Dear journal,

Things are starting to get real as I'm now fully settled into my new life at the Lomax household and at Pacifica Glades. For the most part, I'm taking things one day at a time and reminding myself to think on the positive. And I have, now that I have a boyfriend that's part of my inner circle to help me heal from the scars of my past. Oliver and I made it official after that little incident from Ryan. And even though we're taking it slow and steady, it's like we've known each other for out whole lives.

As for school, nothing's changed regarding my academic and social life. The classwork is a bit harder (AP and Honors can give me a challenge), but the teachers and students are pretty cool. And I'm still making waves with being on the aquatics team (I led the diving team to its first win of the season with me being awarded highest points with Oliver for the team platform run) and the musical ensembles (I was invited to sit in during the marching band's rehearsal and performed at halftime for the second home game).

The one thing to worry about is the Kendricks/Peavey debacle. And while Golden-Boy Ryan has been keeping his distance, I could feel Jillian's icy and taunting stare chill over me as I saw her breeze past me when walking to classes. Joel and Taylor said that she's been given an restraining order to keep away from me, but I can't help but feel that she's...well, planning something nasty against me.

I don't want to sound a bit cynical, but I also can't feel that any moment could be when the jig would be up and every thing that I was working hard to keep together would crumble apart. It's like I'm hoping for the best (which I should be), but Mom's voice still nags in my head that I am just running a game on everyone and they're going to find me out.

I'm telling myself that this is my last chance to make sure that I start to actually live life and not just survive. But thanks to my late family and being exiled by my relatives, my life is like being in survivor mode- trying to keep it together while in danger of falling apart.

***********

The rest of the school week came and went and it was now Saturday morning as Joel and Taylor were currently accompanying me to my first group-therapy session that was to be led by Dr. Nguyen's identical twin brother Mitch. And while I was listening to Kirk Franklin's "Just for Me" as suggested by the good therapist, I was inwardly nervous about talking about my suicide attempt in front of strangers.

"It's the principle of being around people who need support from one another," the therapist had reminded me yesterday during our therapy session when he brought the topic of the incoming therapy session. "You can't get by with just the Lomax family and your classmates. Sometimes, you need to be with people who had been through the same fate."

And now, we soon pulled up to the local Lutheran church where the aptly-named "Young Survivors' Club met up every two weeks. "Wish me luck," I said, unfastening my seatbelt before I got out of the SUV.

"You're going to do fine," Taylor assured me. "We'll be picking you up in an hour, so make sure to have fun and fully participate. And don't let anyone give you hell."

I nodded as I watched the duo pull away before I walked up the path and followed the directions to where the meeting was held, a medium-sized conference room not far from the sanctuary. Once I stepped in, I saw that I was one of the last ones to arrive. There were around 15 other teenagers- five of them dressed in punk/Goth attire while the rest were dressed in either athletic or leisure gear. There were 4 other African-Americans, 7 Hispanics, and five white kids. Some were on their phones or listening to music to help them chill out while the others were either gietting snacks or shooting the breeze. I made my way to the snacks and beverages and perused the fare.

"Don't eat the oatmeal cookies," a young woman's voice warned. "Those came from my mom and she can't bake if it meant saving her life."

I turned around to find a willow-thin young woman with porcelain-toned skin and bright green eyes that contrasted with her sable-brown hair. She looked as if she belonged in a dance studio. "I'll keep that in mind," I told her. "Name's Demario. Demario Bader."

"Callie Winthrop, and everyone's heard about you from Mitch's twin brother and what's been going on at PGHS," the young woman said, giving me a small grin. "And let me be the first to welcome to the Young Survivors' Club for the ones who didn't try hard enough to end it all or had fate change the plans."

I nodded, shaking Callie's hand before she selected some fresh fudge brownies and some croissant sandwiches for me to enjoy with a cup of iced tea. "I just hope that I don't make a fool out of myself," I replied. "This is all still new to me-"

"Then why don't you save yourself the embarrassment and head back to where you came from, loser," sneered a Goth-dressed white kid who looked the part as well as that of someone who valued Depeche Mode and Nirvana way too often.

