CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

So I moved to California, but it's just a state of mind
It turns out everywhere you go, you take yourself, that's not a lie
Wish that you would hold me or just say that you were mine
It's killing me slowly

Dream a little dream of me
Make me into something sweet
Turn the radio on, dancing to a pop song
Fuck it, I love you
Fuck it, I love you
Fuck it, I love you
I really do

××××

The aroma of a delicious European buffet swirled in the hall with fancy varieties of alcohol kept at every table, the entire supper seeming more expensive that anything I had ever stolen. Emily and Zachary swayed on the floor, enjoying their first dance as a couple, giggling and whispering into each other's ears every once in a while as if exchanging little secrets no one knew about.

They looked in love while I looked ready to stuff food in my face followed by an episode of reckless drinking and finally getting fired from my job. New beginning were happening for so many of us today.

I didn't know where Evan was which was completely okay because I hadn't even tried looking. One of the reasons I loved the crowds so much was because it was one of the easiest places to hide in, even with everyone around you.

It was the best place for me because even after everything, I was still, ofcourse, a con girl.

I mean maybe not entirely, but it was still a part of who I was. I may have stopped stealing and if we judged solely by my last twelve months record, I was completely clean and hadn't done a thing that could land me in jail. But mentally I still wasn't able to completely let go of that con girl that was once my only identity.

Inside that con girl was a girl who loved to escape her reality by pretending her problems didn't exist instead of facing them heads on. I was still a girl living in an illusion, thinking that if I run away far enough, my fears wouldn't be able to catch up. Like hiding from my problems was a brave way to escape them.

Which is why I had spent a good thirty minutes convincing myself that after today, I'll never see Evan again. Ofcourse, in vain.

But really, why would I? There weren't any more excuses left. The wedding was over and there was nothing keeping us together anymore. Tomorrow we would return back to our normal lives without each other, in two different continents, although the distance between us was never really just physical. I didn't know if that was supposed to make things easier or even harder.

I picked the last item for my dessert plate, chocolate cupcakes. My mind wandered to the time I was in the kitchen with Evan, clumsily putting frosting on the cupcakes we had made together while he patiently stood beside my hopeless self, teaching me how to not ruin those delicious sweets.

If only he knew how flawless I was at ruining perfect things.

He had told me if he could have mornings like those every day for the rest of his life, he would. I felt so close to that memory like if I were to extend my hand, I could almost touch it, but the second my fingers were to brush against it, it would pop like a bubble and disappear forever without a trace.

Was my fear of getting turned down by the only man I had ever truly let in greater than that moment? My heart was already his and if I had to risk shattering it further, then for him, I would do it all over again. And again. And again.

The runner was still inside me, but for Evan, I would move ahead instead of going backwards like each time before.

I had to find him. I had to fight for him.

++++

"Evan," I rasped out almost aggressively, before my cheeks heated up and I quickly cleared my voice. I hadn't realised how overwhelmed I was. I had gone full fuck logic, listen to the heart on myself and was only now realising I had no idea what I was really going to say or do.

Evan seemed surprised for a moment as his eyes moved from the couple he was talking with, to me, then back to them.

"Uh, sorry, I could-we could talk later-I'll just-"

The couple turned towards me and they both smiled. I recognised the girl as one of Emily's bridesmaids. Her eyes lit up and she squeezed, judging by the ring on her fingers, her fiance's arm excitedly.

"Ah, no, no, stay. We were just leaving to get a drink anyway, right honey?" she practically dragged her fiance away while I kept my eyes on their receding forms, half because I was a bit weirded out and half because I still didn't know what to say to Evan and wanted to delay meeting his eyes as much as possible. Back to mature real quick.

Evan cleared his throat and I had no choice but to look at him. Where had all my courage suddenly disappeared?

"I see you've stocked up." he grinned.

My eyebrows knitted in confusion. "What?"

"Your plate." he laughed, nodding his head towards the plate of desserts I was still holding with both of my hands. Shit. I was so determined to talk to Evan, I didn't even notice that I had carried my almost overflowing plate of desserts with me.

