There she was, so delicately wrapped in a sheer red dress. As fragile as a china doll.

I felt my breath knocked out of my lungs when her willowy frame came in my gaze, her hair flying like a gentle halo around her angelic face.

I had almost lost my footing down the stairs, but that didn't matter.

She did - Khushi.

Nothing could make me believe she was before me, I just drank in her sight... as if I was parched for years together.

Her skin glowed in the colour of love, red, and my heart jumped out of my mouth as the end slipped over her shoulder.

Vulnerability and strength.

The combination was fatal.

Unknown to me, the minute her eyes brimmed with innocence met mine,

I had fallen in love with her.

Arnav ran his fingers across her photograph, hours having eaten up his earlier anger. Her jewelries were long broken, clothes thrown and furniture destroyed. The entire room turned into a disaster as Arnav yelled to himself and broke everything which reminded him of her.

She was a weak, betraying woman who left her husband and he knew that was nothing but a lie.

But Arnav couldn't live without her.

With anger bubbling in him, he had called her to be picked up after the fifth time and he had done the worst.

Threatened her with the lives of her parents.

And her reply broke Arnav, forever.

"Your parents will suffer for this Khushi!" He yelled through the phone, hot tears streaming down his cheeks. A disappointed sigh was all he heard.

"This is what you called me for?" Khushi asked, his heart hurting at their distance. "Khushi, come back home... right now." He demanded while Khushi sniffed slightly "What will you do?"

"I'll make sure your parents pay for your deeds!" He bit out, his mind haywire... somewhere down the line he knew he would regret every word of what he said. "They have paid for it." She replied, her voice too dead to be belonging of his Khushi's.

"What do you mean?"

"They died, eleven years ago." Arnav sucked in a breath as her icy tone hit him. He swallowed tightly and held on to his cell "Khushi, I didn't mean them. I meant your family... parwa hai na unk..."

"Nahi."

Arnav frowned at what she just said. "What..."

"A family who disowns a girl without even giving her a chance, they aren't family."

What had made Khushi say that! Arnav felt his heart clamp in fear as Khushi sounded so far... so detached. "Khu..."

"I've never had a family after I turned nine. Neither the Guptas... nor the Raizadas." She completed and disconnected the call, leaving a pained and bewildered Arnav to stare at his phone.

That's when he understood that Khushi wasn't hurt or broken,

She just wasn't Khushi anymore.

He had once wanted to break her spirit, he ended up shattering her entire existence.

All because of him.

Arnav Singh Raizada

Arnav closed his eyes in anguish, resting his head on the recliner. His breathing laboured as the air felt too suffocated by the absence of all who mattered in his life.

And just as what had been happening for the past fifteen years of his life, the ghosts of the past arrived to haunt him.

His parents bullet ridden bodies lay before him, his sherwani drenched in his favourite colour - red.

"This child is a curse for the family."

"Ever since Arnav came, Bhaisahab has been faced with innumerable losses... I just heard that he had to rent out his own house to his brother, god bless Arnav's chachaji though."

"Arrey bhaisahab can't be blamed! He always had affairs, even before Arnav was born. But did they shoot each other then? It's all this Arnav's fault."

"I just heard that Arnav told Bhabiji about Bhaisahab's doings... maar diya apne maa baap ko."

"NO..." Arnav cried out in silence, he had never meant to kill his own mother... never.

What could he do?

He had just seen his father with another woman and went to tell his mother, confessing what he thought.

If only he had seen the light die out from his mother's eyes, the tears which followed suit. If only he had stopped to hug his mother and calm her down.

Or if he just asked his father first...

but no, he told his mother which lead to a suicide.

Born as the curse of the family, Arnav killed them.

Dadi's partiality towards Anjali, people berating him for his birth and his chachaji throwing them out of their house was the last straw.

A lost Arnav cried out in agony, a child that he was... he never understood why he was hated by all for none. His dadi had come, then and there to protect the last remnants of her beloved son.

But she would only take Anjali.

Arnav didn't deserve to stay alive. He remembered, tugging on to his grandmother's saree to take him with her. For Arnav, that was the lone mother figure in his life.

If only she had hugged him and taken him home, but she put her foot down that only Anjali deserved to shine and get the love she deserved.

