I don't even know why the fuck I'm writing this. I'm just getting more overwhelmed by the minute. I've been at school for a week and a half and ive never felt so close to a mental breakdown. I guess I'm hoping writing will help me deal with it. But the more I write the more I discover. I find more things that are bothering me. It's so painful. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't take this shit. At first maybe I thought it was just me. Maybe I was expecting it and when it didn't come my mind decided to throw me through the emotions anyways. No. That's not it. I'm feeling exactly what I was bracing myself for from the start. But I thought it would have been caused by something else. Something I was prepared for. I thought I was gonna be picked on. Tormented. I have for three years and this year more than ever people have more ammunition. But no. Instead I am being ignored by the people who used to say they care about me. I guess in some ways I at least thought I would be prepared for some of this, just not from everyone. I had people's word. They promised they would stick by me but now I'm completely ignored by them and I can't handle it. That's what's bothering me. I wasn't bracing for the right problems and now I'm being drowned with problems that I never expected. Fuck.

Ha. My friend, sorry, "friend" just told me he went and seen "It," and would have invited me but "didn't think you'd want to go." IM THE FUCKING PERSON THAT'S ALWAYS TRYING TO GET A GROUP TO THE MOVIES! I TRIED GETTING THEM TO GO SEE IT WITH ME! Fuck all those fucking cunts.