Intern Dude

@StarkIntern

May have blown up the lab a little bit. Baddies look out. Iron Man's new suit has bite. #bestdayever

attached: whoopsie.jpeg

Tony Stark

@iamironman

@StarkIntern Baddies? Really, kid? Why do I put up with you?

Intern Dude

@StarkIntern

@iamironman *best batman voice* Because I'm awesome!

Capt. Steve Rogers

@redwhiteandblueberry

@iamironman Stark may I suggest a rule for @StarkIntern?

Tony Stark

@iamironman

@redwhiteandblueberry I'm listening. You do know I have whole AI's dedicated to keeping @StarkIntern in check, right?

attached: starkbabyprotocollist1.jpg

Capt. Steve Rogers

@redwhiteandblueberry

@iamironman @StarkIntern has too much energy. If he and @WallCrawler ever ended up in the same room it'd spontaniously combust. Seriously, no one wants to deal with that much energy.

Intern Dude

@StarkIntern

@redwhiteandblueberry Are you trying to make it so I can't meet Spiderman?! Not cool, Captain. @iamironman I promise I'll be good.

Spiderman

@WallCrawler

Yeah @iamironman, @StarkIntern seems awesome. Didn't he design my webshooters? Why can't we meet?

InternDude

@StarkIntern

OH MY GOSH, SPIDERMAN THINKS I'M AWESOME! #bestdayever

Tony Stark

@iamironman

I'm done with this shit. @StarkIntern, you're grounded. @WallCrawler, you're rediculous. @redwhiteandblueberry, I'm drafting a new protocol.

~~

Spiderman

@WallCrawler

Just a little #PSA. Be kind. You never know what someone's going through. Always be kind.

Tony Stark

@iamironman

@WallCrawler This seems...specific.

Spiderman

@WallCrawler

@iamironman I've had to talk one too many people off of ledges lately. I just want to see some human fucking decency is all.

Tony Stark

@iamironman

Swearing? @WallCrawler Call me. Right now.

-

Peter called Mr. Stark as he sat on the edge of a roof. "Hey, Mr. Stark."

"Are you okay, Peter?"

"No. Do you know how many sad people there are out there? And I can't help all of them. I'm not balanced myself all the time... It just sucks that I have to deal with it. I mean, I stopped at a restaurant today and this customer was just screaming at this cashier. They didn't even notice the woman start to cry. They just kept shouting and she just kept smiling and being kind while tears fell down her face. I gave her a hug, but Mr. Stark, that's just a stupid band-aid. It won't fix it. She was so broken up and she needs help but is too ashamed to ask, so she just fucking smiles while people beat her up, but I've seen that look before and she won't hold on like that for forever." Peter gasped in a breath, trying not to cry. "Mr. Stark, I've been low and the more I go out there the more I see people who are just so low...and people treat them like shit. Why can't people just be nice? Why can't they just be decent? Why can't humans treat each other like...like fucking humans?" Peter rubbed his eyes. "Sorry...I just...there was this kid last night...and he had a gun in his bag and he was going to.... Mr. Stark, I'm just tired of people being so hurtful, especially to people who have these deep wounds hidden under their skin."

"Peter..."

Peter jumped up and whirled. Tony Stark was behind him, stepping out of his suit. "Mr. Stark?" Peter hung up his phone.

"I'm going for a hug this time." Tony held out his arms.

Peter let out a sob and launched himself into Tony's embrace. "Can't people just...be good? Who fucking cares if you got a diet instead of a regular, just ask nice for a new one, right? Why do they have to scream?"

"I don't know, buddy." Tony sighed. "You wanna go back to that restaurant with me? As Peter and Tony?"

"I don't know if I can..."

"It'll be good, promise." Tony said. "You just got done swinging around, you need food, then we'll go spend some time at the tower...maybe a movie night?"

"Sounds good."

-

Carrie Celpsi

@CarrieBerry

@iamironman and @StarkIntern are the two kindest and most generous people I have ever met. Thank you. Thank you. <3

Tony Stark

@iamironman

@CarrieBerry You can thank your friendly neighborhood @WallCrawler. I hope you're well. I'll be checking in.

Intern Dude

@StarkIntern

And yes, @CarrieBerry, @iamironman does mean that in the kinda creepy 'I'll internet stalk you' sort of way.

Tony Stark

@iamironman

HEY! Don't give away my secrets, kid. @StarkIntern

Spiderman

@WallCrawler

Thank you, @iamironman. Faith in humanity restored.

Attached Video: Tony Stark being a saint for five minutes straight

Tony Stark

@iamironman

I learned about the best of humanity from @StarkIntern. Thank him.

Intern Dude

@StarkIntern

@iamironman ...Thanks. Wanna watch a movie?

Tony Stark

@iamironman

@StarkIntern You choose, kid. I'll get popcorn and see if @PepperPotts wants to join.

Pepper Potts, CEO

@PepperPotts

@iamironman and @StarkIntern I'll bring drinks and blankets. My boys could use some rest, I think.