Not an ill fated Arnav.

His father had anyways never planned to have him, he was an accidental child.

That's why Arnav hated it when they drew resemblances between him and a man who never wanted him in the first place. He hated it when people spoke about being born with destinies.

He wasn't born to be a curse, he would prove that.

From then on, Arnav would write his own destiny, his own faith.

And no one could change it, not even God.

He hated it when Khushi pointed the same to him. Ideally he would have left her, ignored her.

But he wanted to believe that Khushi was different.

So the man who barely spent a second of his time, patiently waited and explained his beliefs and asked her to believe in them too. Because even if her mouth spoke like his hypocritical relatives, her eyes bore strength and honesty.

Just like his Nani's.

If Arnav ever loved someone from the bottom of his heart, it wasn't his sister, it was his grandmother. A splitting but wiser reflection of his mother, she had taken him into his arms and told him about life. The only one to coax him out of his insecurities.

"Everyone tells that I am manhoos..." A fifteen year old Arnav sobbed at his grandmother's lap while she patted her hand over his still skinny arm. Reaching out to get a plate of his favourite mathura aloo and puri, she fed her grandson in tiny morsels.

"Hmm, manhoos... now that isn't a good word, right Chote?" Arnav nodded like an obedient boy, opening his mouth wide for the next bite.

"Toh tell me one thing, what do human beings need to survive in this world?"

"I don't know."

"Let me give you a hint, something close to air..."

Arnav's eyebrows rose "Oh! Waise; air, water, food, clothes, home and sleep." Devyani paused to wipe her little one's mouth. "Exactly Chote, and did you know that a human being can live without food for one whole week, or maybe more... but not without water."

Arnav's eyes glimmered in amazement "Interesting right, and you also know that the earth is made up of..."

"One quarter land and three quarters water." Devyani smiled as Arnav smiled right back at her, even though if it didn't reach his eyes.

"And in what forms does water exist?"

"Steam, liquid water, ice..." Devyani laughed and tapped his head "No no Chote, in this earth... how does water exist?"

"Oh! Oceans, seas, rivers, waterfalls, lakes and ponds... aur bhi hai but I can't remember..."

Devyani took his lanky hands and dipped them in finger bowls "Toh my dearest Chote maharaj, do you know what your name means?"

"Nope." Arnav answered, smiling a little as his grandmother pampered him.

"It means Ocean." Arnav looked up to find a little wise smile on Devyani's face.

"Now you tell me Chote, the one who is named after one of the most essential things that human beings ever need... the one named after what makes three fourths of our earth... how can that boy be manhoos?" Devyani gently wiped his hands as Arnav absorbed what she said.

"But they..."

"Who were they?"

"Papa's..."

"The Maliks have, unfortunately, been one of the gossip mongers beta." Devyani sighed, wishing she had pressurised her daughter against marrying the then charming Arvind Malik.

"Then I want to be a Raizada." Arnav declared while Devyani raised an eyebrow and was stopped when Arnav shook his hand "Not just a Raizada, Singh Raizada. Arnav Singh Raizada."

"Singh..." Devyani started while Arnav put his head on her lap "You were Devyani Singh before you got married to Nanu na, and you are my second maa... so how do I not have your name in mine?" Devyani wiped her moist eyes with the end of her saree, slapping Arnav's cheek slightly "Rula diya humain!"

Devyani passed him a watery smile as he gently wiped the tears aside, "Trust me Chote, you'll be something big in your life... so big that the world will look upto you and fall at your feet. And whoever mocked your destiny, let them know you're nothing less than an Alexander."

On seeing his eyebrows tighten in slight confusion, Devyani continued "You are well aware of him being the greatest emperor. But in his beginning, a palmist told Alexander that he couldn't ever achieve success... do you know what Alexander did?"

Arnav shook his head in reply "He sliced his palm with a knife and said that he will write his own destiny as now the pre-written destiny doesn't exist."

That line had kept Arnav awake the whole night, he dragged his index finger across his palm, slicing the destiny people cursed him for.

Arnav so wanted to revert being the strong willed fifteen year old child who had promised of being the best. But he had failed his grandmother when he excelled in all fields, but let lose with women. Arnav had a shameful string of girlfriends, from losing his virginity at the age of eighteen in a one night stand at his hostel to keeping Lavanya in his house.

