The next morning rolls around leaving Jason to wake up first. Sam is still sound asleep facing him, some of her hair covering her face. Jason takes a tentative finger and moves some of the strands from her face. He takes this time to exist. Sleep always came easier when she was around. Less nightmares, not as much tossing and turning, no insomnia. It was always easier with her around and last night was no different.

Sam fell asleep first just as she usually did when he read to her. She was cuddled into his side and it felt like it always did for that half hour. Just the two of them in bed together with a book and enough trauma for the both of them. Jason thinks they're really good at being able to exist in a moment as if nothing happened. There's something in them that allows them to ignore it all even for a few minutes and just pretend to be who they were before instead of just skin and bones.

The world, people, expect them to be something specific, to act a certain way. Sam told him once, in a sort of one-off conversation, she felt like people expected something different. At the tower, she always felt like the others expected her to remain quiet or be angry all the time, to snap at some point. Maybe she did. But, she was just a kid who liked to watch movies and missed her home. Her blood was never filled with anger but grief for what she should have been able to have. When Jason died and she got angry, they expected the silence. They expected the grief to hit her like a train. They expected her to quit, get revenge on the Joker before Bruce did. They expected more than rage-filled blood and red-stained hands. And they expected her to move on because what else was there to do? He was dead. And she was alone. People put up expectations and in some ways she feels like she needs to meet some of them. Be more careful, get angry, snap, pretend like it's all fine because it's always been fine. But, then she lays down with Jason and she can watch movies and talk about her mom and she can exist in a way that she wants without the weight of expectations collapsing her lungs.

Everyone thinks Jason is angry, always has even before he died. He was never angry. He was upset and hurt and didn't know where to put it. He was never angry but everyone expected him to be so he played into it. They expected him to be some sort of fuck boy so he played into it. They expected him to be reckless and so he was. Maybe he was always a little reckless, no one forced him to rob the Batmobile or go with the red hoods when he was a teenager. But they expect it. And now...Jason can feel it. They expect him to lose his mind and until then, they expect him to be fine. He lived, right? Joker is dead, Bruce avenged his death, and he was brought back. He should be fine, right?

They expect him to be fine without ever considering the scars lingering on his chest or marking up his mind like scuffed up wood. But with Sam, there are no expectations. He is allowed to read and tell her about theater stuff. He is allowed to have nightmares and be scared. He is allowed to just be. When Jason is around Sam, he's allowed to exist in a way that he wants without the weight of expectations strangling the life out of him.

Maybe that's why they can exist in moments like these as if nothing ever happened. It is the only time neither of them are facing some false hope of expectations. It is the only time they can be damaged in all their glory. It is the only time they're allowed to bare their scars with pride and show the beauty they've left behind. They can just...be.

He eyes her softly, brows pinched together and she looks so peaceful. He wants nothing more than to pull her into him and sleep like this all day. But it is not his place. He's surprised she stayed in the first place let alone stayed in bed with him. He is so glad she did but there is so much they haven't talked about. So much happened and there's just so much between them. He wonders if they'll ever be able to recover or if this is all they'll be. Just a one-off sleepover sometimes.

He doesn't like that idea very much.

Jason forces himself to get out of bed and make his way to the training area where he keeps his fridge. He expects to be able to grab a few eggs and make an omelet, see what else he has and maybe he could make Sam (and Tim) pancakes. But, as he enters the room, Tim is seated at the table with a tablet open and his brows pinched together.

"Oh, hey." Tim chimes, offering Jason a wave and a glance before he looks back to the tablet. "I made toast and a pot of coffee." Tim explains.

Jason scratches his head before he shakes it and fully enters the room. "Right, yeah, okay." Jason clears his throat, trying to get rid of the sleep still etched in his tone. "Did you even fucking sleep?"

"Yeah, of course." Tim brushes the question, voice still chipper and a part of it reminds Jason of how Gar usually was at the tower. "Early riser."

"A roof fell on top of you last night." Jason states as he walks over to the coffee pot seeing about a quarter of a cup left. He lets out a sigh before he dumps the pot in the sink and starts a fresh pot.

"Oh, yeah but I'm fine." Tim shakes it off.

Jason can almost hear Sam's voice in his head telling him to push for an answer. A roof fell on top of him and his boyfriend is in a coma. Jason does not buy for a single second that he's simply an early riser. No one is an early riser with this job, not if you want more than three hours of sleep a night. It would be responsible of him to ask Tim if he were okay.

"Seriously, you alright?" Jason asks as he leans against the table to face Tim.

Tim looks up at him and while he knew some of Jason before, this is different. The most of Jason he knows is actually Red Hood related. Sam didn't talk a lot about him when they hung out and he only spoke to Jason a handful of times, usually about his order at Excellent Gotham. There wasn't much said about Bruce Wayne's newest son. Instead, he knows Red Hood is ruthless, brutal, and scary. He is intimidating and will kill someone if need be. He knows Red Hood almost got his dad killed and almost got Sam killed and got Dick killed. His association with Crane got him killed. Tim knows Red Hood is someone he wants on his side because if he's not, that could be for the worst.

But, he's looking at Jason Todd who happens to be Red Hood and in this moment he doesn't feel like any of those things. He feels like he did when Sam introduced him. Normal. Calm. Nice. Tim knew there was more to Red Hood. Not only did he meet Jason and he trusts Sam's general opinion of people, but Tim doesn't believe anyone is as two-dimensional as they may seem. Yet, some part of him almost feels surprised with Jason asking if he's okay but it doesn't feel like it's out of obligation. Instead, it feels like he might actually be genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, no, I'm fine." Tim answers. "Just..." Tim lets out a breath. "Gar said they haven't made any progress with Bernard. And I'm here..." Tim trails off. "Almost getting crushed by a roof and getting trained by you and Sam."

Jason pushes off the table as the coffee pot dings. "You've only been here like two days." Jason states as he makes his way back over to the coffee. "How'd it happen?" Jason asks as he starts to pour himself a cup, making sure to leave enough for Sam.

"Some video game thing that Brother Blood released." Tim groans. "No one knows how to get anyone out of their comas."

"Look," Jason starts as he walks back over to Tim. "That fucking sucks, alright? But, you and the Titans will figure it out. You're a genius, man." Jason lets out this scoff that comes out as a chuckle. "The way I see it, all those people and Bernard are lucky to have you looking out for 'em."

"Yeah, except I suck at this." Tim lets out a groan, tilting his back. "I mean, Dick was...incredible. He was so good at this whole thing and he still is. And then you took over and you were just as great." Tim pauses for a few seconds as Jason watches the defeat start to wash over his features. "How am I supposed to live up to that when I can't even get any intel on this guy? When I can't even figure out a damn video game?!"

"Didn't you choose to be Robin?" Jason asks.

"Yeah but Sam said—"

"I died as Robin." Jason cuts him off because it doesn't matter what she said or didn't say. Jason knows Tim is going to be great at this. "Don't take what Sam says to heart too much. Her viewpoint of Robin will always be tainted because I died. Because it involved Bruce. You chose this, man." Jason points a finger at him. "No one else is crazy enough to do that, not after me. But you did. That means something. Don't get in your head about it, alright? You're smart as fuck and you're capable."

"But what if I was wrong?" Tim asks knowing it takes a special kind of confidence to not only volunteer to be Robin following Dick and Jason but to have the confidence he could do it.

