CHAPTER 38
BAD FIRST DAY

WHETHER it was exhaustion or her own stupidity, Bex's first day of chores didn't go so well.

She had woken up that morning with a splitting headache and bags under her eyes so heavy that they felt like weights. A stamping tool sat on her bedside table, and once pressed to the underside of her arm, her schedule was revealed. She was working in the hospital all day. After pulling on the same grey jumpsuit as the day prior, she headed down to the cafeteria.

Besides the frown the woman gave her while handing Bex a tray of bland oatmeal, it didn't seem like anyone knew about her heist last night. No one looked in her direction, not even the people that once marveled at her Victor status. President Coin must've enforced this. Bex scanned the room while eating her oatmeal, recognizing the familiar despair on everyone's faces. She wondered if anyone else saw Snow's broadcast last night, if they understood the implications it held. Having Katniss as the face of their revolution just became more important than ever.

Bex looked down at her hand, where the red marks were still healing. All revolutions came with the cost of pent-up trauma.

After breakfast, she headed down to the hospital wing. It felt weird to be walking through these halls looking like everyone else and not in a patient gown that showed almost all of her backside. When she arrived, she was greeted by the head doctor and assigned to a nurse. Her name badge called her, Zoë, and she walked with Bex through the crowded hallways as teenaged caretakers scuttled around them. "You won't be doing anything major for the next couple of weeks here," she explained. "You have no medical background, right?"

"Besides wrapping a torn piece of clothing around a wound and hoping it heals, no," Bex joked, but Zoë didn't find it funny at all. She continued with the tour and Bex decided it was best not to joke about her experience in the Games again. Did no one understand that sometimes the only way to cope with trauma was to make fun of it?

Bex was entrusted with simple tasks, like giving assigned medication to patients or helping with bandaging. She couldn't even do that well. It took her almost thirty minutes to put a splint on an injured soldier because she couldn't find the supply of them in the backroom. It was also a little difficult to put on when she was currently wearing a splint, constricting all movement on her right wrist and hand. She also managed to walk in on a doctor conducting surgery – twice. Lest we forget that she mistakenly switched two patients' medication. Lucky for her, they were pretty similar prescriptions and the patients were unharmed. That didn't make her feel any less guilty.

She wasn't cut out for this chore, and being around all this blood ... her mind was in a frenzy. It felt like she was in the Games all over again. When she had walked in on the first surgery, she could've sworn she was back in the Remake Center, watching the Capitol assistants making a tribute look absolutely perfect. Bex had been carrying multiple rolls of bandages, and they all fell from her arms as her mind was transported to another place, far away from Thirteen. It took all but Zoë pulling her out to bring her back to reality.

Bex blew out a defeated sigh and sat down beside a bandage rack. She softly pressed her back against the wall, ignoring the twist of pain, and pulled her knees to her chest. A pair of boots stopped in front of her, one foot tapping against the floor. Bex looked up and met Johanna's wide-set eyes. Her lips curled as she asked, "Bad first day, huh?"

Bex rolled her eyes. "You think?"

"Actually, I saw," Johanna replied, crouching down to her level. "Watching the cameras, remember?"

The older Victor frowned. "I'm not cut out for this," she exhaled, running a hand through her hair. "I don't know. I just can't focus. I've been having nightmares since I came here ..." She turned back to Johanna. "I want to leave."

"We all want to leave, Bex." Johanna arched a brow. "We just have to make due right now. Maybe you should go rest before dinner."

"The workday isn't even over," Bex reminded, "and you're not my boss. I'll get in trouble with my nurse."

Johanna's lips spread into a cat-like grin. "I'll cover for you."

Bex cocked her head to the side, not believing it. Her eyes squinted at the corners.

"C'mon, go," she said, gesturing with her hand, "before I change my mind. I have a reputation to uphold."

Finally, Bex got to her feet, and Johanna followed suit, arms crossed over her chest. "Well," Bex said as she began to walk away, "never thought I'd see the day that Johanna Mason became nice."

"Don't get used to it," she snarled, watching Bex near the exit. "And here's hoping you're not assigned back here again!"

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Bex rested for a few hours, until she woke to the alarms signaling the end of the workday. For the first time since she arrived at Thirteen, she didn't dream of Snow's vicious grin or Nico drowning, or even her brother, locked up inside the Capitol. She wondered when she would stop feeling so haunted by things out of her control.

Probably never.

She sat beside Phoenix in the mess hall that evening, swirling a spoon around the stew that was placed on her tray. With a crinkled brow, Bex tried to figure out what kind of meat was in her bowl. Phoenix, however, seemed to be ignoring his dinner all together, fiddling through Cinna's old sketches of an outfit for Katniss. Effie had just handed them over to him. Bex thought it was a little immoral that they were already discussing outfits when Katniss hadn't even agreed yet to be the face of the rebellion, but it was none of her business.

