CHAPTER 6
A BEATING HEART

KEATON had never looked happier to see her. Once Bex came staggering through the front door, hauling her basket full of groceries and a bag over her shoulder, Keaton came running out of his room and grinned big. "You're home so soon," he said, taking her bag and basket. Looking down at the food, Keaton nodded and brought her into a hug. "I know what you're planning tonight. But are you sure? You must be exhausted."

"Not really," Bex replied, taking her bag and heading for the stairs. "I don't sleep anymore anyway. It's for the weak."

She was a few steps up the stairs when she realized Keaton was looking at her with concern. Bex sighed and brushed off his worry. "I want to cook tonight," she continued, "for mom and dad."

Keaton agreed, "For mom and dad."

The stew was great, better than Bex expected. She wasn't the best cook, but with her mother's recipes, she thought nothing could go wrong. It felt like her mom was with her and it gave the confidence she needed with her lackluster cooking skills. She wondered if her mom's spirit was really there, guiding her hands, whispering wisdom in her ear, or if that was just a trick of the wind. Nevertheless, Keaton enjoyed the stew, but he loved that she was home even more.

That was the first night they ate at the dining table in a long while. Their parents' chairs remained empty, but Keaton and Bex didn't feel the least bit uncomfortable.

Bex had gotten a tremendous amount of sleep that night, more than she could've ever asked for. She wondered if it had to do with being in her own home, the cold, familiar sheets, or that last night was the first full meal she ate in days. (Bex hated a lot of things about the Capitol, but maybe one of the worst was their lack of eating. Everyone seemed to snack all day and washed it down with the beverages that made you feel less full.) Whatever it was, she woke up extremely refreshed. Her eyes fluttered open to the sound of the birds singing right outside her window. She looked at the frame of her parents on the side table before reverting her eyes to the window above her bed. Sitting up and kneeling before the window, Bex spotted her brother already working by the chopping block and inhaled the fresh air.

This was home. Everything was okay again. She could finally breathe.

Bex got ready bright and early, trying to get a head start on the day before her brother could come in and find her awake. She dressed quickly in leggings and a thin zip-up sweatshirt, and then headed downstairs for breakfast. As her toast heated up, Bex watched Johanna lazily water the rose bushes in the front of her house, giving up when she realized she hadn't put enough water in for the bush on the other side of her house. The pixie-haired Victor strode back inside with a disappointed expression.

Bex had been thinking about Johanna all morning. She couldn't stop her words from repeating in her head: You don't talk to any of us, so sorry if I think it's unexpected. Bex knew Johanna had a point, but it was difficult for her to make connections. It always had been, even before the Games, and she had been warier after she won because of President Snow's watchful eye. But Johanna was a fellow Victor, a couple years younger than her, and they were home. It was time for Bex to make some changes.

However, extending an olive branch to Johanna had always been difficult. The girl was a tough egg to crack, tougher than Bex. Her shell was solid and less delicate, and her insides were made of pure steel. When Bex had shown up announced around ten-thirty AM, Johanna thought she was playing a prank, so she didn't answer. Bex had to shout her name and bang on the door at least twenty times before Johanna opened up, a toothbrush wedged in her mouth.

"What is so important that you need to interrupt this?" She asked, pointing to her toothbrush.

"Nothing important. I'm just ..." Bex laid out her hand for emphasis. "Extending an olive branch."

Johanna arched a trimmed brow. "A what?"

"I'm trying to be nice!" The older girl huffed, unaware her voice was going to come out that loud. Tucking a stray hair behind her ear, Bex asked, "I'm in the mood to make a large fruit salad, but I didn't get any when I went yesterday. So ... I was wondering if you wanted to attend the farmer's market with me today."

Johanna popped the toothbrush from her mouth. A small bit of foam dripped onto the door frame of her house, and Bex cringed slightly. "You want to hang out?"

"That's what I asked, didn't I?"

She sighed dramatically. "Hmm ... I think I need to check my schedule ..."

"You have absolutely nothing going on," Bex interrupted.

"How do you even know that?"

Bex continued to stare at her blankly. She should've just asked Nico to go with her, but it might've been even harder to get him to leave his house. Eventually, Johanna rolled her eyes and said, "Let me finish this and put on better clothes. Meet you outside in five." And then, the door slammed in her face.

The two girls made it to the market by eleven, which was one of the most popular times. People were bustling around in large groups, baskets in hand, while visiting the various stands jam-packed with fresh food. A fair amount of Peacekeepers sauntered through the streets, more than usual, but not enough for anyone to be worried. Even loggers passed by to say hello to the merchants on their lunch breaks. It was fairly warm out today, warm enough that Bex was regretting the sweatshirt she threw on. She had her sleeves rolled up as soon as they started to walk down the street. Bex smiled, though, as the sun hit her face, and she wandered through the market with Johanna by her side.