~~

Olivia Marcos

@OliMar01

Did anyone else see the artical on #Buzzfeed about all the evidence that @StarkIntern is the son of @iamironman. It's compelling. #Irondad anyone? Can anyone confirm? #Avengers

Capt. Steve Rogers

@redwhiteandblueberry

@iamironman does have a dad voice, for sure, @olimar01. The other #Avengers has always refered to him as the 'Team Dad.'

Spiderman

@WallCrawler

Yeah, well I heard @spiderqueen say that they call you 'Team Mom' @redwhiteandblueberry. So....

Natasha R.

@spiderqueen

Hey, @WallCrawler, you just lost your honorary #Avenger's spot. What we say at movie night, stays at movie night. It's like fight club, kid. @redwhiteandblueberry was never supposed to know about his 'Team Mom' status.

Spiderman

@WalCrawler

@spiderqueen Nooooo! I worked so hard to be an honorary #Avenger! Do I still get to go to movie nights?

Capt. Steve Rogers

@redwhiteandblueberry

You call ME 'Team Mom?' @spiderqueen #Avengers

Dr. Bruce Banner

@sometimesgreen

@redwhiteandblueberry You make pancakes, scold us for poor language, and get after us if we try to eat sweets before dinner. Tony's definitly team dad and you've got team mom stamped on your forehead. Sorry, pal.

Olivia Marcos

@OliMar01

As funny as this conversation has been, I notice that neither @iamironman or @StarkIntern have said anything.

Pepper Potts, CEO

@PepperPotts

Well? What are you going to say, @iamironman? The PR team is kinda losing their shit right now.

May Parker

@LarbMay

Yeah, I'm curious about this too. @iamironman @StarkIntern

Intern Dude

@StarkIntern

Uh...Mr. Stark? Have you been seeing this? @iamironman

-

Peter sighed and put his phone down. There was no point in sticking around for it, for the inevitable moment when Tony denied it. It wasn't like Peter was really Tony's kid...not really. I mean...Peter thought of Tony as a father figure...he'd even had to stop himself from calling him 'dad' once or twice. Peter didn't really want to see the inevitable moment when Mr. Stark just laughed it off and said that @StarkIntern really was just an intern. God, Pepper had to be going through a PR mess. But what if Tony did think of Peter as a...?

"No, don't be an idiot." Peter scolded himself before the hope could blossom in his chest. His phone vibrated. It would likely be another tweet aimed at him, but Peter checked anyway.

Mr. Stark:

We need to talk, kid.

The next text was the name of a quaint burger joint that Tony loved near the tower. Peter had been there a few times with Tony. He liked the shakes, even though Tony teased him for getting the vanilla every time.

Peter could get there pretty quickly...especially if he swung over. Peter sighed and headed out.

"New text from Aunt May." Karen said. "Shall I read it?"

"Yeah, sure."

"She said: 'Yes, it's all true. Yes, I agreed. Yes, you can be excited.'"

"What does that mean?" Peter asked as he landed in an ally.

"I don't know, Peter." Karen answered. "Shall I text her back and ask?"

"No, thanks." Peter pulled his hoodie and sweatpants on over his suit. "Talk to you later, Karen..."

"Goodbye, Peter. Please tell me what the mystery is about when you come back. I would like to know."

"Of course." Peter promised and pulled his mask off, hiding it in his pocket before he walked into the restaurant. He found Tony quickly. As usual, he was in the back corner, wearing sunglasses. There were papers in front of him in a neat stack as well as a soda and a...vanilla milkshake with extra cream and no cherry. Peter smiled. It was the little things that reminded him that Tony cared about him...at least enough to remember that Peter liked 'plain-Jane milkshakes.' "Hey, what's up? Did something happen? Do you need my help with something? Is it the Widow's Bite? Did I mess up the calculations on that?"

"No, kid, it's perfect. Nat thanks you." Tony smiled. "Sit down, Pete."

"Um...what's going on?" Peter slinked into his seat, cautiously.

"Aunt Hottie and I have been talking and...I um... I want your input, because this isn't just about adults...or anything. I..." Tony bit his lip. "Actually, I can't say it, so...just read."

Peter took the offered papers and began to read them. His eyes widened when he saw Tony's signature on them as well as May's. And it wasn't one of Tony's stamped signatures or even Pepper's amazing forgeries...no Tony freaking Stark had signed it himself. They were guardianship papers. The Tony Stark wanted to be Peter's second guardian...his...father figure...his dad.

"I didn't want to push them through if it wasn't something you wanted. I've been trying to think of how to ask you and this whole twitter thing just...pushed me, you know? I'm not great with emotional stuff. I've had that in my damn drawer for months and-"

Peter got up and practically pounced into Tony's booth to hug him.

Tony huffed at the impact, but wrapped his arms around Peter. "I love you too, kid."

"You mean this?"

"Yeah, of course, Peter. You've...been like a son to me for a long time now. Thought...maybe we could make it official."

Peter nodded, but didn't speak, afraid he might let on that he was crying. And if he felt Tony's tears against his cheek...well...he didn't say anything.