"Dick wouldn't have asked you to be Robin if he thought you were." Jason says it so simply. "We were trained by Bruce for months before we put on the mask and cape, just remember that." Jason states as he takes a sip of his coffee.

"Thank you." Tim offers a soft smile. "Didn't think you'd be the pep talk kind of guy."

"I'm not." Jason lets out a booming cackle. "So don't go telling people I am."

Tim lets out a soft laugh before he locks the tablet. "Sam still sleeping?" He decides not to push his luck and changes subject, surprised not to see Sam yet.

Jason nods softly. "Yeah, letting her sleep."

"She doesn't sleep a lot, that's what Gar said...that Molly said."

"Yeah..." Jason pulls in a breath as his heart starts to break. "Comes with the job sometimes." Jason only half-lies.

"She's sleeping now." Tim gains a cheeky smile.

"Shut up." Jason groans and he not getting into any of that with Tim. Nope. "Did you want something more than toast?" Jason immediately changes subject before Tim can try to return the pep talk favor for relationship advice. "Toast is a shit breakfast." Jason puts his Wonder Woman mug down before he gets up.

Tim offers a chuckle. "Uh...yeah, I could eat something else."

Jason looks through some cabinets and the fridge. "Omelet or pancakes?"

"Omelet?" Tim questions softly. "Didn't think I'd have an option." Tim did not think Jason could really cook, given the whole eggs, beer, and cheese comment.

"Was making both anyway." Jason retorts. He's just trying to be nice.

Tim lets out a laugh. "Oh, I get it."

"If you don't shut up, we won't train today." Jason almost wants to shut his head in the fridge door with his comment. Who the fuck is he? Dick? Gar? Ugh.

Meanwhile, Sam is finally stirring awake to an empty and cold bed. Her hand reaches over and she feels the spot where Jason was is cold. Her eyes peek open to see he's no longer there or even in the room. It's not that she should have expected him to be she thinks but there's a part of her that's still disappointed. Somewhere in her head she almost hoped they'd wake up together and they'd have one of their awkward realizations together. They'd stumble over themselves and their words but it'd feel like home. It'd be warm and comfortable anyway. And then they'd find their footing where it almost felt safest, in the mix of bantering and flirting. But, he's gone. She's not sure that feeling is something she'd ever be able to get used to.

But, she gets up anyway, stretching before she gets out a bed. She grabs one of Jason's hoodies from the table, tugging it over her head as she walks out of the room. She heads to the room with the fridge that she's not sure she should really call a kitchen since there's all the training equipment in there, too. Why is he like this?

As she gets closer, she hears Jason's laughter bouncing off the walls. Her heart skips a beat and she doesn't even notice the way the corners of her mouth perk up into a tender smile. She pauses just to listen for a few seconds while his laughter subsides and he goes on with his story. He tells Tim some story about a fight with the Riddler and how mad he was. Sam's heard the story before but hearing him talk so casually and lightly about his Robin days makes her want to burst.

In the few times they've talked of Robin, there's been a sense of bitterness and sadness surrounding the mantle but now he's laughing and joking. He has stories that aren't tied with grief and pain. Robin always meant the entire world to him and Sam is so happy he seems to still have some of that joy telling the stories. She thinks maybe he is getting better. Maybe Leslie really is helping him again.

"Welcome back to the land of the living." Jason quips as Sam walks into the room.

Sam clears her throat sarcastically. "Get fucked."

Jason flips her off with a tender smile while Tim lets out a laugh.

"Guess I won't make you pancakes then." Jason shrugs dramatically and Sam knows it's a hollow threat but it is also not a chance she's willing to take.

Sam's eyes narrow slightly before a smile comes to her lips again. "Do not get fucked."

Jason tilts his head and lets out a laugh. "Dunno, think it'll help?"

Sam shakes her head. "You are a bit uptight."

"Look who's fucking talking." Jason waves the spatula at her.

"I am so not uptight." Sam laughs as she takes a seat beside Tim.

"Well." Tim adds in with a shake of his head and the scrunch of his nose.

"The fuck does that mean, Tim?" Sam's eyes widen at him.

Tim's eyes widen slightly back at her before he quickly looks to Jason. He might help him with Robin but he wants to go back and forth with Sam on this front, that's all him. Jason will let him sink. He knows exactly which side he should always be on and it's wherever Sam is.

"You're on your own." Jason chimes, waving a spatula in the air as he turns back to the stove, the first batch of pancakes already on the burner.

"Nothing." Tim shakes his head with a smile.

"Right." Sam laughs softly as she rolls her eyes.

Jason walks over with a mug in hand. He hands it off to Sam and her brows quickly raise seeing it's her Supergirl mug from the manor. She packed and moved but forgot the mug. While things aren't...bad per se, between her and Bruce, she did not go back for anything she forgot and she almost laughs. She may not have gone back but clearly Jason at the very least took her mug, likely with the intention to give it to Molly to give to her.

"Thank you." Sam holds her mug up to him as he goes to walk away.

"You're welcome." Jason gives her a bright and cheeky smile.

"So, what're we going today?" Sam asks the boys while Jason finishes breakfast.

"I really got to find this Venta guy and get back." Tim states.

"Figure we'll eat, train a bit, then help Tim here try to get some intel." Jason explains, finishing the pancakes before he moves onto the omelets.

"Sounds good." Sam sucks in a breath, pulling out her phone to send a quick text to Molly to let her know she's awake and what the plan is.

Jason finishes up their breakfast before joining them at the table with three plates in hand, a delicate balancing act on his way. Tim offers a quick thank you before digging in, the toast clearly not holding him over too well. Sam offers Jason a tender smile before she digs in. Her chest warms and her skin bursts with goosebumps knowing Jason made pancakes for her.

Jason offers such a specific type of subtle kindness that seems to be overlooked by a lot of people. It's not so much in his words which after all this time, Sam figured out it's just because he's not too good at expressing himself most of the time. For him, actions say everything that gets caught in his throat. And it's not just with her he does it with. Bruce preferred his omelet differently and Jason never even asked, he always just made an extra one with the things Bruce liked. Gar mentioned he was looking for a few Saga comics and Jason found them and shipped them to Titans tower just because he could. He always offers to help Molly with anything she's working on. He extends his kindness with actions just to display how much he cares about the people who offer him the same kindness. 

Sam thinks it's one of her favorite things about him.

The three of them finish up their food and get changed for training. The three of them take their time stretching and getting ready to allow their food to settle a little. Training starts just as it did yesterday, Jason taking the first round and then Sam. Tim still doesn't stand a chance but Sam and Jason can already see some improvement the longer they train which comes as a big relief. 

After training, the three of them get suited up and head out, deciding to go to the marina this time. Tim rides with Sam, hoping to find something out tonight. He feels like he's running out of time. Meanwhile, Sam and Jason are looking to see how he does not in a training room with a safety net. A roof fell on him last night and he seems incredibly unbothered. To them, it only feels right to have him out on the streets away, even if it's under false pretenses. So, while they're "looking" for Venta or trying to get intel on him, they're also patrolling, showing Tim the ropes, teaching him the art of grappling between buildings. This is all just more training, making sure he'll be safe out there in the open without the security blanket of them or the Titans or being in one location. Jason and Sam think Tim will be just fine. He's smart and capable, he pays attention. This is not a game to him.

It matters.