It was difficult to turn off the Capitol persona while back in Seven, but coming home also made her appreciate her District so much more. From the trees to the people, even the food – Bex had never felt so happy to be back, far away from President Snow and his eyes.

Johanna hadn't really planned on buying anything, but she had been eyeing a fresh loaf of sweet bread long enough for Bex to urge her to buy it. Sweet bread was a custom in Seven, served only on special occasions, but Bex assured her anytime was a special occasion. Living was a special occasion. Johanna had scoffed at the comment, but still walked over to the stand to buy it.

Bex was fairly pleased with the produce she got. She bought a pineapple, a few kiwis, some strawberries, blueberries, and a large sweet melon. All fresh and grown by the vibrant community around her. She smiled and looked down at the fruit in her basket, already tasting the sweetness on her tongue. Maybe she'd invite Johanna to prepare the fruit salad with her. They'd spent the past hour together and only had two arguments. Bex would call that a good record. Johanna could be really enjoyable when she let down that wall, something Bex knew just as well.

Turning back to find Johanna, the crowd dispersed a little and Bex caught sight of a familiar stand at the end of the street. Her mouth went dry as she watched Angelo pack a few chicken cutlets in some plastic and hand it off to an elderly woman. His smile was enigmatic. Bex thought about how the Capitol would just eat up that face – but she stopped herself before she could go any further. She should not be thinking of that hell while back home.

Her lips curled even more at the edges. His pale, olive-toned skin glimmered in the sunlight, and his chocolate eyes appeared even brighter. Bex felt butterflies flutter in her stomach, shooting up, up, and up, until they reached the base of her throat.

"What are you looking at?"

Bex jumped several feet back at the sound of Johanna's voice. The other girl's hands shot up in surrender as the crowd filtered around them, and Bex held a hand to her chest. "Sorry," Johanna muttered, "didn't know you'd be so jumpy."

"I think I have a right to be," Bex huffed before looking back down to make sure she got everything she wanted.

Johanna appeared at her side, following her gaze from a moment before. Slowly, a chuckle rose from her lips, and Johanna sent Bex a lifted brow. "Did you only ask me to come with you so you could have eye sex with the meat guy?"

Bex's mouth flew open. "Excuse me?" She blinked incredulously. "For your information, I invited you because I was being nice. I'm actually trying to enjoy your presence, but you're making it pretty hard."

"So that guy over there means nothing to you?" Another challenging eyebrow.

"Nope."

"Then why don't you go over to him and try not to smile?"

Bex snickered in her direction. "Fine. Just to prove you wrong."

There was no way she was going to live this down.

Bex's hands began sweating as she approached Angelo's stand. He was beginning to lug over what looked like a really heavy, steel cooler. His back was to the front of the stand. Bex released a breath she hadn't known she was holding in and knocked her fist against the wobbly, wooden counter. She wondered when he'd finally get this level.

Angelo didn't turn. "Kinda busy here!" He shouted, trying to position the cooler upright.

"Looks like it," Bex remarked, and Angelo's head immediately swung in her direction.

"Holy shit, hey," he breathed all at once, dropping the freezer on the ground. The impact created a loud thump, lough enough to make everyone go silent for a short second, and then resume their activities. Angelo came running over as if the cooler never existed.

Bex looked from him to the cooler. "Aren't you gonna get that?"

"What? Oh, no. Not important." He huffed and ran a hand through his curls. "How's it going, Bex? It seems like you've missed me."

No smile. Don't smile. No matter how contagious his is.

"I wouldn't get your hopes up," she quipped, rubbing the back of her neck nervously.

"So ..." He tapped his hands against the counter, sending her a genuine grin. It was so pretty and made her want to smile back. "How was the beef stew you made?"

"Great," she nodded, "like really great, thanks to you."

Angelo chuckled and shook his head. "I think you should be taking the credit here," he quipped, leaning against the counter. Bex swallowed hard when their stares connected. "I – um – I also make a pretty good beef stew." Another hand through the hair. "You should try it sometime. I'll cook for you and everything."

And just like that, the ends of her lips pulled upward. Bex knew she was fucked. The butterflies were smashing against the lining of her stomach, begging for release, and her heart practically thudded in her chest. She was smiling bigger than ever before. Glancing over her shoulder, she found Johanna laughing hysterically in the crowd.

But the smile went away quickly. It vanished into thin air as the thought of Angelo strung up on two posts invaded her mind. She imagined him in the heart of the Capitol, in front of all the cameras, as a Peacekeeper ran a whip across his back. Bex hesitantly took a step back and bumped into someone else. She blinked, apologized to the person, and brought herself back to reality.