-

Tony Stark

@iamironman

To answer the burning question. Yes. As of today @StarkIntern is my son legally, but to be honest he's been a son to me for a long time. #Irondad (Also, I really like the #Irondad hashtag, it has a nice ring to it.)

Intern Dude

@StarkIntern

Best day ever...I got a milkshake from @iamironman.

Tony Stark

@iamironman

You're officially grounded, @StarkIntern.

Intern Dude

@StarkIntern

I was only joking, @iamironman. But, you've been like a father to me for a long time too, so guess it's just legal now. Best day ever. Gotta change your contact info now...probably to #Irondad

Tony Stark

@iamironman

I approve this and revoke your grounding if I get to be Irondad in your phone, @StarkIntern. (Pictures or it didn't happen, kid. I need evidence or your still grounded.) ;)

Capt. Steve Rogers

@redwhiteandblueberry

Congratulations. Glad to see it's finally official. @iamironman @StarkIntern

Dr. Bruce Banner

@sometimesgreen

Yay, my favorite science buddies are family now. @iamironman @StarkIntern #Irondad

Natasha R.

@spiderqueen

Does this mean I am an honorary aunt again? @StarkIntern I'm basically the #Avengers fun aunt, right?

Clint B.

@ventking

Aw, we have a team nephew now. Soooo cute. I'm happy for you guys. @iamironman @StarkIntern

Col. Rhodes

@warmachine

I was the original awesome uncle. Love you both. @iamironman @StarkIntern Ice cream later, kid?

Thor Odinson

@pointbreak

@StarkIntern! YOU ARE NOW STARKSON, I AM HAPPY FOR YOU AND @iamironman.

Intern Dude

@StarkIntern

Oh my gawd, my #mancrushmonday just @ me and I have a new dad... Best day ever! @pointbreak @iamironman

Thor Odinson

@pointbreak

What is a man crush Monday? It sounds like a painful day. Do men crush each other on Monday? @StarkIntern

Tony Stark

@iamironman

@StarkIntern You are sooo grounded now. Now I'm stuck teaching Thor about pop culture and he's almost as clueless as @redwhiteandblueberry.

InternDude

@StarkIntern

Yeah, that's fair. I'll accept the grounding, @iamironman. Sorry, Dad. Shit. Is it cool to call you dad?

Tony Stark

@iamironman

The coolest. Totally cool. I'm not freaking out about you calling me Dad, not at all. @StarkIntern Still grounded though...

Col. Rhodes

#warmachine

Why do I envision you breathing into a paper bag right now? @iamironman

Pepper Potts, CEO

@PepperPotts

These are my boys...always knew it would be official one day, just look how cute they are. @iamironman @StarkIntern #irondad

Attached: movienightcuddles.jpeg

The picture didn't show Peter's face, helping to keep Peter's identity secret, but it showed Tony's lap full with a sleepy teenager and his fond, happy smile as he ran a hand through light brown curls.

Pepper Potts, CEO

@PepperPotts

Actually, I like this one better. @iamironman @StarkIntern #irondad #starkson

Attached: mysleepyboys.jpeg

This picture was of Peter and Tony, both curled up on the large couch. Tony was still mostly upright and had Peter in his arms. Peter had turned and pressed his face against Tony's chest. Tony had one arm supporting Peter, the other buried in Peter's hair. Tony himself was leaning against the arm of the sofa, his head only even inches from Peter's. He slept soundly, completely relaxed.

Pepper smiled and lowered her phone. She could wake them up and send them both to their rooms but...they were so cute. They could stay there for a little longer, at least until the movie ended.

~~

Dr. Strange

@magiccloakride

During that last fight I noticed you call @wallcrawler 'kid,' @iamironman. Planning to adopt again? Was one brat not enough? No offense @StarkIntern.

Intern Dude (Also a Stark)

@StarkIntern

Woah! Shots fired, @magiccloakride. Ease up, man. Besides, Me V. @Wallcrawler. #nocontest

Spiderman

@WallCrawler

@StarkIntern I agree. I'd kick your ass. So...@iamironman, are you in the position to adopt? #spiderson has a nice ring to it. ;)

Intern Dude (Also a Stark)

@StarkIntern

@WallCrawler You do realize I made that new formula for your webshooters right? I think I hold some high ground here.

Spiderman

@WallCrawler

@StarkIntern, yeah, cool, cool, but you have to admit that #spiderson has a nice ring to it. Maybe I could call you little brother.

Intern Dude (Also a Stark)

@StarkIntern

Oh HELL no! @WallCrawler Dad, I don't think #spiderson is as good as #irondad. @iamironman

Dr. Strange

@magiccloakride

I started something terrible, didn't I? My appologies. This is why social media is bad. @iamironman

Tony Stark

@iamironman

What the hell? I put my phone down for five minutes and #spiderson and #irondad are trending and I've been @ ed by so many strangers it isn't even funny.

Spiderman

@WallCrawler

So, where do you weigh in on this? I think #spiderson is cool. Does @StarkIntern need a brawny older brother? I mean, brains and brawn are the perfect combo, right? @iamironman

Intern Dude (Also a Stark)

@StarkIntern

@iamironman Dad, I mean, @WallCrawler is cool and all, but if you adopt him does that make me less special to you?