It always mattered to Dick and Jason, too but it's different with Tim. Bruce offered RObin to Dick and Jason. They were his sons. Batman and Robin. They had months and months of training and while it was hard and brutal at times, there was something that felt magical about hte whole thing. It felt surreal. With Tim, it's as if he feels he is obligated to fill the role. Unlike Dick and Jason, Tim chose it and there's somehow more pressure in that for him to prove himself. Tim is generally someone who can focus on things that are important and serious, but this is different. It is his life. It's the life of innocent people. He's having fun, sure, but he's taking it even more seriously than Jason and Dick ever did. It doesn't help he's trying to fill their shoes, something Jason does understand.

After hours of looking and patrolling, they don't turn anything up and head back to Jason's. Tim is incredibly disappointed by his inability to find anything out but Sam and JAson assure him that if Venta were in town or if anyone knew anything, they would have spilled with the two of them being around anyway. Between the three of them, someone would have told them some sort of information. They remind him how easy it was to get information from the people they did question about other cases. Some people are harder but getting intel on one person rarely ever results in no answers. The reassurance does make Tim feel a little bit better about it.

While Tim is feeling a bit better and Sam is confident in his abilities, feeling pretty good actually, the case is not the same for Jason. Some days are just better than others and today is not one of those days. Waking up with Sam was refreshing but he's finding that to be the best part of his day because Tim put on the Robin suit. Jason isn't mad or bitter about it. It has nothing to do with it but something about it is causing him anxiety. Something about seeing Tim in the suit, or maybe just another rendition of the suit, makes him want to explode and run and cry and scream. He's been biting it down all day because it's his problem not Tim's. He hates it but something about it is pulling him back to Amusement Mile. Something about it is pulling him back to the anti-fear drug and Cran'e reign. Something about it is making him feel so small and useless. He thought he was making progress but they're back at his home and he's never felt so disconnected from everything. He thinks it's so dumb to feel upset and panicky over this.

He swears it's fine.

"I'm gonna shower." Jason clears his throat before excusing himself to head off to his bedroom as quickly as he can, trying not to raise any alarms.

Sam's eyes linger on the doorway. Jason might as well have run out of the door with how quickly he excused himself. Sam heard a slight tremble in his voice. It was sharper than usual and his steps weren't as light as they usually are.

"Is he okay?" Tim asks as he walks over to grab the suitcase for his suit.

Sam looks back at Tim and nods once. During their patrol, she could tell something switched. Jason's been in a good mood and pretty casual about everything, generally speaking. Being in a good mood and things going well always seemed to poke a hole into his head a bit. And today, out there doing their thing, he was quieter, more focused. He's always focused but this was laserlike almost and they're supposed to be helping Tim. She'd make some sort of quip and all she'd get is a disguised chuckle from behind his helmet. If Sam knows anything, it's knowing Jason Todd is in fact, not fine.

"Yeah, no I'm sure he's fine." Sam brushes it off, figuring she'll check on him in a few minutes. "I kept him up pretty late so he's just tired, probably." Sam nods again, Tim not buying any of it.

"He was up before you were." Tim states as he walks back over to her with his case. "It's not my business, just..." Tim shrugs dramatically, showing genuine concern for Jason's well-being.

Sam's eyes got to her boots and then back to him. "Yeah, uh...yeah." Sam nods her head. "I'll check on him in a few minutes. I'm sure he's fine, Tim." Sam offers him a fake smile.

Jason's head is spinning while his arms are practically vibrating themselves from his body. His muscles are going so weak he can barely turn the water on for a shower. The air is thick and stale through his lungs, burning with every breath. His stomach twists and his eyes start to water despite his best efforts to stop it. The world around him starts to feel like it's closing in and suffocating the life from his lungs. The shower pelts the porcelain flooring, he swears he can hear Sam and Tim talking and walking from down the hall. His heartbeat is radiating through his ear canals and the passing cars sound like they might drive right through his new home. Everything is growing louder and louder and the thoughts start to kick in. They take a battering ram to the walls and that's when he can't even bear to stand anymore.

Jason carries the heartbreak of death on his shoulders and it is crushing every part of him.

Tim leaves Sam to go change and she follows his lead, heading for a bathroom. She takes her time, giving Jason enough time to gather himself if he needs to before she goes to check on him. And for a second, she almost even second-guesses it. They haven't spoken in a month and a half, they're just now trying this whole friend thing, is it really her place? When Tim leaves, will they just go back to not talking with no obligation in the middle of them? What if she's wrong anyway? Maybe Jason has changed a little bit in this time and maybe he was just more focused because a roof fell on them yesterday. She runs herself in circles, not wanting to overstep and mind his space. Jason always liked his personal space, maybe a little too much but she doesn't want to intrude. She always felt like she was just intruding in people's lives, a mismatched puzzle piece trying to make herself fit. It's not what she wants to do to him.

Being around him was one of the only places she felt like she belonged. And Jason was the one that always made her feel that way.

Sam makes her way to Jason's room once she's in her regular clothes because she can't bear not to check on him. He would do it for her and she knows him. Despite it all, she is certain she always knows when something isn't quite right with him. So, she makes her way to his room and lets herself inside, shutting the door behind her.

She can hear the shower echoing from the en suite bathroom. The door is closed but she is relieved that he's in the shower and not losing his entire mind in his bed. She looks around his room some more and she wonders what else he plans to do with it. She thinks it must feel more like a home than the manor did. Back at the Tower, he had some stuff on the walls that he picked up because the room was his. He graffitied the walls. It was his and it felt like his. But, the room in the manor still had a poster of the Flying Graysons. Jason didn't decorate the walls, something that always made Sam sad because it should have felt like a home to him. She never asked but she wondered why it didn't. It couldn't have just been Bruce because of how Jason views him. So, she wonders if it was because maybe he didn't think he deserved the manor or maybe it was that he felt like a replacement and someone else would come in to replace him anyway. Maybe it was a safety precaution for his own feelings of being left behind. She isn't sure but she hopes this place feels like a home and he gets to decorate his walls.

The shower is still echoing through the door but Sam can hear the water clearly, no disturbance or movement. Her brows pull together as she makes her way to the bathroom and knocks softly. She doesn't get any answer and she doesn't hear any movement behind the door.

"Jay?" Sam asks as she knocks louder this time. A lump forms in her throat while her heartbeat starts to spike. Her stomach burns and her teeth grit together. She remembers the day on the roof. "Jason, are you okay?" Sam calls again and doesn't get anything in response.

Her hand goes to the door handle and she pauses for a second. And it's just a second before she opens the door slowly. She carefully peeks her head around the door, her eyes landing on the walk-in shower. The frosted glass door is open while water ricochets onto the white tile floor. And then there's Jason. He's seated, fully clothed in the shower, his knees are tugged to his chest while his arms are wrapped entirely around his shins. His head is buried in his knees and all Sam can do is shake her head in devastation.

She walks inside and closes the distance between them. She keeps her stance from outside of the shower, trying to mind his personal space.

"Jay?" Sam tries again and she gets nothing from him. It's as if he doesn't even register her in the room which might be one of the biggest red flags when it comes to Jason Todd. He is nothing but on guard.

Sam walks back to the door and shuts it, just in case. Then she kicks off her shoes and tugs her hoodie off her head before she closes the distance between them again. This time, she enters the shower, immediately getting pelted by warm water as she kneels down right in front of him.