"What? A girl's got to eat. Unlimited buffets and overeating go hand in hand."

He chuckled, glancing at my plate once more. "I see, your obsession with chocolate has only grown stronger, Scarle-"

His smile quickly disappeared as he caught himself before saying that name completely, but it was already too late.

"I mean, Flora." he cleared his throat. "Flora." he repeated as if reminding himself something.

I bit my lips together. "Yes. Yes, it has, but if you insist, I may share a bit of it with you. I mean, I don't want my dress to be ripped by the end of the day."

Evan's eyes widened a little and my cheeks heated up as soon I realised what I had said. "I meant if I eat too much, I'll get big and my dress is too small, as in not too small in general, it's completely normal sized in general as you can see, but after I eat the dessert since there are calories in it and these look really delicious so maybe if I share then I'll-it was a joke!"

Evan threw his head back, laughing at me. "You should see your face right now, you're completely red." Then he smirked at me, a little too wickedly. "Just like a cherry on top."

He took a cherry from the top of a piece of pastry on my plate and put it in his mouth, slowly wrapping his lips around it as his eyes glinted with mischief.

I swallowed hard.

He smirked at me and it was becoming hard to ignore how close we were. Just as hard as breathing was becoming.

Right when I thought something was going to happen, he walked straight past me. I blinked a few times in confusion before my eyes narrowed. That bastard. I turned around angrily, ready to throw some snarky comment at him so I could pretend he didn't just walked all over my ego, but before I could utter a word, he spoke again.

"Are you coming or not?" Evan asked. When my eyebrows knitted in confusion, he rolled his eyes at me. "Let's sit and eat." he motioned towards my plate. He turned away and started walking before I could say anything, not even checking to see if I was following.

And just like that, my resolve melted and I trailed after him, like being pulled by a magnet.

"So," I broke the silence as we sat down. "What was that all about? The couple you were talking to."

"What about them?" he murmured, his spoon briefly brushing against mine. I bit my lip. This wasn't the first time we were sharing a plate of dessert. I wondered if he still remembered.

"They were looking at me weirdly." I stated, narrowing my eyes at him. "Did you say something about me to them? Something bad?"

Evan sighed. "They were asking about you. As in the wedding planner. They were really impressed by yours and your team's work and wanted to hire you for their wedding planning."

My eyes lit up. "Really? And what did you say?"

His eyes softened, his tender gaze holding me hostage. "I told them they couldn't have made a better choice."

"When did you become such a flatterer? I mean it's me you're talking about." I chuckled lightly, breaking our eye contact.

"Hey," Evan reached out for my idle hand resting on the table, his touch instantly sending sparks through my skin."I didn't lie, Flora. I know a lot has happened between us, but that doesn't change the fact that you've done a beautiful job on this wedding."

His eyes were full of sincerity and something stirred in my heart. He was absent-mindedly stroking my hand with his fingers and I wanted to melt into his touch.

"I'm really proud of you." he whispered and I sucked in a breath of air. "Thank you for giving Emily the perfect wedding she always wanted. Thank you."

"You don't know how much this means to me, Evan." I smiled. "But you shouldn't be thanking me. I-I wouldn't be here without you. I wouldn't be someone people could be proud of."

He smiled back. "Now are you going to finish eating all those desserts or not? Seriously there is not an inch of your plate you've left uncovered."

"Right. Back to work." I spoke with determination, holding up my spoon like a weapon as if I was getting ready for a battle.

Evan chuckled lowly and I couldn't help but join him. It felt good, laughing together like that. It felt like...before. I happily dug into the plate like I had never eaten before. But technically that wasn't exactly false because I really hadn't ever eaten anything as good as this.

"Mmm." I moaned lowly. "If one day I'm told that I can only eat one dish for the rest of my life, I'll pick this Crème Brûlée without a second thought."

"And this tart, oh my gosh." I savoured the sweet taste of the dessert hungrily. "And ofcourse, Churros!" I dipped the long Churros strip in the melted chocolate before wrapping my lips around it and sighing in pleasure.

