Body locked tight; Rayne stood for several minutes wondering what she should do. The barely clothed woman glared at her with nothing but smugness and a hint of malice.

Many words passed through Rayne's mind; but she couldn't verbalise any—not a single one!   This was the second time within the space of an hour a stranger had rendered her dumbstruck.

Seconds ticked on as her palms began to sweat, and her fingers shook. Biting down on her lip, she almost whimpered as nausea set in.

Nicole heaved a sigh. "Are you just going to stand there and say nothing?" 

Swirling panic led to upset. Unable to answer, her eyes dropped to the floor to follow the trail of clothes. It was as sure as the sky was blue that she had interrupted something.

It stunned Nicole. This was her competition? This small, panicked woman before her had captured the attention of her lovers. Surely not!

She barely looked old enough to be out on her own and there was clearly something wrong with her.  One thing was for sure, this person was no match for someone of her caliber.  No matter, time to strike whilst the iron was hot! "Is there something I can do for you, seeing as you rudely disturbed us."

The tall slim blonde stood expectantly waiting for Rayne to answer. She flicked her long hair to one side, giving Rayne a view of diamond set in white gold earrings hanging from her perfect lobes.  Rayne noted their exquisiteness and how they accentuated the length of the woman's neck. 

Rayne's eyes toured the rest of the stranger. Five foot seven, willowy and a face made for billboards, Rayne felt inadequate standing in front of this woman that she was sure would fulfill any man's fantasy. Did Jaxon think so too?

Nicole's face was one of triumph.  A smile crept across her lips. This was too easy.  She had to restrain from throwing her head back and laughing.

Every hair on Rayne's body prickled like an exposed nerve ending. The surrounding air was so brittle she thought it might snap.  She was also sure she was in the presence of someone of pure wickedness. Rayne believed beauty came from a person's soul, exposed through their eyes. But from the icy depth of the stunning blues that stared back, she saw nothing but an abyss of emptiness.

Finally, Rayne mustered the courage to speak. "I-I'm sorry, who are you?"

Nicole placed a hand on her hip, pursing her lips. "I'm not sure what business it is of yours. Who are you?" she replied flippantly.

Rayne's heart headed into arrhythmia territory; sure it would explode any second. "I'm Rayne—Rayne Winters. I'm looking for Jaxon... Knight." In a final vein of hope, she prayed that she had stepped out on the wrong floor or perhaps arrived at the wrong apartment.

Nicole let out a sigh. "Well, Rayne Winters. May I enquire what you want with Mr Knight?" 

Confirmation was the nail to her chest. Rayne willed her feet to move.  And just as a deer in headlights she could not move from the oncoming collision, as Jaxon appeared in her line of sight in nothing but a towel, water dripping with every footstep that brought him closer.

"What the fuck, Nicole?" His eyes fell on Nicole before shifting to Rayne, her face as white as freshly cleaned linen.

Nicole... this was Nicole?  Jaxon's appearance and panicked tone kick-started her fight of flight reflexes.  Adrenaline was the sudden rocket fuel needed for her to flee. Not wanting to be anywhere near the man she'd foolishly believed cared for her. 

Twisting on heel, she ran. And with every step, every blink of her eye and every beat of her heart, she shattered into a million pieces.

"Fuck—No Rayne. Please, no... wait!"   Jaxon's desperate plea fell on deaf ears, as he pushed Nicole to one side to see the back of Rayne disappear into the stairwell.

Shit, he couldn't chase her in just a towel. He turned towards Nicole. Anger barely restrained. "What the fuck are you doing, Nicole!?"

Nicole's eyebrows raised. His weighted words sent shivers throughout her body. Jaxon was not a man who exposed his anger, he'd barely raised his voice to her in all the years she had known him. He was more often the calm to Nathan's rocky shores. Nicole would confess it stirred her desires. Moisture pooled in her underwear. Tempted to push him a little further, she pondered what would happen.

Jaxon had never hit a woman, never wanted to. But in that moment, he saw himself inflicting violence on the woman he had once unwisely loved. Gritting his teeth, he didn't have time for this.  Rayne was his priority, not the deluded, crazed woman standing before him.

"Get dressed Nicole and get the fuck out of my apartment before I call the police."

He stalked to his bedroom, flinging open his wardrobe he pulled out sweats, without boxers he yanked them on only to freeze as a hand came around and grabbed his cock.

Jaxon jumped as if a bomb had gone off beneath his feet, swiftly turning to push her away from him. "What the!  Have you lost your mind?  What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Nicole bit back a smirk. "Perhaps I'm just not willing to let you go." She shrugged.

