So I'm back after like eight months.  Dunno how long this is gonna last for but if anyone is reading this, bear with me, I'm just tryna sort my shit out.

~~~

The sun woke me up the next morning, streaming through the window like golden ribbons in a way that it never had before, clueing me in on approximately how long I'd overslept.  For several seconds, I lay blind and dumb, blinking the shock of the unexpected light from my eyes. 

When they had grown sufficiently accustomed, I became aware of another soreness: one that couldn't be blinked away.  Reaching up to the tender patches beneath my lower lashes - swollen from crying, I recalled - the memories of the previous night dropped on my head like a tonne of bricks.  Embarrassment shone through my immediately reddened cheeks as the full force of the memories flooded my mind.

Oh God, talk about an overreaction.  Peter hadn't said anything offensive, not even mildly so.  He'd merely pointed out a harmless idea - one I hoped wasn't true, one that made no sense (why would Felix ask me out if he was gay?), but one that was still completely inoffensive.  Nevertheless, I'd flipped a switch and gone totally, raving, utter lunatic, batshit crazy on him.  Wow.  Just wow.

Still, as much as I realised Pan hadn't deserved even half of what I gave him, the idea still surfaced a bubble of anger in the ocean of chagrin that had descended on my mind.  Why couldn't he just let us be?  And why did he have to be so obnoxiously arrogant about everything?  What was his problem?

I closed my eyes and massaged my temples, trying desperately to both repress and embrace all of my chaotic thoughts.  After failing miserably at both tasks, I heaved a deep sigh and swung my legs over the side of the bed, ignoring the consequent head rush as best I could.

Judging by the angle of the light still bursting into the room in uninterrupted, blinding beams, Felix was either just about to arrive to collect me or had already been and I'd missed him.  For a moment I contemplated returning to the sheets and spending the day wallowing in self-pity and irritation.  But then wouldn't it look great for me to ditch Felix just after he's plucked up the courage to ask me out?  There was no choice in the matter; I was just going to have to grit my teeth and bear it. 

Just as I was yanking on a clean pair of sturdy yet worn jeans from the bottom drawer of my little wardrobe, an encouraging tap sounded at the door.  There was no voice but I knew it was Felix.

"Just a minute!" I called, buttoning the jeans, double-knotting my boots and sauntering over to the tent's entrance.

Sure enough, there stood Felix, though he had a look on his face that I had never seen before.  It was almost... flirtatious? 

"Morning, beautiful."

My mind went into panic mode and deserted me, leaving me gawking wide-eyed at the rapidly blushing boy.  His features melted away from the awkwardly seductive expression he'd worn before to a more familiar one of quiet uncertainty and guarded humour.

"Should we just stick to Perdy?" he asked after the staring contest had become just a little too awkward.

I took a small step towards him.  "Yes, let's," I muttered before the situation could worsen further, and skipped my eyes away from his to avoid that infamous post-failed-flirting eye contact.  To ensure that there would be no opportunity for the conversation to continue, I followed the action up with a hasty slight hop - clearly intended to show that I was anxious to get to the day's work - in the direction of the berry tree orchard where we were supposed to be headed.

Felix chuckled lightly but said nothing else and followed my direction, taking the lead after a few paces.

~~~

The day drifted by uneventfully, though when it ended I was glad.

Fruit picking was usually one of my favourite jobs; it required very little physical exertion and was quite soothing on the mind.  But the headache I developed throughout the day, coupled with both mine and Felix's painstakingly obvious attempts to avoid the so called elephant in the room and my ugly-looking still-puffy eyes put a damper on my mood.  I was sorely looking forward to collapsing back into bed.  So that meant when Felix asked me to accompany him for a walk on the beach after we'd delivered the buckets of berries to the kitchen boys, it took a lot of effort not to pull a sour face at him. 

We walked down through the forest to the sand side by side, talking of nothing but light-hearted superficial nonsense that both of us could have done without. 

By the time we were approaching the border where the greenery met the beach, the idle chatter had slowed, along with the speed of our footsteps.  The closer we got, the more strenuous it seemed to be for Felix to continue walking and I, not wanting to cause a scene about it, moderated my pace to match.  The moment his toes touched the sand, however, he sped up with sudden tenacity and rounded on me, so that we were now stood face to face, staring at each other.  I was reproachful.

"What's up, Felix?"

"I- uhh..." The confidence from moments before immediately receded as he stumbled and stuttered.

"C'mon, spit it out," I snickered.  "Whatever it is I don't mind, you know."  Though that wasn't true in the slightest, it seemed the most appropriate response.

"I just- uhhh... So, umm, how do you feel about having that date tonight?"

All traces of humour vanished from my face.

It was just like last night over again.  Surely it wasn't fair that I have to go through this same embarrassment twice, that's just not how it's supposed to be.  When I'd agreed to the date, I'd never thought about the prospect of planning it and just how awkward that would be.  Well, I guess was invested now.

Repressing a sigh, I glanced down at the floor to avoid his gaze and nodded my head.  That seemed rude though, so I followed it up with a quick mumbled "sure, yeah, sounds good" to brighten it up.

"Meet here at sunset?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"Great."

After a multitude of intensely blundering moments of ogling had passed, I took the silence as an opportunity to extricate myself from the situation: "Well then, if we're gonna do this, I'm gonna go clean myself up first."  I added in a very pointed gesture to my sullied clothes for emphasis.  "Do you wanna come back up to the camp with me?"