May Parker

@larbmay

Am I reading this conversation correctly? What the actual fuck? Seriously? @StarkIntern @WallCrawler

Attached: Rolling Eyes Gif

Tony Stark

@iamironman

I fucking hate all of this, @StarkIntern and @WallCrawler. But I hate YOU most of all, @magiccloakride. You're the biggest asshole here.

Dr. Strange

@magiccloakride

Did my simple question cause you greif, @iamironman? Perhaps I judged social media too harshly, this is joyous news.

Thor Odinson

@pointbreak

@WallCrawler is a wonderful fighter, perhaps he and the young @StarkIntern would make lovely children for you. Family isn't just about blood, after all.

Tony Stark

@iamironman

Okay, quit your fighting everyone. @WallCrawler, I'm not adopting you, you have a massive family as it is and I think Aunt Hottie would be pissed if I tried to steal you away.

Spiderman

@WallCrawler

@iamironman Worth a shot. Still an honorary #Avenger, right?

Tony Stark

@iamironman

After this PR disaster, @WallCrawler? Haha, consider your position suspended until I decide otherwise.

Tony Stark

@iamironman

@StarkIntern, what the hell? Also, if I did adopt anyone else or have anymore children, nothing would change. I love you, son. Plus, I'd always choose you over @WallCrawler. You're the cool one. (Even though #spiderson does have a nice ring to it.) ;)

Peter's eyes widened. He had just been having some fun and trying to deflect some of the attention he'd been getting. A lot of people were trying to figure out who Spiderman was and something like this was perfect for diverting attention but... Had Dad just said that? Peter grinned and warmth filled his chest. Peter'd always worried that everyone would like him more for being Spiderman than they would like him for being Peter, but...Tony liked Peter best.

Plus, Tony had a point. Spiderman had a massive family: May, Tony, Pepper, the Avengers...all pretty great.

Intern Dude (Also a Stark)

@StarkIntern

Thanks, Dad... @iamironman

Tony Stark

@iamironman

Mmhm. Now you're grounded. Really? How many PR messes are you going to start, @StarkIntern?

Pepper Potts, CEO

@PepperPotts

Fewer than you, @iamironman.

Intern Dude (Also a Stark)

@StarkIntern

Oh man! @PepperPotts That was one hell of a roast. Dude, @iamironman, you just got burned.

Tony Stark

@iamironman

@PepperPotts......tough but fair. @StarkIntern, thin ice, kid. Thin ice.

Pepper Potts, CEO

@PepperPotts

Well, I actually needed a laugh today, so don't be too harsh on the kid @iamironman. Want some cookies, @StarkIntern?

Intern Dude (Also a Stark)

@StarkIntern

YES! Also @WallCrawler, I totally won, BTW.

~~

MellieKate

@K8ieMells

You ever notice how we never get to see @StarkIntern's face. Who is he? #avengers #identityporn I want to know who this kid is, he's cool and funny.

Ned Leeds

@guyinthechair

I know who @StarkIntern is, he's not as cool as you might think, he's a total nerd. #avengers @K8ieMells

Flash Thompson

@spiderfan1

Dude, stop pretending like you know shit @guyinthechair. You and @PeterBPS are getting out of control with your lies. And WTF's up with you changing your @ Penis?

InternDude (Also a Stark)

@StarkIntern

Really @guyinthechair? I'm not a total nerd. (Yes, I am. He knows me so well.)

Tony Stark

@iamironman

What the fuck is #identityporn? @StarkIntern Please tell me it isn't what it sounds like.

InternDude (Also a Stark)

@StarkIntern

Ew! No, @iamironman. It's that thrill people get when someone in pop culture has a secret identity, you wouldn't know about that because you instantly outed yourself as Iron Man.

Tony Stark

@iamironman

Well, duh, I am Iron Man. Figured I should be honest @StarkIntern. So, kid, are you going to keep them all in suspense?

InternDude (Also a Stark)

@StarkIntern

Dude, Twitter is not the best place to announce your identity. Don't you do that on Ellen or something like that? @iamironman

Attached: rolling eye gif

EllenDeGeneres

@TheEllenShow

That could be arranged. You're my friend @iamironman and are always a welcome guest and I'd love to meet your son, @StarkIntern!

InternDude (Also a Stark)

@StarkIntern

...I think I'm dying. Dad, Ellen just invited me on her show. @iamironman What do I do?

Tony Stark

@iamironman

It's up to you, kid. You show who you are and there's no going back, you'll be famous, I mean, you're already basically a meme, but this'll be different. @StarkIntern

InternDude (Also a Stark)

@StarkIntern

I mean, they're going to find out at some point, right? @iamironman What would you do?

Tony Stark

@iamironman

I literally came out as Iron Man and told a terrorist where I lived. Not your best role model. But @TheEllenShow is a very kind, lovely woman. If you decided to go, she'd do you justice, @StarkIntern.

Ned Leeds

@guyinthechair

@StarkIntern DUDE ARE YOU GOING TO BE ON @TheEllenShow?! HOLY SHIT! WHAT IS YOUR LIFE?!