Continuing to dress as fast as possible, he wanted her out of his apartment.  "I asked you to leave Nicole—what part of leave did you not understand?"  Was she crazy?  Experiencing a breakdown of some sort?  He rationally had no explanation for her behavior.

"I'm not sure what's going on inside that head.  But this." He signalled between them. "Us... isn't happening—ever! And if you ever touch me again. Or come near me or Rayne.  I will get a restraining order.  Are you listening, Nicole?"

Nicole pouted.  The game had begun better than she could have hoped for.  But Jaxon wasn't her end game. Nathan was.  With that in mind, it still burned to think of anyone choosing someone over her.  "What is so special about her, Jax?"

"That woman is everything you're not and if you haven't fucked it up—my future."  Where were his sneakers? He spotted them, walking towards them, he made sure he kept a safe distance from the deranged woman. 

How dare he?  Shocked that he would be so bold in his declaration.  The knives came out.  "I'm betting she loves Nathan more than you.  You're a good man, Jax, but you're only half the man Nate is." She maneuvered to stand in front of him, eyes blazing.  She had the power to inflict more pain than he could imagine.

Clenching his fists, he pushed past with her hot on his tail.  Heading to the main sitting area, he spotted his phone, grabbing it. He needed to get far away from this woman.

Nicole had one final ace up her sleeve. "All these months and you never did figure it out, did you Jax?"

He froze but didn't turn.

She continued. "I lied about my reasons." She flicked her hair over her shoulder. "The very idea made me cold—because it was you, and I wanted it to be Nathan." She twisted the knife. "I'm sure I don't have to spell it out for you.  You're a smart boy, you'll figure it out."

The bitter taste of bile rose, he'd had his suspicions, but to hear it confirmed formed an ice sheet over his heart leaving an uncomfortable ache intruding in his gut. He didn't have time to dwell on his loss, his hurt.. He had to find the woman that deserved his love, if she would listen and believe what he had to say... his version of today's events.

Opening his door, he halted in his tracks as Nathan greeted him, rage pouring from his rigid frame.

"What the fuck is going on Jax?"

Jaxon double blinked. How had Nate got here so fast?  Had Rayne called him?  Fuck!  "It's not what it looks like Nate." He held his hands up in surrender.

"Come and join the party, Nate." Nicole appeared at the end of the hallway. Twisting a stand of hair around her finger. She bit her bottom lip, suppressing a grin, waiting for the explosion.

"—Nate, please." Jaxon blocked him.  "Listen—"

Nathan pushed past Jaxon, having not fully grasped Rayne's words on the phone a few minutes before he arrived.  He glared at Nicole, anger burning a hole in his gut, fists clenched - it erupted.

Jaxon didn't register the impact. The fist slammed into his face, out of the blue.  He stumbled backwards, his back hitting the wall as pain exploded behind his eyes. Tiny dots of white filled his view.  "—Nate." He tried to vocalize as he moved from the wall to be pushed back by two powerful hands.

"I fucking trusted you, Jax. Trusted you with her. And this is what you do?"

Jaxon squeezed his eyes shut before opening, as Nate stood right in face, scowling with fury.  He'd never seen his brother so angry.  "You fucking deserve each other." Turning to face Nicole.   "You can both go to hell," he snarled.

"Nate—"

"Don't! I want you gone Jax. Out of the house, away from Rayne—out of our lives. Gone!"

And there went Jaxon's heart. He could almost hear the crack.

Nathan stared at his brother with utter contempt.  Knowing if he stayed any longer, he would hit him again. He clenched his jaw and left.

Breathing heavily, his anger scarcely sated, he stood pressing the button repeatedly on the elevator, willing it to arrive. Pulling his phone out of back pocket, he tried to call Rayne. 

She had called him, whilst he was already on his way to find her. The moment she had left his office, he knew the conversation couldn't wait. He didn't want to hide himself a moment longer. Asking Suzanne to rearrange his diary, he didn't wait for his driver, hailing a cab, his mind ran through the different ways to tell her, confess who he really was.

Damn. Her phone was switched off.  He cursed as the elevator door opened.  Stepping inside, the door about closed only to be stopped by a hand jamming itself, forcing them to spring open.

"Get the fuck away from me Jax, I'm warning you," growled Nathan in no mood to listen to what his brother had to say.  As far as he was concerned, Jax was dead to him.

Jaxon's anger was at boiling point, pushed past his limits of control.  His mind was a tornado of destruction.  He would have his say. He would be listened to.  Jaxon roared as he pushed Nathan hard up against the elevator wall. 