That had caused a rift between the second mother of his life and himself.

But it gave Arnav power, with women fluttering around him and him ignoring them. Spending nights with willing, glamorous models. It simply proved that Arnav wasn't weak. Arnav, now, laughed to himself... it sounded like such a poor excuse.

"I was scared."

As Arnav looked at his own bed, he couldn't help but recall what she said about his first attempt at suhagraat. Arnav didn't even remember how a first time would feel.

He closed his eyes in distaste.

His head throbbed with pain as memories of the past blocked his mind. Tumbling towards the bedside table, Arnav took his tablets and gingerly sat on his cold bed.

In spite of the big words, promises and his control of his life, today Arnav found him all alone.

A Nani who had visibly distanced herself from him.

A Di who was always there to pamper her brother but never listen to him.

And a wife who had walked away from their home because he had suffocated her, because she believed he hated her when all he ever did was love her.

She was the only person from whom he expected, demanded and loved without any barriers.

Arnav felt an immense vacuum in his heart, an agonizing pain paralysing his body.

The pain wasn't just limited to losing his dear wife, but also that he had lost the true blue blooded Arnav Singh Raizada. When he was climbing the ladders of success, it wasn't fear but respect which got him there.

Monopolising the fashion industry never came through the power of money, but through his sheer hard work and endless dedication. The moghuls of the industry happily passed their crowns to Arnav as he became an epitome of loyalty and success. But one mistake cost him the most.

He took himself for granted.

No doubt Arnav shot up higher as he used his money as well to influence decisions, not realising that he had sold a part of himself in buying out others.

Not doubt Arnav became invincible as people feared to talk about him, bowing down to his power... but he barely realised that the higher he climbed, the loner he became.

Arnav had long died, all that ever remained was the skeleton of ASR in a handsomely stitched suit.

Crawling into his empty bed, his eyelids became heavy with sleep but they refused to shut as Khushi's tears flooded in his memory.

Never had Arnav felt scared or insecure, but the presence of Khushi changed all.

Lust, it was hot red lust when he saw Khushi, but he felt immediate betrayal on knowing that she wanted to destroy his show... that too the Sheesh Mahal one. She did look like a Lucknowi... so did someone near set out to destroy him?

Probably she was a prostitute sent by his uncle to make sure things didn't work out well or catch Arnav at a compromising position. Though her sensitive skin and terrified eyes spoke in contrary.

He tried her out, ripping off her dori to see what she would react.

She was petrified.

So she's wasn't sent to physically please Arnav and make a scandal out of it.

So why was she here?

Being the hawk eyed ASR he was, he knew that she had really stumbled into this fashion show. The problem wasn't with this little girl, it was with someone from AR. One paid designer might have convinced all that she's the model and set her through to ruin the show.

Aman would handle that.

Yet why, why did he torture his Khushi so much? Arnav reached out for the pillow she slept in and took in the lingering essence of jasmines. It soothed his headache, though all he wanted now was to just hold on to Khushi with her saying "Everything will be fine."

He's sorry for what he did, but he could never verbalise it. Everytime he shook himself whenever he told her something which would hurt her... but he had explanations for everything!

Arnav felt his heart weaken with every heartbeat and for once, he feared for his life. He didn't think he could make through this night. If he died... he could never tell Khushi that he loved her more than anything!

Never

It had only been a war of egos, and hiding his own vulnerability under the mask of ego.

This chit of a girl was everything Arnav Singh Raizada was.

Everything.

The only reason he allowed her to speak was because he wanted to test her strength, but one sentence showed him that Khushi was much more than what Arnav was.

"Yes I am afraid, of your power... of your ego, arrogance. But I am not the one to run away due to fear."

Arnav felt his palms turn clammy as she turned her weakness, to her strength.

Something Arnav could never do.

Hence he promised her hell, but he was shocked at her clever manipulation and insane multitasking. Her wit stumped Arnav and her spontaneous repartee dazzled him.

He couldn't help but yell at a so called Oxford graduate Lavanya who couldn't get the office errands done in a month, which that girl had got done in two days.

