The days went on, and Ace and I just couldn't seem to return to our form of normal. Sure, it got easier, but there was that lingering mortification that just wouldn't go away.

He had been busier lately, so I at least got a little reprieve. I bided my time by stressing Thatch to the point of having a poorly doodled 'banned' poster stuck to the door to the kitchen, playing endless rounds of blackjack with Pops, and asking Deuce to brainstorm his book ideas with me.

Marco and I got a lot closer, with almost Ace-level teasing coming into the mix, but it was enjoyable. At least he never commented on the size of my chest, and I wouldn't use any pineapple related jokes regarding his head as a way of thanks. The bird taunts remained, though. How could they not after I had seen him perched on Whitebeard's shoulder like a parrot?

"Here, let me carry this for ya." I heard a voice before the large barrel of booze was lifted from my arms, and I saw Teach smiling down at me. Returning in mind, I rubbed at my back, glad to be rid of the weight.
"Thanks. It was heavier than I anticipated." I chuckled awkwardly.

I still wasn't sure what to think of Teach. He was nice enough, and always offered to lend me a hand, but there was still something about him that seemed off to me. However, I tried not to let it eat at me too much. It was probably just his face.

"To storage, right?" He asked, and I started to walk alongside him, nodding my head.
"Yep, and I probably would have tripped and snapped my neck if I had to go down those stairs, so again, thanks, man." I liked to think I was strong, but in reality, my size made it harder to catch up to everyone else.

"Can't have that, now can we? Oh, before I forget, Ace was looking for you. I think he got caught up chatting to Pops, though." Teach explained, and I internally groaned. I wanted to spend time with him, but I also dreaded it. It was so hard to act normal around him.

"Thanks. I guess I'll go find him, then..." Sighing, I parted from Teach and wandered aimlessly around the Moby Dick, doing anything but hunt for the freckled commander. If he really wanted to see me, he'd find me himself. He always did.

A few hours went by, and I ended up at the entryway to the kitchen, squaring up against Thatch, who blocked my way.
"Come on! Just because my chopping isn't up to your freakish standards?! You could use my help!" I complained loudly, but he wasn't going to move an inch.

"Look, (Y/N), honey, outside of this kitchen, you're a great friend, and I appreciate everything you do, but I would sooner shave my head and shoot myself out of a cannon than let you back in here." He responded, causing me to gasp with incredible dramatic flair.

"This is a hate crime! Justice for asymmetrical vegetables, dammit! They all end up looking the same on the way out, anyway!" I knew he wasn't going to budge, but arguing with him was passing the time, and I knew for a fact that he was getting a kick out of it as well, despite his kitchen ban being legitimate.

"Viva La Sketchy Looking Potatoes!" My entire body flinched when I heard Ace shout from behind me, but I quickly composed myself, straightening back up.
"Yeah. Viva La that!" I nodded firmly, yelping as Thatch nudged me backwards, my back connecting with Ace's chest, his hands moving to catch me by the arms.

"Viva La quit making me fall behind with meal prep, Missy. Go terrorise someone else for a while." Shooing me away with a limp wrist, Thatch disappeared from the doorway, and I was left with Ace still holding me.

"Well, shit. I'll get back in there somehow, even if it's the last thing I do." I muttered, trying to distract myself from my hearts rapid beat increase.
"Well, before that, I wanna have a word with you, so could you come with me?" For some reason, Ace's voice had switched to a more serious tone, and it made me nervous.

I allowed him to lead me to his room, and I hesitated at the door, having to really psych myself up before I entered. When he shut the door behind us, I knew that there was no way I'd come out of there without something else to worry about.

"So...what was so important that you had to bring me in here? Gonna confess to a murder or something?" I chuckled in a much higher pitch than was natural, and he took a few steps towards his bed, avoiding looking at me altogether.
"Nah, nothing that bad...Well, actually, it could be worse, depending on how you look at it..."

What could be worse than that?

"Don't worry, I've already seen your face. Nothing's as bad as that." I joked, moreso for my sake, knowing my fight or flight reflexes were trying to kick themselves to life. Blowing out a long, somewhat shaky breath, Ace turned around and looked me dead in the eye, cementing me to the spot.

"Wow, that's a bit of a harsh thing to say to a guy who's trying to confess their love, don'tcha think..?"