The elevator closed, going down, but Jaxon slammed his hand on the emergency stop button.  They would not be leaving this metal box until Nathan listened to what he had to say.

Nathan quickly righted himself, clenching his fist as he pulled back to land another punch.

Jaxon caught Nathan's fist before impact, pain shot through his own hand, but it barely registered.  "You're gonna listen, Nate. Hear me out. We are not fucking stepping out of this tin container until you do," he growled.

They stood staring, chests heaving, each angry with the other.

Nostrils flared, Nathan relaxed his fist and stepped back. "You have one minute."

Jaxon sighed, but didn't waste a second.  "I ended it with Nicole last week.  We agreed she would swing by and collect her personal belongings.  I stupidly went and showered believing she had left the apartment and then I came out to find all hell breaking loose and she's stood at the door with Rayne, half naked!"

Jaxon took a breath. "She's fucking crazy, Nate, but I swear on everything I am—nothing happened.  I would never, never... never do that to Rayne."  He put some distance between him and his brother, feeling the cool surface of the metal door press into his upper back.  "You know me, Nate.  You know I'm not capable of that."

Nathan eyeballed Jaxon, his mist of anger dampening.  Although still not completely convinced of Jaxon's innocence.  He knew damn well this was something Nicole would do. His shoulders relaxed as he ran his hand through his hair.  "Say I believe you.  Why did you let Rayne leave—you should have stopped her?"

"I tried to stop her!  But I wasn't exactly in the position to chase her."

Jaxon slid down on the elevator landing on his ass.  "I don't want Nicole. I'm in love with Rayne." Jaxon brought up his knees, resting his elbows, his head fell into his hands.  "The baby was mine," he said in a hoarse whisper.

Silence in the small space thickened.

"What?"

Jaxon continued. "Nicole got rid of the baby because it was mine. She didn't want my kid." He lifted his eyes to Nathans.  "When she'd said it was because she wasn't ready for a family, she lied.  It was because having my child was the last thing she would ever want."

The rest of Nathan's anger subsided.  He'd had his suspicions but never shared them with Jaxon, seeing her deception of the termination without their knowledge as a way out of their relationship. 

Nathan knew it would hurt Jaxon to know that she'd terminated his child.  But he couldn't dwell on this now.  He would deal with his brother's pain later.  Rayne was his priority.  "We have to find Rayne."  He hit the stop button, and the elevator jerked back to life, taking them down.

Opening on the ground floor, Nate was already on the phone, trying to contact Dr De-Luca, hoping he might shed some light on what Rayne might do or go under these circumstances.

Jaxon walked towards Carter on the front desk.  "Carter, did you see Miss Winters leave?"

Carter nodded. "Yes, Sir.  She left as if a fire was lit beneath her."

Jaxon cursed under his breath. "Did you see which way she went?"

"No Sir, sorry."

Fuck! "Carter.  There's a lunatic woman in my apartment.  Can you check if she's still there in five minutes and if so, call the police and have her removed."

"Yes, Sir."

Jaxon turned to Nathan to listen to his conversation with Rayne's doctor as they stepped out into the mid-morning sunshine.

"Thank you, Dr De-Luca. I appreciate you speaking with me." Nathan ended the call.

Both standing outside their apartment building.  "Did he offer up any clues to where she might go?" asked Jaxon.

Nathan shook his head. "No, only that he thinks she would fall back to what she knows—routine. But he will call us if she turns up at his office."

Jaxon let out a sigh, biting his lip to feel the sting of blood. Their conversation from the boat filtered through his thoughts as an awful sinking feeling of cold stone dread flooded his body. He had a good idea of how Rayne would handle her stress. "You don't think she'd do anything stupid?"

Nathan had pushed away these very same thoughts, although Rayne had never divulged an explanation for the marks upon her skin.  He had reasoned she'd inflicted those upon herself.   "You need to head over to her old apartment—just in case she went there. And get the address for Mr Jenkins.  Suzanne will find you his number." 

Nathan replayed Dr De-Luca's words... routine... routine.

He looked at the time.  Yes!  He knew where he would start his search. "I've got one or two places where she might go."

Nathan raised his hand to hail a cab. "Keep me updated."

Jaxon nodded as he waited for Suzanne to pick up.  "Nate, if you find—"

Nathan opened the cab door.  "—I know."

~ ~

Wretched Girl.  You disgust me, get out of my sight.

Rayne's mother's vile words repeated over and over.

No one can ever love you.  They will see your heart is black as coal.

She gripped her hands on either side of her head.  Pushing away the haunting memories of her childhood.  Only to be replaced by the vision of Jaxon standing next to the woman who had looked upon her with such disdain.  

