(same spoiler alert as last part soo)
And ive decided nats not dead so haha take that

* * *

After Loki had stumbled out of the cooling chamber, he discovered that the magical students had started repairing the Compound, and just in general that area. He hesitantly walked over and began to help. Strange was apprehensive, but very quickly warmed up to the idea of Loki helping.

It was hard work, and Loki did not like how tedious the work was, but it only took a few weeks to reverse the damage that Thanos had done. A very big part of how quickly it was done was Loki, for he had centuries of magic practice while most of the others were running on only a few years.

Now, Loki sat in a bedroom that he had claimed, reading a book. He had no desire to return to New Asgard as of yet, or maybe ever. He neither wanted the throne nor wanted to face telling the citizens that no, he was not dead. again.

~

Thor had cried for a long time after the battle, and Loki had actually allowed Thor to hug him.

"Nice beard, oaf. Who braided it?" Loki had asked, gesturing to the little braid that was Thor's beard.

"I did! I learned because of how fond you are of styling your hair." Thor said proudly.

Carol had overheard that part and laughed. "I know, right? He takes longer to get ready than I do."

Loki glared at her. "It must be handy having such short hair, Carol."

"I can cut yours if you want," Carol said.

"No!" Loki snapped, "You cannot touch my hair."

Danvers rolled her eyes. "Sure, you drama queen."

~

But, that was before Thor had left again, going to explore the cosmos with the Guardians of the Galaxy.

Now Loki was left in his bedroom, with a heavy heart. He missed Thor, he decided. He missed that big, lumbering oaf. He missed his brother.

He thought back to the second conversation he had had earlier with Mantis, the one who had spoken to him during the battle.

~

He had been sitting on the couch of the newly repaired Compound, feeling lost and without anything to do. Mantis had plopped herself down next to him, and stayed silent for a moment. 

Then, "May I touch you?"

Loki had looked up, giving her a weird look and frowning. "Why ever would you want to?"

It was Peter Quill who had replied, saying, "So she can feel your emotions. Don't do it if you have a big secret or something."

Loki had narrowed his eyes at the scruffy man before turning to Mantis. "You may touch me, I have nothing to hide." he said, holding out his arm. He knew that was a dirty lie. 

She had taken his arm, and her antennae started glowing. Several others gathered in the room, hoping to hear a big secret. They wouldn't. You think he left his secrets open and vulnerable? Fool.

Instead of speaking, she looked up and into Loki's eyes, hers filling with tears. 

He started to panic, and tried to pull his arm away from her. She stayed latched to him, beginning to cry harder.

"What's wrong, Mantis?" Quill asked. She had never had this reaction before.

Using her one hand that wasn't latched to Loki, she pointed at the trickster god. "How do you live like this?" She had sobbed, tears rolling down her face.

Loki panicked harder, then suddenly Mantis' fit stopped, tears still falling but now silently.

"Oh." She said, as if the answers should have been obvious. "That's how."

No one said anything, but everyone was silently screaming at her to leak Loki's secrets or whatever she was sensing.

Mantis pointed over to Thor. "I feel immense brotherly love for him," Loki flushed a little at Thor's wide smile.

Loki went to pull his arm away, but Mantis stopped him. "I'm not done." She said absentmindedly.

It didn't take long for Mantis to start crying again. "He is hurt, and his mind is torn in pieces. Its almost as if..." She grew silent for a moment before saying quietly, "Its almost as if he's been tortured."

Everyone in that room knew that Loki would have bolted out of that room right then and there if Mantis hadn't insisted he stay put. His anxiety grew but still Mantis continued.

"His heart has given up on ever feeling whole again. I've never felt this on someone before, such immense sadness, and anger towards someone." She looked curiously at Loki. "Anger towards Thanos, that is stronger than anyone's in this room."

Mantis tilted her hear to the side, her glowing antennae following the motion, "Her." she was pointing at Carol. "He likes spending time with her."

