Gwynne's Point of View

"How was it? Is everything okay?" Salubong sa amin ni Yaya Melds pagkauwing-pagkauwi naming dalawa ni Keegan.

Diretso akong umupo sa sofa at tamad na ibinagsak ang katawan ko roon. I feel so exhausted.

"What happened?" She asked again.

"The Leonetti Family attacked us. More than ten members in the organization were injured." I answered with my eyes closed.

Tinanong nito sa amin ang buong nangyari at kung ano talaga ang dahilan. I told them about the betrayal Angelo Sabella or Jaeson DeFeo-his real name-did in the organization.

That organization attacked us when they learned I punished Jaeson DeFeo who happened to be the niece of Leonetti Family's boss.

Since some of our members were injured, we stayed in Russia for almost two weeks to check them and monitor their situation and to also secure them. I can't leave them like that.

I wouldn't let Leonetti Family attack us again, not now that their boss was badly injured because of me. That organization should have known first that messing me is not easy.

"What punishment did you gave him?"

"Death." Si Keegan ang sumagot.

Nakaupo ito sa tabi ko, katulad ko ay nakasandal din siya. Habang sila Yaya Melds ay hindi makapaniwala. I shrugged. That guy deserved it.

I went back to working again after having enough rest simula nung bumalik ako rito. The BFC magazine was already settled, thanks to Mrs. Grace Arvo. But I guess this week would be hectic for me. Pile of paperwork was waiting and I had to rush some of those before its deadline.

I also needed to attend some meetings, review some important documents and such. Good thing Faye informed me about the agenda of the past meetings they had when I'm gone so it wasn't hard for me to catch up.

"What's my schedule this afternoon?"

"You are free from any meeting or appointment this afternoon Miss Blevins." I sighed.

It's already Friday and from the past days, wala akong ibang ginawa kundi ang magbabad sa trabaho. It's good to hear that I'm free now.

Minadali ko na lang na asikasuhin ang iba pang documents bago ko napagpasyahang umalis na. Plano ko sanang dumiretso na sa mansion pero namalayan ko na lang na nagmamaneho ako papunta sa mall. Nang makalabas ako sa kotse, pinagmasdan ko ang kabuuan noon. I'm now standing from the same spot when he first brought me here.

"This is yours?" I remembered asking him that. Tumango siya bilang sagot at ginulo pa nito ang buhok ko.

"Hey, what's with that face?" He seemed worried that time when he looked at me. Hindi ako sumagot.

While looking on that large building, I am truly proud because of his achievement but deep inside me, I just realized I had missed a lot.

When he noticed me being quiet, he went near me saying I'm such a silly brat before messing my hair again. Tumatawa pa ito nung mga oras na iyon. When he messes my hair, I might get annoyed at him but that gesture of him gives me comfort — the comfort I've been longing after he left me.

I looked up when tears shed so easily on my cheeks upon remembering that scene. I'm standing in front of Kuya Denver's mall. I used to go here with him before but he won't make it anymore because he left me. He left me permanently.

I let my tears fall on my cheeks freely. My heart feels heavy. Gusto ko na lang magmura. Tangina. Bakit kasi siya pa?

After composing myself, nang mahimasmasan ako ng tuluyan, naglakad na ako papasok doon. I did nothing there but to wander around especially on the spots we have been before. Binabalikan ko lang yung mga ala-alang kasama ko pa siya, noong nabubuhay pa siya.

"Gwynne? Gosh, good thing I saw you here!" Nahinto ako sa paglalakad at napalingon roon sa nagsalita. It was Alice. She's holding some decorating materials.

"Yeah, hi." I greeted her. "You're alone?"

"No. I was with-oh there she is!" Tinuro nito ang nasa likod ko so I needed to turn around to see who it was.

"Gwynnnnnnnne!" She hugged me as soon as she stopped in front of me. "We're planning to call you. Mabuti nandito ka." Nakangiting saad sa akin ni Irish. Even if she's holding some paper bags, nagawa pa rin nitong umangkla sa akin using her free hand. The usual her.

"Why?"

"There will be a party in our beach resort plus it's my parent's anniversary and I want you to be there." Alice explained. I nodded, agreeing to what she said.

"Oh, this is new." Sambit ni Irish na noo'y nakatingin lamang sa akin. "Hindi ka ba muna namin pipilitin? Payag na agad?" Tanong pa nito sa akin. Narinig ko naman ang pagtawa ni Alice.