May Parker

@LarbMay

They will find out eventually, I mean, being the heir to the Stark legacy kinda makes it impossible to hide, but do what you feel is right @StarkIntern

Ned Leeds

@guyinthechair

@LarbMay, but May, it's Ellen, there's only one right answer. @StarkIntern

Ellen DeGeneres

@TheEllenShow

I'm touched @iamironman. I try my hardest to be kind and loving to everyone.

InternDude (Also a Stark)

@StarkIntern

You'd come with me, right, dad? @iamironman

Tony Stark

@iamironman

I'm never leaving you, kid. @StarkIntern Besides, I think @TheEllenShow has a crush on me.

Attached: wink gif

Ellen DeGeneres

@TheEllenShow

Who doesn't @iamironman? @PepperPotts is cuter though.

Attached: awkward double wink gif

Tony Stark

@iamironman

Fair point @TheEllenShow. I would let you contact @PepperPotts to schedule this, but I think you might steal her away from me. I'll get ahold of you when we're ready.

Ellen Degeneres

@TheEllenShow

Is @PepperPotts steal-able? @iamironman

Pepper Potts, CEO

@PepperPotts

@TheEllenShow, only when @iamironman is in the doghouse. I'll restrain myself, honey, I'll schedule it after I speak with @StarkIntern. #familymeeting

Ned Leeds

@guyinthechair

Dude, what even is your life? Can I get tickets to the show? @StarkIntern

Intern Dude (Also a Stark)

@StarkIntern

Front row, I need all the support I can get. @guyinthechair

~~

Peter fidgeted and Tony put a hand on his shoulder. "We don't have to do this, you know? If you're nervous, I'll stop it and come up with some billionaire-super-hero bullshit excuse."

"No, I'm...I'm okay, just nervous, dad."

"Come here." Tony sighed.

Peter opened his arms and reached out for a hug.

"Nope, just fixing the buttons on your shirt, you miss-buttoned them." Tony shook his head and fixed Peter's buttons.

"Oh..." Peter dropped his arms.

"Okay, now come here, kid." Tony pulled him into a hug. "There are four Avengers in the crowed, Ed is here, MJ's here, and May and Pepper are here. You are surrounded by people who love you, you're safe."

"Actually, we're not safe." Peter whispered.

Tony turned and looked at the bathroom, nodding with a questioning look on his face.

"Yup, waiting to scare you...or me." Peter shrugged.

Tony rolled his eyes and talked loudly. "You know, if someone hit their head when you scared them they could get seriously injured. I mean, you never know how people react to fear. Fight and flight can be very powerful."

There was a shuffle, then Ellen stepped out of the bathroom. "Yeah, true story. People say the darndest things when they're scared too. How'd you know I was in there?" She held out her hand to Tony, aparently knowing well enough not to go for the hug that she normally gave.

"FRIDAY can tell." He tapped his sunglasses. They weren't active, but she didn't need to know that.

"Darn super AI's." Ellen sighed. "It's good to see you again, it's been a little while. How's Pepper?"

"Lovely, as always."

Peter was happy. The woman kept glancing at him, but seemed in-tune enough with the room to have a casual conversation before getting into the hard stuff. He was a bit starstruck on top of the nervousness, I mean, it's Ellen!

Tony wrapped an arm around Peter. "This is my son: Peter."

"Hi, Peter, I'm Ellen." Ellen held out her hand. "I'm really happy to get to meet you."

"Me too." Peter smiled and shook her hand. This had been the right choice, she was just so damn good at reading the mood and so easy to talk to. She made Peter almost want to talk to her, and he had no clue how she did it. Perhaps it was just because she's been at her job for a long time and was very good at it.

"You are as cute as a button. We're going to have a great time. You're going to be fine alright? Just keep your focus with me and Tony. Don't pretend anyone's naked, it doesn't work." She joked.

Peter laughed. This was going to be easier than he thought.

-

"Our guests today have been breaking the internet for a long time. We all know and love Tony Stark and if you don't know who he is, you probably don't own a TV and aren't watching this anyway." Ellen laughed. "And we get a very special guest today who you all know as the StarkIntern who freuently breaks the internet and apparently gives the Stark PR department overtime. Give a hand to Tony and Peter Stark, everyone."

It was bright, that was the first thing Peter noticed. His eyes strained a bit as he walked with Tony to the sofa. Without a single word, Tony pulled his sunglasses off and handed them to Peter.

"Thanks." Peter put them on and sighed in relief as FRIDAY began to take a few notes from Karen, helping to dial down all the imput. He felt better by the time he reached the sofa.

"Hello again, Tony."

Tony, of course, smiled in a glamerous way. "Hi, Ellen."

"And welcome on, Peter, glad to finally get to meet you."

"And you." Peter squeeked out and cleared his throat.

"So, I was really surprised when you announced you'd adopted." Ellen turned to Tony, knowing exactly who she could put more weight and attention on. "I always figured you'd be fit for the role, after I saw you with DUM-E during that tour I did of your house, but you didn't seem as convinced, what changed?"

