What should I mind first? The China’s invasion again? My people’s status in Bicol region? Minoa and Nelo’s breakage? Or Perez’ punishment? My arms raised together with my chest as I let the heavy air travel up from my esophagus out to my nostrils.

My grip in the papers tightened when my mind began to create pile of haywires. I am damn frustrated right now! Ang dami ko nang iniisip at dumagdag pa ang China. Well what would I expect. That’s is how life works right? And that is how opportunists people play.

They will attack the rival during their weakest point. Mga oportunistang mga tao na halang ang sikmura. Mga taong walang ibang hinangad kung hindi pera at kapangyarihan, kahit pa magmukha na silang dakilang mga tanga.

Patunay lang na hindi kalikasan ang totoong kalaban kung hindi ang mga taong hangin ang laman ng utak. People who don’t know the word humanity. People who prefer living their life with their rotten choices. And we need to know that life is a consequence of our moral choices. What we choose in the present times can do such great impacts in the future.

I pity Earth for nourishing such kind of people. Those people who don’t know the word life. Mga taong walang ibang ginawa kung hindi ang maghangad ng kapangyarihan at maghari-harian sa mundo.

It just shows the real tragedy in life. Before, I thought life is a painful word for it also means tragedy. But I was wrong. Dahil mali ang sinisi ko ang buhay. Ano nga ba naman ang kinalaman ng buhay sa mga trahedyang nararanasan ng isang tao? Because the real tragedy in life are one’s moral choice which can harm other human beings or worst theirselves.

Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako. Kailan nga ba matatapos ang lahat ng ito? Kailang pa nga ba matatapos ang laban ko sa buhay na ito? When will I can be genuinely happy with the people who I love?

Noon, akala ko ayos na ang lahat. Napatalsik ko na ang mga corrupt na politiko. Naibigay ang hustisya sa isang pamilya. Natulungan kong bumangon ang mga taong sinalanta ng lindol. At nakamit ko ang hustisya na inaasam ko para sa kamatayan ng pamilya ko, kay Detective Chlonan at kay Mr. Guanzon.

Akala ko magtutuloy-tuloy na iyon. I thought the wheel of fortune will keep on rotating, so I made a promise to Styyx that when everything is okay that’s when we will settle down. But I guess I was wrong. Because life’s wheel will keep on rotating. Nakakapagod ang lahat. But I more don’t have the energy to give up and break my precious principles in life. I know that one day I’ll wake up with the sun’s ray bathing my existence.

Nang umagang iyon ay mas maaga kaysa sa nakasanayan ko akong gumising. Dinaanan ang kuwarto ng natutulog na si Minoa at Nelo saka sila ginawaran ng halik sa noo.

When I reached the kitchen, I saw M cooking some breakfast with her now more okay arm. Nadaanan ko rin si mang Erwin na nakaupo sa isa sa stool at nagbabasa ng diyaryo habang umiinom ng kape. Saglit akong huminto sa lokasyon n’ya at binati s’ya nang magandang umaga. Ganoon din ang ginawa ko nang makalapit ako kay M.

While she’s busy cooking some Omelet, her mouth is busy on asking bunch of questions to me too. Tipid lang na pagtango ang naisasagot ko sa kan’ya.  Hindi rin nagtagal matapos akong makakain ng agahan ay dumating na si Zalysha upang sabihing kailangan na naming lumipad patungong China.

“Take care Eury. Sana maresolba n’yo na ang problemang ‘yan,” wika ni M dahilan para umaasa akong tumango sa kan’ya.

“I’ll go ahead na po Mang Erwin.”

“Sige hija mag-iingat ka,” sagot n’ya sa ‘kin.

“What time is it Zal?” She took a glimpse at her wristwatch.

“Currently 5:30 in the morning ma’am,” I nodded at her answer. Sandali akong napahinto nang marinig kong tumunog ang cellphone ko. Dinukot ko ito mula sa bulsa ko upang sagutin.

“Baby?” Salubong ni Styyx sa kabilang linya.

