Margaret "Peggy" Faber

"Guys, I'm fine," I say with a sigh as Mom and Dad watch me anxiously. Ever since I got the re diagnosis, they've taken a lot of time off work to spend time with me. I love that they want to be with me but it's bad for them. Their anxiety has grown exponentially and it's not good for them to watch their daughter slowly die. I feel like I'm wasting away.

"I just don't like seeing you suffer," Mom says with a sad smile. Dad holds up the spoon and I open my mouth, allowing him to feed me. "You're already so weak and it hasn't been that long," she adds, referring to the fact that I'm so fatigued that I need help eating.

"Our girl's strong, Angela," Dad says. "We need to stay positive, love. We talked about this, remember?"

"I know, but it's so hard--"

"Lets talk about something else, shall we?" I ask hastily as I fight to keep my eyes open. "You're both still going on your anniversary trip, right?" I ask. Mom and Dad have been married for twenty years now and next Saturday would the anniversary of when they got married. They were talking about going to New York City and seeing some broadway shows, one of them being Hamilton.

"Well, about that sweetie," Mom begins slowly. I cringe. She really only ever uses 'sweetie' when she's about to deliver bad news. "We decided to cancel our plans indefinitely. We've agreed that you're more important--"

"I want you two to go," I interrupt. "It's you're twentieth anniversary. You've been together for two decades and you need to celebrate that. Yes I am sick, but you can't put your life on hold because of me. I want you to be happy, I want you to go and live your lives."

"Margaret," Dad says, sighing as he sets the bowl of soup to the side.

"Don't 'Margaret' me Dad," I say with a frown. "Please just do this. It's not good for either of you to be cooped up in the hospital. If you're worried about who will take care of me, just remember that the nurses here are phenomenal care takers. I can Skype you and Mom every night, just please don't put your life on hold because of me." My parents stare at me for a few moments before sighing.

"I guess it's a good thing we didn't cancel our tickets," Mom says. I let out a sigh of relief at this and stifle yet another yawn. "You're absolutely sure you don't want us to be here?"

"I'll always want you around, Mom," I say, rubbing my eyes. "But your life is important too. You know how I feel about all of this."

"Sometimes I forget how selfless you are," Dad says as he brushes some hair off my forehead. I feel a rush of sadness at the thought of me most likely losing it. We fall silent and my hand reaches out to grab his. "How are you and that boy doing?"

"Dad, you know his name is Harry," I say with a tired smile.

"I know, but I love seeing you smile every time you say his name," he replies with a quiet chuckle. "He's a nice kid."

"Yeah," I say, smiling again as I think about how kind he's been to me these past few days. He never fails to stop by after school, even if he has practice. He always brings me flowers and frozen yogurt with granola. He's even brought a few stuffed animals with me and hasn't been disgusted when I've thrown up from the nausea that I'll sometimes feel.

"Earth to Margaret," Mom says softly. She's genuinely smiling at me now. "You really like him, don't you?"

"I do," I admit as I begin to close my eyes. "I like him so much and he makes me really happy."

"Go to sleep, Meg," Dad says softly as I feel myself beginning to fade. I hear him say something else, but I fall asleep moments later. When my eyes open next, it's because of quiet murmurs. Even in my very groggy state, I can tell that it's Francis and Harry and I let out a quiet groan, alerting them that I've woken up.

"Hi baby," Harry says quietly as he walks over to my side. My eyesight's a little blurry but as I blink, his face becomes clearer. "Sorry if we woke you," he murmurs, grabbing my hand and pressing his lips to my knuckles.

"Are you two sure that you're not dating?" Francis asks with a slight scoff. "For people claiming to be friends, you're awfully touchy and use those stupid pet names."

"Oh sod off, Francis," I yawn as I hold the panda plushy that Harry got me in my arms. "How was school today?"

"Terrible," Francis whines. "Things are so boring without you, Meg. I have no one to annoy."

"What about me?" Harry asks as his thumb lightly runs across the back of my hand.