Looking up, Bex met Finnick's longing stare from across the room. He was sitting on the other side with Johanna. It looked like she was complaining about something that happened in the hospital today, but Finnick's mind remained elsewhere. Once their eyes connected, though, he looked away. He gave all his attention to Johanna once again and Bex sighed in defeat, continuing to inspect her stew.

"What's going on there?"

Bex lifted her head again. Phoenix was pointing his spoon in the direction of Finnick and Johanna.

"Don't be so obvious!" She protested, shoving his hand down.

"It was just a question." He viewed back down at the folder in front of him. "I thought you two were ...?"

"We are, but ..." Her voice trailed off and she stopped her spoon, allowing it to clatter against the bowl. "We're both ... a little traumatized. And for me, personally ... I'm just not in the right headspace. I have so much to worry about."

Phoenix chuckled, "You should probably tell that to him. He won't stop staring at you."

Bex knitted her brow together and turned back to Finnick's table. Like Phoenix said, he was certainly staring at her again. Instead of looking away, he smiled at her this time, flashing his perfect teeth. Bex only lifted one corner of her mouth before turning back to Phoenix.

"I'll talk to him soon," she said. Phoenix sent her a knowing glance. "I'm serious. Promise."

The Panem anthem began playing on the TV. Everyone spun towards it as the projection fizzled to reveal the symbol of Panem, and then Caesar Flickerman's grave expression. This was the first time she ever saw him without a smile. It was a little rattling to simply witness it on a projection. No one turned away from the TV though, eyes locked on Caesar's sour frown.

"Hello, good evening, and a big welcome to all in Panem," he said. "I'm Caesar Flickerman. And whoever you are, whatever it is you're doing – if you're working, put down your work. If you're having dinner, stop having dinner. Because you are going to want to witness this tonight."

From across the cafeteria, Bex noticed Katniss' eyes narrowing. She sat next to her best friend from Twelve, Gale. They looked so identical, almost like cousins.

"There's been rapid speculation about what really happened in the Quarter Quell," Caesar continued, "and here to shed a little light on the subject for us is a very special guest. Please welcome, Mr. Peeta Mellark."

Katniss gasped and stood from her chair.

On the projection, Peeta bowed his head. He was wearing a pristine white suit, looking pure and angelic.

Caesar cleared his throat, "Peeta, a lot of people feel as though ... they are in the dark."

"Yeah, yeah," Peeta nodded, "I know how they feel."

"Now, set the stage for us. Talk us through what really happened on that final and controversial night."

Peeta's pursed his lips. "Well, first off, you have to understand that when you're in the Games ... you only get one wish. It's very costly."

"It costs your life," Caesar clarified.

"I think it costs more than your life."

"How do you mean? What's more than your life?"

Bex's jaw clenched. Caesar was almost playing Peeta like a fiddle, and it pained her to see him being used like this. And yet ... if Peeta was alive and still in the Capitol's hands, that meant Keaton could be too.

Her heart suddenly swelled with hope.

"To murder innocent people," Peeta said, "that ... that costs everything. Everything you are. So you hold onto that one wish. That night ... my wish was to save Katniss. I should've just run off with her earlier in the day, like she wanted."

Caesar added, "But you didn't. Why? Were you caught up in Beetee's plan?"

Peeta rolled his eyes. "No, no, I was caught up in trying to play allies. And they separated us ... that's when I lost her. And then, the lightning hit, and the whole forcefield around the arena just blew out."

Katniss walked from her table and approached the TV. It looked like it was taking everything in her to not cry. At that moment, it was very clear to everyone in the room how much she cared for Peeta. Their relationship wasn't as fake as they tried to make it out to be.

Bex could relate to that sentiment now. She glanced at Finnick for a split second and found him staring at the TV with an open mouth.

"Yes, but, Peeta," Caesar argued, "Katniss is the one who blew it out. You saw the footage. The others helped her. Beetee, Finnick, Bex –"

"She didn't know what she was doing. Neither of us knew there was a bigger plan going on. We had no idea."

Caesar arched a brow. "Well, Peeta, there are many that find this suspicious, to say the least. It seems as though she was part of a rebellion plan."

Peeta's expression twisted. He was becoming agitated. "Do you think it was part of her plan to be almost killed by Finnick?"

Bex looked over at Finnick, watching him look down at his hands, as if they were covered in blood.

"Or part of the plan to be paralyzed by lightning?" He proceeded. "No, we were not part of any rebel plan. We had no idea what was going on."

"Alright, I believe you, Peeta Mellark." Caesar held up his hands in surrender, and Peeta finally sat back in his seat, relaxed. With his hands folded in his lap, Caesar said, "I was going to ask you to speak about the unrest, but ... I think you might be too upset."

Peeta shook his head. "No, no, I can. Absolutely."

And then, his eyes were on the camera. Peeta Mellark was staring them down like a predator, and Katniss held a hand over her mouth to hide her sob.

