Warning: I swear quite a lot in this essay

I am a massive Godzilla fan. Hell, Shin Godzilla is tied with Battle Royale as my favourite film of all time. And yet, I absolutely despise this fandom. It's so fucking toxic. But this rant isn't about the fandom's toxicity, it is about why I didn't like G:KOTM.

I think there are two kinds of Godzilla movie: the first is the film that is more than just about monsters and spectacle; it has interesting themes, depth, and tries to be more than just entertainment. Films that fall under this would be Godzilla (1954) and Shin Godzilla. Then, you have the Godzilla movies which focus on entertainment and monster battles, like plenty of the Showa films and, of course, GKOTM. Note: I do not hate whatever falls under the second category. I really liked Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla, for example. However, it's more a guilty pleasure than a film I believe is genuinely good.

All right, there are some great things about this film. I love how the monsters have personality, and I really liked some (not all) of the cinematography. Not to mention some of the soundtrack is very good (I especially liked Rodan's theme)

But there is plenty I hated.

Settle down, folks. This is gonna get heated.

THE SCRIPT

I'm sorry, but did a bunch of brain-dead five-year-old's write this script? Because it sure as hell feels like it. The 'jokes' added nothing to the movie, if anything, they ended up removing much of the tension. And, yes, the humans were not very interesting. They weren't terrible, but could've been much better. I feel like the critics were not complaining about 'too many monsters' as much as they were complaining about how badly written much of the humans, and subsequently the script, had been.

LACK OF TENSION

As mentioned, I did not appreciate the jokes in the tense scenes. People die left and right, no one reacts. Half the fucking world is wiped out in the end and no one reacts the way they should (aka, by having a mental breakdown).

DEATH MEANS NOTHING

This does link with my above statement, and I think this is a big contributor for why I didn't like this movie. Dr Serizawa dies, and no one reacts realistically. They react more like they dropped their ice cream instead of like their fucking friend just died. I've heard the argument that they need to 'stay focused on their jobs', but there is only so much the human psyche can take. Take Attack on Titan for example. When people die, it means something. Even when they are nameless soldiers. They have fucking reactions to people dying around them (for the most part. There are scenes which are pretty atrocious in regards to this, but they're the exception, not the rule).

If the characters don't care, why should we? I don't know about you, but I personally found the Metalhead episode of Black Mirror to be incredibly effective in creating a feeling of dread/tension because of how horrified the characters react in the face of their adversary. The scene with Rodan would've been far more effective if the main characters were more fearful. And, bringing in my Attack on Titan point, it would've vastly improved if you really felt the deaths of those who die. Give the characters a few mental breakdowns, for fuck's sake! Have them cringe in fear as they hear the death cries of their fellow colleagues. Make them whimper, and actually have A GODDAMN EMOTIONAL REACTION! Gimme those existential crises, I need more of them in movies.

Also, no mention of casualties in the cities. 

This is why I love Shin Godzilla. Death actually means something in that movie, and it's done very realistically in general. Here? Not so much.

UNREALISTIC REACTIONS

As I said. Gimme those existential crises, baby. With a pinch of mental breakdowns too.

Also, if Godzilla is a defender of nature or the natural order, then shouldn't he be destroying humanity? I mean, we are the cause of Global Warming and all that.

SHIT PHYSICS

I like most of the cinematography, but sometimes, I don't think you can really feel the weight of these monsters. 2014 Godzilla managed to do this aspect better.

GOES AGAINST THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE ORIGINAL

The original was an allegory for nuclear weaponry, a dark reminder of what had happened during Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Now the nuclear weapons help save Godzilla, yay! With absolutely no mention of the ecological effects it will have.

ANYWAY

I do not give a flying fuck about whether or not this movie is 'just entertainment'. This film could've tried to at least be good entertainment, instead of dumb shit. That said, I will probably watch it again (or at least, parts of it). I mean, entertaining movies can still be intelligent and have a good script (for example, Terminator 2, Scream, The Lego Movie) (I know the last one is an odd example but it's a great movie).

FAN REACTIONS

'We watch these movies for Godzilla, not depth/philosophy/humans'- Well then I sincerely hope you have not seen the original 1954 (y'know, the movie that STARTED THIS FUCKING FRANCHISE), because you will be sorely disappointed. Also, you could make the same argument for the first two Alien films, or for 28 Days Later- you go to see those movies for aliens/zombies respectively. But they still manage to be fucking amazing movies, with brilliant human characters. Same goes for Jurassic Park; do you think the movie would be so beloved if the characters were not so well written and memorable?

'It's a popcorn movie, switch your brain off!'- These arguments always piss me off. Just because a movie is a popcorn movie it doesn't mean that it should be so bad. Literally, I personally would've been happy with this movie if two things had been done- the script had actually been fucking revised, and death meant something. Film-making is an art form, and should be treated as such. Art should not stoop down to the level of the masses, but rather, try to raise them up. I'm not saying every single movie should strive to be 2001: A Space Odyssey (though that would be amazing for me), but for fuck's sake, one would need to be actively trying to reach the levels of stupid that this movie did. Someone's probably going to call me pretentious for saying this, but fuck it, if I'm pretentious then I'm pretentious.

Whatever, I might add to this section when I see more reactions which I want to debate.

Note: I am aware this essay is shit and very disorganised, but I wanted to publish it anyway. If you're one of those toxic G-fans then bring it on.

Also, ShinGoji would completely destroy LegendaryGoji in a fight.

Edit: I just realised I was so harsh in this review. I mean, I still agree with most of what I said. But, well... this movie has become a VERY guilty pleasure of mine. It's still stupid as all hell, but... I like Godzilla.