"Jay, hey." Sam calls his name again but this time, her hands are delicate and careful as she puts them on his cheeks. He jumps immediately, head shooting up with eyes terrified and red. He looks panicked for just a few seconds until his brain catches up with what he's seeing. Sam's teeth grind together seeing the look of pain across his face. It's written in every line and feature she'd fallen so in love with over the last year. Her hands come to his cheeks again, just as tender as they were before and he doesn't even flinch this time. "What's going on?" She asks softly. Jason shakes his head against her hands and his eyes dodge hers and he feels embarrassed and exposed. Of course, she'd find him.

She always finds him.

She always sees him.

"It's you and me," Sam's voice is careful as her thumbs run over his skin. "I'm worried about you. What happened?" Sam brushes the white streak of hair from his face.

"Loud." Jason's voice comes out hoarse and small and his bottom lip trembles. It takes every muscle in his body not to let out a sob.

"Okay." Sam nods her head once, the look of worry almost permanently etched into her features. If Jason had the strength, he'd push her away just to get her to stop worrying so much. He doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve it. "What happened?" She asks quietly, the water now completely soaking her hair.

Jason offers the weakest shrug Sam has ever seen. "Don't know." Why does she want to help him? Can't she see the monster he's become? His lip starts to tremble again as he tries to get a breath in but the tears are coming back and he can't breathe out of his nose. The water is dripping into his mouth and he almost thinks it'd be easier to just drown right here.

Not a day goes by that Sam isn't worried about him. It doesn't matter if they haven't spoken. It wouldn't matter if she hated him, as if that were even possible. She'd worry about him because Jason Todd has done everything to be enough. He has done everything to be happy and somehow, he's still the one sitting in a shower in tears because the world around him is suffocating. Yes, the whole Robin thing was worrisome. The whole Red Hood thing is worrisome. He gets shot out for fun. He taunts people because he thinks it's fun. Someone else is going to kill him one day, that much is certain. And while that is worrisome, Sam has also seen the damage people he loves have caused him. It doesn't have to be physical damage because Jason's own brain wants to torture him and it uses everyone else's words as some sort of infinite ammo. The vigilante thing is worrisome, but where Jason's head is, that's the real thing that's worrying.

It wouldn't matter if they hated each other, Sam would rip every false and cruel thought that ever crosses his mind.

Sam lets go of his face and moves her hands to his. She's careful, lightly pulling his hands apart and away from his legs. Once his legs are free, she moves to the side and lightly presses on his knees until his legs are stretched out in front of him. The whole thing is making Jason watch her with careful eyes and it's almost a distraction and then she climbs on top of him. Sam straddles his lap, Jason's eyes never leaving her and it almost causes him more panicky. He might know her better than he knows himself, but he very rarely knows what she'll do in moments like these. But then, she doesn't say anything. All she does is wrap her arms around his neck and pull him for a hug.

Jason tenses up just as he's done before but after a few seconds, a part of him relaxes against her. He gathers a full breath into his lungs and it's as if he's giving his body permission to lose it all again, in the comfort of her. His arms wrap around her middle and his grip is so tight as he lets out a sob, Sam can't breathe. She thinks she'd suffocate if it allowed him any type of relief.

It is all just too much. The weight on his chest is too heavy and he doesn't think he can carry it. He goes out and he murders people. They may be very bad people but it's what he does and he thinks about how Bruce is so mad about it. He tries to be understanding but they will never come to an understanding over it. It will be a matter of time before Jason ends up an enemy to Batman and by default, an enemy to Bruce. What makes what Jasn is doing different than what the Joker did to him? To Jason, Batman and Robin were the Joker's enemies, right? And he took care of a problem, the same way Jason is taking care of problems. Jason might not be the instigator in it, but he's doing the same crime. Was Bruce right about it? Is he any different than the Joker?

Most days, it is a thing that he lives with. It's for the greater good and his soul is already damaged, it's already the property of something that isn't quite him anymore. It's always just waiting in an in-between for his second round at death. He does it so other people won't have to. He does it so other people won't feel like him or Sam or Bruce or Dick or Molly or any of them. He does it to help because people get forgotten. That's what he tells himself but right now, he can't quite figure out if that's really the right thing. He doesn't know what else he's supposed to do. If this isn't supposed to be the answer, then what is? What if it isn't and he can't come back from it anyway? His hands are already stained with so much blood.

And because of that, he falls back into his routine way of thinking. He is damaged. He is broken and scarred, physically and mentally now. Everything around him crumbles at his feet. He tries so fucking hard to be something that's easy to swallow and digest but he fucks that up, too because no one really expects him to be like that. He breaks everyone around him and all he does is hurt people. They try to offer him love and kindness and he bites through it like a rabid coyote. He is undeserving. Someone who is deserving doesn't push and they don't hurt people for being kind. They don't destroy people. That's all he has ever done.

And then he fucking died. It might have been scary and traumatizing but there was a moment, right before everything went dark where he accepted his fate. That would be it. No one else would have to suffer for his mistakes. He was going to die and some people might be sad for a little bit, but they would move on. And he wouldn't fuck up their lives anymore. And he wouldn't suffer anymore.

The ache in his bones would be gone and the voice would be quiet. All of the pain he's dealt with would just be...gone. He would take his last breath, and that would be. He has hurt for so long that there was a moment where he accepted his fate, that it might just be better and easier this way. He did not want to die and he wishes he were able to have put up a fight but in that single second, he accepted it.

That feeling lingers with him today. He accepted it and as brought back. The reaper won't leave him alone, tugging at his lungs and his bones. It's not forceful, just a casual reminder of what's waiting for him one day. It's a feeling in his stomach that feels like the start of an ulcer. Just there, waiting for the right moment. And he saw the look Dick gave him when he saw Red Hood was Jaosn. He did not seem happy. Sam was at first pissed about it. No one really seemed too happy at first when he came back. He interrupted their grieving process and then interrupted everything else. He dies with the ache in his bones and the guilt because he has no choice but he swears he won't do this again.

He put a bomb in his helmet as a failsafe.

Sam pulls his thoughts back to her as she presses a kiss to his temple. "You're gonna be okay, Jay."

"I'm not!" Jason yells through a whine as he pulls away, his eyes on her. His chest is heaving as he pants for some sort of air. "I'm never gonna be fucking fine."

Why does the world treat him so cruelly? Can't it see that he is good? Can't it see that he has always been enough? Can't it see that Jason Todd has been through enough? He has suffered enough. Sam would fight the universe with her bare fucking hands if that's what it took for it to understand that he is done suffering.

"You will be." Sam nods her head at him as her hands come to the side of his neck. Her thumbs trace his jawline. "And you don't have to do this shit alone." Sam urges. "I told you, if I'm alive then you are never alone and I mean it. I don't care." Sam shrugs harshly. "It's gonna be okay." Sam wants to kiss him until he believes her. She wants to kiss all of his hurt away, scare it away so far away that it never comes back. She wants to kiss him as hard as she can so maybe he'll believe, once more, that he is worthy and he's gonna be okay and he is never fucking alone if Sam is breathing.

"I-I just want to stop." His voice has never sounded so defeated as he rests his head against her chest.

"I know." Sam whispers, her hand moving to the back of his head as she runs her hand through the wet strands of black hair. "It will, you just gotta give it some time, Jay." Her voice is steady and calm, disguising the pain in her chest. "You've been through a lot."