Perhaps her mother was right?

Perhaps this was all her fault, for being sinful and greedy wanting two men.  The stupid idea that someone as dirty as she deserved their love.  One... two... three... four... five... six.

Dropping her hands, she looked inside the small eatery.  The door opened as an elderly gentleman exited, smiling towards her.  She quickly looked down but accepted his offer for her to step inside whilst he held the door open. "Thank you," she mumbled.

As the door closed behind her, a weight lifted.  This was what she knew, understood.  This place had always offered her safety.   No matter how terrible her mornings had been in the past, here was always a safe harbour... a sanctuary from the outside chaos, things out of her control.

Inhaling the warm and familiar scents calmed her warring mind.

Spotting her usual booth was free, another knot of tension eased from her shoulders as she stepped towards it, sliding into the booth across the cool leather fabric. Here she would take a moment and breathe.

The waitress had watched Rayne come through the door, eyes red raw, face ghostly pale.  She had not seen her for more months than she could remember.  Often wondering if she had moved away.  Pulling a small notepad from her pocket, with pen in hand, she approached the booth.  Her heart tightened to see her so sad, lost.   "Your usual, Hun?"

Rayne didn't look up in fear she would break and not be able to pull herself back together.

The waitress didn't push for conversation, and although never learning Rayne's name; she saw similarities with her sister's eldest child.  Although sure Rayne wasn't autistic - like her niece, she recognized in Rayne the internal struggle her niece fought daily. "I'll be right back with your usual Hun." She lay her hand on Rayne's shoulder before heading to the back kitchen, remembering her order precisely.

Rayne ceased counting and sighed as a welcome sight was laid before her.  Looking up through watery eyes, she muttered her thanks.

The waitress smiled.  "You'll be okay, Hun.  Take deep breaths."

Swiping away a stray tear she breathed deeply.  Counting to six, then set about her routine, methodical, timely and exact.

Raye sat back and admired her creation, shifting the glass to the exact spot—there perfect. 

Sadly, she could not bring herself to eat - not one bite, sure if just one morsel of food passed her lips, it wouldn't end well for anyone.

One... two... three... four... five... six.  One... two... three... four... five... six.

The tension in her shoulders returned, her mind returning to places it was not welcome.

You should disappear, daughter.  Do everyone a favor.

Closing her eyes didn't help as her mind scattered like autumn leaves.  Jaxon's betrayal—his lies.

Was Nathan lying too?  He was hiding something—something important, she was sure.

Jaxon... his face burned behind her eyes. The blade slicing through her heart was one that would surely never heal.

Perhaps she should just disappear. They didn't need her. Nicole was beautiful, although the similarity to her mother sent a shudder throughout her small body. 

What did they see in her?  There was simply no comparison between them.  Night and day. Light and dark.

Rayne stared at her perfectly presented sandwich, sick to her stomach.  Dr De-Luca came to her thoughts.  Perhaps she should call him, seek his reassurance and guidance. 

When we don't know what to do.  Ask for help and our issues will feel smaller. 

Dr De-Luca's words of wisdom filtered through her darkness.  But she feared he would not offer the help or the relief she needed.  The relief that would take away this ache that was crushing her chest, slowly suffocating her. 

The relief that came with...

She let her hand slide under the table. Slowly her fingers dragged the material of her skirt up, and when she felt the warmth of her fleshy skin, she shut her eyes and pinched.

The sting of pain was welcome, releasing she did it again... and again... harder each time.

On the sixth, she hoped it would have been enough, but it wasn't.  The bite of pain only offered a hint of relief.  It would take much more... something Rayne hadn't considered in years.

Her eyes fell upon the knife.  Small pieces of bread sat between its jagged little teeth.  Just one slice.  Glancing around, she reached for it and pulled it under the table. 

She couldn't do it here.  Her eyes caught sight of the small restroom sign.  Yes, she would do it there—one slice, just one.

Placing the knife on her lap, she slid free of her coat.  Picking up the knife carefully, she maneuvered it into a position that others would not see.  Sliding across the booth, she quickly made her way towards her destination.

The dimly lit room offered two cubicles.  Picking the right one, she stepped inside and locked the door behind her.

Her entire body hummed with anticipation, the relief that would come... just one cut.

~ ~

Nathan arrived at the small eatery.  Heading inside, his heart stopped when she wasn't sitting in her booth.  Walking over, his heart jump started.  Her coat lay upon the seat and a sandwich, apple, and a glass of water, sat in their rightful places, untouched.

Had he just missed her? No, she wouldn't have left without her coat. 