"You're actually the one who's been annoying me," he retorts. "I swear, if I have to hear one more of your shitty jokes, I'm going to shave your hair off."

"Meg likes them."

"Her judgment has always been clouded," Francis says with a shrug. "What are you gonna do about it?" he adds rhetorically. I merely snort in response and when I'm more awake, I force myself to sit up. The three of us talk for a little while before the nurse comes in with a bowl of salmon and rice. I frown at the smell, immediately losing the little appetite that I had. I know I have to eat but it's been so hard for me, especially when I can barely keep a meal down.

"Alright Styles, it's your turn to force feed her today," Francis says as he goes to slouch in the armchair.

"See, the joke's on you because she actually likes me," Harry boasts as he takes the salmon and rice bowl.

"Uh huh, you'll be saying something different when she bites your hand," Francis grumbles.

"She wouldn't hurt me," Harry chuckles as he holds up a spoon tunnel. I narrow my eyes at him, pretending to act like I will. "Right?" he asks with a hint of doubt. I don't respond and he gulps as I slowly open my mouth. He seems relieved when I don't spit out the food and it takes a lot for me to chew and swallow.

"Couldn't you just lightly bite him just to make me feel better?" Francis asks. "You're supposed to be my friend."

"She probably didn't bite me just to spite you," Harry grins as he continues to feed me. It takes forty five minutes for me to eat the entire bowl and while I feel a little better, I still have the overwhelming urge to throw up.

"Knowing her, she probably did," he huffs. "Meg, you're a little shit, I hope you know that," he adds when I wink at him. Harry grins at me before lightly kissing my forehead.

"I have to go to practice, but I'll see you afterwards, okay?" he asks. "And yes, I know I need to spend time with my family too, but they've given me express written consent for me to be with you. I can show it to you if you want," he adds as I open my mouth to argue with him.

"No, it's okay," I say, speaking up for the first time since I woke up. "I um, thank you for coming today," I add as I shyly look up at him. He seems to know what I want because he leans down and lightly presses his lips to mine.

"Jesus, I look down at my phone for one second," Francis scoffs.

"Sorry, mate," Harry says, laughing as he pulls away. "Want me to kiss you too so you don't feel left out?" he asks.

"As tempted as I am to take you up on that, I don't think Meg would be thrilled with that," Francis replies as he winks at me.

"Your loss," Harry sings as he walks out of the hospital room. I feel my cheeks grow warm and I bring my fingertips up to my lips. Francis chuckles quietly before getting up snd sitting on the other end of my bed.

"So when are you two going to be official, because I'm sick of this 'we're just friends' bullshit," he asks impatiently. "And are you two going to prom together because I will happily be the third wheel."

"I don't know to both things," I say, holding the panda plushy closer to my chest. "I'm so tired and weak right now, I don't even know if I could make it to prom."

"Well that's an easy solution; we'll just hold a prom here. I'm sure the nurses would love to have some sort of party and we both know that Harry would come," he says.

"I don't know..." I sigh.

"Well, lets sit on the idea," Francis says. "We've got a few weeks until the event. There's still time for you to get some strength back." I merely nod in response and he hastily changes the topic and tells me about how Professor Payne nearly yelled at a student for saying that vaccines were terrible for society. I fall asleep several times while he talks but he doesn't mind this at all. Eventually, we decide to do homework, and he helps me out as best as he can.

I've still been determined to finish my classes and graduate on time. To help me, Mom and Dad have hired a tutor. Weirdly, my grades have gotten better and I think that part of it has to do with the fact that I want to graduate and be accepted into college so badly. When I'm not tired or thinking about Harry, I'm thinking about schoolwork. I want to live so badly but I'm so scared that I'm not going to. I don't know what it is about this time, but it almost feels like there's no point.

Harry comes back around eight and spends a half hour with me before he's kicked out with Francis. I have very uneasy night of sleep, especially after having a bad dream about my catheter somehow being ripped out. I throw up my breakfast immediately after finishing it and it's made that much worse when I have the second chemo session. At least I won't have to repeat this for three weeks, so my body will get some rest from the chemicals.

