One year later

Bree?" I heard the familiar voice behind me as I stood in line at the coffee shop waiting for my order.

I turned around and came face to face with the pretty blonde with the sweetest, most genuine smile.

Oh how I missed her.

"Erin. It's so good to see you." I said, as I was engulfed in a hug.

"I've missed you so much Bree. Are you back, or just visiting?" Erin Blaney, my ex-boyfriend's sister asked me.

"I'm back." I smiled, taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly. I was sure I had burned a lot of bridges by leaving, but I was thankful that seemingly Erin wasn't one of them.

"So what are you doing now?" She asked me.

"I got hired on at Trackhouse with their new team." I replied.

"So you are working with Ross again? Back to where you first started?" Erin chuckled. "That's great Bree. Does anyone else know you are back?"

I knew exactly who she meant.

"Just Ross and everyone at Trackhouse. I guess everyone else will know soon enough." I plastered a smile on my face.

"He still thinks about you all the time." Erin leaned in and whispered to me, as if it were a big secret.

Well, I certainly didn't expect that, but Erin couldn't possibly be right.

"I don't think so Erin. I know he's moved on and he's seeing someone else. Has been for a while now." I replied.

"Well, I know my brother. He does still think about you." Erin insisted.

I was still skeptical. "I've seen photos of him with his new girlfriend. She's gorgeous, and he looks really happy. That's all I ever wanted for him."

"She's okay, she's just not you." Erin said sadly. For Erin to say someone was just "okay" was very telling because Erin didn't have a mean bone in her body. She loved everyone. It wasn't my problem though.

"It was great seeing you Erin, but I have to get going. I have to be at the shop for nine. I'll call you later and we can catch up." I said in a rush. As much as I adored Erin, I couldn't bear to stand here and make small talk about Ryan.

******

I stepped into the brand new Trackhouse Racing shop and looked around with a smile. I knew this place from before when it had been Chip Ganassi Racing, but now it looked completely different. Trackhouse had so much vision and innovation. Both great things for a still new team, and the new shop was no exception. That was what drew me to taking this job. Well that and the fact that I was going to be working with my best friend again, for the first time in years.

"There's my new/old PR girl." My childhood friend, Ross Chastain greeted me with his signature smile and a warm hug. "How you doing Breezy?"

"Seriously Ross?" I laughed, yet inwardly cringed at the same time from the use of my old nickname.

He rolled his eyes dramatically, sighed, then the brilliant smile was back. "Okay, fine. Bree then. You look great. I'm so glad to have you back."

"You just saw me like a month ago." I laughed. "But anyway, I'm glad to be back, and I'm glad that you are here to act as my welcoming committee. I really needed this Ross. I need to be back at work. Back in North Carolina and around my old friends. I'm ready to make a fresh start. New job. New hair. New boobs."

"So a whole new Bree huh? Shame because I kinda liked the old Bree." He winked at me.

"No, I'm still the same old Bree." I laughed.

"C'mon. Let me show you around." Ross took my arm excitedly and showed me around the new Trackhouse shop. He pointed out the lounge and explained there was breakfast most mornings. He led me around offices, introducing me to so many people there was no way I would remember them all. Ross had so much energy and excitement it was hard not to get caught up in it. It was going to be so much fun working with him again.

"This is your office. I already notified HR you would be in today, so your computer and company email should be all set up."

I was impressed by how new and modern everything was as I sat down at my new desk. The office was bare, but it wouldn't take me long to put a little bit of my personal touches into it to make it mine. But then I instantly began thinking about my old office at Team Penske that had been full of pictures of Ryan and me. Those pictures were now in storage where they would stay.

"He still asks about you, you know. Every time I see him, he's even texted me a few time out of the blue." Ross said offhandedly, snapping me out of my thoughts.

First Erin, and now Ross. Damn him. He always seemed to know what, or who I was thinking about.

"You haven't told him anything have you?" I asked, a warning in my tone.

"Of course not. You should know me better than that. I just tell him you're doing fine and leave it at that." Ross rolled his eyes.

I breathed a small sigh of relief. That really was a silly question. Of course Ross didn't tell him anything. He would never break my trust like that.

"Does he know I'm back? Working here?" I asked.

Ross shrugged. "If he does, it's not from me."

"Well, I'm sure he'll find out soon enough. I ran into Erin this morning getting coffee."

"You're bound to run into him sooner or later." Ross replied.

"Yeah, but I'd prefer later." I sighed.

