Rayne felt the first stirrings of waking, her dream state melted away.  It was morning.  Her eyes flipped open as if they were spring loaded.  The clock came into focus; she had woken earlier than usual.   The soft whispers of a snore rumbled behind her.  Nathan. His deep soothing breaths reassured her everything was as it should be.

But no... it wasn't.

Clenching, the dull ache between her legs reminded her of the night before.

It had truly happened.

She had taken pleasure not from just one man, but two!  And to make matter worse—Nathan's brother.

One... two... three... four... fix... six.  One... two... three... four... fix... six.

Would Nathan feel differently in the cold light of day?

Oh god, what had she done?

Her mind flicked to Jaxon, burning cheeks accompanied by more shame. She barely knew the man, but had let him touch her intimately.

Would he hate her too—think she was a dirty, disgusting whore? What kind of woman did this?

The idea of Jaxon not being able to look at her, hurt her beyond what she could understand. She couldn't deny she felt something for him—and that worried her in equal amounts.

As Nathan's words of no shame echoed through her brain. A deep seated fear gripped her lungs.   Her life was about to be washed away like a sandcastle snatched by the ocean's tide. Her dirtiness and disgusting behaviour would lose her the man she loved—the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

Dirty, greedy girl, always wanting more than she deserves. It's not enough that you took from me, what's mine. Now you want to destroy your brother too? There's a sickness inside of you girl. You're nothing but a bratty disgusting girl, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Get away from me, I don't want to see your face, you make me sick!

Her mother's cruel words ripped the guts right from her.  Shutting her eyes tightly,  she cursed her selfish stupidity for risking everything, for being as her mother had said... a disgusting, greedy brat.

Nathan was bound to wake and treat her like she deserved.  How could he want her now?

The budding ball of worry tangled and knotted deep inside.

Blinking away her tears, her body had to be scrubbed; the dirt washed away. Ready to climb from her bed and throw herself into a scalding shower, wash away every bit of her dirtiness, scrub till she was raw and clean again.

"I need you to stop thinking, Rayne." His voice croaky but still weighted with authority as he shifted closer, running his hand over her waist, pulling her closer.

"I -I wasn't." she clumsily remarked.

As if a tiger had leapt for its kill, Nathan swiftly rolled her onto her back and shifted himself above her. "I don't need to see your beautiful face to know that's a lie, sweetheart... and I could practically hear your mind churning." He leant down and rubbed his nose against hers. "Talk to me, Rayne."

Closing her eyes, she couldn't look at him. Her doubts and the stain of shame raced to the cliff's edge. Sure she would fall. Would Nathan catch her this time, drag her back from the edge?

Shifting his head back, the darkness radiated around her, suffocating her.  "Look at me, Rayne."

Fluttering open slowly, her eyes met his. "I love you Rayne Winters, and nothing and nobody will ever change that."

Rayne swallowed with difficulty. "Even after what I did?"

"Rayne, what you—what we did last night." He stopped. A delicate balance whilst he crossed this tightrope, words to reassure, erase guilt. "Sweetheart, you were beautiful last night.   Nothing short of amazing. You surrendered yourself to me and I've never been prouder of you."

She searched his eyes for lies but saw none. In fact, she saw a pleased look in his eyes, as if some element of internal peace had descended within him and sung.

Guts twisting, it was so confusing.  Was he thrilled she had allowed another man to touch her, took pleasure in her body?

Although silent, he knew a war raged inside her mind. Leaning down, he kissed her forehead gently, then the tip of her nose. "You did nothing wrong, sweetheart. But I need you to talk to me. Tell me how you feel.  I don't want you trapped inside that pretty head of yours." Her eyes widened. "Are you ready to talk now?" He quickly glanced at the clock; it was less than three minutes before her normal rising schedule."

Did she? Was she ready to talk? Following his eyes to the clock, her routine was due to begin. She needed to feel the normalcy of her routine to feed the darkness inside to calm its control over her. Rising now would give her enough time to go to the bathroom, brush teeth and head downstairs. She would shower after preparing breakfast for them all. "I need to get up."

He sighed, but understood having her head clear for their conversation. "Go then, I'll see you soon and we will talk." He kissed the top of her head. "I love you Rayne, never forget that."

~ ~

Surveying the kitchen, the breakfast more or less prepared. A calmness settled across her chest, feeling contented.

Heading upstairs, she crept back into their bedroom. Nathan had fallen back asleep.  She loved to watch him sleep. He looked relaxed and happy, and the swell to her heart multiplied.  She would do anything for this man.

Creeping towards their bathroom, she quietly closed the door and set about her morning ritual.

As the warm water cascaded over her face, down her body, her mind flicked back to the event in question.  Nathan had been so comfortable with Jaxon being there, touching her. And so was Jaxon.

Was this something he—both of them had done before?  Nathan and Jaxon's parents popped into her thoughts. The three of them lived together, his mothers happily sharing their father.

Had Nathan and Jaxon shared women before her?

Nicole? She shivered even though the temperature of the water was perfect.

~ ~

Eighteen minutes later, Rayne emerged from the bathroom. She would quietly dress and return downstairs. It would allow her a head start on her Thursday priorities. Thursday was her auditing day, assessing for issues.  Problems that would remain hidden to most, sang out like a Jaybird to her.

"I'm awake, Rayne. No need to tiptoe around me."

She stopped and watched him stretch out.  His lean body sparking a trigger of heat within her.  "I was going to wake you in twenty minutes so you could get ready for work."

"Not necessary.  I'm taking the day off.  I want to spend it with you and Jax." He sat up, scrubbing a hand through his hair.   The look on her face, he wanted to kick himself.  He hadn't given her prior notice, her routine, not sure if her head could take much more.