A finger waggled accusingly at Strange. "He doesn't like him that much, but feels respect towards him." And then she stopped talking as if trying to figure something out. "he also feels a large amount of respect towards Stark, and the lady with the Pegasus."

She closed her eyes and scrunched them up before opening them with a gasp. She looked at where her hand was attached to Loki's before pulling it back quickly. Mantis wasn't saying anything, just looking at Loki with a horrified expression.

He felt a little bit insulted, and soon people where asking about what she had seen. "What is it?" Quill asked, a hand on her shoulder. 

Mantis took her head out of where they were firmly placed in her hands, only to see Loki and start crying.

Loki sat there awkwardly as she sobbed.

After what seemed like a century, Mantis stopped crying for long enough to speak. "I hit an enforced wall with hidden emotions, but he has had such a terrible life..." She trailed off as if wondering if she should elaborate, "Ask him why he always wears long sleeves."

Loki quickly changed the subject. "May I?" He asked, putting a hand over her forehead.

Mantis nodded and he placed his hand down.

He sifted through her memories and could feel nothing but happiness. It was an odd emotion, he decided. It was overflowing in Mantis' mind, nothing but joy and giddiness at every little thing.

Loki saw all of the adventures that she had been on and ended up deciding that he really didn't like feeling this way. It felt... wrong. He felt light, as if the world could do anything and he'd get though it with a grin on his face.

It was so different from everything else that he had experienced, and it scared him.

Loki removed his hand and tilted his head, much like a puppy, except for the look on his face that would have better suited a predator.

He stood up, startling everyone, and tried not to run to his room. He had walked in, closed the door, locked it, and just sat there. He couldn't believe that he had thought that was a good idea, of course he had secrets and things to hide.

Like how the brotherly love she had felt for Thor was only a fraction of what he felt. How Thor and Carol were the only things that were keeping his tied down on earth, if they were gone so would he be. How he felt not only anger towards Thanos, but crippling, crushing fear.

A long time ago Loki had hidden those behind a steel wall, boxed them into an obsidian trunk. He locked his strongest, most human emotions away because he was ashamed of them, because he was worried about what would happen if he let them run free.

Because he was scared of them.

~

Loki shook his head, turning his attention from the memories back to his book. It was some Midgardian book, with lots of silly poems and odd illustrations. His eyes couldn't focus, skimming the pages only to go back to the top and keep reading it.

He sighed, rubbing his eyes and thinking back to when Carol had left for space again, to make sure everything was in order.

~

Loki had been the last to say goodbye. Everyone else had left to continue their day, but Loki stood outside, next to Carol. They were sitting down, talking.

"Sure you don't want to come with me, Loki? The offer still stands."

Loki shook his head and his mouth twisted into a wry smile. "No, I don't think the people you meet like me too much." He turned his head to the sun, and closed his eyes.

Carol made a little noise of agreement. "Guess this is goodbye, then. I'll come back at some point, or you can meet up with me."

Loki nodded, and they stood up to brush of pieces of grass off of their selves.

She turned around to leave, but then faced Loki again. "About what Mantis said... why do you wear long sleeves all the time?"

Meeting her eyes, Loki saw that Carol looked... sad. "I think you know." He whispered.

"I need to hear it from you." Carol insisted, and Loki sighed.

He rolled up his green sleeves after a moment of hesitation, and they looked down at his arms.

They were marked with scars, some small, some larger. Some had nearly faded away, some were an angry red. 

Danvers went to touch his arm. "Did you do these?"

Loki swallowed, feeling as if his throat was closing. "Some. Thanos did some, too. That's why Thor was right about New York," he said, referencing their first conversation. "He tortured me, invaded my mind, made me do things that I didn't want to do-"

Loki stumbled back a bit from the force of Carol enveloping him in a big hug. Surprising himself, he hugged back. 

"I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Don't be," he said softly, voice breaking and eyes filling with tears for the first time in such a long time.

They stayed like that for a long time, holding each other as if the other would disappear if they let go.

Loki was the first one to break the silence.