“Good morning General we’ll fly to China. I got some issues to negotiate with them,” I informed.

“China? Is it about the West Philippine Sea?” He asked skeptic. I heave a sigh as I lock my eyes at the rising sun.

“Mmm,” tipid kong sagot sa kan’ya.

“Should I come baby? I know how short your temper is,” nag-aalala n’yang wika. I can’t blame him for being like this. He already saw me burning in fury, and he know that taming my temper will never be that easy.

“Nah, I can handle this.” Bumuntong-hininga s’ya sa kabilang linya.

“Alright but I’ll keep an eye on you. Can you please tell them not to vex a Lioness baby? Nahihirapan ang Leon pakalmahin ka,” biro n’ya dahilan para matawa na lang ako.

“Looking forward to that Styyx. Now I have to go.”

“Alright baby I love you,” he uttered sweetly causing the corner of my lips to wrinkle forming into a toothless smile.

“I do too.” Pinagbuksan ako ni Emmanuel ng pintuan, ngunit bago pa man ako tuluyang makasakay ay nahagip ng mga mata ko si Minoa na nagkukusot ng mga mata. Nakatayo siya sa bungad ng pintuan habang nakatanaw sa ‘kin gamit ang mapupungay n’yang mga mata. Sa halip na pumasok sa loob ng sasakyan ay pinili ko na lang bumalik sa dinaanan ko upang doon na lang hintayin ang pagliko ng sasakyan.

“Ate? Saan po kayo pupunta?” Inosente n’yang tanong nang makarating ako sa bungad ng pintuan. Marahan ko s’yang nginitian saka ko kinurot nang mahina ang pisngi n’ya. Her eyes are still swollen due to her undying tears last night.

“May aasikasuhin lang si ate Minoa. Kailangan ko lang magtrabaho at pagsilbihan ang bansa ko,” tumango-tango s’ya sa sinabi ko habang nababakas sa mga mata n’ya ang paghanga na sinabayan ng pagkalito.

Saglit na lumandas sa sistema ko ang lungkot nang maalala ko si Calliope. Ganitong-ganito s’ya noon sa tuwing umaalis ako papuntang kampo. At kung ano ang mga salitang sinabi ko ngayon kay Minoa ay iyon din ang madalas kong sinasabi kay Calliope.

“Ma’am let’s go,” Zalysha called and gestured her watch. Saglit kong binalingan ng tingin si Minoa saka ko ginulo ang magulo pa n’yang buhok.

“Dadalhan ko kayo ng pasalubong Minoa,” paalam ko sa kan’ya. Marahan kong hinalikan ang tuktok ng noo n’ya bago ako tuluyang pumasok sa loob ng sasakyan.

Perhaps God gave them to me to atleast ease my longings to my younger siblings. Nakakatuwa rin ang muling maging ate. Isa iyon sa mga responsibilidad na na-miss kong gampanan.

Alas-sais na ng umaga ng tuluyang lumipad ang eroplano namin papuntang China. Pagkalapag pa lang ay pakiramdam ko gusto ko na lang bumalik sa bansa ko. It’s funny how this country’s atmosphere instantly kindle the fire inside me.

Maybe, because I know in myself that I never want to be here. I never want to step on the same land where the people who’s claiming our territory stand.

“Baby? Are you there?” Muling tanong sa ‘kin ni Styyx. Kanina pa s’ya tanong ng tanong sa ‘kin habang lumilipad kami. Paulit-ulit n’yang pinapaala na maging mahinahon ako sa lahat ng pagkakataon dahil wala s’ya sa tabi ko.

I just shrug my shoulders in his words. I know myself, and I know what I’m capable of. Never in my life happened that the rope of my patience extended just for it not to burn it’s limit. Kailanman ay hindi ko hahabaan ang pasensya ko para sa mga taong karapat-dapat na makatanggap ng kamao ko.

“Mmm, you don’t have to worry Styyx I’m perfectly fine,” I lied.