Harry and Francis are unable to come to visit me today, but it's good that they didn't see me because I was a complete mess. I could barely talk or walk—even with my prosthetic. I kept falling over and my vision was blurring. It was definitely the worst day I've had whilst going through treatment and I couldn't make it to the group therapy session. My parents were by my side as soon as I thought that they needed to know about my condition and I made them not call Francis or Harry. There were some big exams happening at school and they needed to be focused.

The trembling started happening after I managed to keep down a snack. Mom and Dad's panic grew during that and they had to be escorted out when it became clear that they were making me more anxious than relaxed. They were allowed back in when they had calmed down and Dad held my hands. It took hours for them to stop shaking and the doctors have to give me some drugs to go to sleep. As my eyes close, I can't help but wonder if all of this pain is really worth it.

🌼 🌼 🌼 🌼

Harry carefully pushes my chair through the hospital's courtyard. I had been cleared to go outside, but because of how bad I've been, I only have fifteen minutes. I'm done with the chemo for now and I'm currently supposed to be resting. My parents wanted me to stay at the hospital, especially while they're gone on their anniversary trip. I agreed, mostly because I know that my condition would worsen if I stubbornly tried to be at home.

Francis and Harry were furious at me when they found out about the day where I completely lost it. They didn't like that I tried to spare them and that I put their exams over myself. Though they didn't say it, I know they were so upset because of the fear that I could have died. They were afraid that the last time they would have seen me was when I was just beginning to pass out. I admit that I do feel a little bad but I wouldn't have changed a thing. Both of them forgave me fairly quickly and Harry had decided come the Sunday after my parents left to keep me some company.

"So, please tell me how you're feeling today," Harry says quietly. "And don't lie for my benefit," he adds. One of his hands goes to adjust the blanket around my shoulders so it's not falling off and I feel better.

"I'm warmer now," I say somewhat evasively. "Tired, but happy that I can go outside. I miss the fresh air."

"I'll see if I can convince the nurses to let out out more often," Harry says as we stop in front of a small fountain. "Want to throw a coin in and make a wish?" he asks as he pulls out two quarters.

"Sure," I say, smiling as I hold out my hand. The quarter is placed in the center and I take a deep breath as I think of something that I really want.

I wish that if I die, my friends and family will be able to move on.

I know the obvious wish would be to get better, but I need to be realistic about all of this. I don't know if I'll survive this time, especially since I almost died. I flip the quarter into the fountain and Harry follows suit a few moments later. The quiet beeping from his phone tells us that my time outside is up. Both of us sigh sadly and I bite my lip as we go back inside.

"Do you want me to stay or go?" Harry asks, sensing my mood change.

"I want you to stay with me," I say as I let out a quiet cough. "You're much better to fall asleep on than Francis."

"I'm glad I can be of service," he chuckles as he wheels me back to my room. The nurses smile at the two of us as we go through the hallways and Harry helps me into bed. I rest my head on his lap and I'm just beginning to fall asleep when he reminds me that I need to face time my mother and father.

Neither of them are surprised to see that Harry is with me. They had just seen Avenue Q and they were going out to dinner. We manage to talk for a half hour and it ends only because I get too nauseated and tired. I'm glad that my parents ended up going to New York and they're having fun. Tomorrow they're seeing Hamilton and I'm both incredibly jealous and happy for them. The last thing I'm aware of before falling asleep is Harry's hands gently cupping my face and lightly tracing my features.

__________

a/n: I'll be honest and say that I was feeling kind of insecure about this story as well as my other ones. I felt like my writing wasn't good and was kind of just going downhill. There was no reason for this but I took down one of my stories because I felt this way. I know that people like my stories but for whatever reason, I let the voice in the back of my head affect me. I feel more confident now and I just wanted to get this off my chest. Thank you all so much for your continued support, it means so much ❤️