"Guess you have to leave now, huh?"

Carol laughed, and she stepped away from the man. "Yeah, but I'll see you soon. You can hold me to that."

Loki smiled and waved as she activated her helmet and took off. 

He hadn't gone in immediately, instead standing outside for a while. Thor had to retrieve him, and even then, Loki was reluctant to go inside.

He would miss her, Loki decided.

~

Loki rubbed his temple, feeling a headache growing. 

He closed his book and set it on the table next to his bed. He sighed as the headache only grew, and found himself thinking again of when Thor had left to visit New Asgard before joining the Guardians.

~

It had been early in the morning when Thor left, and Loki was only up because he had had a nightmare. 

Loki followed Thor to the space ship, and as Thor was getting ready to board the ship he spoke up.

"Planning on leaving without a goodbye, were you?"

Thor turned around and gave a sad smile. "Ah, brother. I can't deny that I had hoped my leaving would be a surprise."

Loki felt a ping of sadness that Thor hadn't even considered asking him to join. "Well, it would have been a bad one."

Thor's face lifted a little more, and Loki opened his arms. He regretted it very soon, of course, because Thor had gained a lot of weight and his hugs were no less crushing.

But, he let it drag on because he knew this would be the last time he saw his brother for a long time.

Thor finally stepped away. "Guess this is where we part ways, brother. Just like you always wanted."

Shaking his head, Loki spoke. "I never wanted that."

"No?" Thor asked. "Then why did you hate me so much?"

Loki's head snapped up. "What?"

Thor looked at him sadly. "You heard me. Why ever in the nine realms did you hate me so much?"

The sun was just starting to show when Loki answered. "I never hated you. Odin's beard, is that what you thought? No, I never hated you." He stopped to piece his words together properly, "I loved you too much and it scared me, and your father didn't... didn't want us to be too close."

"Wasn't he your father, too, Loki?" Thor asked.

Loki shook his head slowly, looking down. When he looked up again, his eyes were tearing up again.

gods, his walls were coming down.

"No, Thor. He may be your father, but that man could never me mine." 

Thor nodded sharply. "Then I guess this is goodbye."

"Not for good, I hope, brother."

Smiling, Thor answered, "No, I don't think it will be."

Loki grinned too. "Good."

Rocket was shouting at Thor to hurry up, so they exchanged quick farewells and then just as Loki had gotten his brother back, Thor was gone.

He had supposed that it was his destiny to be alone, because it always returned to that.

~

Frustrated, Loki stood up. His head was splitting now, and he left his room. It took a while, but he gained enough courage to ask Bruce for a painkiller. Thor had been here, surely they had strong enough pills.

He winced as he thought of Thor. It had only been a few days since he had left, and Loki was missing him more than he had thought he would.

Loki reached Bruce's lab, where the man stubbornly stayed awake. Loki knocked on the door as Friday opened it for him.

Bruce looked up, startled. "What's up?"

Picking at callouses on his hands, Loki asked Bruce for some painkillers. Bruce nodded and handed him a bottle of pills, and Loki took one. 

Bruce had intended him to take the bottle to his room, but Loki thought it safer to keep them out of easy reach.

Returning to his room after he had taken the pill, Loki sat cross-legged on his bed, unsure of what to do next. His clock read about three in the morning, and there wasn't much to do at three in the morning. 

He sat on the edge of the bed and swung his legs as he thought about his options. He could sit there, bored, for at least three more hours. He could look at his book blankly, for at least three more hours. He could go to the training center to practice dagger throwing or magic, for at least three more hours.

...He could go to the kitchen and eat for at least three more hours.

He decided on the last option, and leapt out of bed. He padded down the hallways to reach the kitchen, but rapidly lost his way.

Loki knew that the AI could help him, so he spoke out loud. "Um... FRIDAY?"

A soft female voice answered him. "How may I be of assistance, Loki Odinson?"

"Just call me Loki. There is no need for such formalities."

"Of course, Loki. What may I help you with?"