Fuck!

He knew her Thursday work schedule like the back of his own hand. "I know it's short notice, sweetheart. But it would please me if you would take today off too. I know it messes with your schedule of work, but I can have Suzanne make everyone aware that you will be non-contactable today."

He witnessed the demon of self-doubt troubling her. Internally cursing, he would change tactics. "It would mean the world to me, Rayne."

Her heartbeat sped up.   She wouldn't—couldn't deny his request. She adored he wanted to spend the day with her. Straightening her shoulders.  On Monday she would put in the extra hours to ensure the company would not suffer at her hands. "I would like that very much."

Nathan relaxed. "Good. Now come sit, I want us to talk. If you're ready?"

Clenching her towel tightly, she walked towards the bed,  sitting on the edge facing him, she pushed her damp curls from her face.

"Last night." He stopped, reaching for her hand. "You are not to feel any shame in what happened between the three of us."

Eyes wide, cheeks flushed, he could hear the galloping of her heart. "Tell me, how do you feel about it, Rayne? I know you must have questions in that smart, inquisitive mind of yours."

How did she feel? Confused. And to Rayne, confusion was simply anxiety in a different coat. Taking a deep breath, ignoring the churning in her stomach, the thumping in her chest and now a slight tremor in her knees, she tried to collect her scattering of thoughts. It didn't sit well outside of her normal. "I'm not sure. Okay, maybe?"  Had she given him the answer he sought?

Squeezing her hand, he would need to push further. "Let me rephrase the question. Did you enjoy what happened last night?"

Her cheeks burned brighter, spreading down her throat, across her chest. Inside confusion and shame were streaking ahead. If she answered honestly, she knew without a doubt—everything would change. Was she ready for that? But didn't he deserve her truth? "Hmm," a murmur escaped her lips.

A weight lifted from him; sure, this was a yes. This was progress. He could work with this. "I need two things from you, sweetheart."  He saw no sign of distress, he continued.   "First, I need to hear your answers in words—I don't want any misunderstanding between us.   And second, I need your honesty. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes Nathan."

"Good, now did you enjoy last night Rayne, the three of us being together?"

"Yes, Nathan." She searched his eyes,  a smile crept across his features. She wondered if her next words would still have him smiling. "I wanted Jaxon to touch me, as much as I wanted you... inside me."

Nathan's smiled widened. "Good Rayne, I hoped that was the case."

Her eyebrows furrowed; finding it awfully strange that he wasn't upset with her. This wasn't normal.

"This brings to me another question, and again I need total honesty."  She nodded.   "Good.  Do you like Jaxon? I know you said you were attracted to him. But I'm referring to a relationship with Jaxon?  You and him."

It startled Rayne. Then alarmed, as if her world was spinning.  Oh my god! Was he ending what they had and passing her to his brother—was that what this was?

She jumped from the bed. "You don't want to be with me anymore Nathan?"

Jesus Christ! "No Rayne, that's not what I meant. I want to know if you want us both. To have a relationship with us both. All of us be together."

Rayne heaved a sigh of relief. Thankful that Nathan wasn't ending what they had. She sat down. What? Did she want them both?  How would it work?  "Buts it's not normal, people will—"

"Sweetheart, people see normal from different perspectives, their narratives of the same events are often completely different." He sighed, rubbing his forehead. It had never been this difficult before, but Jaxon was right in what he'd said. Everyone else had known what he and Jaxon wanted, needed.

"I know this isn't conventional Rayne, and I'm asking a lot of you. But the way I... my parents raised me and Jaxon, it wasn't strange to us that our mothers both lived and loved our father. It seemed normal to us, natural."

Rayne's brain tried to seep up the processing of his words, unsure if clarity would ever come. "Have you done it before... been with the same women?"  Nicole? "At the same time?" she added for clarification.

Nathan nodded.

"Nicole, the woman who called you?"

"Yes, we shared a relationship with Nicole."

"So... when you say you want us all to be together, you mean you want Jaxon to live here with us?"

He nodded. Surprised at her ease of her answers.

"And you won't be jealous if I have feelings for another man?"

He shook his head. "Any other man, yes. But not Jaxon. He's my brother Rayne. He's better than me in a lot of ways. And I honestly think you will love him just as much as you love me, if you want this... us."

"And you would be fine with this?" She still couldn't get her head around this... the three of them.

"There are things I haven't told you yet Rayne, again I ask for your patience, one step at a time. But I can guarantee. Me, you and Jaxon being together will not make me jealous or worry about our relationship. I think it will make it better." He stopped, knowing he had to offer her a way out. "But I don't want to force you, Rayne. This has to be your choice. No pressure. And I'm happy for things to continue as they are, if that's what you choose. I will love you no matter what you decide."

Silence settled between them.

Minutes passed. He would make it clear, his moral compass slicing through his own desires. "But if it's a no. Be rest assured I will never mention it again."

Rayne wasn't sure if she was dreaming. He made it sound so easy, so normal. Would Jaxon be just as easy with his wishes? She would need to look into Jaxon's eyes and hear the words from him too. "Can I speak with Jaxon first?"

He reached out and pulled her towards him. "Yes, Rayne, I think that's a good idea. This won't work unless you want us both, sweetheart. And he needs to know that you want us both equally."

As she pulled back, she deserved to know the truth. "Jaxon felt left out when we were in a relationship with Nicole. She hurt him Rayne and although a very forgiving person. He needs to know how important he will be to you, if you give this—us a chance."

Rayne listened. Besides her confusion and the craziness of the whole situation. She didn't know how she knew, but she was sure she could easily love Jaxon as much as she loved Nathan... in time.