Jason picks his head up, his green eyes are dark and miserable. Completely broken. "I died." Jason chokes out.

"Yeah." Sam nods once as Jason watches something devastating rip through her eyes. "Someone should have been there to protect you." She wishes it would have been her. It should have been her to protect him.

Jason shakes his head and he lets out this chuckle that almost falls into another sob. "Maybe I was better off dead." He says it in one breath, all flat and sincere. "Look what I've become."

"No." Sam says sternly because he doesn't get to do this to himself again. He has prevented her from this exact spiral more times than she can count and he doesn't even know it. It's her job to make sure she repays the favor that was never really a favor. "You deserve to be alive." Jason catches a subtle break in her tone. "You became something that everyone was too fucking cowardly to become. You save people." Sam nods firmly. "Do you know how many people you've saved as Red Hood?" Sam asks.

"Not fucking many." Jason lets out a huff.

"Three hundred and two." Sam answers right back.

Jason's eyes widen and he is so certain she is making that up. "What?"

"Three hundred and two." Sam repeats. "There was a domino effect, too. I didn't actually count that because it would be like... impossible but I did account for some of them. A guy was gonna blow blow up the museum but you stopped him the day before he had a chance. So, you saved every person that would have been there. You've stolen how many guns from Black Mask? I mean just think of how many people you saved because you took those guns? Domino effect. Of course, there was the apartment fire last week which I don't know, Jay. You're not a firefighter but you still went into it and saved a whole family then went back and saved their cat."

Jason's eyes burn and sting as he stares at Sam in disbelief and confusion. The water pelts him and it's the first time he realizes it's going a little cold. Why the fuck does she know that? Why is she keeping track? Jason doesn't even believe her. Sam has no reason to keep track of how many people he's saving. It's his doing and it has nothing to do with her. There is no reason for it. She's just telling him this shit to make him feel better even if that's never been something Sam has done.

Sam doesn't lie to him.

Jason didn't think she'd start so soon and he did do those things. The Gazette wrote a few articles about it though and Molly knew. Maybe that's how she knew but her eyes are soft and her fingers are idly playing with the we strands at the base of his neck. Why is she keeping tabs on him when she never called?

"W-why the fuck do you know that?" Jason finally gets the words out and Sam can't tell if he's actually mad about it or concerned.

She hopes he's just concerned.

Sam shrugs and offers him a small but cheeky smile. "Cause I do." Sam sucks in a breath. "Have my ways."

The very corner of Jason's mouth tugs upwards just barely at the thought that Sam is really keeping tabs on him, outside of hearing from their friends. If it were anyone else, he'd be pissed. He can take care of himself despite what this situation might look like to an outsider. He can take care of himself and he doesn't need people worrying about him and keeping tabs just to be disappointed or mad. Jason Todd has never needed anyone but Sam keeping tabs on him both as Jason Todd and Red Hood is different because Sam only does it for people she cares about. They weren't talking and she still kept up with what he was doing. It makes him wonder why because she could have called. She could have asked herself and maybe that makes the tiniest smile fall.

Jason didn't call either.

"Keeping tabs on me?" Jason asks with a rough but quiet voice, his brows pulling together.

Not keeping up with him feels impossible. As much as she is beating herself up for everything and as much as a part of her doesn't think she deserves anything with him at all, there was always a part of her that knew she needed to keep up. Molly and Gar might know what he's doing as himself but Jason's going to keep them away from Red Hood as much as he can. Somewhere inside her stomach, she knew they'd find their way back into each other's lives one way or another. She just wanted to know what he was doing and if he were okay. The only thing she wants is for him to be okay and killing people is not the easiest thing in the world, despite what it might look like sometimes. So, she's been keeping up with him just in case.

He's important to her, of course she keeps tabs on him.

"I know you're keeping tabs on me, too." Sam whispers back to him, the cheeky smile completely gone from her lips.

Sometimes Molly will ask an odd question, something she either shouldn't know about or something off-handed. All of the Titans would just ask Sam which means the only person in Molly's ear is Jason. And Sam knows damn well Molly is smart enough to know she'd figure it out. Sam just doesn't say anything. She gives Molly the answer and Molly updates Sam on Jason's things. Okay, so she's a little in the middle of them but Molly knows they're mostly asking about each other because they're worried. It is so stupid and they're so emotionally stunted, but it'd drive them crazy not to know.

Jason just needs to know Sam is okay.

"Maybe." Jason finally gets a grin onto his lips because Sam knowing without saying anything until now makes his heart swell. Even apart, they just can't help themselves.

"Exactly." Sam lets out a soft laugh.

JAosn nods a few times, his smile turning gentle. "Why, uh, why do you know that though? How many people?" Jason asks and he finds himself resting his hands on her hips as if on instinct.

"Helps." Sam answers casually. "Keeping track of everyone you kill and everyone you save by killing, it helps. Keep track of mine, too so...I kept track of yours...just in case." Sam clears her throat, dodging his eyes. "Know how you are and stuff so...uh, yeah, just...knowing it does help...helps on days where it feels like this might be worse." Sam explains softly. "It's not...by the way." Sam clarifies. "Greater good but yeah...uh, yeah, you know sometimes it's a lot to carry."

The way she words it makes Jason's heart burn. His hands grip her hips a little tighter and he remembers the night outside of Jerry's. Sam nearly beat him to death and everything was still heavy. It was still a lot to carry and Jason told her to put it on him. When it gets too hard to carry, put it on him because he can carry the weight of it for her. Sam swore she'd do the same for him and Jason wonders when they seemed to lose that.

He knows. Deep down he knows because it haunts him in his sleep. That night outside of Excellent Gotham when she was finally done absolutely destroyed him. He knows that was the night they lost everything. That he lost everything. He had almost gotten her, Tim, and Mr. Drake killed and she couldn't do it anymore. Jason still doesn't blame her even if it makes him want to lose his mind to guilt and regret all over again. I hurts because he always felt so secure with her but then that happened and it was like everything he ever had finally collapsed at his feet. An earthquake disguised in the words of "you win. I can't do it anymore. I'm done." crumbled his foundation. Their love had been wilting away ever since he came back and that was the day it all finally fell apart.

He wishes he could take it back. He wants what they had back.

"Still will carry some of the weight for you, Jay." Sam sucks in a breath.

Can the wilting process be reversed? Can it be rebuilt? Or is it tarnished forever? Or can they rebuild something better? If Jason committed now again, would it be better? Could they get a fair fucking chance at this time?

Jason grinds his teeth thinking that he wants her. After all of this and she is still willing to be soaking wet in her clothes in a shower with him and carry the weight of devestation for him when it's too much for him. He is endlessly and hopelessly in love with her. He wants her. He wants wha they had before and he wants to rebuild it. Somehow, some way, that is what he wants and fuck if he thinks he deserves it or not because Sam wouldn't be here if she didn't feel the same way.

Jason leans his forehead against hers. "You can still put it on me." Jason whispers softly and Sam gains a soft and subtle smile.