"Little people are scary. Like, having a kid is terrifying, because that's a little person who depends on you and copies all of your actions and that weight always seemed like too much. It scares the hell out of me, even now, but um...I met this kid and he won me over, I guess."

"You guess?" Ellen smiled.

"Some days he wins me over, other days he's a PR disaster waiting to happen and picking fights with various superheroes." Tony smiled fondly at Peter. "No, he's a good kid though, the best."

"Well, you two seem very happy, I spent some time with you before the show and I can tell you're close. It's adorable, really."

"I know I am." Tony joked. The audiance laughed.

Peter winced and glanced out at all the people, thankfully he found Ned, MJ, and May in the front row and relaxed.

"You alright there, Peter?" Ellen asked.

"There's just a lot of people. Public speaking has never really been my thing."

"It's fine, pretend they're not there, I do." Ellen teased. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I love you guys." She waved to the audiance. "So the world seems to have a lot of questions for you guys, I took a poll and gathered some of the more popular and then threw in a few of my own, because my questions are better, but we'll start with the most popular to make the people happy. So how did you two meet, where did #Irondad start?"

"Well, that's kind of complicated?" Peter looked to Tony for help. "Am I allowed to talk about that?"

"Well, you already did, Mr. PR disaster, so we might as well." Tony rolled his eyes and threw an arm over the back of the chair, right around Peter's shoulders. "So I was doing some research on the web slinger in Queens and found out this guy was connected to him."

"You know Spiderman?" Ellen asked Peter.

"Yeah, I sort of tracked him down. See, my Uncle Ben was killed in front of me and when Spiderman showed up he had these really chinsy web-shooters. I saw the good he was trying to do and thought I could help him, so I designed his new web shooters. I still manage the updates on them."

"Annnd I was trying to find about Spiderman and managed to connect him to Peter, here. The web shooters are freaking genius, a marvel I wouldn't have come up with, so I had to meet the kid who made them. So I did. I hired him on as an intern and we just clicked really."

"So you lost your uncle?" Ellen asked tenderly.

"Yeah...when I was little my parents died and I moved in with my aunt and uncle. It was just me and my aunt for a while, then Mr. St-dad started basically stalking me."

"I prefer the term 'helicopter parenting,' stalking sounds grubby and unpleasent."

"You literally put a tracking device on me. You know when my heartrate goes up even a little, that's a bit much." Peter quipped.

"Yeah, which," Tony looked down at his watch, "you're a little nervous right now, kid, how about some breathing exercises?"

"He's rediculous." Peter looked to Ellen, as if she could help. She couldn't, she laughed instead.

"So he's protective?"

"Very." Peter grumbled. "Anyway, now him and my aunt 'co-parent' as they call it."

"So how does that work?" Ellen wondered.

Peter looked to Tony who answered without a hitch. "Basically when he's not with his aunt, then he's with me, but when he's not with me, I may or may not be watching his every move..."

"Or sending Black Widow to stalk me."

"That was one time, Peter, let it go." Tony rolled his eyes.

"You two are precious." Ellen grinned. "So, another popular question is do you know the Avengers, Peter?"

"Dear God, yes, this kid knows them. He actually helps design some of their gadgets. And I'm pretty sure they've adopted him too. Nat goes around calling herself Auntie now. Thor is convince Peter's like a little brother to him. Cap mother's the crap out of him...it's just a bit much, really. I feel smothered for you."

"I feel smothered sometimes too, but in the good way. They're all pretty cool."

"Alright, I'm not going to bother with what the people want anymore, I'm going to ask some real questions now and you have to answer them as quick as possible, got it?"

"Sure." Peter smile.

"Fire away." Tony nodded.

"Favorite hero, go!" Ellen said.

"Spiderman." Tony said while Peter blurted out: "White Wolf."

Tony gasped. "Traitor!"

"What? He has a metal arm. He's teaching me hand-to-hand and he's overcome like, the biggest obstical ever. Mental health is a big deal, dude. Shit, I was supposed to say Iron Man, wasn't I? I thought you couldn't pick family. Isn't that like nepotism or something?"

"You're grounded." Tony huffed. "Here I am picking Spiderman because his nieve, but golden heart and the fact that he introduced me to you, but whatever...you can choose Bucky for all I care. I don't have feelings, just step all over them, why don't you?"

"I'm sorry! I love Iron Man. He's my favorite. I litterally have cosplay and posters for Iron Man."

"When this kid says cosplay, what he means is he built his own arc reactor like the genius he is." Tony rolled his eyes. "Next question so we can hopefully avoid him geting grounded for longer."

"Favorite color?" Ellen asked.

"Red." They answered at once.

"Best band?"

Tony covered Peter's mouth. "Nope, you don't get to talk, your taste in music is shit. AC/DC is the appropriate answer. Next question."

"Best superhero to get stranded with?"

"Doctor Strange. You literally can't get stranded anywhere." Peter answered.

"Oh, that's a good one, though he is an annoying di-this is TV, I need to mind that one. Um...Rhodey. I've known him the longest, we'd do great at survival, probably build our way out of the problem." Tony shrugged.

