I have not heard from Ryan since the night of the concert. I didn't know what to think. Maybe he was giving me my space since I told him we would talk this weekend or maybe he decided that he was going to stay with Laken after all. We were both drunk that night. Perhaps that's all it was...loss of inhibitions brought about by an excessive quantity of alcohol. Who's to say he even meant the things he said? Maybe he didn't even remember everything that had gone on backstage at that concert. Maybe this was him getting back at me because Lord knows I deserved it.

I had arrived in Talladega this morning, and he had yet to reach out to me, and I really didn't feel it was my place to go to him. I made no promises to him. He didn't didn't owe me any explanation. Hell, he didn't owe me a damn thing. I was the one who walked out on him, so why should I get to show up now and disrupt the life he had built?

Maybe we really didn't have a future together.

Riley Green was putting on a concert in the infield, and any other time I would have been stoked as he was one of my favorite artists, and being a hard card carrying member of a race team gave me unrestricted access to behind the scenes. I just couldn't enjoy it though. My anxiety over Ryan was really getting to me. I was flooded with memories of what had happened backstage at the last concert I had attended. I was also flooded with memories of Ryan and me at yet a different Riley Green concert where we made out more than we paid attention to what was going on on stage. Meanwhile, I listened as Riley played his sexiest song.

When she comes home tonight
We'll take that clock off the wall
Draw all them curtains
Let our clothes just lay where they fall
We'll turn down the lights
And let our hands be our eyes
Be just her and I, we'll take our time
When she comes home tonight

"I should have known I'd find you here. Riley is one of your favorites." The achingly familiar voice coming from behind me in my ear was slightly slurred.

I turned around and could smell the beer on his breath. He couldn't be drunk. He probably just had a couple of beers. Ryan was a stickler for hydrating days before a race and not drinking in excess during race weekend. Yet why were his words slurred? Then he began singing in my ear.

Been a while overdue gettin' her alone
Thought's been drivin' me wild
Killin' time 'til her and I get back
To lovin' like it's goin' out of style
I'm staring at this bottle, awake
And it's on when she pulls in the drive

"Hi." I murmured, literally speechless. This was the moment I had been waiting for since the concert and I couldn't come up with more to say than 'hi'?

"God I've missed you." He crashed his lips onto mine and I drank him in, beer and all. My head was spinning, feeling like I was becoming intoxicated myself. I could stay like this forever, but we needed to talk. I had to tell him everything. He needed to know. He deserved to know, and I knew that what I had to tell him could change everything. I needed to do this before I got too caught up in this kiss that completely lit my soul on fire. A kiss that made me want to drag him away from here to somewhere more private. Somewhere that involved not talking at all so we could live out the song that Riley was singing.

Reluctantly, I broke off the kiss. As I stared into his blue eyes I couldn't help but notice how conflicted they looked, like a sea of emotions swirling in the ocean colored depths.

"There's something I needed to tell you." I blurted out, at the same moment he spoke those exact words. My heart sank because I could see the sorrow and turmoil in his eyes even more.

I was right in my earlier thinking: we had no future together. He was going to tell me everything had been a mistake. The concert, the kiss. All of it.

He took my hand and led me away from the stage where it was quieter and no one was around, yet I could still hear Riley playing in the background.

More than a time or two I've had one too many
And I've blown a last chance more times than a few
Left a trail of bad decisions clear from here to Tennessee
But the worst thing I ever did, I let a damn good woman leave

"What did I do to make you leave?" Ryan finally asked me, also hearing the song, his words still slightly slurred.

"You didn't do anything Ryan. It was my choice. My decision."

"What is it that you wanted to tell me?" He asked,  changing the subject and I froze.

"You first." I replied stalling because I had a sinking feeling that things were not going to go the way I hoped.

He sighed deeply and raked his hand through his hair, and I knew for sure right then. He was going to tell me this was all a mistake and that he was staying with Laken.

"Just say it Ry." I prompted, almost wanting to add that he just rip the bandaid off quickly.

"She's pregnant, Bree. I'm going to be a father." He finally blurted out.

I felt like I had been punched in the gut. There was nothing he could have said that could have hurt any more. Laken was giving him the one thing I couldn't.

Ryan didn't look happy though. He looked torn, like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Con...congratulations." I stammered. What the hell else was I supposed to say?

"This is all wrong Bree. All wrong. This should have been us. This was our future. Yeah, I'm looking forward to being a dad, but it was supposed to be with you. I was about to tell Laken we were over but then she dropped this bomb on me and what the hell was I supposed to do? I see her now for what she really is. She's vindictive and I know if I break up with her, she will do everything in her power to keep me from my kid, or even worse, she would terminate the pregnancy and I can't allow that. It's my kid." He raked his hands through his hair and I could see his eyes tear up. I wanted to throw my arms around him and tell him everything would be alright, but I couldn't. Neither of us knew that for sure.

I had to let him go...again.

"Of course you can't Ryan. The timing was off for us, just like it was a year ago. I don't think it will ever be right. You do what you have to do." I felt sick. Physically sick, and I was on the verge of breaking down in tears. "I have to go. I...I have some things to do. Good luck Sunday Ry." I turned to leave, choking back a sob when he grabbed my arm.

"What was it that you needed to tell me?" He asked.

"Nothing. It's not important. I really have to go." I choked out.

Instead of letting me go, he pulled me closer to him and wrapped his arms around me. "I'm so sorry Bree." He sounded so choked up it broke me.

"Me too Ry." I said softly and detangled myself from his arms.

I could hear another song playing.

That first time loving feeling
Midnight kiss I'm stealin'
Pullin' me in like we were there all along
First-time tequila buzz
Thinkin' every song that played was us
Singin' all the wrong words all night long
You were my first love
My first broken heart
That's all you were to me
Just my first everything

My everything. I couldn't do this. I had to get away.

As soon as he turned back around, I ran to Ross's bus, which was thankfully empty. I had no idea where he was, and really didn't care. I hoped he would stay gone a while because I just really needed to be alone.

I threw myself down on the bed and sobbed and sobbed. It was so fucking unfair. Laken was giving Ryan everything I couldn't. Everything he had ever wanted. She would be linked to him forever. She would always have a part of him. I had my life ripped apart by a dreadful disease. I would never get to carry Ryan's baby or anyone else's for that matter. I had truly lost him forever, and part of it was my fault. If I had told him the truth from the beginning, he never would have met her. She would not be carrying his child. This was all on me. I had fucked everything up.

I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to do this job anymore either because every time I see him. Every time I see her it's going to be like another gut punch. Like a sharp knife piercing my heart. Twisting and turning, digging the knife deeper and deeper while I slowly and painfully wait to bleed out.

I sat up and wiped my eyes, then began gathering my belongings and throwing them in my suitcase.

"What are you doing Bree?" Ross asked from the doorway. I didn't even hear him come in.

"I'm leaving. I'm going home, back to Alva. I don't belong here. I never should have come back. I quit Ross. I will be sending in my resignation Monday morning."