Sam doesn't know it, but Jason is entirely committed to her. Maybe she won't want to try again and Jason can't even blame her. It was a fucking shitshow and he died and she almost died. It was a fucking disaster. Maybe they weren't, but their worlds burned around them and charred them in the process. Maybe she won't want to and that's fine. But, Jason wants to try it all one more time, banter and games and then falling into something. It might not have worked the first time, but it'll be different this time. He's so sure of it and he is so sure of her. He just wants to find his footing and allow her to find hers first and then, even if it makes him want to throw himself through a window, he'll start the conversation.

Sam pulls away, resting her hands on his cheeks. "Why don't we get up, get dry, and I can stay if you want me to?"

He always wants her to stay.

"Ya don't have to if you don't want to." Jason offers even though he knows she will anyway.

"I know." Sam smiles softly at him before she scrunches her nose at him. "Guess you're just stuck with me."

Jason lets himself laugh. There's no such thing as being stuck with Sam. Sam doesn't get stuck to people and she makes sure people don't get stuck to her. He is not stuck, it is always a pleasure to have her around. Even when it's hard.

Sorting themselves out is for the best. It hurts the both of them more than words could possibly describe and a part of that does not feel it's for the best. It feels, somehow, more complicated now than it did before. It's as if they've both forgotten how to walk around each other and that part feels wrong. They strolled right into each other's lives before and made themselves right at home as if it were always meant to be that way. Being a part and sorting themselves has left this gap between them that they're not sure how to build a bridge back. But it's for the best because they can't be together and offer each other the care they deserve if they're too busy dealing with their own traumas while trying to help the other one. It's a little too much to throw in a romance. It sucks and Jason knows it.

"Thanks, Sammy."

"Of course." Sam gets up, leaning over and turning the shower off finally.

Sam offers her hands to Jason and helps him to his feet. The both of them are completely drenched and it makes Jason laugh. Her hair is stringy and soaked, the small bit of eyeliner is running down her cheeks and her t-shirt sags pathetically over her. Sam sticks her tongue out at him and then laughs with him. He doesn't look much better than she does so they laugh, heartily and loud, the booms bouncing off of the tile surrounding them. It's all a little ridiculous.

"Why are you laughing?" Sam asks as she gasps for a breath.

"You look like a drowned rat." Jason bellows before he grabs the two towels from the towel bars.

"Fuck you!" Sam yells before sucking in a laugh and catching the towel from Jason. "So do you!"

"I know!" Jason agrees with her which only makes her laugh more and he thinks she's still the prettiest person he's ever met.

His laughing subsides first and turns into something soft and tender while Sam just smiles at him before rolling her eyes. Jason wides his eyes to mock her and then he turns around. He rests his towel on the counter beside him before stripping down to his boxes and Sam can't help but watch. She is starting to feel goosebumps erupt over her skin as she grows colder but the sight of Jason Todd stripping down? That is not a sight to be missed.

He's somehow more toned now than he was before. The muscles of his back flex with every movement as he dries himself off. The Lazarus pit healed his face and the other injuries he sustained from the Joker but it didn't get rid of his previous scars. The one from his dad is still there and the other one from a fight on the streets. Sam still likes how they look on him. Proof that he is alive. And the only thing she wants to do is wrap her arms around him and kiss up his shoulder blades.

She almost does it.

Her feet almost move and she can almost feel how his skin will be warm against hers. He'll straighten his stance at first and then he'll relax. His hands will come up to her arms and a chuckle will fall from his lips the second she places the first kiss between his shoulder blades. They would be happy.

She almost moves.

But it's not her place anymore.

So, she wills herself to turn around and strip down just as he did, leaving her in just her bra and underwear to get as dry as she can. Jason peaks over his shoulder, catching a glimpse of Sam's back to him. He could feel her practically boring into his back and he's relieved she turned around. It wouldn't normally bother him but he'd have to turn around eventually and he wasn't in for that conversation at the moment. But, he offers a glance, catching the white raised lines of scars through her back, something that still boils Jason's blood.

Her scars never bothered him. Proof that she fights like hell to make it out alive. But, it pisses him off because what the fuck did Sam ever do to deserve the mistreatment? Nothing in this world justifies the horrors she went through and the fact she has the bear the scars for the rest of her life as if the haunting memories weren't enough. Jason gets it more than anyone, especially now. And all he wants to do is pull Sam into him, litter kisses across her face until she bursts at the seams with laughter because she's happy. At least if she's laughing she's happy and that's what she deserves. To be happy.

Jason shakes his head and says he'll be back with some dry clothes before he darts out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He takes a few minutes to get some dry clothes on himself, making sure he's covered with a black t-shirt and grey sweatpants. His body starts to warm up almost immediately from the clothes and then he rummages through his things looking for something for Sam to wear. He grabs a pair of boxers for her, sweatpants that he only kept because they fit her better, and a red t-shirt.

When Jason gets back to the bathroom, Sam is seated on the toilet seat with the towel wrapped around her, cutting off just above her breasts. Jason offers her a smirk because who are they if they aren't going to do this whole banter thing?

"Wanna give me a show?" Jason quips.

Sam snaps her attention to him, seeing a pile of clothes in his hands and him now fully clothed. "No, fuck you." Sam chortles back as she gets to her feet.

"But I'm sad." Jason gives her the fakest pout Sam has ever seen.

"You're still obnoxious." Sam quips, gesturing with one hand to get the clothes from Jason.

Jason keeps his smirk. "Better than shithead."

"Shithead." Sam beams up at him, still waiting for him to hand over the clothes.

"Babe." Jason laughs before handing over the clothes.

Sam smiles back at him with the roll of her eyes. "Maybe I'd have given you one if you gave me one." Sam blinks up at him and Jason knows damn well this is a trap.

"In your dreams." Jason holds his confidence.

Sam shrugs, deciding to play the game. It is always the most fun that way. "Those are my best dreams."

Jason feels his cheeks turn a pretty shade of pink. "Don't have just be dreams, babe."

"You fucking wish."

"If I did?" Jason quips without missing a fucking beat.

"I know you do." Sam rolls her eyes and he knows he's won. "Turn the fuck around or get out."

Jason lets out a laugh before he leaves Sam to get changed, closing the door behind him. "I'm right out here if you change your mind about the show."

"Fuck you!" Sam yells before Jason hears her laugh behind the door.

Jason leans against his dresser, tugging out his phone to see what he's missed. He has a few texts from Gar, mostly just TikToks and one asking how things are going. Jason decides he'll respond later, not in the mood much for explaining that one. There's a text from Dick asking how Tim is doing and Jason replies that it's going fine, not offering any further explanation. He knows damn well Dick sent the same text to Sam and she'll elaborate more. There isn't much else on his phone so he goes to his gallery, a habit he can't quite break.

He hasn't deleted a single photo of him and Sam from his phone. It's an endless and helpless bit of hope that it'll be them at the end of this. And these are pictures from a better time because even when he was dealing with the shit from Deathstroke, at least they were happy. Everything still seemed so simple compared to how it feels today. It feels like years have passed since they were in her bed changing their lock screens to matching pictures. It's as if they've lost their last bit of innocence in those few weeks of terror and agony. Jason figures that's just a consequence of endless trauma. He grieves for the kids they should have been allowed to be. Innocent and dumb and stubborn and carefree. He grieves for the people they were in the pictures on his phone.

The door opens, tugging Jason's attention up and away from his phone before he pockets it. A tender smile pulls at his lips as Sam walks out in his clothes, he swore they always look better on her anyway. She has a pile of clothes in her hand, topped with the black towel. She walks right up to him, standing just a few inches from him and beams up at him before she offers the stack to him.