He glanced around, his eyes cut to the waitress walking towards him. "Excuse me, Miss." He looked down at her name tag "Helen," he smiled.

"Can I help you?" she asked in a warm, friendly manner.

"Did you see a young woman sitting here; she likes to make her own sandwich." His hand gestured towards the table.

"Yes honey, I saw her head to the restroom." Turning to point in the direction.

Nathan's entire body flooded with relief.

"Do you know the young woman?" she enquired.

"Yes, I do.  And if it's okay, I'll sit and wait for her."

The waitress frowned, unsure if she should tell the stranger, but he had kind eyes and she was sure she had seen him before. "The young lady was very distressed."

He nodded. "I know, she's had a very upsetting experience and I got here as quickly as I could."  He was unsure why he'd imparted that information.

Her frown faded to offer him another warm smile. "Can I get you anything whilst you wait?"

"No, thank you. I'm good."

Sliding into the booth, he waited.

The minutes past.  What was she doing in there?  He eyed the table carefully; sure he was missing something.  He spotted it and his stomach lurched.  The knife—it wasn't where it should be.

Fuck!

He slid from the booth and hightailed to the restroom. Not hesitating, he barreled straight in, not caring if any other person was in there.  His mind pictured one thought, one thought he needed to be rid of.  "Rayne?" His heart sat in his throat.

Rayne's head shot up, mortification ambushed, chilling her, as if ice had been injected directly into her heart. 

Nathan - Nathan was here, he'd found her.  She stood from the closed seat of the toilet.  The knife fell to the floor, sliding forward it rested half in, half out of the cubicle.

The clatter on the floor drew his attention. Fuck!

He banged on the cubicle door, making Rayne jump.  "Rayne, please tell me your okay sweetheart."

A muffled cry followed a sharp intake of breath.  

He needed eyes on her.  In the next cubicle, he climbed onto the rim of the toilet and peered over.  The air from his lungs left with an audible sigh. She was okay.

"Rayne, sweetheart." She wouldn't look up. He inhaled, he didn't have time to be sweet and coax her out.  Only the feel of her in his arms would bring him the comfort he sought.

"Rayne!" Tone sharp.  "Look at me, Rayne."

Her head shot up, eyes wide and teary.

"You are to open that door now.  Do you understand!?"

Without the blink of an eyelid, she stepped forward and slipped the latch free.

Nathan jumped down and in the next second he was pulling her into his arms, hugging her so tightly she wheezed.  His heart beat faster than a man on death row as a soundless cry of worry left his mouth.  "Sweetheart, you scared me.  Don't every scare me like that." 

Her shoulders rose and fell, and she cried into his chest.

"Whatever happens, you come to me.  You're never alone.  You'll always have me Rayne.  I Love you. Love you more than you can possibly comprehend." 

As her tears subsided, he pulled back, running his hands over her hair, shoulders, down her arms as if checking she was really okay.   

Rayne could see the pain in his eyes.  "I'm so sorry Nathan."

He stroked his thumps across her cheeks, swiping away fresh tears. "You're okay now, that's all that matters.  You have nothing to be sorry for." 

"I should have waited for you, but I had to get far, far away from there... from them." She stuttered a breath.

"It's okay.  But we need to talk about what you saw."

She shook her head.  "No, I can't.  Please—"

"Sweetheart, what you saw was not what you think happened."

She shook her head. "I may be strange to most and odd in so many ways, but my eyes do not lie Nathan.  I know exactly what I saw.  They were both practically naked, and I interrupted—"

"No, sweetheart.  Jax was in the shower and Nicole set up the whole thing—she wanted you to believe that he would do such a thing."

His words sounded genuine, and she wanted to believe him. "Why... why would she do such a cruel thing?"

"I don't know, sweetheart.  The woman does not like to lose, and sadly that's the best explanation I can give you." He paused, swiping another tear. "And she may be certifiably crazy."  He pulled her towards him as she bunched her hands into fists, clasping his shirt. "We will have a restraining order by the end of tomorrow.  She won't get near you or Jaxon or me again.  Okay?"

Doubt still remained but she would trust Nathan as ever her faith in him was strong.

Kissing her crown. "Now can we please get out of here. Get you home."

She stepped out of his hold.  "I need to splash some water on my face."

"Yes, okay."

Letting her pass, he spied the knife and picked it up from the floor.

Rayne watched him in the mirror's reflection, her shame of what she'd done clawed her insides.

"Promise me Rayne, promise that you will come to me or speak with Dr De-Luca if you ever think of hurting yourself."

Their eyes met in the mirror.  "I promise."