Recap
•°•°•°•°

With that I lost it.
Ragging my hands through my hair in frustration and trying to cover my ears. To block the voices out.
I loudly cried out in pain, as if being tortured. Making my lungs jingle like the string of a guitar, fiercely pulled.

I didn't stop screaming. I could still hear the demons laughing.

Then the door busted open!

🌺🌺🖤
****
They say it won't be hard.
They can't see the battles in my heart~Juliana Brennan
****
Quietly quietly..
i smoulder and burn,
The void inside, feeding on me..

Shackles of society,
Straining me numb.
Debts of duty,
a burden to bear.
Weighing me
dragging me
Down
...down
......down

Quietly quietly..
I seethe and rage,
The void inside, gaining on me.
Ever empty eyes,
Devoid of joy
stare through,
Their fake smiles, subtle ploys.

Quietly quietly..
I weep inside,
sobbing in silence
Muffling my screams
Regrets of choices
Of drowning my dreams

quietly quietly..
I smoulder and burn,
The void inside, feeding on me.
~~~~~
Chapter 1a°
~~~~~
Endi
🥀🥀
*****

The air was 12 months pregnant with tension, the night was cold and the cool breeze whistled, being the only sound that successfully managed to travel in our small gathering, for silence was the only note we played at the moment.

Times like this were one of the several ones I hated. Seated in front of the people I called my family. I felt uneasy. With; my mum looking at me with an expression I couldn't comprehend, my dad glaring at me with a big, fat, scowl seating tranquilly on his elegant face and my elder sister staring at me with grimace. What ? I thought she'd understand. But who am I kidding? She never understands.She never will. I gulped. I prayed silently, for I knew a long lecture about how insensitive I was,would unfold in a bit.

Looking at them from underneath my natural long and thick eyelashes, I eagerly waited for them to say something. Knowing, whatever they were about to say wouldn't be in my favour, didn't stop me from being the curious little feline I was.

"Endi, are you okay now?" A small voice asked. Making me immediately snap my neck up, raising my head, in attempt to know, who had decided to break the iced silence.

Darting my eyes upwards, It came in contact with adorable dark orbs, which were laced with concern, that belonged to my younger brother- Maxwell. It was apparent to me that the little 5 years old boy knew something was wrong, but he couldn't figure it out.

"Y-"I started but got interrupted by the harsh and venom filled voice of the Jazebel who had to be referred to as my sister.

"What made you think, you have the rights to call her Endi? Where did you drop the 'Aunty'? Don't you have respect again?!" She yelled, making her already bad voice, sound like a violin with only one cord left,at the verge of being pulled.

He kept mute.

"Answer me! Is she your mate?"She angrily spat.

He kept mute.

" Are you deaf?!, I said is she your mate? Did mother and I not teach you enough respect or it is you who decided not to have respect?"She screamed, her voice; rising and falling at every bad rythm, she played.

"I'm sorry." He muttered, barely above a whisper.

"Am, I the one you're telling sorry? Where is the 'ma' there?!" She shouted at him, with a big plate in her hands, as, she dished to him, a glare that could make anyone make a quick trip, 6 feet deeper.

I was beginning to boil with anger.
What's the meaning of all these unnecessary drama?

"I'm-" Max started, obviously about to add the nonsense 'Ma'. I cut him off.

Enough!

"Stacey, let it slide. I'm the one who told him to be calling me 'Endi'. Moreover, it's not like the Aunty title would make my account balance rise up, so it's cool." I mumbled straining on the 'Aunty' word. Earning a transparent teddy bear, stuffed with evil glares.

Oh my, If looks could kill. I'd be 21 feet below.

"Ehhhehhhn, so, you're the one teaching him, how to be disrespectful. abi?" She screeched. Asking the 'abi' as if she wanted to bounce on me, like a tigress. If I say yes.

I kept quiet. Mentally rolling my eyes. What do I have to say after all? It's evident that she isn't in her right senses.   

Standing up, she walked towards Max with a scorn. Making him shudder in fear, and press further into the sofa, he sat on, like she was some sort of approaching tornado.

"Stacey! Just let it slide!" I said with my voice on a high note. I didn't intend to shout but I just- I just couldn't help..it. I was beginning to get furious. It's not like she cared anyway, so, what's the fuss about?

She was just diverting her pent up anger, the one she had perfectly constructed for me.for my sake. Breaking it fiercely and pouring all of it on him.

"Don't you dare raise your filthy voice at me."She snapped.Wearing a mask, concealed with a thousand glares.

She had better get a better paying job than glaring. Very soon her eyes would remove from it's socket.

I hissed.

" Y-" She started but got shunned by the voice of my mum. "Tread with caution, young ladies. Enough." She spoke lowly in her velvety voice but I didn't miss, the, glass cup, filled with authority. One that sang to us, dripping at every word,she spoke.

Stacey scoffed. Walking over to her seat. I didn't miss, the look of slight relieve on Max's visage, when she sat.

She passed me a death glare, like a watt 9ja card. I smirked. I didn't have any card to play back and I was too tired to visit the card market.

She huffed, turning her face the other way.

Despite my issues,I couldn't help but smile. Such a Dunce. I thought.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°🌺

Soon, we were back to playing the beautiful, silence filled note.

I looked over to Max, he looked uncomfortable.

It was as if, he wanted to say something but was still aghast. I guess.

"Max, tell me what's on your mind." I voiced, making everyone look at me, like I was crazy.

Max, however,  looked at me wearing an ensconce look.

Esto chico enlatar estar asique duro (This boy can be so hard.)

Nuel had taught me little Spanish.When we were still together.

"Aunty Endi, are you okay, now?" He asked, his voice so timid.

"Uhmm...everything is alright dear." I replied, after what seemed like hours.