"Three best Avengers to bring on a roadtrip?" Ellen asked.

"Tony, Thor, and Wanda." Peter grinned. "It would be lit."

"First, lit? Second, no. Peter, Bruce, and Rhodey."

"Closest superhero friend, but you can't say Iron Man." Ellen said.

"Bruce Banner." They answered at the same time. Peter continued. "He's just so freaking smart and nice and you can learn so much just by being around him."

Tony squeezed Peter's shoulder. "Okay, fangirl, calm down."

Ellen laughed. "Any funny stories you have about each other?"

Peter grinned. "We were working on the Iron Man suit, right?"

"We are not telling that story." Tony shook his head.

"What so is the time you and DUM-E made a-"

"Grounded, Peter. Thin ice. She said funny, not stupid."

"But it's funny because you were being stupid." Peter protested.

"I'll give you one. This one time, Nat went to pick Peter up from school and notice someone harassing him."

"Oh Jesus." Peter buried his head in his hands.

"No, no. The funny part was when Nat and the others decided it was a great idea to hold a meeting to come up with a detailed plan of how to ruin the punk's life. I walked in on drawings on whiteboards and Peter grabbing Thor, the literal god of thunder, by the ear and explaining to him why lightly maiming someone was bad." Tony shook his head.

"Oh my gosh. They're pretty protective aren't they?" Ellen wondered.

"Very. I mean even Hulk likes the kid. They'd keep him safe almost as much as I would."

Peter looked at Tony and smiled faintly, knowing what what his dad was doing. It was cute, all the posturing and 'stay the fuck away from my kid' he put into every word.

"Alright, last question, because twitter had me curious. Who would win in a fight, Peter or Spiderman?"

"Spiderman." Peter said without hesitation at the same time as Tony said: "Peter."

-

Intern Dude (Peter Parker-Stark)

@StarkIntern

Check out @TheEllenShow if you want to see me and @iamironman disagree on basically everything.

Tony Stark

@iamiornman

Go watch @StarkInter be adorable as usual on @TheEllenShow.

Lacy W.

@lalalacy

Oooh my gosh they're so cute! #irondad

Dan Moran

@dannythemanny

My dad has basically said the same thing to me about my taste in music. Who knew Tony Stark was dad material? @TheEllenShow

Mo-Mo

@MarieMo

You are so fucking adorable @StarkIntern. Why are you so shy? You're perfection.

Kaleb Mackey

@kamman

Wait...did anyone notice that Peter just has an aunt? Didn't Stark say something about Spiderman's Aunt? Is this a coincidence?

Cali Anne

@littlecali

They look happy. Like a family. It's adorable. @TheEllenShow

Ellen DeGeneres

@TheEllenShow

Next time it'll be Know or Go. @iamionman @StarkIntern It was a pleasure talking to you both.

Tony Stark

@iamionman

How about making that plan a No Go? @TheEllenShow

Intern Dude (Peter Parker-Stark)

@StarkIntern

Spoilsport @iamironman. Pepper and I would do it @TheEllenShow.

~~

Flash Thompson

@spiderfan1

It cannot be true.

Ned Leeds

@guyinthechair

@spiderfan1 Dude, it's been two weeks, get over it. @PeterBPS this is almost not funny anymore.

Peter Parker-Stark

@PeterBPS

@guyinthechair Dude, that's nothing. I got a personal appology from like, three teachers who thought I was lying about my internship. People walk on tiptoe around me and I'm like 'bro, I'm still a scrawny nerd.'

Ned Leeds

@guyinthechair

@PeterBPS yeah, but you're also @StarkIntern. You're basically a meme.

Intern Dude (Also a Stark)

@StarkIntern

Thanks for that @guyinthechair. You know how much the notification icon bugs me. You just had to make me respond. Switching accounts sucks.

Ned Leeds

@guyinthechair

@PeterBPS No it doesn't. I've seen your phone and I've met Karen. It's easy as fuck.

Flash Thompson

@spiderfan1

Who's Karen? @PeterBPS

Mr. Harrington

@tabathaandi

@PeterBPS, @spiderfan1, and @guyinthechair. You're all in class. Unless you want detention, phones down.

MJ

@crisissketcher

Hypocritical much, @tabathaandi? Aren't you supposed to be teaching?

MJ

@crisissketcher

@tabathaandi Hold that pose, I'm gonna sketch it for my followers. You look to be in a crisis. ;) I'll have a sketch soon, losers.

~~

Tony had a screwdriver in his mouth, his hands pulling apart the arm of the Iron Spider suit. Through a muffled voice he called out to FRIDAY. "'e WIDAY?"

"Yes, boss?" FRIDAY wondered.

"'an 'o' 'end a tie't to Peder?"

FRIDAY was silent for a second as is decifering the words. "Yes, boss. What would you like it to say?"

Panel pulled free, Tony could relieve his mouth of carrying the screwdriver. "Ugh that was gross. Write this. Hey, Pete, can you swing by this afternoon? Tell Aunt Hottie I'm stealing you. I've got a new upgrade for your Iron Spider suit, and I think I've got an idea for the nanotech suit so your ribs don't get bashed again."

