CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Even though I try I can't let go
Something in your eyes
Captured my soul
And every night I see you in my dreams
You're all I know
I can't let go

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I groaned into my pillow and blew my hair out of my face in frustration. It had been hours of tossing and turning, yet sleep just wouldn't come to me. The night was far from over.

My car ride with Evan back to the party was filled an uncomfortable silence which still hadn't left me. I still couldn't stop thinking about... everything.

I didn't know what Evan wanted. I didn't even know what I wanted. I felt so confused by the things he did and said that I put so much blame on him, but I never even considered how my actions and words were confusing him too. Did I get so blinded by my pain that I forgot about his?

When did things get this complicated? They always were, you just never tried sorting through them properly.

I groaned and I got up, put on a jacket and shoes and decided to go out for some fresh air. I checked the time on my watch-2AM, it showed in big black figures. I could almost see the dark circles that were bound to show up under my eyes in it.

The hotel was buzzing with work and chaos even at that time. I wanted to be some place quiet, so I headed out. I was contemplating getting in a taxi and making a run for it when someone caught my eye.

Evan was sitting by the hotel's pool all alone, his legs dipped in the water as he stared straight ahead of him, seemingly lost in thoughts. I took a small step towards him although he still hadn't noticed me. Red signals went off in my head and deciding that it was probably a bad idea, I turned around quickly.

I couldn't deal with him now when my own thoughts and emotions were such a mess.

"Flora?"

Great, the universe is really on my side tonight.

"Evan." I turned around. "I-I didn't see you."

"Yes, you did." he retorted smugly. "You saw me and turned the other way."

"Yes. No. I mean yes." I bit my lip as he raised an eyebrow at me. "It just seemed like you wanted to be alone."

I didn't know what I was thinking, but my feet were moving on their own and I found myself sitting beside Evan, slowing dipping my toes in the water next to him.

"So," Evan leaned to look at my face, while I kept my eyes fixed on the water. "Trouble sleeping?"

"I...guess." I mumbled.

"You're not-I mean you're..okay, right?" he asked almost hesitantly.

I looked up at his face and I could see worry written all over it. A warmth spread in the pit of my stomach. It had been a while since I saw him looking at me with so much care and concern.

A small, sad smile made its way on my lips. "Don't worry. No nightmares tonight."

He nodded, not pushing it any further. He glanced at my hand before looking back at me. He slowly shifted closer before slipping his palm into mine and intertwining our fingers together. His skin was warm and felt like home. He felt like home.

I let out a sigh, feeling all the stress and tension I felt the past few days leave me. The man sitting beside me was the only one who could cause a whirlwind of emotions in me, but he was also the only one who could take it all away and make me feel peace and calm for once.

It was killing me not telling him everything and I just couldn't stay afraid anymore. The worst had already happened. I didn't have him anymore to lose him. Even if this didn't make things better, atleast I'll know he knew the whole thing. The whole me.

I rested my head on his shoulders and took a deep breath of air.

"I was eight when it happened." I started. I could feel his shoulders tense as he realised I was about to tell him what he had been asking for so long. "My sister was seventeen and she was dating someone who was five years elder to her. They kept their relationship a secret from everyone. I had seen him around a few times, but I didn't know.." I took a deep breath before continuing. Sensing that this was tough for me, Evan squeezed my hand to comfort me in silence.

"She started coming home with bruises on her neck. I caught her waking up early in the morning to cover it up with makeup and crying under her blankets late at night. When I confronted her about it she made up excuses and made me promise not to tell anyone. I didn't understand what-" I could suddenly feel my throat tighten, making it difficult for me to speak. I bit the inside of my cheeks to prevent myself from breaking down. Evan caressed my shoulders softly, but didn't interrupt.

"I didn't understand what was going on, but I couldn't keep it in for long. So I told my parents. They found out he had been abusing her and threatening her if she tried to break up with him or go to the police. They were completely shattered and hated themselves for not knowing and doing something earlier. They stood by her and filed a case against him." I gulped hard before continuing.

"But he came from a powerful family. His father was a wealthy businessman and this overlapped with an important international deal he was about to sign. He couldn't afford bad press and the future heir of the business couldn't afford having a police record either." I spat in disgust, not realizing that I was crying until I felt Evan's fingers wipe the tears from my cheeks.

"They had enough money to make this all go away. The police was basically under their payroll. They tried to sweep this under the rug, but my parents weren't going to let it go so easily. They had photo evidence and they also found out he had done this before with other girls. Girls younger than him who were too afraid to come out and do anything. They were planning to expose him and-" my voice broke and I covered my face with my hands. Evan didn't waste a second wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to his chest. He mumbled calming words into my ear, holding me close.

"It's okay, Flora. Let it all out. It's going to be okay." he said softly.

I wiped my tears and reached for my phone in my pocket. The photo wasn't hard to find, I always kept going back to it from time to time. I showed it to Evan and he took if from my hand, looking at it quietly. It was a picture of a newspaper article I still had.

"It was termed as a car accident." I snorted bitterly. "It was just that easy to kill my family and put this whole matter to rest. They had to die just so a wealthy man could save his and his son's reputation, sign a fucking deal and scare off anyone who ever tried to speak up again."

"That's why you hate rich people." Evan stated. There wasn't any judgement or disgust in his tone, in fact it was understanding as if things made more sense to him now. I felt a wave of relief wash over me.

"Money's worth was more than my family's life." I spat out. "Nothing else mattered to these people except for money. It made them believe they had the power to do anything. And this world.. it didn't deny this power to them either."

Evan didn't say a word. He didn't ask me questions. He didn't fire his opinions at me. He just sat there, holding me close, running his hand up and down my arm to comfort me. It was all I needed from him.

"I wish I was there." I mumbled. "My parents had left me at my neighbor's house. I was best friends with their daughter. I was angry at them because we hadn't been spending too much time together. So they promised that after they come back we would have a family game night." I chuckled in between my tears.

"But they never did. I was waiting for them, but they never came back." I sobbed. "I wish I was there. I wish I had just died there with them. I should've. I didn't deserve to-"

"Shh.." Evan coaxed. "Don't say that. Don't."

"But it's true." I whimpered.

"You didn't deserve this, Flora." he said softly, but firmly. "You were just a kid. No one deserves to have their family taken away from them."

He was looking at me sadly and I knew he wasn't just talking about me. I squeezed his hand comfortingly and he returned the gesture. Letting everything out and pouring my heart to Evan made me feel light and free. I felt like I could finally breathe again. There was still so much we had to talk about, but at that moment I felt more relieved than ever. I knew if I hadn't told him everything, I would regret it forever.

I hadn't been this vulnerable with anyone before and there was no one I wanted to open up to this way either. It was only Evan and no one else.

I didn't know what this meant for us.
I didn't know what me and Evan were anymore. I didn't even know if we were anything at all. Or if a 'we' even existed when it came to us.

But right now he was here with me, so I just rested my head on his shoulder and relaxed into his touch as he took me in his arms.

What the future held for us was a complete blur. All that was clear was that at that moment I felt warm and peaceful.

If tomorrow was going to be the last day we see each other, I wanted this night to last forever.

If this was going to be the last time he holds me in his arms, then I wanted to soak this moment in completely before it disappeared forever.

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