My eyes darted to Evan's when I noticed he was suddenly quiet and a warmth spread through my stomach. His eyes had been zeroed in on my lips and he was giving me the same look that he always gave me before we ended up...you know. I bit my lip in amusement before slowly licking the chocolate off it teasingly.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing."

"Aw, don't be upset. If I were you, I'd have trouble looking away too." I laughed, placing another strip of Churros in my mouth.

I'm pretty sure I saw him blush a little.

"Of all the things, why would you pick this Crème Brûlée, anyway?" Evan asked. I smiled, not missing his attempt at changing the topic. "There are better things-"

I gasped at him dramatically. It was only half fake. "I'll pretend you didn't just say that."

He shrugged nonchalantly, taking a bite of my Crème Brûlée. It was now my turn to stare at his lips. The way his mouth wrapped around his spoon and his tongue licked...

One look into his wicked eyes and I knew he was trying to play me at my own game. A part of me was annoyed, but another part didn't really mind. And 'didn't really mind' was just an innocent way of saying that I could watch him do that thing he was doing forever even if it was fucking with my mind. Phew.

"Okay, then you tell me, if not this, then what?"

"Considering you don't care about the calories, Cannolis would beat anything on your plate any day."

My eyes widened. "Wait, I thought Cannolis weren't a part of the buffet. Shit, don't tell me I missed them. Wait here, I'll go get s-"

"Sit down." Evan placed his hand on my shoulder, urging me to go back to my seat, a small smile dancing on his lips. "It's unfortunately not in the buffet. I was actually talking about these Cannolis I had in Italy once. There is this dessert place back in Milan where you should really go sometime, it's perfect for you." he laughed.

I couldn't help but smile. He was thinking about a place he visited and how it would be perfect for me. Maybe I was getting happy over nothing, but the fact that he thought this for me made me feel slightly giddy inside.

"I'll text you the address and when you return back to Italy, you should definitely go to that place."

"You know, I'm very directionally challenged and if this place is as great as you say it is, then you should probably take me there yourself. I mean, I would die of self-loathing if I'm unable to find it!" I laughed, trying to sound nonchalant, although in reality I was nervous. I was well aware of the words I had said and I was anxious to see his reaction to it.

There was a pause and I didn't dare meeting his eyes. "You know I'm going back to New York tomorrow, Flora." his voice was low, lacking much emotion and the cracks on my already broken heart started to reappear.

"Yes, ofcourse. Ofcourse. I know that. And I'm going back to Italy." I mumbled, looking down. "I know that. I know."

"Flora."

"Hmm?"

"Look at me."

I continued staring at my plate.

"Flora." his fingers brushed against arm and I bit my lip. I could feel myself leaning into his touch, before realisation hit me and I jerked my arm away abruptly.

"Evan, would you excuse me for a moment? I have this payment I'm supposed to settle with the caterers by the end of the day and I have this other thing too that I need to take care of. I should also probably take a look around and see if everything is-"

"Flora." he gripped my chin firmly, but softly, forcing me to look him in the eyes. I was certain he could see the pain in mine. I could see it in his too, but I didn't know what they were from-the thought of losing me again or the dread of having to turn me down because he didn't love me anymore.

I moved his hand away, breaking eye contact with him.

"I need to go." I got up and quickly started walking away, disappearing into the crowd before he could stop me.

_____

This chapter was tough to write, primarily because it gave me some major dessert cravings in the middle of the night. And so I really hope it was worth it and you guys enjoyed reading this it!

I didn't want to end it this way, but no worries, the next chapter will pick up from here. I mean A LOT has to happen before these two go their separate ways (or not? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

Tell me your favorite part from this chapter/book(s) whatever, just tell me whatever you enjoyed reading the most, I love reading comments that say something other than "PLS UPDATE"

HAHA I get it and I tried making this update lengthy for you guys. I want to thanks all those still sticking around and still reading!

Stay safe, see you next chapter.