Jason tilts his head back with a laugh before he pushes off the dresser. "Am I your maid now?" He quirks his brows up at her.

"I don't think you want me to answer that." Sam laughs right back and it's something airy and warm.

Jason shakes his head. "Fuck you."

"If you ask nicely." Sam fires right back and she watches the subtle tint of surprise fade over his face. She lets out a snicker before Jason deadpans. "It is still so much fun to fuck with you, Jay."

Jason isn't the only one chasing the innocence of a few months ago. Sam can feel it, too. It's dark now. Something heavy is lingering in the air everywhere she goes. She hates how it feels and ignoring it doesn't do her any ood but what else is there to do? At the very least, the way Jason laughs still makes her smile. At the very least, the way he laughs makes the air not feel so heavy anymore. The banter makes things feel a little bit better because at least they're talking, at least they're still on the same page. At least it's still him and her.

"Give me your damn shit." Jason grumbles through a smile while Sam does as told through a laugh. "Just...wait here." Jason stutters for a second before he darts out of the room.

Sam makes her way to his bed and sits down, her hand landing on his pillow. There's something hard under it and while it isn't her business, she picks up the pillow anyway. Jason keeps a gun under his pillow and the smile evaporates in a second. She knows why he does it but...it's the reality of it. The heaviness of always having a weapon at the ready even when it dangers your own life. To live in fear. To live always on guard. It's not fair.

She takes a seat on the mattress that's resting on the floor. Her heart aches for him. Even after everything, he deserves better. He has always deserved better but now he's stuck here dealing with the monstrosities he was manipulated into doing and dealing with dying. It's all not fair and Sam wishes she knew what she could do to make it better. 

Sam carefully grabs the gun, checking the safety and she is relieved he's at least keeping the safety on. She rests it beside her before she looks on the other side of the bed, not seeing any other weapons. She'd hope she would have noticed last night or this morning if had anything out in the open. But, Jason wouldn't which makes her wonder where else he's hiding his weapons.

"What're you doing?" Jason's voice brings her attention back to him.

"Why, uh, w-why do you keep a gun under your pillow?" Sam asks.

Jason's teeth grind against each other, knowing he can't lie about it. He moved it last night when Sam wasn't paying attention. He'd never have her sleep in a bed when it could go off. But, by the way she asked, that's not why she's asking. She doesn't even sound mad but Jason is embarrassed anyway. Exposed again, twice in one night because of course he keeps weapons at the ready. He needs to be prepared for anything. Joker took care of the job once already and Jason has been doing a great job in making more enemies than friends these days. He keeps his guard up at all times so he doesn't get beaten to death again.

"I put it there." Jason states, stuffing his hands into his pockets, practically gluing his feet to the floor. Maybe if he doesn't move, she won't ask any more questions.

Sam blinks at him a few times. "Yeah...I-I knew that?" Sam questions him. "That's fucking stupid, you know that?" Sam asks with the nod of her head. "You might have the safety on but what if it goes off?"

"Look, it's not a fucking thing. You don't have to make it one." Jason shakes his head, gesturing a leisured hand towards her, trying to brush it off as much as he can.

Sam rolls her eyes before she gets up, gun in hand with the barrel facing the floor. "I'm not judging you for it. I get it." Sam shrugs her shoulder as she hands the weapon to him.

Jason holds it in his hand, grip tight while he watches her go to her bags. His brows furrow as she starts digging into her backpack. She pulls out a switchblade, metallic blue shining against the low light of his room. She walks back over to his bed and puts the knife under his pillow.

"It's locked so it shouldn't open on you while you're asleep. Just don't lose that one, I like that one." Sam rolls her shoulders, eyes locked on his. "I got those from Bruce so they're good for throwing." Sam explains as she swallows thickly and she can see Jason wanting to fight her on it, defend himself but he doesn't need to. Jason Todd never needs to defend himself against her. "I have one under my pillow, too." Sam says quietly while she watches Jason's face soften and his shoulders relax.

Being with her was always the place he never felt judged for anything, even the blood staining his hands.

"Thank you." Jason takes a few steps forward, finally unsticking his feet from the wooden floorboards. "Don't have to look after me, though." Jason says it simply, a hint of hurt in his voice. He takes a seat beside her. "Not your job anymore." Jason's eyes are dark and sad, something tugging his thoughts back to a place they shouldn't be.

"I know." Sam says quietly. "It was never a job in the first place." Her eyes go to her hands and Jason can feel the lump in his throat growing again but this time, for the love he thinks he lost with her. Or the love he thought he lost. "You're still my favorite person." Sam whispers back to him and she doesn't know why she says it. She only knows that it's true and it's always been true. Maybe he just needs to know it's still her and him.

"Still?" Jason asks, his eyes searching over her face for any indication that she's going to throw out some quip.

"Mhm." She hums with a subtle nod.

Jason looks to his hands in his lap and he misses her more than words could possibly describe. He misses her honesty and her care and her quips and the snark. He misses every aspect of her and he is so in love with her. He thought, for just a second, maybe that feeling would fade. Time would pass and it would fade, especially lately. They'd meet again and maybe it would be so different that he wouldn't feel like his heart would burst from his ribcage at the sight of her. She always deserved better than him anyway. After everything he put her through, she deserves better than that but he can tell by how she stutters and tugs at her sleeves, the way her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes after the last bit of banter, she isn't entirely happy. Being with him, for some reason he'll never understand, made her happy. And being with her always made him happy. They're sitting here and it's as if his very heart is trying to climb through his chest to get to hers. He is still so endlessly in love with her.

"I miss you." He says it quietly, looking back to her and he wishes he could tell her the other eight letters but..that all seems a little honest and a little unfair. He doesn't expect her to say it back.

Every day she wakes up and she loves him. Every day she wakes up and she misses him. Today was the first day in two months, she didn't miss him. She didn't miss him because he was down the hall. She didn't miss him because he was here and so was she. Today was the first day in two months, her chest didn't ache with the thought of him. She misses him, too and she misses his smile and his laugh and the new addition of the white streak of hair. She misses his sarcasm and his ability to turn anything into some sort of joke. She always misses him. And she is endlessly in love with him.

"I miss you, too." Sam whispers back, eyes locking on his.

The haunted words of 'I love you' scrape down her throat, knowing it's not her place to say them. It's too honest, too vulnerable, too exposed. It's too much for both of them and it's not fair to put that on him. It's not fair to put it on him because she isn't sure what she'd do if he knew. It's agonizing swallowing the words. She has felt more at home today than she has in two months. Jason deserves to know she still loves him despite it all but she can't say it.

The room falls silent, the air between them growing humid and thick. Tonight was a bad night. They happen sometimes. Sometimes the weight of it all drags Jason down and he can't pick himself up. But Sam walks right in and doesn't even hesitate. She always knows what to do and she never even questions it. Tonight was a bad night but Sam was here and he is thankful for her. He's coming into himself as Red Hood, knowing, most nights, that what he's doing is for the greater good. He's getting along with Bruce and they're actually trying for once. He sees Leslie once a week. He is trying, making a solid effort to move past everything that's ever made him feel like a burden. It's the forgiving himself for what happened that drags him down.