"Are you doing okay Bree? I mean health wise." Ross asked me.

"I am. I feel great. I just got my latest set of scans, and there is no sign of cancer anywhere. I know it's only been a year...so we wait and see, but I promise, I'm staying on top of everything."

"That's fantastic news. You are an absolute bad ass. I hope you know that." He replied.

I just nodded. I didn't want to talk about my health, and I didn't want to hear about what a badass I was. I didn't feel like a badass at all.

I logged on to my computer, and an email immediately popped up. My first official email as a Trackhouse employee.

"What is this about a Grand Opening tonight?" I asked Ross.

"Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you about that. It's Justin's idea. He wanted to do an open house. You know, new shop, new team. He just wants to welcome everyone and show off the new shop."

"Is Pittbull gonna be here?" I asked eagerly.

"I have no idea." Ross laughed.

I then looked at the list of the email recipients.

"Looks like Justin invited everyone in NASCAR." I said, noticing right away that the email was sent to Team Penske and their individual drivers.

"Maybe he won't show up." Ross shrugged again.

"Maybe, but like you said, I'm going to have to face him sooner or later." I sighed.

Maybe he won't show up.

********

After leaving Trackhouse and driving back home, I let myself into my house and gave a weary sigh over all of the unloaded boxes stacked around.

I had kept my Davidson, North Carolina home, even though I had been in Florida for the last year. There was a lot of work that needed to be done, but I just didn't have the energy to tackle it. The house wasn't much, but it was mine. It certainly wasn't the beautiful home that Ryan and I had looked at and put an offer on just before I left. It broke my heart a little more to hear that Ryan had purchased the house anyway, and was now sharing it with "her."

I had no reason to be jealous, and no one to blame but myself. It was just the thought of him with someone else hurt.

But you wanted him to move on, I told myself.

My mind immediately brought me back to the day I was diagnosed. It was a week before my mother died. Not only did I have the breast cancer gene, but there was a small lump in my left breast that a biopsy showed to be malignant. As if that wasn't enough, I also had cancer cells in my cervix.

I was reeling from the news. How was I supposed to process all of this while my own mother was dying from the very same disease I had just been diagnosed with?

I was told I was lucky. It was caught early. I damn sure as hell didn't feel lucky.

What about Ryan, the love of my life? We were about to buy a house. We were talking about getting married, hell, we even had names picked out for our kids.

Kids...there would be no kids. Not from me anyway. Even with a radical double mastectomy and total hysterectomy, my future was still uncertain. As a carrier of the BRCA gene, I was at a higher risk than the average person for developing certain cancers. I felt like a walking time bomb.

I thought about my father and the hell he had been through with my mothers cancer battle. Never once did he complain. He never let anyone feel that my mothers illness was a burden. It had taken a heavy toll though. He had aged prematurely. His eyes had become dull and lifeless. He rarely smiled. His everyday movements had become slow and deliberate. It was almost as if any light and joy had been sucked out of him.

How could I put Ryan through that? My Ryan. He was so full of joy and spirit. His beautiful blue eyes twinkling with amusement. Always cracking joke, always sporting a smile that just seemed to light up everyone around him.

No. I couldn't do that to him. If Ryan knew I had cancer, he would have done everything possible to take care of me, and that just wasn't fair to him. I didn't want to be a burden. The one that sucks all of the life and joy out of him. There was no way he would leave me, so I couldn't tell him the truth.

I made the gut wrenching decision to break up with him. My father and Ross both protested strongly that Ryan would not look at me any different and he would love and support me through it all, but I told them that's exactly why I had to let him go. He would have put his entire life on hold for me, and I couldn't live with that. Hell, who even knows if I'll live anyway.

I lied to Ryan. I told him that I had done some soul searching and decided I was not ready to settle down. I wanted to see other people and encouraged him to do the same. I didn't want the house and marriage and family. I wanted to see more of the world.

Even worse, was that I had done all of this over the phone. I didn't have the guts to do it face to face because I knew the second I looked into those blue eyes, I would lose the nerve.

He was gutted, tried to talk me out of it several times, but I held on to my reserve, my heart shattering the entire time. I told myself I was doing the right thing, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

Ugh. I wanted to slap myself. I have got to stop living in the past. Ryan is my past. He has moved on, and I need to do the same.

Knowing I had the open house to get ready for, I hopped into the shower then began getting ready. I needed to mentally prepare myself for the fact that Ryan could show up tonight, and if he did, it was going to take everything I had in me to finally face him.