A/N: Warning! this chapter contains the following triggers for people affected by such: suicidal thoughts/ideations/attempts, brief usage of alcohol and drug overdose, emotional/mental breakdown, and depression/anxiety. Reader discretion is advised.

Play the song when directed.

I wish for thunder and lightning to kill you.

That last sentence my mother recorded in her audio letter to me continued to replay in my head over and over again as I watched the rain fall in the rough streets of Fort Worth, seeing how most of the people who were outside now hurrying to stay dry and lock up for the day. From the living room window, I caught a few kids who were brave enough to sneak outside and splash around in the puddles before their mothers herded them inside.

The little ones had it easy. All they cared about these days are video games and whatnot. They're known to be a part of the future.

For me, it's a tragic day when I was disowned and facing a world of uncertainty.

My parents and siblings are dead. None of my relatives wanted to take me in for they all hated me as much as Mom did. And after the seven allotted days were up, I was going to have to live on the streets without a dime to my name or even a game plan set up.

(A/N: Play the song NOW!)

There's a whole in my heart.
My soul is bleeding...

I knew that I had zero chance of surviving in the streets. I was too book-smart to consider becoming a gang-banger, knowing that I'd be an easy prey for any member, rival or not. And I did not want to consider selling my body just to earn a measly meal.

I need to free my mind,
And see what I'm feeling...

The best that I could hope for was trying to find a shelter home and see if I could live off some hand-me-downs  or donated food and toiletries. And even though I knew that the Tuckers were kind enough to take me under their wing, I didn't want them to be burdened with taking care of another kid. And if I knew my mother, she might've threatened them not to adopt me.

I was stuck.

But I didn't want to be.

Breaking away from the window, I wandered around aimlessly and paced back and forth for a few seconds before strolling around into the bathroom, looking around and taking in the faint smells of Ivory soap, toothpaste, and Dad's cologne. I opened the cabinet as my gaze caught a bottle of pills.

Antidepressants.

Vicodin.

I remembered Mom taking those when she was going through the post-pregnancy blues after giving birth to Shantay and Camilla as she still kept them around in cases like this.

And then, it hit me.

I didn't have to stick it out in the streets and face being homeless for the rest of my life.

If they all wanted me gone, I would grant them their wish.

'Cause Lord knows, Lord knows,
I'm...

Taking the bottle of pills out of the cabinet, I left the restroom and headed for the adjacent kitchen to look for something to wash the pills down with. I opened the fridge and saw my father's silver flask that held his favorite Grey Goose vodka. I grabbed it and walked towards the small table, sitting down in the chair as I opened the bottle of pills and counted sixteen pills- one for each year of my pathetic life.

You don't have to do this, Demario, I heard my inner conscience say softly, hos voice sad and forlorn. There is always a way out.

But what if I didn't want to take the way out other than the one I was used to? What if I was feeling very tired of everything?

I really was...

(Tired) Tired of the way they treat me.
Tired of the guilty feelings (tired)
Tired of the broken dreams (tired)
I'm (tired) tired of the public scenes...

I took a deep breath, telling myself that it was all for the best.

I'm (tired) tired of all the games and lies.
I'm (tired) tired of phony alibis.
I'm (tired) tired of praying that it works.
I'm (tired) even tired of going to church.

I inhaled, taking four of the sixteen pills in my hand and popping them into my mouth before grabbing the flask and taking a giant sip. The bitter and strong taste of the vodka matched my mood.

I'm tired of the haters
I'm (tired) I'm tired of the players
I'm (tired) tired of the games
I'm so tired (tired)
'Cause it's about to drive me insane...

I grabbed four more, ignoring the knocking on the door as I gulped them down and chased the pills down with some more vodka. It's not so bad, in a way. It's little wonder that Dad had this by his side when dealing with his dragon of a wife and having to please her every single minute. He must've had lots of practice when dealing with his snobbish parents and spoiled sisters who must've bullied him when he was a kid.

My vision grew dim as the alcohol began to take effect, my hearing going in and out as I heard frantic voices.

"Oh, my God...call an ambulance...Demario!"

"Dad, Dad! Demario's...his mom's antidepressants...vodka..."

I'm tired of being wronged and doing right (tired)
Said I'm tired of keeping peace and tired of fighting (tired)
Tired of letting go, then holding on (tired)
Tired of feeling weak and being strong (tired)...

Nothing mattered now...I was simply tired of everyone treating me like furniture. I didn't care if I survived poisoning myself or not. I just wanted the pain to go away.

I wished for thunder and lightning to kill you.

You disgust me. I should've had you aborted.

You are never man enough, worse than your father.

I'm sorry, Mom.

Sorry for all the abusive words that were pointed at me.

Sorry for not being what you wanted like Demarcus and DeSean.

Sorry for not speaking up when you demand me to and being silent when you feel like I'm talking too much.

Sorry for not standing my ground yet sorry for being too demanding or whiny.

Sorry for not being serious enough. Sorry for being too serious.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

What more did you want from me?

I wish for thunder and lightning to kill you.

"Everyone please...back. Young man...hear me?"

"Weak pulse...but it's...there. Get him on the gurney..."

My eyes grew heavy as I saw the faces of the tenants of Oakwood Apartments, all of them trying to fight to stay alive for another day.

"Shit, man...little dude...finally snapped..."

"His family...his limit until he...couldn't take no more..."

"Lord Jesus...did him so wrong..."

I felt something hit my skin, a needle maybe as I took in the saddened faces of Mr. and Mrs. Tucker as the world began to spin and the earth began to tilt from underneath me.

Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!

Let it go!

So I did let it go.

Go!

I let go of the pain of endless rejection.

Go!

Let go of the emotional distress.

Go!

Let go of living under a world of apathy.

Go!

I let go...and fell into the darkness.

I felt the need to write this in a way that needed to because Demario was living in rejection and abandonment by his own flesh and blood for most of his life. No matter what he did, you all, it just wasn't enough. Demario was ready to take a lethal exodus rather than risk being homeless.

But as stated in the opening statement, fate has a way of changing plans. And in the next chapter, Demario is under heavy watch at the hospital and is told something that we need to hear when faced with too much drama: Everyone has something worth fighting for.

Song: "Tired" by Kelly Price (the theme for this song). Dedication: MKG2012.

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