Lo-key enjoying this lol

combining two prompts to be TWICE AS PAINFUL!!!!!

TW.

i got courage. im allowing them to swear. not them as a whole tho, just sam. he gets the privilege.

* * *

Bucky knew he wasn't alright, because if Bucky is anything, it's smart. He knew that getting as little sleep as he was wasn't normal, nor was it healthy.

Yes, he knew it, but did he particularly care?

No.

Who do you think he was? Mr. Mental Health? No, he was Bucky Barnes, who, currently, was struggling to stay awake during a mission. A Very Important mission, to be exact. But hey, karma was mad at him for not sleeping enough.

Bucky stifled a yawn as the quinjet landed in a field. They were off to get one of the HYDRA bases that remained, and it was supposed to be an easy mission, but important nonetheless.

(I think we all know how that's gonna turn out, but I'll continue for those that don't.)

The team was him and Sam, along with Wanda.

They walked a substantial distance to where the base was, since they couldn't, unfortunately, land the jet in HYDRA's backyard. 

Bucky kept stumbling a bit, to the point where Sam spoke up.

"You okay, man? Do you wanna sit this one out?"

Bucky rolled his eyes. "I'm fine, chicken wing. Let's just hurry up and get it over with." Mentally, however, everything in him screamed to sit it out, but he couldn't. He wouldn't let HYDRA win. He wouldn't admit how much they had defeated him.

The mission went fine, and they were nearly done when another wave of soldiers came up from, conceivably, nowhere.

"How many?" Wanda yelled to Sam via the comms, who was flying above them.

"A lot! Too many, get out of there! Asap!" He screamed back, swooping down to pick off a few.

Bucky thought for a moment amidst the noise of guns, running on adrenaline and caffeine. "Hey, Sam, how much weight can your wings hold?"

"Enough," Sam responded warily, "Why?"

"Grab Wanda and bring her to the jet, I'll get back by myself or you can come get me. Since she can't fly on her own yet, it'll be quicker and safer."

"Not for you!"

"Yeah, and?"

"I'm not leaving you, you big dumb kamikaze. You've got one singular gun and Wanda has epic powers. She can hold her own better than you can, especially with this many against you." Sam argued.

Bucky caught sight of more soldiers. "No time to decide!" He shouted, "Get Wanda, now!"

Reluctantly, Sam soared past and plucked Wanda off of the ground, flying towards the jet. Bucky felt the breeze from it flutter through his hair, and time seemed to still for a moment as he watched Sam become nothing but a speck in the distance.

Then, roughly, Bucky was pulled back into the present. 

The present, where he was fighting for his life.

He held his own for a while, but soon he realized that he couldn't hold on much longer. Right after the realization, his shoulder flared up and felt as if someone had released a firecracker directly into it.

Bucky stifled a groan, instead opting to turn on his comm.

"How are you doing, Sam?" He asked, hissing slightly as he jostled his shoulder, but still trying to hide it.

"Just dropped off Wanda. Need me to pick you up?"

Bucky laughed a bit. "Yeah, seven tonight? We'll wear ties and suits and stuff? Go to that nice restaurant you like?"

His eyes widened as he saw how close the agents were getting, and silently began to sprint away, hoping that the comm wasn't picking up his heavy breathing.

Sam was silent for a moment. "Bucky. Do you need me to come get you? I'm taking off now."

Ouch. He avoided the question.

Bucky turned off his comm as he saw the agents gaining on him. He didn't want to panic Sam.

"Buck, I'm coming to get you. Are you hurt?"

The Winter Soldier fell, blood beginning to stream down his leg; they had gotten him again. He got back up and scrambled up as quickly as possible.

He reached a small patch of trees to hide behind for a little bit, and patched up his leg and shoulder as best he could with his shirt, hiding the makeshift bandage with his jacket.

Sam didn't need to know about it, he'd just worry more.

Bucky's eyes burned, and when he closed them, he got little comfort. He fluttered them open and closed for a bit, mind growing hazy at the tempting thought of sleep.

The world seemed to sway a bit, but Bucky shook his head quickly and focused on staying conscious. He saw Sam approaching from above, and weakly stood up.

"Bucky?"

Bucky stayed quiet, trying to move his mouth to say something.

Sam grew more panicked. "Buck?"

Finally, he managed to make some noise. "Over here."

Sam walked over. "We gotta get out of here, Buck." Then, he saw how weak he looked. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, of course. C'mon,"

With that, Sam picked up Bucky and lifted off. Bucky had to push down a scream of pain at the movement of his shoulder, and closed his eyes as he relaxed into Sam's grip.

