Dad was sad I think.

He smiled and laughed all the time now.

But i think he's pretending.

I catch his sitting at the kitchen table sometimes real early in the morning.

Just sitting and staring at nothing.

Sometimes crying for no reason.

But the rest of the day he acts completely normal.

I don't understand.

If he's sad why doesn't he just act like it? Why does he hide it?

Pj is of course obvious.

Completely useless actually.

I think he makes it worse.

Honestly, I'm the one who lacks empathy yet I can tell when he upsets Dad talking about Gray or Pops.

It's all just so infuriating.

I sigh as I color a drawing of a deer.

I've been drawing a lot lately.

I never really have before.

I guess I feel more relaxed when I do or something stupid like that.

Soft footsteps entered the kitchen.

I turned to see Dad walking in with a confused expression.

"Hey Spill. What are you doing up? It's 6am!"

"Drawing." I had to stop myself from telling him to use his eyes.

Dad sat beside me and gazed over my work. "Wow Spilly, you're getting really good! It looks almost realistic. I like how you did the horns."

I don't hold back a growl. "Don't call me that and they're called antlers."

Dad chuckled, unfazed by my tone. "Ah, sorry."

I huffed before pushing the drawing to the side.

I look up to him, frowning slightly.

"Dad, I'm confused about something."

Dad straightened up in concern. "What is it Spilled?"

"You act happy, but you're really sad. Why?"

Dad flinched, but soon gave a sad smile. "Spilled. It's to keep you and your brother happy. And to keep me form doing something i... might regret. When you're old enough to get your own Soul, you'll understand more."

I stared at him. "Isn't it bad to bottle up your emotions though?"

Dad smiled brighter. "That," he tapped my nose "Is why I'm going to see a therapist. So I can releases all this sadness and actually be happy instead of forcing myself to be."

I hummed slightly, gazing at the table for a moment before nodding my head. "I guess that makes sense."

I grabbed my Drawing and got out of the chair. "Well, goodnight. I'm going back to sleep."

"Ok, Goodnight Spilly. I love you." He sighed.

I didn't look back at him as I went into my room. "Don't call me that and I love you too."

Gently I closed the door and walked over to the far wall.

Grabbing some tape I place the picture beside the hundreds of others I've made within the last few week.

I wander over to my bed and slip in.

I lean over and turn out the lights.