"Blow it out of your ass, Theo," Callie spat, narrowing her eyes at the guy who only made kissy faces at her. To me, "Don't mind Theo or his brood of suicide-lovers. They're always causing trouble and like to scare off any newcomers. One incident led to this sweet girl to end it all no thanks to Theo's antics and false rumors. I swear to you that he and Kendricks are no good."

My eyes went wide. "How the hell did you know about Kendricks and why is she connected to Theo?" I asked.

"Man, Jillian and Theo are basically godsiblings," commented a dark-skinned young man who was in pastels, adjusting his sunglasses. "And trust me, Theo Blake and his posse of death-lovers are always under Jillian's hand to do her bidding. Name's Ja'Marcus Adamson, by the way."

"Well, there's something to consider since Kendricks has been hassling me about staying away from 'her precious Golden-Boy athlete,' even though I want nothing to do with either one of them," I commented just as everyone got settled in. "I jsut wanted to focus on my schoolwork, not deal with any more drama than I already have."

"Well, we all have our burdens to bear, man," Ja'Marcus commented, taking a seat on my left while Callie took the right. "And I thought my situation with me being outed and thrown out after coming out as gay was bad. Your family did you wrong in so many levels."

"His folks needed to have him thrown in the Rio Bravo," Theo shot back, giving me a heated glare. To me, "Better yet, why don't you just end it all just so you can be away from our presence?"

"Enough, Theo," came the sharp voice of Mitch Nguyen as he strolled into the room and took his seat while the music (more Kirk Franklin) was cut off from the stereo. "You know the rules: no talking down to new kids and no giving them any grief about their past."

Theo rolled his eyes, shooting me another glare as he and his small group ignored me.

"Anyway, everyone, let's welcome our newest member as well as my brother's client," Mitch went on as he took to his seat at the front. "Welcome Mr. Demario Bader."

"Welcome, Demario Bader," everyone (except Theo and his clique) said, some of them giving me friendly smiles.

"Thank you," I replied. "I hope you all can make me feel comfortable and I hope to gain some insight for what's to come in my life."

"You'll have what you say, Bader," a model-esque Hispanic young woman commented. "I'm Ciara Velaquez. And believe you me, Bader, you'll need a lot of support after the life you lived with those people who made you feel unloved for most of your life."

The meeting began with the Serenity prayer (with someone named Ivy handing me a copy of the prayer) and then it was time for a roundtable introduction. Ja'Marcus had indeed been thrown out for being gay in an extremely-Christian household and was left with nowhere to go other than his now-former boyfriend who threw him out and had his football minions beat him within an inch of his life. If not for his saintly aunt (who had a transgender male client from her law firm), he wouldn't have survived him slitting his wrists.

Callie was next. From being with a mentally-abusive boyfriend to living with overachieving parents who favored her older brothers over her, she was ready to call it quits. But just as she was ready to jump off the roof of her house, a neighbor spotted her and she was now staying with her father's older sister who treated her children with equal love.

It went on for fifteen minutes with everyone giving me their life stories ranging from parents and siblings using them as punching bags to bullying that went overboard to cyberbullying and eating disorders. Fights were recounted with family members and friends either being honored or denounced.

Even Theo and his brood (all of them attempting to end it all multiple times) had their stories recounted, but they just denounced everyone and anyone that interfered with their plans.

It was finally my turn. I took a deep breath and dove right in. "So, you guys already know my story by now," I began. "And you already know that I had a very uncharmed life thanks to my mom who wished that I never existed."

"Then why are you still here?" taunted Theo. "Save yourself the trouble and grant her wish. You're nothing and you're never going to be anything, anyway."

