When you are born into this world, you are surrounded by love. You are surrounded by the people who will love you most in this world. You are surrounded by your family.

As a little girl, I was as stubborn as hell. For example, one time (actually, a couple of times) in Kindergarden I REFUSED to do my math homework or to do ANY- and I mean, ANY- of those stupid math problems in class. I refused, and I kept on refusing. Eventually, my kindergarten teacher, who had straight black hair and an sassy attitude like me, called my mother. I remember the endless converstations she and my mom had about how I just simply refused to do math. 

I'm pretty sure that is when my teacher started to figure out this: 

I had a math disability; I still do.

I got way better, though. I actually kind of like math now. Well..... I like it when it's interesting to me and I actually freaking understand it. 

Last Monday, my mom found out that I got into the STEM program. The STEM program is basically a math class for nerds who love math and who want to solve the problems in the world with math. 

Now, I don't really LOVE math, but solving problems in this world sounds pretty cool!

But the thing is.....

I know everybody is going to stare at me like I am some obnoxious monster or something and I will just sit there, hopelessly trying to solve this impossible math problem. 

And I will get anxiety because I know how it feels to have people judge you based on what you look like. 

I know how it feels to have people discriminate and take away all of the will in your bones you have left. I know how it feels...

But I also know how it feels to have people be proud of you; I also know how it feels to solve a math problem that everybody couldn't think I could have possibly solved. I know how it feels to bang the drums loudly and endlessly, letting all of my anger pour pour pour into the quickening rhythm. 

The rhythm of my heart beats ever so faster when I do things people don't expect me to do. Yes, I am a VERY unpredictable person! I do stubborn crap all of the freaking time, and I refuse refuse refuse to do things that I think are stupid and worthless and god-forsaken AWFUL. I refuse to laugh when I see someone cry. I refuse to simply just stand by. 

My mother signed me up for this STEM program; I had absolutely ZERO control over it. 

I love you, mother, but sometimes I'm going to have to disappoint you. 

But I simply don't know if this is the right time. 

You know what? I'll give it a goddamn shot. I know I am gonna get stressed as FREAKING hell when people stare stare stare at me and my Trach and my little bones, but I simply do not care. 

I 

Don't 

Freaking

Care!