FRIDAY paused again.

"Well, you send it?" Tony asked.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Alright, boss, I sent it."

"Thanks, doll."

-

Tony Stark

@iamironman

Hey, @PeterBPS, can you swing by this afternoon? Tell Aunt Hottie I'm stealing you. I've got a new upgrade for your Iron Spider suit, and I think I've got an idea for the nanotech suit so your ribs don't get bashed again.

Kaleb Mackey

@kamman

Holy fuck! I was right. @iamironman called @WallCrawler's aunt 'Aunt Hottie' and is calling @PeterBPS aunt the same thing! Peter Stark is Spiderman!

Lola M.

@notabunny

Dude, look at all the tweets with a different lense now, it's so fucking obvious. How did we miss it? #Peterman #avengers

Tyler Coolage

@CoolT

Guys, of fucking course @iamironman would find the actuall @WallCrawler not just his engineer. Duh. Also, that mean Peter's the smart one and the brawny one all in one package. @StarkIntern just got sexier. #peterman

Jessica Bell

@EssieB

It explains why @LarbMay was always so annoyed when @WallCrawler and @StarkIntern fought. They're both her nephew. #lol #peterman

MJ

@crisissketcher

I thought @StarkIntern was bad a keeping secrets, but @iamironman is rediculous.

Peter Parker-Stark

@PeterBPS

Oh shit.

Ned Leeds

@guyinthechair

@PeterBPS Big mood. #RIP Press F to pay respects.

MJ

@crisissketcher

F

Flash Thompson

@spiderfan1

F

Pepper Potts, CEO

@PepperPotts

I'm going to kill your father, right after I stop the PR department from jumping out the windows. @StarkIntern @iamironman

Peter Parker-Stark

@PeterBPS

I'm gonna find a rock to hide under.

Ned Leeds

@guyinthechair

You're in luck, @PeterBPS, I found a building fire. Maybe it can fall on you so you don't have to get up for a while.

Peter Parker-Stark

@PeterBPS

@guyinthechair Bold of you to assume I ever want to get up again.

Lilly Ann

@LeLe

RIP #Peterman. Your secret identity now lay in tatters. Anyone want to perform a eulogy for the #identityporn?

Natasha R.

@spiderqueen

Your spidermom and the rest of the #Avengers are here for support, except for @ventking, who is dying with laughter and about to have a broken jaw. @PeterBPS

-

Tony smiled as he finished his work, then frowned. Where was Peter? He should have been there by now. Then he saw the screen of his phone. It was bright and alerts just kept showing up, too fast to register. What the fuck was going on with his phone? He reached out and opened his texts first.

Underoos:

Dad. What the fuck?

Okay, this isn't funny. Tell them it's a joke.

They've connected dots now, I'm fucked.

I'm going to go die somewhere.

Shit, what about Aunt May? What are we going to do?

I grabbed Aunt May, hid her in the safe house.

Where the fuck are you?

Dad, what am I supposed to do?

Shit...building fire, guess that comes first, I'll swing by later, but what the actual fuck, dad?

The onslaught of texts made no sense. Tony looked at Pepper's next.

Peppy:

Really? What 'I am Iron Man' wasn't enough? He's just a kid, Tony. He's got an aunt to worry about.

You really have no comment right now?

Jesus, I got to go put out these fires. You're so dead.

The next set of texts came from Aunt May.

Aunt Hottie:

Peter is panicking.

He literally just carried me across town while swinging.

You fucked this one up.

I'm under house arrest.

Can you at least @ the right secret identity? I thought you were supposed to be a genius.

"Okay, what the hell?" Tony got on twitter and the first thing he saw was the news headline.

Breaking News: Confirmed by Tony Stark: Peter Parker is Spiderman, Evidence is in the Tweets

Tony paused when he saw a tweet that looked like the text he'd sent Peter. "I didn't tweet that. How did that get online?" Had someone hacked his account. "FRIDAY, did anyone have access to my twitter?"

"No. You sent your last tweet a half-hour ago, one to Peter."

"No, I had you send him a text."

"No, boss. I'm sure you said tweet and I asked you and you confirmed that it was a tweet."

Tony paused for a moment. Damnit. He'd had a fucking screwdriver in his mouth. Tweet and text could sound very similar under those circumstances. "Where's Peter?"

"Currently rescuing a child from the fifteenth floor of a building fire."

"Is the building clear?"

"It is now." FRIDAY responded.

"Send the Iron Spider and bring my kid here, now... Shit...I got to fix this."

"Fuck yes you do!" Pepper snapped as she rushed into the lab, fury on her face.

"Since I'm probably going to be dead before Peter can get here, please let him know I love him and I'm sorry, FRIDAY." Tony backed up as Pepper stormed closer.

"Yes, Boss."

Tony Stark

@iamironman

Love you, @PeterBPS. I'm sorry. (This is FRIDAY, Peter, and it was my mistake. I thought boss said, 'tweet,' not 'text.' But in my defense he had a screwdriver in his mouth.)