Pormal kaming sinalubong ng mga tauhan ng Presidente ng China. Kagaya ng pagbati ko sa kan’ya noon ay ganoon din ang ginawa ko. He guided me inside his office, and with the every tick of the clock I can feel the fire inside me burning even more.

“Like the first time. I don’t want to make this meeting go far Mr. Huang. I will get straight to the point. What do you want from us?” Deretso kong tanong sa kan’ya habang mariing nakatingin sa mga mata n’ya. His lips pursed. Giving me an annoying smile.

“You really amaze me of your courage Ms. President,” my brows furrowed. That’s now what I want to hear.

“What do you want from my country Mr. Huang?” Muli kong tanong sa kan’ya habang may diin sa bawat salita ko. Rinig ko ang boses ni Styyx sa suot kong earphones. Muli na naman n’ya akong pinapakalma na s’ya namang talagang nakakatulong. His voice helps my system to calm down and take a hold of myself.

I composed my self once again as I boldly sat on the wooden chair with my chest out and stomach in. I need to look fearless. Mr. Huang said something in his language causing my brows to furrow again. But my brows furrowed more when I heard his next words in English. He said they want our sea. Kumuyom ang mga kamao ko habang pilit kong pinipigilan ang sarili ko.

Hindi na dapat ako nagulat sa sinabi n’ya. Ipinakita na nilang hindi nila susukuan ang karagatang sakop ng teritoryo ng Pilipinas. Pero iba pa rin pala kapag narinig mo na ito mismo mula sa bibig n’ya.

“But we can’t just give it to you Mr. Huang. West Philippine Sea plays a great role on our country’s economy. That is what most of my people got for their living. What you’re asking is very impossible, besides the sea was now legally proclaimed as the Philippines’ teritorry.” Madiin kong wika sa kan’ya. Tumango-tango sya sa sinabi ko na para ba’ng naiintindihan n’ya iyon. Pero alam kong ang totoo ay hindi. Kailanman ay hindi iyon maiintindihan ng isang taong katulad n’ya.

“Baby can I fly there and punch him?” Napangisi ako sa sinabi ni Styyx. Kung pwede nga lang ay matagal ko ng idinaan sa dahas ang mga bagay na katulad nito. But as a woman with honor. A woman known for just, I need to stand my ground and keep my fists close to my abdomen. I can’t let it fly to my enemy’s face. Yes enemy...

Tumagal pa ng ilang minuto ang usapan namin. Naroon iyong palitan namin ng sarkastikong salita. Pang-iinsulto sa isa’t-isa at pagbibitiw ng mga banta. Ngunit sa huli ay napamura na lang ako sa isipan ko nang pumayag din naman s’yang makipagsundo.

Kaya’t sa huli ay natapos ang usapan namin sa isang kasunduan na maghahati ang mga bansa namin sa mga mineral na meron ang West Philippine Sea. I also told him that he should order his people not to hurt mine and shoo them. Dahil sa oras na mangyari iyon. Sa oras na sirain nila ang kasunduan ay handa akong protektahan ang teritoryo ng bansa ko at itaas ang dignidad ng bandila ng Pilipinas.

I am an independent woman. And never in my life that I let someone step on my dignity. I am a woman born with my principles. And no one should step over my line. No one should ever look down on me. Dahil kahit kailan ay hindi ako papatinag.

Pero simula noong naging pinuno ako ng isang bansa ay napilitan akong magbigay ng iksemsyon. At doon ko rin napagtanto, na kapag naging pinuno ka ay talagang mawawala ang sarili mo.

You will lose yourself for the sake of your people. You will start to distant yourself from your usual attitude and perspective. And that is all for your people.

Kung noon ay sanay na akong isakripisyo ang sarili kong buhay para sa kapayapaan ng bansa ko ay mas lalo ko pa ngayong natutunang isakripisyo ang lahat na meron ako para sa bansa ko.

Well that’s the life of a President. Sometimes you need to lower your personal pride and augment your patience and intellectual understanding for your people. But I made sure that it will never be a reason for someone to look down at me. I made sure that I will still be that the same woman with a pair of dignified shoes.

