White roses and carnations decorated the garden and the gazebo where my mother's coffin lay. The flowers extended up to the tents where we, the congregation were sitted. I am pretty sure we are now prone to bee stings from all this pollen. I am also sure my sinuses are organizing a rebellion. In the tents, fold out chairs are arranged in straight lines row by row.

The church choir continues to sing despite the blistering heat. It seems like the sun is giving one last long show before autumn takes over.

The choir finally finishes the song and an old priest takes position at an old wooden podium to the right of the gazebo. The podium is leaning dangerously to the side and the priest resorts to holding his Bible. A stout African American woman notices this and runs quickly to his aid. She holds the Bible as he reads from it.

My mother's burial service is being held outside the Mattapan Cathedral because the building has been declared hazardous to human life. I am happy that the building is going to be demolished soon. It holds so many bad memories for me. Whether they are going to build a new church after the demolition is unknown to me.

I am sitted at the front in a black off-shoulder knee high dress. My legs are covered with black pantyhose. Elizabeth sits besides me. She is clad in an overflowing black gown. She would have come with a black veil if I had not convinced her otherwise. She looks like the proverbial pregnant widow at a burial. Will, her fiance sits to her other side, his hand never leaving her shaking shoulders. I look at them with longing because I want what they have.

Margaret sits at my other side in a wheelchair. Her torso is being held together with many bandages that form some kind of lumbar corset. Her face has the expression of a child sucking on a lemon. I can tell that she is uncomfortable but there is nothing I can do about that given that she had insisted on coming despite my best efforts to get her to stay at the hospital. Over the past week, we have had many heart to hearts and now we are closer than ever. I consider Margaret my mother and she considers me her daughter.

The sermon comes to an end and the choir starts the recessional hymn. The congregation stands as the grave is taken away by four men who could probably win Olympic medals if they participated in body building.

I don't know what to feel at this point. Should I remember my mother as the cowardly woman who had stood at my father's side as he shot me in the face or should I remember her as the woman who had died fighting for me just a week ago. Over the next few days, I am going to think deeply into this and I will get an answer. For now, I am going to take the less hurtful answer because it makes life easier.

The grave is lowered into the pre-dug hole and more flowers are thrown in. I look at the headstones of Evan and Craig that lie next to where my mother's grave is being lowered. I expect to feel something different but I still feel the same ice cold hatred flowing through my veins.

The crowd around the grave soon disperses. Elizabeth and I stay a minute longer saying our final goodbyes.

A huge black four wheeler turns onto the church property and a stick thin dark haired woman gets out. She is dressed in a black pantsuit that would have looked nice if she had a bit of flesh on her body. The suit seemed to be wearing her instead. Her pants are fastened to her body with a belt. Her undertaker appearance is completed with dark shades and six inch heels that  make her look taller than she really is.

Elizabeth leaves with Will as Victoria draws nearer.

"I thought you weren't going to come." Victoria asks with a knowing smile.

"She died fighting for my safety. It is the least I can do." I reply.

"Are you uh are you married?" Victoria asks.

"No." I reply.

"You are very lucky then. Never get married." Victoria says with a bit of nostalgia. I know she is talking about her tragic marriage to Alex/ Andrew whatever his name was.

I shock myself by hugging her. My back becomes suspiciously wet and I know that she is crying. I stay there rocking her because I understand what she has gone through. While I was tortured for 3 weeks, she has been tortured for eight long years.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't save you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that Walter was a psycho maniac. I am so damn sorry." Victoria pleads while holding onto me so tightly.

"It's okay, Vicky. I don't blame you." I say as I pat her awkwardly on the back.

"You shouldn't–" Victoria cries

"But I do. We can't let whatever happened in the past ruin our future. We have gone through a lot in our lives and now it is time for us to move on. It's time for us to start over." I say and just like that Victoria straightens. She wipes her tears with a handkerchief and touches my cheek.

"You are a good person Elaine–Emilia. You deserve all the happiness in the world." Victoria says and she walks away. She gets into the car and begins to drive away. Victoria has a lot to get through especially after figuring out that her brother is the baseball murderer and that her husband murdered my father.

I remain looking at the retreating car surreptitiously dubbing at my eyes and that's when I feel it. The telltale itch on the shoulder blades of someone watching you from a distance. I turn and pick him out of the crowd. Today, he is in a short sleeved black shirt that is tucked into black jeans. His shades obscure his brown eyes. He smiles when he notices me looking at him and my heart tugs in my chest. Rukelle is at his side supporting herself on a crutch. Her shiny auburn hair flows around her heart shaped face and for the first time she looks..... beautiful.

Archer walks towards me with his hands in his pockets.

"You look nice." He says in lieu of greeting.

"You don't look too bad yourself." I reply with a smile. I bite my lips despite myself.

"What did she have to say?" Archer asks pointing to the huge four wheeler that is now turning off the property.

"She wanted to apologize for.... everything."

"It was nice what you did for little Ryan."

"Thank you." I mutter. I gave all the money I had received as my inheritance from both my parents and Gregory to Elena and Ryan. I do not know why Gregory left me an inheritance but atleast I am happy I put it to good use. I know money can never make up for the loss of a mother but it is a step in the right direction.

He grunts and we fall into an awkward silence. A silence that I feel the need to break. He breaks it with a kiss. A soft chaste kiss to reacquaint himself with my lips. His warm tongue teases at my lips and I let him in. Our tongues dance in perfect sync with each other. His mouth tastes faintly of chocolate.

I reluctantly put my hands on his muscled chest and break the kiss. I catch my breath then say.

"Archer, I can't be that woman for you. You have a wife. Even though that was not the case, we are just too imperfect to be perfect for each other." I say even when these words break me in ways I can't comprehend. What was coming out of my mouth was the complete opposite of what I wanted.

"Emilia, I love–" Archer tried but I stop him with a single finger to his lips. His lips suck my finger in and I almost moan with pleasure.

I shake my head to get my senses back in order.

"Don't do this to me Archer. Go back to your wife. Please." I whisper and I try to flee but he stops me with another kiss. This one is hot and hungry. It's a biting kiss with teeth crashing into each other. His desperation is evident in the kiss but I just.... can't.

I break away one last time and run. I run a race I know I will never win because a battle against the heart can't be won. I hear him calling my name but I don't look back because I know that if I do, I am a goner. I am running because I am afraid. I am afraid of love because up to this point, love has only brought me pain. My loved ones have always been the ones who hurt me. I can't experience that pain again because I will die.

Somewhere a speaker plays Princesses don't cry by Aviva. Karma really is giving me one gigantic slap in the face. I thought I would make it back to the car before crying but hot fat tears are already streaming down my face. I sink to my knees and cry because that's all that is keeping me together.

I test out the words in my head before I shout them out loud. "I love you too Archer. I love you so damn much it hurts."