CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Dawkmymy – Let Anger Win

I was wrong, but anger yet burns within me. He pushed my buttons to the point of no return. Aunt Mae Sua proclaimed that both of us were stubborn. She explained if either one of us had maintained a calm wit, the results would have been different.

Anger has tripped me up again. Fury provoked me to tell him that he could not see his son. It may have been excessively extreme for me to do that. A Daddy has a right to see his son and Seebhabe is entitled to see his father, but my actions instigated me to blow it again.

I begged my aunt, "Would you tell him that I am sorry? Bobby can see his son any time he wants. He can have the in-laws or Sy La Maaw pick his boy up, but I would prefer not to see him ever."

I pleaded with my aunt to take the letters that I wrote to him, and let him know it does not make a difference whether he reads them or not. At least he will know I made the effort.

Mae Sua did take the message and the letters. She thought he put the letters in his bedroom under the bed. Bobby told my aunt that he was sorry. It was too late to make amends.

The following week I almost ran into Bobby five times. I requested a transfer from the home office. I informed my aunt that I needed a change from Chiang Mia. She informed me that the only opening available at that time was managing a shopping plaza with thirty-six small stores. However, it only paid half of what I was making at the home office. She indicated that it included six buildings, and that one of the buildings contained an apartment for the manager and her family.

Informing me that twenty-one of the stores were occupied, the right manager could fill the other fifteen remaining stores. If that happened, the commissions and bonuses would bring the salary close to what I was making now. I told her I would take it. She said it was a couple of miles north of Chiang Mai in a future growth area. It is located right before you get into the mountains.

Claiming that the new expressway was heading in the direction of the shops, Mae Sua suggested that filling the rest of the retail outlets should be easy.

My aunt glanced at me and disclosed, "Dawkmymy I love you, and I only want the best for you. Scurrying from your problems is not the solution to the difficulty. Running away from Bobby will only prolong your agony. You need to face him in a calm manner and talk through it until you reach an agreeable resolution."

"Make an appointment with him in a neutral place, like the chapel. He told me he was sorry that he upset you. I enlightened him that he needed to approach you in a peaceful manner. He affirmed he was willing to try. It may not work, but you will have made an attempt. The key is not trying to defend what you used as the approach that led to the argument, or why he selected to interact with the method he chose."

She continued if this does not work, the position we talked about will be yours. I thanked and promised her that I would try. My great aunt hugged me firmer than I could remember, and told me that she was praying for me and Bobby.

I called Bobby late that afternoon. We agreed to meet in the chapel at 6:00 PM. I arrived at 5:30 to talk with God. By the time, Bobby appeared I was serene and smiling, even though part of me wanted to hit him.

He quietly thanked me for allowing him to have access to Bobby IV. He stated that he admired and felt close to my son, even before he knew that the boy was also his son. There should be peace between us, or else Seebhabe would be caught in the middle.

Reaffirming that I did not hate him, I softly confirmed that I wanted whatever would be wholesome for all three of us. I did not tell him that I loved him and wanted to renew our relationship. Instead, I asked him how Puanteedee was doing. He responded that she had moved on with Doctor Stover. I felt a great vibe within. In that case I queried, "Is there anything I can do to make our relationship more pleasant?"

Assuring me that he respected me for being a single mother and rising to a great position in life, talking peacefully was a good start. With composure he stated, "We will probably never have the connection we had before, but I want us to be true friends."

I was devastated that we were demoted to the status of friends. However, I claimed that I was glad we had this conversation. He responded, "We need to converse in this mode." Trembling inside I was hoping for a more loving outcome. "I wish we could get along." What was causing my stomach to churn violently?

The next day I divulged to Mae Sua that it went well, but it did not go as far as I had hoped. My aunt informed me that a need to take it slow, or else it the collapse would be worse than it was. Realizing that of I pushed the matter would scamper him away. Why did I feel so confused? What triggered my heart to throb?

Not limiting his visits with Seebhabe offered him stability. Treating him warmly provided a peaceful attitude. Carefully I presented a gentle smile. Kindness caused him to relax. Mae Sua reminded me daily that softness was the key to a good relationship. Although, at times I want to storm, scream and shout, but tranquility kept me sane. He responded with affection, approval and appreciation.

Once a week, I invited him and his children to supper. After the meal, we played games like rollerball and croquet. Bobby and I hugged, and I melted in his arms Of course, he viewed the hug as just being friendly. I embraced the children and conveyed that I loved them. With all my heart, this was true. Bobby smiled with a relaxed demeaner.

Bobby III and Leanna had heard Seebhabe say rockkumae (รักคุณแม่) many times which means love you momma. The other two began calling me rockkumae. Bobby laughed disclosing that I had a bunch of little ducklings following me. I chuckled with happy tears flooding my eyes.

Martha and Rufus invited me, Seebhabe and Malsa to supper. Martha apologized and disclosed that the only Thai dish she knew how to cook was chicken fried rice, my phet (without chili peppers), but had cut-up and sautéed hot peppers in a side dish. I smiled and revealed that she had the making of a Thai master chef.

When she set the table, she had prepared side dishes of cubed ham, beef, and pork, sliced carrots, miniature corn, snow-peas, bamboo shoots, red cabbage and several sauces. After seeing everything I whispered, "You truly prepared a gourmet meal." She smiled like I was her best friend.

After the evening meal, Leanna handed Seebhabe the pre-school version of Cinderella. The five year old orator sat on the sofa. Martha and Rufus pulled chairs from the kitchen. The rest of us sat on the floor. The boy began with a dramatic presentation of the story. He held all of us spell-bound.

After the exhibition, everyone applauded. Leanna grabbed the book. She pointed to Martha and Rufus and told them they were King and Queen Charming. She directed the dog to be the wicked step-mother. The dog mildly groaned with a frown. Leanna claimed she was the Fairy God Mother. Bobby III and Seebhabe were the pumpkin drivers and Malsa was Prince Charming's sister. She told her Daddy to stand up as Prince Charming and Mommy Dawkmymy would be Cinderella. She was to stand erect and face Daddy. Everybody else was instructed to form a circle around Prince Charming and Cinderella to the do the final page. Holding the book in the air, she said, "See the story book where the couple were kissing with a heart shaped moon behind them."

_U