"How do I get to the kitchen from here?" Loki asked, a little embarrassed.

FRIDAY told him to follow lights on the floor that she lit up. He did so, and finally reached the kitchen. Even so, he had not planned on what to eat. Loki ended up just making some tea, and sat at the kitchen table. He sighed, something that seemed to be happening a lot, and sipped on his tea.

He heard the footsteps approaching and considered leaving, but he remembered both Carol and Thor telling him to make some other friends, so he stayed. Loki didn't particularly want to, but he stayed. 

James Rhodes walked into the room. Loki knew that the others called him Rhodey, but he didn't feel the necessary level of companionship to use the nickname. At first, Rhodes didn't see Loki, but eventually, he did. They stayed in silence until James spoke.

"Could't sleep?"

Loki gave a dark chuckle. "Yes, although it seems you suffer of it, too."

Rhodes looked at him, pausing what he was doing. "You ever talk to someone about it?"

"No, why would I?" Loki asked, genuinely curious.

Rhodes shrugged. "It helps some people. You need help, man, so I figured I'd offer some advice."

Loki didn't respond. He stayed quiet, considering what Rhodes had said. He spoke up a few minutes later, voice soft and startlingly childlike. He was vulnerable, and it was a new feeling to him.

"Do you ever feel alone, Colonel Rhodes?"

Rhodes looked over. "Call me Rhodey. And yeah, sometimes. I mean, I can't go on missions like I used to so I'm alone here a lot, but I don't think that's the kind of alone you meant."

"Oh."

...Rhodey, spoke up. "Hey, why don't we move to the living room? I'm not planning on falling asleep anytime soon so we might as well go somewhere comfortable."

Nodding, Loki followed him to the living room. They sat down on opposite sides of the coffee table that was in the middle of chairs.

Loki spoke again. "How well do you know Carol?"

"Captain Marvel?" At a nod from Loki, he continued, "Not super well, to be honest, but you seem pretty close to her. Why?"

"I think you'd enjoy each others company."

Rhodey hummed. "Maybe so, but you need a friend more than me."

Loki frowned, "What do you mean by that?"

"Hey, no offense man, but you only hang out with Thor and Danvers. They're gone, and you haven't been out of your room in days." 

Rhodey did have a point. 

"I may have isolated myself but I have good reason to. Will you not put New York behind us? I was not in control of myself and-"

"Wait wait wait. Not in control of yourself? Like what Thor was saying, that Thanos had your mind, and was, was like changing it? Or something?"

Loki nodded stiffly. "Thanos ripped my mind apart and the wounds aren't all mental. I've apologized for things that aren't my fault and yet you still won't pardon me? That may have been my body but that wasn't me."

"Okay... I get it, man. Hey, I get it. maybe you should join us for dinner today, or lunch, or something. Let the team get to know you a little bit." 

"Alright." Loki agreed.

Rhodey paused for a minute. "Hey, did you say 'the wounds aren't all mental'? Whats that mean?"

Loki's eyes widened and he panicked. It a cloud of green, he was gone.

~

Loki went back to his room, where he laid on his bed and tried to sleep. Another hour went by, and at four thirty he got up and made his way to the training room. In the repairs it had been expanded, so Loki claimed a little spot and began to throw daggers, getting more and more elaborate, and even adding magic in the mix.

He ignored all that would be a distraction, and instead focused on all of his hurt, his anger, his uncertainty. How much he missed Carol, how much he wished his brother had stayed longer.

Loki would conquer everything that stood in his way, even if that meant killing a part of him.

After a while, He stopped. He inspected the target that had long since been obliterated, and he sat on the ground. 

Loki hadn't sweat much, but he closed his eyes and leaned against the wall.

"If you're gonna sleep, might want to do it in your room."

His eyes snapped open, meeting those of Natasha, who was leaning against the doorway. He wasn't in a particularly good mood, having been channeling all of his negative emotions, so he didn't mean to be, well, mean. 

"What do you want?" Loki snapped.

