Prompt:
44: "Because losing you isn't something I can handle."

It was just after nine in the evening and you had just finished eating dinner from the takeout place down the street when your phone vibrated with a text from Peter. All he said was to come to your bedroom window. Since you found out he was Spider-Man after catching him in an alley tossing his backpack, he likes to come in through your window and you can't help but find it rather endearing.

You head to your room and find Peter in his suit leaning against your window while sitting on your fire escape. Your fingers tap the glass to gain his attention but when he turns to you, he has a black eye and a bloody lip. Your eyes widen as you open the window and allow him inside.

"What happened?" You look him over, noticing the suit fully intact.

"Bad guys." He says in a soft voice with the soft shrug of his shoulder.

"I gathered. Sit." You point to your bed and he just shakes his head.

"I'm fine, really." He sends you a smile but you find the blood around the corner of his mouth unconvincing.

"Right." You nod with furrowed brows. "Sit anyway."

Peter sighs. "I'm fine." His eyes roll and he walks to your dresser, opening the top drawer where you kept extra clothes for him. "I-uh, I wanted to talk to you."

"Hm?" You cross your arms, holding an annoyed expression.

"Yeah," Peter turns to face you, black sweatpants and a Star Wars shirt in hand. "Uh, yeah, just can we sit...outside?" Peter bites his fat lip and you just sigh, figuring you knew what he was gonna say.

"Yeah, I'll grab you some ice for that eye and lip. You get changed and clean up a bit; meet you out there." You look at him, tired eyes boring into his nervous expression.

You moved past him and head to your kitchen, grabbing some water for the two of you as well an ice pack you always kept on hand thanks to Peter and a towel to wrap it in. You made sure to move as slowly as possible, trying to work out a speech about how you were tired with his games, the back and forth. Every time he asked if you two could talk outside, he broke up with you and it was always because there was something bigger out there and he feared you'd be dragged into it. Tonight would make it the sixth time he'd put you through it. It was exhausting, even if you did adore him with your entire heart. It's exhausting hearing the same words, over and over again while your heart gets ripped out of your chest and dropped the five stories from your fire escape.

"Here." You say as you climb out your window, handing Peter the ice pack and one of the bottles of water.

"Thanks." He says, carefully placing the ice pack on his eye.

"Go on, just tell me already. We'll go our separate ways again and I'll see you in a few months." You sit beside him, taking a drink of your water.

Peter's eye widens and his brows furrow, taken back by your blunt statement. "What?"

"Come on, Pete. You only wanna talk out here if you're breaking up with me. So, go on. Tell me you're afraid to lose me, that someone might kill me blah, blah, blah. I'll go back inside, cry, again, and I'll see you in a few months."

"I love you." Peter says.

"Yeah." You roll your eyes. "I love you, too."

"I just, ya know? It's risky to-"

"Okay," You cut him off, closing your eyes for a few seconds before looking to him. "Actually, I don't wanna hear it. Because you know what's harder than you dating me? Me dating you."

"What?" Peter shakes his head with confusion.

"You come by at least four days a week injured and I'm supposed to be okay with that. I wanted to date Peter Parker. The fucking nerd that was always at that cafe after his morning class, trying his hardest to get shit done while sipping on his caramel latte. The one that tells science puns as a way to pick someone up. The sweet one that...I fell for Peter Parker and I accept that you and your alter ego are one of the same. But, the reality, is that dating Peter Parker and dating Spider-Man are different. With Peter Parker, I knew you were coming home and you were gonna call me when you did. But, now, I'm dating Spider-Man and I know that one day, you're not gonna come home." Your voice quivers with the last sentence as Peter's mouth falls open a little, his uncovered eye scanning you over. "You're not gonna come home one day and I have to be okay with that."

Silence falls as you look away from him. You wanted to cry with your words. You thought about it a million times. Every time he came to you with even just a little red mark, you knew that one night, May would call and it would be bad. That's the reality of dating some superhero. Your heart begged you not to cry when those thoughts crept into your mind but you always did because even the thought of losing him, the fucking thought could kill you. Let alone if you actually did lose him. He means everything to you.

"W-why do you do it then?" Peter asks, his uncovered eye is still on you but his voice is barely even audible.

He's unsure if you're breaking up with him or if you're saying this is the last time. He doesn't understand why you keep allowing him back into your life if it's so hard. He knows he puts you through hell and back with the breakups but he panics because he can't lose you, not like that.

"Because," You shrug, taking in a deep breath as you fight back tears. "Losing you isn't something I can handle." Your eyes gloss over as you make eye contact with him again. "I can't lose you so I always stay and come back because if I'm here, at least I can have you now and maybe if I stay, for some reason, you'll be careful. You'll be more careful than if I weren't so maybe I won't lose you."

Peter's heart could have shattered with the very look your eyes held. He was hurting you in every way possible but never even realized until just then. You were just as terrified of losing him as he was losing you. The only difference, you risked your heartbreak to be with him. Peter didn't. He did it to protect you, yeah, but he did it to protect himself as well. You don't do that. You suck it up and accept it. And in that moment, you changed Peter's mind. He'd been going the wrong way with this, being afraid of losing you so running away instead of just facing it head on, hand in hand with you. He might be Spider-Man but you were his saving grace.

He put the ice pack down and placed his hands on your cheeks, colliding his lips with your yours. You melted into him as your brought your hands up to his, taking hold of them but not daring to pull away as tears brimmed in the corners of your eyes.

"No," Peter whispered against your lips when he pulled away and rested his forehead against yours. "I'm not running this time. If...if you can do this than I can because I am so fucking in love with you and I cannot lose you."

The very corner of your mouth twitched with his words. "Never again, yeah?"

"Never." He smiled sweetly before kissing you once more.