She swallowed down the bile rising in her throat. That was what happened to people she got close to. They were tortured. They vanished. They died –

"Hey, are you okay?"

Bex blinked again and nodded at Angelo's question. "Um – yeah, I just –" She felt sweat coating her hairline and she wiped it again. "Sorry, I have to go."

And she stalked off, hands forming into fists as she fought the urge to look back at him. Bex needed to get a grip. Her life wasn't designed for personal relationships anymore. Connections weren't a virtue.

Johanna hooked an arm around Bex's neck once she got close and cackled, "I think I won."

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They took longer to walk back to the Victor's Village. The basket of fruit became much heavier as time went on, and Johanna simply laughed as she skipped along with her loaf of sweet bread. Bex didn't really want her help anyway. Her muscles were strong and she learned how to endure long before the Games.

Johanna's stomach grumbled and she lazily tore part of the heel off the sweet bread. While chewing the piece in her mouth, she snickered, "So you really just asked me to go with you to watch you flirt. Can't say I'm surprised."

Bex rolled her eyes. "I didn't."

"Hmm," the other girl murmured. "You couldn't have a conversation with the guy without smiling. That says a lot. I'm actually surprised you still have a beating heart." She ate another piece of bread. "Some Victors say that once you get wrapped into Snow's plan, you lose all interest to date. Can't even have an orgasm. Is that true?"

Bex looked at the ground. There was some truth to her statement, but it wasn't that she had lost interest. It was the fear that held her back. The pure, unadulterated fear that someone could vanish like her parents if she got too close.

As for the other part ...

"I'm incredibly uncomfortable with that statement," Bex replied, which just about confirmed Johanna's question. "It doesn't matter. Nothing is going to happen with Angelo. He's just a nice guy."

Johanna scoffed, "Please."

They were nearing the gates to the village. The trees swayed and the spring wind picked up. Biting onto her bottom lip, Bex glanced over at Johanna. After a beat of hesitation, she said, "Can I ask you a question?"

Her brow furrowed. "I guess."

"You're pretty friendly with Finnick Odair, right?"

Johanna's lips spread into a knowing grin.

"Can you stop being like that?"

"Well, I just thought ... Since we were talking about people you're into –"

Bex seethed, "It's not about that. Just answer the question."

Johanna rolled her dark eyes for the tenth time that hour. "We became friends after I was recruited to mentor with you. He's nice. Personable. No wonder the Capitol adores him."

She hesitated as words threatened to tumble off the edge of her tongue. Bex thought of Finnick's pointed stare, and then that alluring smirk. She wondered how many people he used that on in a day.

"I ... met with Snow my last day in the Capitol," she sighed. Johanna's eyes became frantic and flickered towards her. "He was telling me I shouldn't – I guess – speak to Finnick? Something about 'getting caught in the crossfire of his adoring fans.' That's weird, right?"

Soon enough, Johanna's stare glazed over, and she nodded along with Bex's words. "Snow wants you to keep your eyes on the prize. No distractions. He wants you to pay attention to the Capitol citizens and only them. It's his only way left of controlling you."

"But if what Snow said is true," Bex continued, "everyone must know about Finnick. He's probably the President's most popular offer." She would never just anyone know about her contract with Snow. So why did Finnick?

"Finnick is confident and seemingly the most handsome young Victor at the moment. He's probably getting more clients – even reoccurring clients – by not keeping his offers hidden." Johanna shrugged. "You gotta understand that you both are on the same playing field. Finnick is just more known for his group of ... fans. He's not embarrassed about what he needs to do to survive."

Survival. That's what it was always about. He was staying in line, allowing Snow to stay in control, just to simply survive. And if that meant most of the Capitol knowing that he sold himself around, or that he reoccurring "lovers," well ... Bex decided she couldn't judge.

Maybe her problem was that she was embarrassed. She never gave off too many hints that she was an object for one night's pleasure while in the Capitol, but it was always enough to wake up to jewelry or cash on her bedside table the next morning. Bex wanted the least amount of people to know, and if that limited her clients, so be it. She was headstrong, but also horribly ashamed of the future she chose for herself. It was all for survival, though. Just like Finnick.

Johanna released a breath and walked forward. "Sometimes I wish I was in your position and agreed to Snow's demands. I would still have my family."

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A/N: vvv sorry for the lack of our golden boy in this chapter, but he'll be returning in the next one!! I'm also sorry if the whole explanation about finnick and his "lovers" is confusing. I've always been confused by it because it's never explained fully if the entire capitol knows about the victors selling themselves or a select group. idk I tried my best lol