If you didn't read the summary, this poem is about my first love. I've had a lot of crushes in my life, but there has only been one time that I have felt a burning, passionate love.

It was May 14, 2016, making me 14 years old at the time. I was just finishing up eighth grade, and I couldn't wait to get out of middle school. I was bullied from the second to eighth grade, so at this time, I didn't really feel like anyone would ever truly love me.

In my religion (I'm LDS), we hold youth dances for teenagers ages 14-17. In 2017, they made a rule that absolutely no one over the age of 17 could attend (in my stake at least - we had safety issues with older kids...I was a victim of one, but that's a different story), but at this time, as long as you were still in high school, you could get in.

One thing you have to know is that we are largely encouraged to accept when someone asks for a dance. It takes a lot of courage to ask, so it's only polite, but we're not forced. We are also asked to dance with people that we don't know. Since most guys that go are too scared to ask, I'm usually the one that asks someone else. However, since they are so nervous, most of the time it feels like I'm pulling teeth trying to get them to talk to me instead of scanning the room like they're waiting for he song to just end so they can make their escape.

During this dance, I asked a guy that looked alone to dance, and he agreed. I didn't have to fight him to talk to me, so it was a nice change. His name was Antonio, and he was 18 years old. I don't remember most of what he looked or sounded like, but I do remember him wearing glasses, him being about as tall as I am, and him having a sweet laugh. It wasn't anything too special, and I returned to my own friend group after the song ended.

Whenever I was tired, this same guy would find me sitting down and sit next to me, still talking to me. He was really funny, and it was fun talking to him. My friends started to notice that this guy was with me often, so they started to tease me a little. This was the point in which I realized that I kind of liked him and that he probably liked me back. It still wasn't too special, though.

The last song of the night was another slow dance. This time, Antonio asked me to dance. I said yes, and we started to dance to an extended version of A Thousand Years - a duet with a guy and a girl that I think was from the Twilight movie. I didn't have much to say, so I just started singing. He joined me. He had a nice voice. As we danced, I noticed that whenever I would look into his eyes, he would give me the sweetest smile, which made me smile, too. When the song had almost ended, he looked me straight in the eyes with this look on his face and said these exact words that I will never forget:

"I have never seen such beauty in my life."

I wouldn't be surprised if I blushed. To be honest, I almost cried. That was the first time anyone had ever said that to me. I'm crying just thinking about it. Sure, I've had people tell me that I looked nice, but never had someone looked straight at me with such confidence and passion and said that I was beautiful. 

I can't describe the feeling that I had. I had never really felt love before then, but I would bet a fortune that that was what I felt. I just remember everyone telling me that kids don't understand what true love is, and I thought I knew what love was before that, but at that particular moment, I did. No matter how much I wanted to fight it, I was ready to trust this guy with my body, if you understand what I mean by that. And it kind of scared me.

I know it was noticeable. I stopped singing. I gave him a smile and looked down at my feet. I still remember the dress I was wearing - it was this leopard print dress that I normally wore a long sleeve, pink-striped crop top over it to cover my shoulders, but that was the first time I'd decided to wear a white T-shirt underneath it, instead. I thought it looked a lot better, and it was a lot less hot. I later had to give away the dress because it was too small. I got a little upset.

The song ended, and we embraced. I didn't want to let go. We had closing prayer. He turned to me and said goodbye. We hugged one last time. He was off to college, maybe on a mission. I haven't seen him since.

I went to sleep crying that night. I wasn't particularly sad. I just had a really drastic paradigm shift. For years I'd been told that I was repulsive, that I wasn't pretty, that I was a waste of space. This was before severe depression hit, and I didn't believe anything that my peers told me, but I believed that they believed it. My self-esteem was still pretty good, but I didn't think other people saw me as beautiful. I was a little out of it for the next few days.

I went to dances after that, but I wasn't as peppy as I usually was. I couldn't stop wishing that I'd see him walk through the door again. It never happened. I later stopped going to the dances for a while because of that one incident mentioned earlier.

My dad got me to attend dances outside of my stake. Eventually, I returned to my own dances. The people I had problems with left, so I had a lot of fun.

It's probably for the best that I never saw Antonio again. I might have been tempted to do something I would rather not commit to until I am sure I am ready to spend the rest of eternity with the other guy. I still have crushes, and I have had a similar experience with one other guy, but never as intense as the one I had with him.

Obviously, I did exaggerate a little in the poem for a better story. I'm really proud of this one, and I glad I got to share it with you.

Stealthheart