Everyone was right. It was his choice to go to Crane. He didn't have to. Sure, maybe it wasn't really him while he was high, but it was. It was him making that choice to keep taking it, it was his choice to ignore every single offer Sam ever made to bring him back just because he was pissed and stubborn and he felt abandoned. So many people have suffered because of what he did under Crane's control. It may not have been the real him but he still did it. And that's a very difficult thing to forgive himself for. And it only ever gets worse when Sam is involved because she was the one person who never even thought about giving up on him until she was given no other choice. It's a very hard thing to forgive himself for but he is trying.

Leslie says he needs to learn to forgive himself, everyone else has forgiven him and that should mean something.

He's trying.

He's trying to forgive himself and be better. He is trying to accept the care and kindness of others without second guessing their motives or when they'll up and leave.

He's trying not to push.

"I..." Jason stutters. "I really miss you." Jason says again, hoping she gets it because he can't stand to not have her in his life anymore.

Sam's face softens as her heart shatters through her chest. She forgave him for everything the second it all happened. Sometimes, she can feel herself upset about some of it but it's just the grief kicking in again. The grief of everything they both lost the second he made the depiction to go to Crane. It is the one decision he has made that she doesn't understand but she isn't Jason. She wasn't Robin. She wasn't stripped of the most important thing to her, of her identity. Not like Jason was. And she forgives him anyway because Jason doesn't like to hurt people. Especially people he cares about. Pushing has always been a way to hurt himself, not other people. She forgives him for everything even if he doesn't know it.

She wishes it were different so they wouldn't be suffering through the pain of missing each other. It doesn't seem very fair, especially tonight.

She knows what he means.

"I really miss you, too." Sam's voice is honest and Jason thinks she even sounds scared, a reminder of how he sounded the first time things got a little too real with their feelings. Those words hold the same meaning that they do for Jason. Everything they're too scared to say tonight.

Sam leans forward, resting her forehead on his shoulder and she knows her heart will only ever belong to him. It'll always be safe with him. Jason's eyes soften as he looks down at her and instead of making some quip or joke, he lets them sit in the moment. He rests his cheek against her head and all he wants to do is kiss her. This isn't easy for her either.

Sam lifts her head and Jason's eyes are big and green, the prettiest shade of green she's ever seen. He is still the only thing she has ever wanted. He will always be the only thing she'll ever want. And Jason can feel it, too, like an invisible string tugging them together in every universe, in every timeline. She is the only thing he has ever wanted. She is the only thing he will ever want.

Jason hopes she knows he feels it, too so he rests his forehead against hers first this time. Sam's eyes close as her shoulders relax and Jason finally lets out a breath before his eyes close. He'll never ask because that's too soon into whatever this friendship is going to be but he's hoping she stays awhile. Stays past morning tomorrow and into the night. They don't have to talk about any of it, he just wants her to stay and he wants to stay just like this because it's the safest he's felt in two months. And it's like a reflex, embedded deep into his DNA, he brushes his nose against hers as he feels her breath fan over his lips.

Sam matches him but instead, she brushes her lips against his. She hasn't kissed him in a month and a half yet it feels like it's been an entire century. Kissing him has always washed away every doubt and ounce of sadness she's ever had. Him kissing her has always made her feel wanted, the two of them against the world. That's how it should have been and that's how it should be now. She wants to kiss him so badly she thinks she might burst into tears. Life was always better with him in it. She wants to kiss him to show him that even if they can't be together, she still loves him with every ounce of her existence.

Jason's head starts to spin and he holds his breath. He's thrown right back to that time in the manor when she told him to prove it. She said it and he never put in a single thought after that. He took the leap and he thinks it was one of the best decisions he's ever made. That kiss sealed their fate together, even for just that short time. It brought her to him in a way he didn't think he'd ever be lucky enough to have. Being with her made him feel lucky for the first time in a very long time.

Maybe they can do this again. Maybe the way for them to do anything is to tiptoe into it. It didn't work last time but it wasn't for lack of trying. It was Jason who fucked it up but it had nothing to do with them. Maybe falling back into each other is how it's supposed to be. Maybe they could fix it all. It's just lonely without her. He's terrified but Sam's lips brush over his again and she's making the first move this time. She can still quiet every horrible thought he's ever had. He loves her with every ounce of his very existence.

Jason brings his hand to her cheek, running his thumb over his cheek. Her skin is always soft under his callused fingers. He thought maybe she'd back out because Sam does that. Sam runs from everything, she backs out, it's all a joke and that's that. It would be incredibly painful but...she doesn't. She leans into him instead. So, Jason finally closes the bit of distance between them and brings his lips to hers.

Sam smiles against him and Jason can breathe again. He can breathe again as she kisses him back and her mouth moves with his. This might be a one-time thing but that's okay because even if it's just for this moment, she chooses him. And he chooses her. They will always choose each other. In the chaos of their lives, somehow, they find their way back right here with her hands pulling the collar of his shirt closer to her and his hands on her cheeks. They choose each other anyway. Despite the pain and heartbreak and chaos and all of the terrible, horrible, thoughts, they choose each other. Even if it is just for a moment, Jason decides to take the second leap and he wants this moment to last as long as Sam will let it. If she'll have him.

Jason moves his hands to her hips, giving them a squeeze before he tugs her closer to him. Sam gets the hint and without breaking the kiss, she moves to straddle his lap, Jason guiding her down. His hands squeeze her hips and he tugs her as close to him as possible while her hands find their way to his shoulders and then the back of his neck. Her fingers tangle in the damp hair at the base of his neck. The kiss grows sloppy and desperate, teeth clanking against each other and it is the most cathartic feeling the both of them have had in a long time.

It is healing parts of them they didn't think possible. Normally, it's Jason questioning Sam's feelings because why would she ever love him after all the damage he's done? But, it's sAm questioning that as she kisses with everything in her. She's just like everyone else, why would he forgive her for that? Why would he kiss her like he's still hopelessly in love with her? She broke a promise to him and he's still here and she has no idea why. But, tonight, she's going to allow herself to be thankful. All that matters right now is that they're here, together, just him and her.

Jason swears Sam has left a permanent make spelling out her name across his heart and Jason wouldn't have any other name in her place. And a part of him thinks she knows, too. It's as if it glows and heats up the center of his chest whenever she's around. It's like his heart becomes a beacon of light on the top of a lighthouse the second she kisses him. She makes him feel alive again and he doesn't have to feel so alone when she's here.

Sam feels so at home with his. Every piece of paranoisthat's been coursing through her fades away and she knows, without a shadow of a doubt, with Jason is safe. After everything, he will always protect her. She will always protect him. They're tied together even if they don't want to admit it to each other. They've ruined each other for anyone that would ever come after and the both of them have never been so thankful.

Jason pulls away, his chest panting as his eyes open slowly. Sam's eyes meet his slowly, pupils lust-blown and she has a loving and lazy smile spread across her lips. He thinks he could do this all night long.

He gains his signature smirk. "Did I win that time?" Jason's eyes glance to her lips.

Sam deadpans and shakes her head. She expects absolutely nothing less from him. "Shut the fuck up."

Jason lets out the warmest chortle Sam has ever heard. "That's a yes."

"Just shut up and kiss me." Sam groans before colliding her lips with his.

She can feel him grin wildly against her lips before he falls right back into rhythm with her

A/N: I'm so sorry for taking so long to update!! I had a ton of stuff going on last month and some other things happened so I just did not have the mental capacity to edit this chapter