"That's enough, Theo," barked Mitch, his easygoing persona gone and replaced by those of a strict parent. "If you can't allow yourself the decency to be courteous to Demario on his first day here, then you and your friends can leave."

"Gladly," Theo crowed as he and his friends stood up and made their exit. "You better not come back here on my turf, Bader. Do yourself a favor and kill yourself before my godsister and I make sure that you'll wish you never came here."

He spat in my face, whooping in arrogance as he stormed out of the room and slammed the door so hard it made everyone jump.

Someone handed me a napkin to wipe my face. "That...was uncalled for and dirty, even for my mom's standards," I said lowly. "Is he always this abrasive? Are his friends equally caustic?"

"Unfortunately for us, that would be 'yes' for both questions," Elsa (a nonbinary carbon-monoxide survivor) said, nodding their head. "He actually told me that I should be grateful that the guy who raped me should be lucky to take my virginity before sneering at my tomboy clothes."

"He often made fun of my weight," Khadijah (a cyberbullying victim whose grandmother found her unconscious from swallowing down her antidepressants) said. "'No man worth his salt should be with a pig like myself,' he said when I came here for the first time."

"Someone needs to give him and his crew muzzles," Alex (an FTM former freerunner) retorted.

"He'll be dealt with," Mitch assured everyone. To me, "Don't let Theo or his friends scare you off, Demario. They're just hating everyone who wants to try living and not consider ending it all. If you're willing to try and live life, then you're going to be on his blacklist."

I nodded. "I'll keep that in mind," I commented, "but it sounds like Theo and his friends are dead serious in not wanting me here. Was this a mistake?"

"Not if your foster dads can allow you to be scared away," Mitch intoned, giving me a pointed stare. "And you already know that your therapist, my brother, won't allow it either."

Thanks for reminding me.

"Well, I'll try to make sure that I don't get intimidated by the likes of Theo or his clan," I said. "I just hope that I don't make a giant fool out of myself."

"You won't," Ja'Marcus promised me. "You're among friends."

**************

One hour later, I was back outside with Ja'Marcus, Callie, Khadijah, and Elsa as we all traded phone numbers and grouped our contacts as "Fellow Survivors/Future Warriors" on our phones. But just as I bid Elsa goodbye, I saw a stylish limousine pull to the curb before the rear window was lowered down to reveal a well-dressed couple who could give Trump and his wife a run for their money yet had a more-approachable vibe. "Demario Bader?" the woman said.

"That would be me."

"We're Jillian's parents, Roger and Johanna Kendricks," the older man said, his voice firm and rich. "And we've been meaning to talk to you about our daughter. And from the looks of things, I have a hunch that you met our godson Theo Blake, right?"

"That I did," I replied.

"We want to talk to you about Jillian and Theo and how they are hating you right now," Mrs. Kendricks commented. "And we also want to warn you about what to expect with what will happen regarding Jillian."

That caught my attention as I got inside the limo. "Do my foster dads know about this?"

"They've been informed and I told them that you'll be in good hands," Mrs. Kendricks assured me. "Trust us, Mr. Bader. You're going to need to hear all things about our daughter's ambitions, how Ryan is involved, and why we're still haunted by what happened to poor Artem Hilliard."

I had a mystery on my hands. Because if I was indeed in trouble, I needed to know what was about to happen. "Let's go," I said.

"Onward, Fernando," Mrs. Kendricks told the driver as the limo began to move and
I sat back. I had a feeling that this lunch date with the femme-fatale's family was going to be interesting.

You have no idea, Demario. The next chapter is going to feature Demario having lunch with Jillian's family as they make some revelations about what Jillian is capable of, the dark web she entangles Ryan in, and how neither she nor Theo will back down in intimidating Demario to the maximum. And folks, you're going to want to brace yourselves as this story rolls along!

Song: "Love Theory" by Kirk Franklin (the song during the car ride to group therapy and the moments leading up to the meeting). Dedication: _omanita for writing her amazing stories "Waver" and "On His Terms!"

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