"Don't fall asleep on me now, man. At least make it to the jet." Sam chuckled, glancing down at the once fierce solder, now quite domestic looking.

Bucky mumbled a light protest, but pried an eye open. Sam looked away once was satisfied. 

He did indeed make it to the jet, but hesitated to climb out of Sam's arms because he wasn't sure if he could support himself. And it was warm.

Nevertheless he limped off, which caught Wanda's attention. "You okay, Bucky?" She stared pointedly at the makeshift bandage tied around his leg.

"Oh, it's nothing." He said, flapping a hand while grimacing in pain, because it was, in fact, something. "Just a little scratch, really."

Wanda looked doubtful.

"Hey, I'll even get it looked at when we get back. I'm fine though." Bucky insisted, and turned to look at Sam, who was getting ready for lift off, but he glanced away just as quickly.

He settled down into a seat, sighing in mock contentment. In reality, he was hyper aware of everything that rubbed against his wounds, and winced at the small blotch of red that was beginning to show through the fabric on his leg.

The time passed by quickly, really, he didn't know where the time went. All he knew was that he was shaken out of his pain-induced barely-any-sleep haze by Wanda.

He didn't respond, just kind of blinked at her.

"Sam?" She asked, panic rising in her voice. "Sam, he's not responding. I don't know what to do."

"What?" Sam had just landed the plane, and now rushed back to where Wanda stood over Bucky.

Bucky squinted at Sam a bit, and groaned out loud when he was grabbed by the shoulders. 

"Hurts." He whimpered, for he was in pain. So much pain, it came in waves but never really went away, and his body felt like it was aflame.

"Buck, where does it hurt?" Sam asked, trying to conceal his concern.

"Everywhere." Bucky said, equal parts unhelpful and pathetic, feeling his eyes begin to slip closed again.

"Bucky?" Sam asked, shaking Bucky again. He didn't move. "Buck?" No response. Sam picked up the now unconscious man, his panic starting to show. "James, c'mon, answer me. Dammit, James,"

Wanda trailed after the pair, and they rushed to the MedBay.

Bruce turned when he heard them approach, eyes widening. "What happened?"

"More people than planned." Sam growled, "I don't even know where he's hurt, he hid it so well."

"Um, well, that's probably one place." Bruce reasoned, pointing to the now blood-soaked bandage on Bucky's leg.

"Then fix it!" Sam stressed, putting Bucky down on the place that Bruce had cleared.

"Okay, but I'm going to ask you to leave so that I can concentrate." Bruce said, beginning to remove Bucky's jacket. This wasn't his forte, he'd need help, but he wasn't gonna say it in front of Sam. "Oh... Jesus..." 

Sam whirled around from his path out of the room (being dragged by Wanda's powers). He paled at the sight of Bucky's shoulder, covered in blood.

He didn't get to return to Bucky because Wanda yanked him back and out of the room. He thrashed against the red forcefield, grunting at the strain.

Wanda huffed as she walked beside him. "Calm down. Geez."

They entered the living room, and all the team in there looked up. 

"Oh, hey guys!" Steve said cheerfully. "Where's Bucky?"

Sam's face twisted in anger. "Probably fucking dying, because he didn't bother to fucking mention how he was bleeding out in the back of the jet, and Wanda won't even let me go and fucking see him." His voice rose in volume, and Wanda flinched at the harshness of his tone. 

She dropped the force field, and he left the room with a scowl, but he didn't go back down the hallway towards Bucky. Instead, he went to his room.

It was quiet in the room after his outburst, until Tony broke it.

"Somebody should probably go talk to him, right? Not it."

* * *

Natasha ended up being the one to knock on Sam's door quietly, and push it open when she didn't get told to leave.

He was curled up on his bed, back facing the doorway.

"Sam?" She whispered, unsure if he was asleep, but his shoulders shook.

He turned to meet her eyes, and her heart broke. His eyes were red and puffy, tears streaming down his face in a steady river of sorrow.

"Oh, Sammy." She frowned, walking over to hug him. "He'll be okay."

Sam melted into the hug. He sniffled a bit, and hiccuped harshly. "He finally asked me out."

"What?" She asked softly, pulling back.

Face burrowed into his hands, Sam responded. "He asked me out. The stupid man finally asked me out, and now he's going to die before I can even tell him how badly I love him."

Natasha was shocked into silence, and he took that as a cue to continue.