————

Makalipas ang isang buwan ay patuloy pa ring bumabangon ang rehiyon ng Bicol mula sa kalamidad na humagupit sa kanila. Habang si Perez naman ay kasalukuyan nang nakakulong. I let Styyx handle him because I know that if I’ll be the one to, there’s a great possibility that everyone will see him as a floating ash in the vast surface of the ocean one day.

China fulfilled our agreement and stand on their words. It was as if everything got into the same cycle like before. Everything was messed up but gradually cleaned up again. Napangiti na lang ako nang masulyapan ko si Minoa at Nelo na masiglang naghahabulan sa loob ng kanilang kwarto. I’m happy that I can synchronously see their smiles again.

“Baby? Tea?” Styyx asked and handed me some tea. I took it and mouthed thank you to him. He stopped for a while in my house telling that he want to visit Minoa and Nelo.

“Look at them baby. Look at those kids. You brought their smile back Eury. You saved them from the mendacious sadness of this life. And I fell in love with you more for doing it.” My look raised at his emerald eyes. The thing which captures me.

“I can’t do it without you Styyx,” nakangiti kong wika sa kan’ya. He always praise me for the good things that I have done, but he didn’t even look at it deeply.

I will never conquer the justice for my family without him. I will never get out from the shell of my self-doubts and self-regrets without him.

If I don’t have him maybe it will be more hard for me to extend my fragile hands towards those people who needs some to hold with. Maybe if he didn’t came into my life, until now I’m still that woman who only admire the beauty of my country’s flag. Maybe I’m still that woman who can’t even move my legs to take a step towards the present.

Because I know that the pain that I have felt in my past is too much. Although the pain is still here but at least now I know how to genuinely smile again and look at the bright side of life.

“You’re already that kind of woman even before we met baby,” nakangiti n’yang sagot. Tipid na lang akong tumango sa kan’ya at ngumiti. He locked his eyes at Minoa and Nelo with a smile on his face. He’s smiling but in his eyes I can see something. Wanting?

He glanced at me with his hesitant look. He wants to say something but he can’t voice it out, therefore it was just followed with his deep sigh.

“What is it Styyx?”

“Nothing baby.” He uttered with a force smile on his face. A sigh escaped from my lips when I saw him catch a glimpse on his engagement ring. It was just a swift of a second and then he gave his attention back to the kids again.

Guilt crept in my system when I saw emotions of wanting in his eyes while it was sprinkled with a fragile exhilaration. I worriedly stare at his face. He may not put it in words but his eyes already say it.

“Styyx...” I called. Mabilis s’yang lumingon sa ‘kin taglay na naman ang isang ngiti sa mga labi n’ya. Pero agad iyong napawi at napalitan ng pagkunot ng noo nang makita n’ya ang nag-aalangan kong ekspresyon.

“What happened baby?” Nag-aalala niyang wika. Umiling lang ako sa tanong n’ya. I let my hands travel up to his face until I successfully cupped it. I stare at his eyes intently while he’s looking at me with confusion and with a grin on his face.

“C’mon you can kiss me if you want baby,” nakangisi niyang wika.

“Can I ask a favor?” I asked hesitantly. He immediately nod his head.

“What is it?”

“Don’t get tired of me please...”

————

When the dawn came, I immediately went inside the bathroom and prepare myself. I took a quick shower and do my usual routine in the morning.

I knelt down beside my bed with my hands clutching each other. I gently close my eyes as I ask guidance from Him. I know that I’m not a perfect person. I fail and I commit mistakes, that’s why every day I ask forgiveness in Him.

Ilang buwan na rin ang nakararaan mula noong huli ko S’yang nakausap. And it is where I started to distant myself from Him. And that is where negativities and the agonies in this life successfully disturbed the spirit inside me.

“Huwag mo kalimutang palaging magdasal at humingi ng patnubay sa Kan’ya anak. Huwag na huwag kang lalayo sa Kan’ya...” I smiled when I remembered my nanay’s words. When I’m done, I glanced at my wristwatch only to see that it’s already 3:30 in the morning.