This girl had to have some weakness!

It was family and her self respect... two ways to break Khushi Kumari Gupta. For she enjoyed jesting him when he tested her intellect to no end.

Khushi was highly intelligent, just not educated.

So he decided to give her tasks which would demean her intelligence and respect, and that's when Khushi began to break in his eyes. Her fury on not being able to use her mind to the best, her anguish on being treated much lower than her designated post...

Yet she enthralled him, not just with her beauty but sense of understanding. He couldn't believe that the ever meek Akash also opened his mouth in convincing Arnav that what Khushi said made much more sense. Apart from a little peek a boo of her waist and her breathtaking collar bones, added with slender delicate little arms... there was nothing more what Khushi exposed yet she was easily one of the most beautiful women he had come across.

It also scared him how Khushi could easily influence his team, all she ever needed was to open her mouth.

The same with his own family, too surprised to even feign his shock when she actually submitted all the work in the morning and knowing Anjali as if they were long lost friends. If that wasn't enough, he even recollected when she refused his jacket.

His protection, his warmth - his first gesture of love, didn't she understand that he freaking cared for her ? Not only because she was beautiful and had stolen his thoughts, but also somewhere down the line Arnav respected the priceless intellect of hers.

A preview of which he got the other day, when she told that she means much more than his bloody company and contract.

Something he had always believed in... he could never hurt Khushi, she was the only one who served as a mirror for who Arnav Singh Raizada was - not ASR.

Could Arnav ever admit that he was scared of a girl who could defeat him in every way, if she just had the education he had? ASR wasn't that bad, there was still an Arnav left in him. Just one chance, to look at her... touch her and treat her the way she deserved.

He was smitten, he just needed one chance to be her provider, protector.

Just allow him to blow away that little dust from her eyes, he couldn't take her discomfort any more... couldn't she see that?

Just allow him to look at her while she prayed, not to look away from him... please.

Just allow him to hold her, taking her little body into his arms... did she see that he vowed to hold her, no matter what?

Just allow him to look after her, didn't she see how he glowed under the knowledge that he had claimed her... it didn't matter that he didn't believe in the breaking a fast system, she did... and that made all the difference.

Care, simply care. That's all he ever wanted. Selfish that he was, the Arnav in him throbbed with life when he was around Khushi. The ASR calmed his insecurities by pointing out how stupid or idiotic Khushi would get.

And on Diwali night, Arnav and ASR came together. There was no distinction between them.

Both wanted Khushi, to kiss her plump lips and promise that this was all that he needed.

Her presence, her love.

He just needed to feel her love back.

And Arnav got scared.

For the first time the fact that Khushi didn't deserve him, settled in his mind. Anyways, with the man he was... Khushi would find it very easy to hate him. Hatred, that is something Arnav could deal with.

Love, that scared Arnav.

ASR always protected the innocent Arnav beneath. With Khushi, ASR faded and all remained was Arnav. No... Arnav would hurt forever for trampling on Khushi's heart but he would die if the mask of ASR vanished.

There were too many people just waiting for that, to see him weak and soft.

No matter how strong he claimed to be, one word about his shattered past would break him forever.

But to his fright, he couldn't handle it whenever Khushi was hurt due to him.

She was his, period.

If she too felt it, then she needed to love the ASR. The vile, ruthless, unemotional being.

Yet Arnav felt his world slip away when Khushi simply fell in love with the glimpses of Arnav.

Sacrificing all for that Arnav.

In spite of ASR driving her to hell.

She begged and pleaded for that Arnav, the man who had only appeared during the night of their consummation.

It was ASR who wanted her the first night, Arnav who needed her the next time.

Arnav couldn't live without ASR, that would kill him.

But Khushi couldn't live with ASR, that would kill her.

Thus ASR let go of Arnav and just turned into a mellowed ASR, thinking that this compromise would satisfy both.

But as Khushi cried and left him all alone,

Arnav knew that the man inside is all that Khushi would ever love.

A man he could never be... 

---------

Translations : 

Nani - Maternal Grandmother

Chacha - Father's Brother

Manhoos - The harbinger of bad luck

Chote - An endearment for young ones

Di - Older Sister

Dadi - Paternal Grandmother