Flashes.

They were quick, and physically painless.

But mentally, they were overwhelming.

Memories, horrid possibilities, stubborn truths––it didn't matter if Percy wanted to see them or not––his brain refused to calm down. He saw so much, too much, things that already haunted him. Why couldn't he just relax? Why couldn't he just breathe?

What was wrong with him?

Percy sat up quickly, breathing hard. But the images, the terrifying thoughts, they didn't stop. He had no idea his brain was capable of such gruesome things. And it wasn't like it was the first time.

No. At this point, he dare say he was used to it.

Unfortunately, that never made it any easier.

Stop! Everything was moving so fast, he needed it to stop. He needed to calm down.

Percy snapped his eyes shut and tried to take a slow, deep breath, but instead he found himself gulping for a proper breath and forcing a shiver down his spine. His hands grasped at the couch cushions beneath him stiffly, reaching for any kind of anchor, something to hold him down. Keep him there.

But his mind had other plans. It would wait for nobody, nothing. It seemed set on torturing him.

He could faintly hear the sound of the TV playing in the background, the actors' voices ringing in the small living room. The slight ticking of the clock hanging on the wall, the low hum of the refrigerator in the other room. Even those managed to worsen the circumstances, confusing him, throwing him off, sending his focus spiraling.

He needed to get control.

“Percy?”

He knew that voice. It was familiar. And yet he found himself flinching and his back straightening uncomfortably.

“I guess we fell asleep, huh?” Annabeth rested an oblivious hand on his leg, laughing a little.

Percy stared at the contact, his vision tunneling. His head was spinning, and he was seeing things, things he didn't want to see. He wanted it to stop, but how? He didn't know.

Annabeth noticed his reaction and quickly pulled her hand away, as if it had touched a hot surface. She studied his face and her eyes widened. “Oh,” she whispered.

Percy didn't hear that. His last hope of pulling it together was shattering, his focus was gone. Breathing became harder, gulps of air arriving and returning to the atmosphere raggedly as he grasped aimlessly for reality.

It was gone. His mind had him in its clutches, and it wasn't letting go.

“Percy, can you hear me?”

The calm and somehow stern tone cut through his downward spiral just barely.

“Percy? Can you hear my voice?”

He tried to answer, tried to call for help, but he couldn't. The best he managed was an odd choking noise after an attempt to speak.

But it seemed to be enough. The blonde next to him nodded calmly.

“Good. I'm right here. Do you think you can try breathing with me? In and out.”

Percy didn't know about that. It was hard enough to catch his breath as it is. Now he had to listen to the voice and match their breathing?

“You can do it. Right, like this. In,” a slow, steady inhale, “and out,” a long stream of air through her mouth.

Percy tried, he really did. But it didn't make a difference, and he panicked. Why couldn't he do it? It should be so simple.

“That's okay. Once more, come on. In. . .out. That's it. In. . .and out. In. . .and out.”

Eventually the commands were lost to the night, and Percy simply listened and watched as she directed him in deep breaths. He began breathing more steadily.

“Good, that's very good.” There wasn't a hint of excitement in her voice, only a calm sort of acknowledgement that kept things slow. Wordlessly, she waited for him to meet his eyes before holding out her hand.

“Do you want to hold my hand?”

Percy didn't answer. He stared at her outstretched palm with uncertainty. Of course he wanted to. But things were so complicated right now, and what if she let go? And. . .

“That's okay. Take your time.”

And he did. He liked that he was able to think things through without the pressure to get it right. So he finally took her smaller hand in his, not planning to let go for a long time.

“Is this okay? I can sit further away if you want.”

Percy swallowed, gradually feeling his consciousness come back to him. He shook his head and tightened his grip on her hand, waiting for awareness to come back to him so he could think straight and talk properly.

“Okay. I'll stay right here.”

Annabeth. This was Annabeth. That's right, they'd been watching a movie and had fallen asleep towards the end. So she was right there for him. He didn't have to worry anymore.

“Annabeth,” he choked out.

A pained expression flicked across her face, but she quickly replaced it with a small smile. “Yeah, Percy. It's me.”

They sat for a moment in total silence.

“I hate panic attacks,” he muttered, closing the space between them and burying his face in her curly hair.

Annabeth cautiously wrapped an arm around him, sighing almost inaudibly. “I know. So do I.” She went quiet again.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

Annabeth nodded and continued stroking his hair. “Okay. Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Percy through for a moment. “Thank you.”

Once again, Annabeth nodded silently. Percy despised the thought of her experiencing these things as well, like he knew she did. It simply wasn't fair. They were humans, at least for the most part, so of course the things they'd seen, and even the things they hadn't, would haunt them.

But why? Why them? What did they do to deserve it, what action had caused them to draw so much attention?

Nothing, really. And there was nothing he could do about it.

“We never saw the end of the movie.”

Percy would've given her a sarcastic look had his face not been buried in her mass of hair. “That's okay. It sucked anyways.”

Annabeth gave a small giggle, leaning into him. “Yeah, it did.”

Things would be okay, he knew. Not perfect, but okay.

a / n

and this is what happens when i'm trying to sleep. i had to get up and type this whole thing out at 1am. here ya go.

i actually have no experience in panic attacks ( though i know anxiety too well ), so i hope this is somewhat realistic. i recently read something like this and loved it sm, so i thought i'd give it a try.

yours in demigodishness and all that,

- gracie !! 💙🍪💙🍪💙🍪💙🍪💙