He looked at me with unsureness, then, jumped down from the single seater sofa, which he had been seating on. Walking over to me, he outstretched his tiny hands trying to pull me in for a hug. Showing he obviously didn't buy my white lie.

My eyes watered.

At least there was someone who actually cared, after all. Someone who really, truly cared.

I, then, smiled at his heartfelt yet cute effort.

Wrapping my arms around him too, I lifted him up. Placing him on my lap, making that part of my floral gown wrinkle up. I didn't care. I, sighed softly as I held him close to my chest tightly. Then, like some sort of illusion,I saw his small hands, wipe a tear,away from his face. The action had been so quick. It was hard to convince myself that had been exactly what I saw.

He was in pain.He was hurting.

At this point, I didn't know who was comforting who?

Something was definitely wrong. I could feel it.All my senses sprang up, like coils on a metal and raced with marathon full speed to protective mode. What was wrong?

I confirmed it, the moment he squeezed further into my body, trying as much as possible to be close to me.

He was scared.

My heart churned. It was happening yet again.

Oh, Lord.

Feeling the need to know what was happening, I cleared my throat.

Making them look at me with curiosity and scorn. I'm sure they were all wondering; What does this deranged girl want to say? What does this disturbance wanna talk about? So, she has the guts to talk, even after all she did? Even if, their thoughts weren't the way I framed them, I couldn't careless, Because,Those were the words the expression they wore, excavated. 

See,the people I called family.

Ignoring their stares, I pushed the thoughts down,then, I spoke "I need to get Max to bed, he seems tired."

With that, I walked out on them, with my arms protectively wrapped around My brother's small frame. As, his head rested on my shoulder and his tiny arms tightly clutched around, my neck.

🌺🌺🌺🌺✍✍~~•

Entering Max's room, I used my left leg to shut the door, trying to be quiet as possible, but, failed miserably, as it ended up in a slam. Earning a loud sound in the end, I hissed with slight frustration.

At the moment, I couldn't care less.

My brother was way too important.

He was the only family I still had.

Seating on his bed and setting him down on my lap. I looked into his eyes, searching for answers but he did a great job by giving out none.

"Max-"I began but he cut me off.

" Endi.... Mum, dad and Aunty Stacey wouldn't -they wouldn't hurt you, would they?"He asked, with his voice quivering at the end.

It was as if my heart was being ripped out of it's plug. They might not hurt me, but, their actions would do so. It definitely will.

"They wouldn't hurt me Max, They... wouldn't." I told him, trying to convince him and reassure myself at the same time.
He frowned, seating up on my lap. He looked at me interogatively.

"Endi, you're changing towards me. You now hate me too. Everyone does." He cried. Getting up from my laps and going over to stand few feets away from me.

"Changing? How? And no one hates you especially not me" I said standing up and going over to him.

Placing my hands on his shoulder. He flinged it off him, with disgust, as if, my touch burned him. Hence, he turned walking towards his window, then sniffled.

Was he crying?

Walking over, I squatted to his heights.

"Max, please tell me, what's wrong? What's really happening?" I begged on the verge of tears.

"En..Endi" He choked, turning to look at me.

"Oh, my goodness." Seeing his face, I gasped.

His face was splattered in torn designs with paints of tears by the brush of pain. His eyes was bloodshot, from crying too much.

My heart wrecked. What the heck?

I immediately pulled him in, hugging him soothingly, as my hands gently, moved on his back like a vehicle running out of fuel. Slowly traveling to and fro.Just again and again. What was wrong? I pondered.

As if hearing my thoughts. He whispered "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? You didn't offend me, Max." I said trying to understand why 'sorry'  was the word he borrowed. It didn't fit in for the explanation, did it?

"Endi...I've been causing too much troubles in your life, lately. When I saw you screaming, It was wrong of me to call them to help." He said looking anywhere but me.

Awww. He had done the right thing. He shouldn't be feeling guilty.

"M-" I said but kept quiet, almost immediately, as he raised his hands up, gesturing for me to hold on.

Okay.

Nodding my head, I urged him to continue.

"When, we were there I wasn't supposed to ask you if you were okay, if I hadn't asked you, you wouldn't have gotten into more trouble...I'm sorry."He added, whispering the last part.

" Just come here." I muttered. Pulling him in, for a bear hug. Muttering soothing words into his ears. I soon felt my top get wet. He was crying, yet again.

"Baby, it's okay. Always remember, I love you, okay?" I whispered. Even though, I knew he had come to the realization, that I really loved him. I mean..I had just, gave him a full speech on how he wasn't a disturbance and how much I cared about him.

"You...you are the best. I love you too." He tiredly whispered back, his voice coming in muffled sounds, because his head was fixed on my stomach area, In my stomach, just a little below my breast. He was cradled up in my arms. I had carried him to his bed. In high hopes that he'd fall asleep.

Maybe a lullaby would help.

"Stay awake, don't rest your head

Don't lie down, upon your head

While, the moon drifts in the sky

Stay awake don't close your eyes."

I sang in my silky voice, making him yawn.

"Though the world is fast asleep

Though your pillow soft and deep

You're not sleepy as you seem

Stay awake don't nod and dream...." I trailed, hearing his soft snores and even breath.

I smiled. It was helpful after all. I had heard it in one Disney featured movie. It was sang by Mary....something something. I giggled softly, I couldn't remember her name, accurately.

Standing up, I placed his head on the soft pillow, that was bestrewn on one the bed. Tucking him under the duvet, I turned off the lights. Not before kissing his forehead and bidding him a Good night and Sweet Dreams. Even though he was already fast asleep.

With that I walked out, with fear in my hearts, for the panels of judges that awaited me.

Something bad was about to happen. I could feel it.

**************

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