Even though I knew exactly what I had heard, I couldn't quite wrap my head around it for a ridiculous amount of time, leaving Ace standing there, hands fidgeting and face blooming redder than I had ever seen it.

"E..excuse me...trying to what..?" I really tried not to allow myself to take a step back, but my body moved on its own.
"You heard me. I...did some thinking, while I've been doing stuff for Pops...and I decided that it was better to tell you instead of let things stay awkward..."

Did he really think that this wouldn't make it worse?!

"I've known since we were kids. Well, I didn't really know it back then, because I was an idiot, but after seeing you again, it all made sense." He continued, seeming to really struggle to make his words come out without stammering and stumbling. "That was why it was so important to me, finding you, and why I got so angry when you tried to go back..."

A shover of goosebumps spread down from the nape of my neck and down my arms, and I couldn't tell if they were from excitement or fear. I had so many instant, mixed emotions after hearing him say such things, it was making me feel sick.

"A..Ace...don't try and fuck with me about something like tha-"
"I'm not!" He interjected quickly, holding his hands up as though that would help to calm me. "I'm really not, (Y/N), okay? I've...never been more serious in my life. I'm guessing from your reaction that you don't feel the same..."

Shaking my head, I pinched the bridge of my nose, turning to pace the short width of his room, back and forth. It was the only thing stopping me from making a run for it. He didn't deserve that.
"N..no...Ace, it's not...I don't know how I feel, okay?!" I spoke in a tone that was a lot harsher than I meant it to be, so I did my best to soften my voice. "I don't not like you...but things are...I don't know what's going on in my head at the moment..."

He's still in there...

Stopping mid-pace, I released the pinch on my bridge and let my hand slip down to cover my mouth as I attempted to find the right words. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, but I couldn't lie to him, either.

"I spent s..so long, so many years, with Doflamingo...I know how wrong it was, how horrifically messed up it is...but I'm still trying to get past everything I felt for him..." I started, frantically shaking my head as I began pacing again. "I do care about you, a lot, believe me, but I just...I can't say yes right now! I..I don't know if I ever can, but it's not that I don't want to, y'know..?!"

Chewing on his lip, Ace cautiously moved forward and placed his hand on my shoulder to halt my movements. It was much warmer than usual.
"I get it. You need time, right..?" Whilst there was still a shake to his voice, he seemed calmer than I had expected, and it kind of rubbed off on me.

"Y..yes...I need time, Ace...I'm sorry...I-"
"No, this isn't a sorry-worthy situation. I hit you with this out of nowhere, and I was getting way too ahead of myself even considering that you'd say yes right away, or at all." Ace spoke over the top of me, not even the slightest hint of upset or frustration on his face.

I, on the other hand, felt like I was going to sob and throw up, but I held it together just enough to not actually do it there in front of him.
"When the hell d..did you get so damn mature..?" I asked in a pitiful stammer, and he offered me the softest of smiles, which didn't help me feel any less horrible.

"I dunno. I guess Pops has rubbed off on me." He responded, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze before releasing me, walking past and back to his door. "If you need a little while, you're more than welcome to stay in here. Don't worry about an answer, either. I'll wait as long as you need me to, and even if you decide you d..don't want me back, that's fine. We'll be fine."

With that, Ace left me alone in his room  and I staggered over to his bed, dropping down onto my front and gripping the sheets in tight, quivering fists. So many parts of me wanted to chase after him and tell him that, yes, I did feel the same way, and that I wanted to be with him, but something was stopping me.

He was stopping me.

I had known Doflamingo had gotten into my head, but it was only now that I finally realised just how much damage he had done. How he had conditioned me, groomed me, into believing he was all I would ever have or need, right down to the core.

Whether he genuinely loved me or not, it was venomous, and he had already bitten me every day for the majority of my life. Injected me with his words, and his actions. His lies. Trying to fight it was overwhelming.

Tossing onto my back, I stared up at the ceiling, wanting to cry but unable to find the tears.

Ace, why did it have to be me..?

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***Dammit, Doffy, you broke a perfectly good (Y/N), and now the readers are gonna have to wait for s̶m̶u̶t̶ fluffy romance and totally not anything more that that at all...

Viva La Thatch

Next Time: Happy Birthday, Donut Boy***