Napailing na lang ako sa kanila bago ako nagsimulang maglakad. Hindi na ako nagulat nang sumunod ang mga ito sa akin, sabay angkla nila sa magkabila kong kamay.

This two didn't changed at all. I smiled a bit.

"What for? Vacation?" Keegan asked when I went downstairs holding my duffel bag.

Even if I'm already on the last three steps of the stair, he stepped up to get that bag on me.

"No. Just attending a party." Sagot ko sa kanya.

I informed them beforehand that I will be out of town for me to attend that party Alice has told me. Maybe leaving for awhile will help me ease my mind. I've been exhausted ever since I came back here. I somehow need to rest my mind.

Keegan was the one maneuvering the car until we stopped in front of Aris' bar-our meeting place. It's 5 in the morning.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito kami kaagang babyahe. Ang sabi ni Alice ay para raw maabutan iyong mass at opening ceremony. When I settled off the car, my eyes narrowed a bit. The boys were also here. Bakit pa nga ba ako magugulat kung nandito rin sila?

Nung bumaba kami ay nakatingin lang silang lahat sa amin.

"Your friends?" Tanong ni Keegan nang lumapit siya sa pwesto ko, nakatingin din siya sa mga ito. Tumango lang ako. He greeted them and they also greeted him back.

"Inform me your whereabouts when you get there, love." Saad nito sa akin tsaka niya ako hinarap at iniabot iyong duffel bag ko.

Hinalikan lang ako nito sa noo bago siya bumalik sa kotse at mabilis na pinasibad iyon paalis.

"OMG! He's the guy who picked you up at the bar the last time. Boyfriend mo nga 'yon?" Irish asked. May excitement sa tono nito. Ang mga mata nito ay nakasunod sa kotse ni Keegan habang papalayo iyon sa amin. "Ang gwapo niya! Is he a model of some---"

"Babe."

"Ano?" Nakangusong saad ni Irish nang subukan siyang pigilan ni Zephyr sa pagsasalita. Alam ko naman kung bakit.

Dahil doon, hindi ko sinasadyang mapatingin sa kanyang direksyon. Nakatingin siya sa akin at nakatingin lang din silang lahat sa amin. I can see him breathing hard then he avoided his gaze on me.

Nang mapagpasyahan nilang babyahe na kami, hindi ko alam kung sinasadya ba nila o nagkataong kailangan ko lang makisabay sa kanya. Sa buong byahe, tahimik lang kaming dalawa. He's busy driving while I busied my eyes wandering in different things I see.

"Hmm?" I groaned when someone's tapping me slightly.

"We're already here." Agad kong inayos ang sarili ko nang sabihin niya iyon.

I didn't realize I fell asleep. Nang umayos ako ng pagkakaupo, a jacket hugged through my body slightly fell.

"You seemed cold. You can use that if you want." Tukoy nito roon sa jacket.

Since he said that, isinuot ko iyon dahil nilalamig nga ako lalo pa't narito kami ngayon sa tabing dagat. Iba yung ihip ng hangin dito kumpara sa Manila.

Lumabas ako ng kotse at binuksan iyong pinto sa likuran para kunin iyong bag ko but he took it from me.

"I can carry my bag Mr. Jimenez."

"Let me. It's heavy Miss Blevins."

I wanted to get it from him but he keeps insisting kaya wala na rin akong nagawa. When I turned around, I saw our friends looking at us. Nakangunot ang noo ng mga ito.

"We're not in the company. We're not even working. Gosh! Drop the formality guys." Usal sa amin ni Irish. I just shrugged it off.

Dumiretso kami sa paglalakad. The mass has started already kaya pumwesto na lang kami sa gilid. Nang matapos iyon, Alice called us to go in the main longue. She introduced us to her parents. After that, she assisted us in our suite.

Dahil gabi pa nga magsisimula iyong party, nanatili na lang muna ako sa loob. Irish and Alice went out. I don't know what are they doing outside, to wander around, I guess.

Nang magsimulang sakupin ng dilim ang buong paligid, pinailawan na nila iyong mga light bulb na nakadisenyo sa kapaligiran. It was Alice's parent's anniversary so a lot of people were invited. Umabot hanggang madaling araw iyong party. Katunayan ay hindi pa iyon tapos pero maaga akong nagpaalam sa kanila dahil nga dinadalaw na ako ng antok.