He considered for moment.  "Naw, I'll stay down here for a bit I think. "

"You sure?"

He grinned.  "I came down here for a walk and that's what I'm going to get."

I rolled my eyes at him but smirked nevertheless before fleeing back into the trees without another word.

~~~

When upon returning to the camp, to my relief I didn't see any of the boys.  They all must have been still doing their jobs - Felix and I, having one of the easier tasks, had finished early.  Peter was also nowhere to be seen.  This allowed me to go about my business of bathing (really just dipping myself into the stream that ran beside the camp and scrubbing at my skin until the water stopped running brown) in peace.  I didn't do this nearly as much as I should have because I tried to avoid coming into contact with any of the Lost Ones with the exception of Felix as much as possible.  And as both the stream and the camp were usually teeming with them, between washing with them and just going smelly, the latter was usually the preferable option.

But after I'd reveled in the luxury of being able to for once - all the while tense with anticipation of the evening to come - another issue arose: what was I going to wear?

It seemed stupid and unimportant but when faced with the prospect of a wardrobe that offered a choice of jeans, scruffy button-downs and tattered polos, it was clearly a very prominent problem.  Obviously it wasn't okay to just wear the clothes that were there because frankly they weren't fit for any date, not even this one that I would have given anything to get out of.  And anyway, Felix deserved at least some dignity and respect and I didn't intend to disappoint.

The dilemma plagued my mind the whole time I was trudging back to my makeshift tent.  A few times I even considered just not going, though that thought was quickly dismissed each time it made an appearance.  I shouldn't stand Felix up like that; I wouldn't.

Throughout this my headache had only worsened and that was just the icing on the cake. 

Truly in a crummy mood when the time came to wrench open the cursed wardrobe's doors, I had all but decided to show up to the beach naked so as to avoid the whole disaster completely.  That would promptly reveal whether or not Felix was gay, I thought with a tight smile, and then scolded myself internally because that wasn't funny.

With one hand clenched around the knob of the door, my frustration and anger evident in the way my knuckles were white and the skin taught with strain, I yanked it open, brows furrowed in expectation of the infuriating nothingness I was about to meet, but stopped short. 

What was this?  There was something there.  Something long, silky and the most beautifully familiar shade of green. 

Confusion and excitement in equilibrium with one another, I pulled the garment from the wardrobe and held it at arms length from my body so that I might appraise it.  It was a dress.  Simplistic, yet elegant, cut just below the knee and with two thick sashes that draped around the shoulders and tied to form a bow at the back.  The neckline - which showed just enough chest for me to feel flattered by it but not enough to be worried by the possibility of a boob popping - was laced with intricate floral details guided by a pattern of golden vines that flowed uninterrupted over the bodice and upper skirt.  It really was exquisite.  And the colour, woah, it was the colour of what I imagined an ancient forest to look like: rich green with flecks of tawny and gold, proud and divine and completely untouched by the poison of humanity.  I knew the colour for sure, it was starkly familiar, I just couldn't quite place exactly where I'd seen it... but that could wait until later.

With spirits suddenly soaring, I discarded the makeshift robe I had draped about my body and proceeded to squirm my way into the dress, rejoicing the fact that it had a side zipper and not one at the back.  It fit a just a little too snugly around the bust area and the shoulder pieces fell in a way that I wouldn't have chosen, but these were silly complaints to make when just five minutes before the choice had been jeans or nothing. 

Only when the apparel was adjusted and fixed into the right position did I begin to wonder just how it had come to be here.  Obviously I had not brought it and I doubted Felix had either because he'd been with me most of the day.  Other than Peter, no one else knew I would even need an outfit and somehow I couldn't see him being all that eager to fix my wardrobe malfunctions.

That also led onto the questions of who had been in my room to place the dress and how they'd even come by it on an island where the living accommodations were made from spare pieces of wood and metal and scraps of tarpaulin.  I stole an anxious glance around, suddenly very conscious of the fact that I'd just gotten changed in a room that someone had snuck into without my notice.  My quick search yielded no secret stalker peeping in at the windows and anything more thorough would take time.  Time that I didn't have I realised. 

The sky had become glazed in a fiery wash of peach and the sun had sunk below the trees until it was just a soft orange glow with no visible source.  I could hear some of the Lost Ones congregating around the bonfire already and some of the boys were bringing out the pots of fruit we'd collected ready for dinner. 

It was very nearly sunset.  It was very nearly time to go to the beach.

A pair of black velvet strappy heels were lain in the base of the wardrobe - probably knocked over by me in my mad excitement about the dress.  By taking one look at the slender, lethal stiletto heal I was able to discern that if I tried to walk down to the beach with them on my feet, not only would I not make it there on time, I wouldn't make it there ever.  So I scooped them up and tucked them under my arm, padding barefoot out onto the dirt track path that ran through the camp.

There were no boys nearby and I could still hear the raucous they were creating from over by the fire pit.  That made things easier; no Perdita-to-lost-boy contact necessary. 

I estimated that the dash through the forest would take something like seven and a half minutes, which judging by the now totally concealed sun, would make me just a little late, but not unfashionably so.  I set off into the forest jogging lightly as much so I didn't get stuck there in the dark as so I wasn't late. 

It struck me only when I was passing a particularly magnificent pine tree - a landmark I always looked for when on this route - where I'd seen the colour of the dress before.

It was the colour of Peter's eyes.