Dahil kahapon pa nakaalis sila M at mang Erwin pabalik ng Cebu ay ako na rin ang nagluto ng pagkain namin sa umaga. After preparing the breakfast I edge my way towards the guest room to wake up Styyx but my eyes can’t find him.

Kaya’t dumiretso na lang ako sa kwarto nila Minoa at kusang lumapad ang ngiti sa labi ko nang makita ko si Styyx na mahimbing na natutulog. Napapagitnaan s’ya ni Minoa at Nelo, habang mahigpit n’yang yakap ang dalawa.

It’s quite amazing how Styyx easily get along with the kids. No wonder, I know that he’s passionate about kids. I can see it in his eyes everytime he look at Minoa and Nelo. I can see the wants in his eyes. A kind of wanting something that I know I could hardly give.

Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako at pilit na binalewala ang tumatakbo sa isip ko. Nakangiti akong lumapit sa kanila. I planted a soft kiss on each of their forehead. And when it’s Styyx’ turn, I chose to kiss his closed yet still beautiful eyes.

Sometimes it’s fascinating how God manage things. He’ll take something from you which will really devastate you, but when it’s time for giving back the things he took from you. You will just whisper in awe for how majestic it is.

He took away my family from me, but He gave me a new one. And it is enough for me to continue my fight in this life.

Hindi ko na ginising pa si Styyx at nasabi naman n’ya sa ‘kin kagabi na wala s’yang pasok ngayong araw. I just let him sleep tightly with the kids beside him. He deserves a break. Nag-iwan na lang ako ng note sa tabi ng lampara bago ako umalis ng bahay patungong Malacañang.

When I reached Malacańang my mood automatically changed. From a light one it’s now a serious one. When I’m at the house together with the kids and Styyx, I can take a rest away from the world of politics and away from my responsibilities. But when I’m at the Malacańang, it’s too hard for me to give myself a break away from my responsibilities.

I heave a sigh before taking a seat. It’s just five in the morning but I have to start my day early, since I know that this day will gonna be long. I started my day through reading and signing some papers, which is my usual routine.

“Ma’am a report from Philippine coast guard came ,” after hours of silence Zalysha came inside my office with a hesitant look.

“What?” I asked with my brows raised, indicating my interest.

“In December 13 the Chinese coast guard  prevented Filipino fishermen in entering West Philippine Sea. At naglabas po ng bagong batas ang bansa ng China. They’re allowing their coast guards to use force, which is found as a threat for the deal in between our country and theirs,” my fists balled in her words. How could this happen? Tho I’m not surprised in the news, I know that I can’t trust China, but I still hoped that they will stand in their words. But they didn’t!

This, just shows that they really don’t want peace. How can they betray their own words? Lalong kumuyom ang mga kamao ko. Kung makakasugat lang ang tingin ay marahil nagkagutay-gutay na ang carpet na meron ang opisina ko.

This is too much! Hinayaan ko na silang pumasok sa loob ng teritoryo ng bansa ko. Ngunit hindi pa rin ba sila roon nakuntento at talagang determinado silang angkinin ang buong karagatan? I lowered my pride in negotiating with them for the sake of peace. But I think they don’t want peace.

Marahil ay sapat ng pinagbigyan ko sila ng pagkakataon upang patunayan ang sarili nila. Ngunit ngayon ay talagang ubos na ang pasensya ko.  I don’t want to lower my pride again! I will protect what’s mine. Even if it will cost great numbers of life.

They should’ve never kindle the already burning fire inside me. For I’ll make sure that they will burn with it. Not me Mr. Huang. Not the woman with a strong will of her jurisdictions.

Not the woman with a burning fire inside…

|End of chapter 47|
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(A/N): Again disclaimer, all are fictional. Ang lahat ng karakter na nakapaloob sa kabanata at sa nobelang ito ay gawa-gawa lamang. At binuo para sa intensyong magbigay ng inspirasyon at hindi negative effects. The reason why this chapter is being subjective is because, it is essential to keep the consistency of the protagonist's emotions. So again all are fictional.