The next morning, even though I sleep late at night, maaga pa rin akong nagising. Nang bumaba ako, the whole place was quiet. Maybe they're still sleeping. Halatang napuyat ang mga bisita. Sa baba naman ay iyong mga staffs na nililinisan iyong lugar particularly the place where the party held.

With the cup of coffee I'm holding, I decided to go to the seaside. Uupo sana ako roon sa puno ng niyog na bahagyang nakatumba nang makita ko siya hindi kalayuan sa akin. Maybe because he heard some footsteps, napalingon ito sa gawi ko.

"Good morning."

"Ah, yeah, morning." I replied after minutes of silence. I didn't expect him to greet me.

Lumapit ito sa pwesto ko at naunang umupo roon sa puno ng niyog. Naupo na lang din ako. The sun is already smiling brightly on us that moment.

"Maaga kang nagising. You should have gain more sleep instead." Saad nito sa kabila ng katahimikan. Hindi na lang ako sumagot.

I got used to it. Nasanay na akong gumising ng maaga that's why.

That day, since the party was over, we wasted our time doing some water activities. We even went to the falls and in their private rest house where the lagoon is located. Nang makarating kami roon, I seated on the lounge chair while watching them enjoying the pool.

"You don't want to swim?" Tanong ni Alice sa akin nang umahon siya saglit sa pool para uminom. Nagkibit balikat lamang ako.

After awhile, I just noticed myself walking in the lagoon. Umupo ako sa isang malaking tipak ng bato na naroon. I breathe heavily while thinking about a lot of things.

"Are you distancing yourself from us?" Napalingon ako sa nagsalita.

My brows furrowed a little when I saw him walking towards me. I didn't know he would follow me here. He stopped when there's only enough space between us. Tinignan ko siya ng maigi.

"Where are you getting that idea?" I asked back.

"You've been gone for so long Gwynne. Hayaan mo namang makasama ka ng mga kaibigan natin." Napailing lang ako dahil sa sinabi niya at ibinalik muli ang tingin ko sa harapan. Narinig ko ang malalim na pagbuntong hininga nito. "I get the idea that you're mad at me but---"

"I am not." Putol ko sa kanya.

"You are." Muli akong napailing.

I stood up trying to get away from him dahil alam ko kung anong patutunguhan ng usapang iyon but he grabbed me.

"Let's talk." He firmly said. His eyes were cold yet pleading.

"We have nothing to talk about. Now let go of me Xydelle." Mariin kong saad sa kanya.

Sinubukan kong bawiin pabalik ang kamay ko pero mas lalo niya lang hinigpitan ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin.

"If you're acting this way because of what happened before---"

"Stop bringing the past." I emphasized, cutting him off. I know what he's trying to point out.

Nang magawa kong makawala sa mga hawak niya, naglakad na ako palayo pero natigilan ako nang ikulong niya ako sa mga bisig niya mula sa aking likuran.

"Come back to me, please." His hugs tightened. His voice is pleading.

I pursed my lips to stop myself from feeling anything. This place reminds me of everything. This is not good for the both of us... for me, probably.

"Xydelle, please. Stop doing this. Stop saying things. Bakit mo ba ginagawa sa akin ang mga ito?"

"Dahil mahal kita." I bit my lower lip and closed my eyes when tears started to form.

Why now? Why is he saying me those things now?

"You don't hurt someone you love." I breathe heavily and unclasped his hand on me for him to let me go.

Napapikit ako nang maramdaman kong umiinit iyong sulok ng mga mata ko. Bakit ang marinig ulit ang mga salitang iyon sa kanya ay kumikirot ang puso ko?

"That's it. Galit ka nga sa akin. I know I was wrong for what I did before pero Gwynne, nasaktan ako noong oras na iyon e." Dahil sa kanyang sinabi, napaharap ako sa kanya, hindi na inintindi yung mga luhang tuluyang kumawala sa aking mga mata.

"Nawalan ka kaya ka nasaktan noon. Naiintindihan ko 'yon. Pero Xydelle, paano ako na nawalan at hinusgahan? Sa tingin mo ba hindi ako nasasaktan?" Natigilan ito nang makita ang hitsura ko.

Kumpara sa kanya, paano pa yung nararamdaman ko? Alam ba niya kung anong mga pinagdaanan ko noon? Alam ba niya kung paano akong nawasak dahil doon?

"Do you know how mess my life is when Keizer died?" I asked him, still crying.