"I've been in love with him since he insisted on winning me that little falcon at the fair we all went to. His eyes looked so happy, and he was smiling so much, and I just-" Sam felt a sob rack his body. "I thought that maybe he'd tell me he felt feelings too, but he never did. I gave up on it eventually, but the entire time, he liked me too. And now, he's going to die, and I'm never gonna get a happy ending." He looked bleakly at Nat through his tears. "It that my curse? Is everyone I love going to die? It was hard getting over Riley, but Bucky?" He shook his head and stared at the floor. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to move on from him."

Natasha looked at Sam, broken and vulnerable, so out of character that she didn't know what to say.

"Can I be alone now?" Sam asked, quite like a child would, and Nat nodded before getting up and leaving the room.

Sam didn't go to dinner. 

Seven o'clock went by.

* * *

A white landscape in his blurred vision, some mountain range that he didn't remember. 

Pain. Unspeakable pain. He became it, was it, was made from nothing but it. It wouldn't end.

A glimpse of his humanity, staring into the eyes of a young girl. A target. His eyes strayed from hers and locked onto a little red book on a shelf.

It was the same shade of red as her blood.

A cold basement, cold chains, metal everywhere. He didn't like it, but he was made of it. He couldn't escape it.

Crashing, but the room lit up. Were they under attack? No, the sky was too pretty to be bombs- why did he feel like something was missing? What day was it? What was he missing-

The chair. He learned to never share his memories, it only brought the chair. Pain beyond whatever he had had before, beyond whatever the devil would be able to conjure once he was dead.

The haunting memories faded as Bucky squirmed on his bed in the MedBay. His mind began to weave new images, something new to torture him.

A man, a man with dark skin begging to not be killed. It was nothing new. He was the Soldier, he had encountered cowards before.

Wait- this was different. Something was keeping him from pulling the trigger. What was it?

The words began to filter through and become clear.

"Please, James, please don't kill me. I love you, I know you can fight it, I know you're in there-"

The Soldier never failed.

The corpse leaked red, but the red sludge grouped together and became a monster of some evil creation. It had teeth, a crisp white against the sickening scarlet of the body that twisted like tendrils. The fingers of the beast twirled around Bucky, clutching at his throat.

"You silly boy." It spoke, its voice like sandpaper. "You think he could ever love you? You think anyone could love you? Why, you're no better than I am. You're a monster. You've killed innocents. You've done it without regret. You are going to witness him settle down with some nice girl like the side character that you are- forgotten, broken, damaged. No one likes broken things, Soldier."

Bucky's feet danced on the floor, only the tips touching it. He choked, desperately clawing at the hands of the monster, only to be dropped. He looked at his hands, but all he could see was the red that stained his skin-

He woke up with a gasp, and immediately regretted it. The pain in his shoulder flared up again, and as he laid back, nightmare still fresh, tears began to leak from his eyes.

How foolish was he, to really think that Sam loved him back? Was he such a naive child that he really thought someone as perfect as Sam could love someone as damaged as himself?

The crying caused more pain, which caused more crying, stuck in a never-ending loop of heartbreak.

Bucky opened his eyes, meeting darkness. His crying stopped abruptly, leading way to panic. His breathing quickened as he ripped off what wires or tubes connected to his flesh arm, and he got up. 

His leg buckled a bit, but he forged ahead. He didn't like the dark, but what he found when he turned on the lights was worse.

A white hospital room, blank and empty. He was the only in there, alone even in the waking world.

His breathing continued to pick up its pace, as his eyes grew wild, chest heaving.

The door flew open, and he whirled around to see who he'd need to fight.

His wide, feral gaze met a calming one, but it would take more to convince him it was okay.

Sam walked over quickly, moving towards the man.

Bucky tripped trying to get away from him. "Get away," he protested weakly. "You're gonna hurt me."

Sam stopped in his tracks and went to sit squat in front of Bucky. "Is that what you think? Really?" He asked softly, eyes betraying how hurt he was.

There was a moment of silence. 

"Do you want me to leave?"

Bucky shook his head almost violently, and crawled over to Sam. He was still scared, but his brain had figured out who Sam was by this point.

Sam was comfort.

Sam wrapped Bucky in a hug, and they stayed that way for a moment before one spoke.

"Tomorrow, seven, we're gonna watch a movie and pig out on junk food." Sam said decidedly. 

Bucky glanced up. "Netflix and chill?"

Sam laughed out loud. "Don't you dare flirt with me when just a few hours ago you were bleeding out and I thought you were going to die."

It grew serious again.

"Hey Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you stay with me? I don't want-" Bucky's voice broke. "I don't want to get nightmares again."

"Sure thing, Jamie."

* * *

i tried to make it sweet at the end to make up for whatever this was

did it work