"I want everyone who's watching," Peeta addressed, "to stop and to think about what a Civil War could mean. We almost went extinct once before. And now, our names are ever fewer."

Around the room, everyone began to share a confused expression. It finally dawned on Bex why they were interviewing Peeta: they were setting him up as a traitor to the people that were rooting for him.

"Is this really what we want to do?" asked Peeta. "Kill ourselves off? Killing is not the answer. Everyone needs to lay down their weapons immediately. It needs to stop. For all of us."

"TRAITOR!" Someone in the cafeteria yelled.

Bex's stare was still pinned to the TV as Caesar asked, "Peeta, are you calling for a ceasefire?"

"Yeah," the teenaged boy replied, "I am."

The screams in the room only got worse. People began to throw their trays at the projection, but it simply passed through the image. Katniss looked around the room with tears in her eyes, and not even Gale's hand on her shoulder could comfort her. Bex watched her shove through the crowd of people and run out of the mess hall, just as the Panem anthem began to play again.

She didn't know what came over her, but Bex stood from her seat and followed the young girl out the exit.

Katniss was leaning against a wall, arms wrapped around her tiny form. She was shaking, sobs wracked her body, and Bex approached her slowly. When Katniss finally lifted her head, their eyes met, and Bex realized how her grey eyes looked so similar to cold steel, like a blade. With one hand held out, she said, "Katniss, I know you're upset. But this isn't your fault –"

"It's not just that," Katniss complained, wiping at her eyes. "There can't be a ceasefire. Not after everything Snow's done."

Bex pursed her lips, but didn't respond. She couldn't think of anything to encourage Katniss. She might be older, but not very wiser.

"And Peeta just looked so ... not like himself. Even scared," Katniss continued. She rubbed at the bridge of her nose and frowned. "Why would he ask for a ceasefire?"

Bex walked forward, determination in her eyes. "He could've made a deal to protect you. Peeta wouldn't openly betray you like that." Katniss swung to her once again. "He's still playing the Game, Katniss. It doesn't end."

Eventually, Katniss nodded and turned away again. Bex walked around the teenager and stood on her right, back softly hitting the wall. She still winced a bit at the impact, but she had become accustomed to the pain now. Katniss sniffled for a few more minutes before gathering herself together. She wiped at the edges of her eyes and looked to her feet.

"I don't get it," she whispered. "After everything I said to you in the arena, why are you here? I'm not very good at making friends."

Bex's stare flickered over at her. "I don't quite understand it myself," she chuckled dryly. "Maybe I think we're just a bit too similar. More than we both realize. We were thrust into a life we didn't want."

Katniss paused, but the words still hung off the tip of her tongue. She lifted her head and looked to Bex, one brow arched. "What do you think I should do?"

"About what?"

"Being their Mockingjay. The rebel leader." Her eyes were pleading for answers, and Bex was baffled at the sincerity. "Nobody hates the Capitol more than me and I want to help. But I just keep thinking ... even if we win this war, what happens to Peeta? He's not safe anywhere. We're not safe anywhere, not while Snow's still in power."

She had a point there. This rebellion meant nothing until Snow was kicked out of the presidency ... or killed, but even that sounded like such a faraway dream. Bex couldn't see Coin allowing anyone to leave Thirteen and assassinate Snow, not when they had so much left to do. They still needed more people on their side. They needed every District to stand up against the Capitol.

Bex exhaled heavily. "You know, Katniss, when I first saw you during your Victory Tour, I didn't understand what all the fuss was about. Sure, you won the Games and both you and Peeta somehow managed to get out unscathed, but I still didn't get it." Her face relaxed as she remembered Katniss and Peeta's visit to Seven, the way they read their speeches in the least enthusiastic way possible. She shook her head and glanced back at Katniss. "I understand now. You're the only person the Capitol is afraid of. I don't think you know how important you are to this rebellion."

Katniss rolled her eyes. "My face is only important."

"Yeah, and so what? I know President Coin would do anything to get that face in her propos." She hesitated before placing a hand on Katniss' shoulder. "I know you're worried about Peeta. My brother is there too, and I can hardly sleep at night. Whoever is captured right now, they're not safe anywhere, like you said. But they're also a lot safer in this bunker than in the Capitol. I hate this place more than anyone, but they need to be rescued. Now. And I think you're the only one who can demand that."

"As long as I appear in their propos," the younger girl sighed.

Bex nodded.

"Alright," she said, looking to Bex inquisitively. "Thanks."

Katniss began to walk towards the massive elevator before Bex could respond. After just a few steps, she did end up turning around, arms crossed over her chest. "I'm going to demand they rescue Peeta," she said confidently, "and your brother. Whoever is there. And to have them pardoned. I'll make it happen."

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A/N: katniss and bex finally bonding and katniss beginning to see bex as an older sister is my new fave thing to write 🥺