Natasha lifted her hands. "Calm down. I was just watching you go to town on that target. Nice job."

"Oh. Well, thank you, I suppose." Loki said, hesitantly.

"You suppose?" Romanoff asked, amused.

Loki rolled his eyes, feeling his anger wash away. "I'm not very good at accepting praise, alright? We all have our weaknesses."

"And yours are self esteem and...?"

"Fire, heat." Loki answered shortly.

"Yeah, cause you're a-"

"Monster?" Loki supplied, "Repulsing creature?"

Natasha shrugged. "I was gonna say a pretty cool frosty dude with magic, but if you really feel that way."

They remained in silence as Loki stayed put and Natasha got out her supplies.

"Hey, how old are you anyway? Like in human years?"

Loki looked over at Natasha. "Almost eighteen or so, although we mature faster. Why?"

"You're not kidding? I would've thought mid twenties, at least."

"Nah, that's Thor."

Natasha looked Loki dead in the eye. "Thor's only twenty?"

"Twenty seven, actually."

She stayed silent for a moment. "Cool, I'm hanging with a bunch of children. Want to go throw some daggers?"

Loki agreed, so they spent some time tossing daggers around and sparring. Loki had a slight edge but they were pretty evenly matched.

During a match, Loki began to ask questions. "So, why aren't you mad at me, Lady Natasha? I remember bits and pieces of what I did and I was nothing but awful to you. Why aren't you mad?" He tried to stab her but she dodged it.

As she attempted to swipe his feet out from under him, "You were just talking to Rhodey about no one forgiving you and now you're confused? Sure, you did awful things, but that wasn't you."

Loki twisted her arm. "Very kind."

"Glad you think so," she grunted as she bit his arm.

"Of course." He hissed as he knocked her to the ground and held a dagger against her stomach. "Yield?"

Nat nodded reluctantly, and Loki's face split into the widest grin. She doubted that she had ever seen him this genuinely happy.

Loki stepped away form her and held out a hand to help her up. She took it.

"Not bad. Will you be at breakfast?" Nat asked.

He hesitated, "Maybe lunch?" 

She responded, "Alright. Whatever you're comfortable with."

~

Loki joined the team for lunch, and slowly began to spend more time with them. He occasionally got to speak with Thor, but their conversations were few and far between. He hadn't heard from Carol in weeks, though, and he hated to admit it but he was worried.

he was turning into his mother.

He was sulking in his room for the first time in a long while, blankets wrapped around him to form a cocoon. His face was barely visible as he pouted.

Suddenly, FRIDAY's voice spoke, scaring him a little. 

"Carol Danvers would like me inform you that she is on her way for a visit, Loki."

Loki dared not show how happy he was. "Is she okay?"

"She seems to be mildly injured, but nothing that should affect her flying."

Frowning a bit, Loki thanked FRIDAY and rushed off to the living room.

"What's the rush, murder man?" Stark asked. He was also there for a short visit, and had brought Morgan with him. Stark didn't like Loki around Morgan, but she seemed to adore the god.

"Clean the place, peasants, because we're going to have a visitor!" Loki announced, bouncing with joy. He turned to Morgan, who had walked over to him. "Not you, my lady, you may do whatever you wish."

Morgan giggled and asked Loki to show her some magic. He sat down to show her some, very aware of her father's staring.

They were wrapped up in their own little world, giggling and having fun. Morgan loved it when Loki would do magic and he didn't have the heart to deny her some of his tricks.

FRIDAY spoke again.

"Miss Danvers has entered the atmosphere."

Loki gasped and leapt up, running outside to greet his friend. He saw her, nothing but a glowing orb, steadily growing bigger and bigger. It seemed to take her ages to reach the ground.

When she did though, Loki was grinning like a total idiot, and it just made Carol grin right back at him.

Carol held out her arms. "What's up, Frosty?"

~

ok theres gonna be a p3 but i had not cut this short cos its 4000+ words ummm hehe

got any things you want me to include in p3? happy or sad?