I was miserable when he died. My life became miserable because of their judgments. The person I considered as my father and all the people around me blamed me when he died. No one wants to believe in me.

And when we both learned that he's Keizer's cousin, he also blamed me like what others did. He judged me without giving me chance to explain myself. I even pleaded on him but he never tried to listen to me.

"I only need one person to hear my side. You're my only hope that time Xydelle but you pushed me away." Sinubukan niyang lumapit sa akin pero umatras ako sa kanya, iniiwasan yung mga hawak niya.

Okay lang naman sa akin nung nagalit siya noon. Naiintindihan ko yung nararamdaman niya nung oras na 'yon. Pero masakit e. Sobra rin akong nasaktan dahil dobleng sakit yung balik sa akin 'non pero paano niya ako nagawang husgahan ng ganoon?

"How can you judge me so easily?" I burst in tears. "How?" Halos hindi ko na marinig ang sarili kong boses dahil sa patuloy na pag-iyak.

I bit my lower lip, trying to stop my tears but it wouldn't stop. It doesn't want to stop. My heart is aching again. For the past years, I tried not to remember all those things but in just a blink, things are flashing back on my mind again.

Xydelle went near me. I pushed him away but because the tears are making me weak, he easily embraced me.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." Hindi ko na siya nagawang itulak palayo dahil sa sakit at bigat ng nararamdaman ko.

Hindi lang naman ako roon nasasaktan. I was hurt when he pushed me away. Being pushed away by the person you love is more hurtful than being left. It really hurts.

Being prisoned on his arms, he keeps telling me how sorry he is, that he regretted what he did. I cried more. I cried my heart out. That moment, I just broke down on his arms. Hanggang ngayon, masakit pa rin pala lalo na kapag naaalala ko ang mga iyon.

I was now standing in front of the window while watching the view outside. It was raining hard. Mula sa naging daloy ng pag-uusap namin kanina, nagawa pa rin niya akong alalayan papunta rito sa rest house.

"Gwynne, let's eat." I heard Alice voice. I can feel her presence behind me.

"Go ahead. You eat, I will now sleep." Tumalikod na ako.

Sinubukan pa nila akong tawagin pero dumiretso ako sa isang kwarto. Napahinto lang ako nang makasalubong ko siya. His eyes were dull. I can read pain on it.

For the first time, I avoided his gaze before entering the room in front of me.

Tamad akong naupo roon sa kama. Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na nakatingin sa kawalan, nag-iisip ng malalim. Nabasag lang ang katahimikan nang tumunog ang phone ko.

[Gwynne.] Keegan's voice on the other line was very serious. [We have a bad news.] Narinig ko ang malalim na pagbuntong hininga nito.

"What is it?"

[Dennis and Vanessa got escape in the prison.] I gripped my phone tightly while it was still on my right ear.

"I'll be home tomorrow." As the call ended, I lazily laid down.

I agreed coming in this place for me to ease my mind but I never thought it would be this complicated. Damn.

A shuttle bus is already waiting for us the next morning. Tahimik lang akong nakaupo sa may bandang likod habang pabalik na kami sa resort. Pagkarating namin doon, dumiretso ako sa suite at kinuha iyong mga gamit ko.

"Are you leaving already? Bukas ng hapon pa tayo uuwi diba?" Salubong ni Alice sa akin. All of them looked at me. Their eyes were asking.

"I need to go home now. Something came up."

"But---"

"I hope you don't mind. I'm sorry." Saad ko sa kanila at nagmadali na akong lumabas doon.

"Gwynne." Bahagya akong napahinto sa paglalakad nang hawakan ako nito sa kamay.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit pa niya ako sinundan dito. Humarap ako sa kanya at kusang bumaba ang tingin ko sa kamay kong hawak niya.

"You're leaving? Is it because of what happened yesterday?" His eyes softened. Sinalubong ko ang mga nangungusap nitong mata.

"I'm leaving and it has nothing to do with the both of us." Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at marahan iyong tinanggal sa kamay kong hawak niya tsaka ko siya tinalikuran. Hindi ko na sinubukan pang lumingon ulit sa kanya.

Nang makarating ako sa main entrance, Keegan is already waiting for me there. Lumapit ito sa akin at kinuha ang bitbit kong bag.

"Be prepared." Usal ko sa kanya bago ako pumasok sa kotse at mabilis niya iyong pinaharurot pabalik ng Manila.