" He exclaimed. "Last time we didn't have that rule!" "Still, their parents filed a lawsuit!" "Their kid was a bitch!" "That doesn't excuse attempted murder of a minor in cold blood!" Nat sighed. "Remember the 'Rules of Functioning In Normal Society' list I gave you? Do you remember Number 1?" Peter prompted. Natasha scrunched up her face. "Oh yeah! 'Memes are life and so should be treated with respect.'" She quoted. "Huh?" Peter asked, confused. "Oh wait, yeah, what was Number 2?" He tried again. The woman sighed. "'No murdering innocent people, even if they are bitches.'" She recited. "Yes. And what did you just try to do?" "... Murder innocent people..." Natasha said reluctantly. "Exactly. Don't do it."

Meanwhile, Flash's face turned red. "HOW THE FUCK DOES PENIS FUCKING PARKER KNOW THE FUCKING AVENGERS?!?!? HE IS JUST A GOOD FOR NOTHING FUCKING NOBODY! HE DOES NOT DESERVE TO KNOW THEM! I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN HIM!!!! HE IS AN INCAPABLE, WEAK, IDIOTIC WIMP! DID THE BITCH PAY YOU OFF? WAIT NO, I FORGOT, HE IS BROKE! BECAUSE HIS UNCLE AND PARENTS PREFERRED TO DIE THAN BE STUCK WITH HIM!" Flash ranted. Peter's face turned ashen. He turned and ran out of the room, tears blurring his eyes. "Oh shitttt..." Ned muttered. Steve was glaring at Flash with a death glare. "You know... I think maybe we could murder this one and get away with it," Nat pondered aloud. MJ stepped forward. "We can't kill him, Peter would still be angry. And he is the purest, toughest, most amazing person I know, and he's crying. Despite being so carefully composed, he is crying. As much as I wish we could kill him, we can't. Yes, he's a fucking dumbass that is pretty much a waste of oxygen-" MJ was interrupted. "If he's a waste of oxygen, why don't we just kill him and preserve some?" Clint asked. Mr. Harrington paled. "Because wouldn't it be better to not disappoint Peter?" MJ countered. Clint and Nat sighed. "Fine." "Anyways, time for you guys to get out of my fucking tower. Ned, MJ, go find Peter. It would be a waste of time for them to go back to school and then return. It shouldn't be a problem, RIGHT?" Tony asked, stating pointedly at Mr. Harrington. "I suppose?" "Good. Now get the hell out."

MJ and Ned found Peter huddled outside the door. "Oh, Peter. Don't listen to him. You're not an idiot, or a wimp. And there's no way in hell I think you're a nobody. You're the bravest, smartest, kindest person I know," Michelle said, crouching next to Peter. "And your parents are probably watching from whichever afterlife, so incredibly proud of you, because who wouldn't be? You're so amazing. Flash is just a waste of your time," She finished. Peter sniffled. "Y-you really think so?" He asked. "Of course," MJ and Ned said at the same time. Peter pulled MJ into a hug, then kissed her cheek. "Hey!" She yelped. "I saw your 'Crisis' notebook earlier. A picture of me, labeling me a 'Crisis of Cuteness'." He grinned slightly. "HEY! You weren't supposed to know that!" She whacked him. "Oh, so you don't like me like that?" Peter asked. MJ blushed. Peter started laughing a bit. "Ned, you left MJ to do the sappy speech? Why would you do that? You broke her emotionless cover! Now all her true feelings are coming out!" MJ smacked the boy lightly on the arm again. "Oh, shut up, loser," "Oh, so it was 'brave, kind, smart, cute, and amazing' and now it's 'loser'?" "Deal with it, smartass."

Ned grinned. "And that was a day at Stark Tower!" He narrated for the story that was totally not going on right now. "Idiot, do you want to summon Deadpool?" MJ hissed.

"Surprise! I heard a fourth wall was being broken!" A voice yelled, jumping through a window. "See what you did?" Michelle yelled. "Oh, hey Wade."