Why is a song about recalling the past making me think about my future? A song about old friends and a simple life making me think about the people that I will lose as I grow older? Some of my best friends are my family. My Nan for example. She's healthy, but she won't be around forever. My mom, same goes for her. I can't get over a dog dying, or an idolized celebrity I've never met. How am I going to cope with a close family member dying? I've never had to go through that, although I almost wish I have. The closest thing I've come close to with losing family was my great uncle. He died the day before this shitty year started if I remember correctly. I was kinda close with him while I was growing up, he was funny and nice to me. He lost a finger in a work accident, and when we were sitting in his truck I'd sit in the driver side and play with the windows. He would scare the crap out of me saying I cut off his finger with the window. I haven't seen him in years. Probably 10 at least. He didn't get to see what I have grown into because I neglect my family. Then I skipped his wake because I would rather sit at home and play video games. Didn't even shed a fucking tear. Barely remembered him until my mom reminded me who he was. Because I neglect my family. I didn't get to pay respects, maybe because I don't have any. I don't seem to respect anyone or anything. It's a pretty shitty way to live. I won't be able to change that I didn't go say a final goodbye, but I won't make that mistake. I say I'm fine with death, let me reword that. I'm fine with me dying. I'd be more than willing to die if it meant anyone I know or care about could live forever, and I mean that. I'm not just saying it, I fucking love way too much. Regardless of how many times I say nothing matters I don't think I can say it honestly. Because there is one thing that matters. Family. Whether that means through blood or simply being close enough to someone to see them as family. My best friends for example, they are closer to me than some people that I share blood with. One of them reads my posts for some reason, odds are you're gonna read this one too. So I may as well throw this in, I love you. I might say a lot of crap and act like I don't care, but I love you. You are like family to me and I don't want to ever hurt you. Please trust me, I'm not going to leave you.

I'm done neglecting people. Friends, family, myself, life. I'm done acting like none of it matters. I'm done ignoring messages from friends because I'm too busy to put down a controller and text them back. Any grudges I'm holding, I'm done. It's in the past. Here's to new beginnings and actually giving a fuck.
Here's to life.