Suicide watch.

They are two little words that no person who is ready to end it all or is faced with too much drama wants to hear.

And yet, here I am under suicide watch in the mental ward of St. Luke's General Hospital that's just minutes away from downtown. And of course, it was the Tucker family that brought me here after finding me swallowing Mom's Vicodin pills and drinking some of Dad's vodka to wash it all down.

In a way, I should've guessed that it was bound to happen sooner or later. I just didn't want anyone to stop me after being orphaned and rejected by my family in one fell swoop.

But yeah, here I am surrounded by other people who are part of the cuckoo's nest: a soon-to-be convict who never got treated for his schizophrenia after murdering three innocent kids, an emo kid who cut himself one too many times, a fresh-faced cheerleader struggling with bulimia, and others that fill the starring lineup.

And if you thought that my extended relatives bothered to show up and have the decency to have a change of heart; then I'm sorry to say that it wasn't so. Rather, they just urged me to find another way to end my life. "That way, we can all be at peace knowing that you're doing your mother and father one posthumous favor of being eliminated from our family name," commented one of Dad's sisters as she (the only family member that could be bothered to come) saw me lying in my hospital bed. "Grant this family the courtesy of doing yourself away with."

Yeah, that didn't suit the faculty and staff members of the hospital very well as they gave her the boot.

Anyway, I've been in this psych ward for three days straight and I learned three things to understand about being a part of the loony bin.

1. You can only go so far by making small talk about the weather and other "safe insights" as the folks here at St. Lukes don't like it when people bring up certain triggers (almost everything under the sun).

2. The nurses and orderlies vary for a patient. You can get unlucky if their incompetent, quick-tempered, and self-centered; or you can get relatively lucky and get someone who's indifferent and even-minded. It's rare for a patient to get an assigned orderly and nurse who truly cares for you.

3. When it comes to mealtimes, you gotta be quick to eat everything if you don't want your plate to be taken by someone with an endless appetite.

And while I got stuck with a young juvie with the case of Bottomless Pit Syndrome (I knew not to mess around with someone who loves fire a little too much); I did get an orderly and a nurse that was more of the even-tempered and genuinely caring. Jose's the orderly who recently graduated from TCU while Gianna Sloane was the petite, dark-skinned nurse who came from a family of medical practitioners. And they made sure that I didn't try anything, hence my first interaction with them on day two...

FLASHBACK (Two days after the failed suicide attempt)...

"Why did you do it?" was the first thing that left Gianna's mouth after telling her my life story. "You waited this long to try and pull a stunt like this, so why?"

I closed my eyes, taking a few deep breaths to steel away the nerves that were about to break. "I didn't want to let myself risk being exploited by the streets," I replied lamely. "My mother, father, and siblings as well as my aunts, uncles, and cousins all but condemned me to a life full of misery even when I did everything right to make them happy. So, I just decided to find a suitable exit to skip a lifetime of failure."

Jose, with his domineering football-playing frame, just shook his head in dismay. "If the Tuckers hadn't stopped you from ending your life, would it make any difference?" he asked me, his hazel-gray eyes boring into my stare.

I thought for a moment. "No," I replied. "Because I knew that to even try and stick it out longer would just lead me to a road of nowhere. I would give the world all that they ask of me and then some; but they would just kick me in the teeth."

"That's gotta change," Gianna said, giving me a heated stare. "That momma of yours was nothing more than a hellcat who wanted you to fail and yep played favoritism with your brothers while your daddy loved your sisters. Have they not watched 'Ordinary People' and learned what happened to the surviving son?

"Damned if I know," I rebutted. "But that's all moot since they're dead and I'm not. I can't even commit suicide right and I bet Mom is scorning from hell right now."

"I'll bet," Jose tutted. "But this is a chance for you to finally reclaim it all, amigo. You have the key to your redemption in your grasp, so it's time to redirect your attention to what can be yours."

"I dunno about all that. If I can be real, any chance to have something worth fighting for was snatched away by everyone, if not ripped away by my mom when I was born."

"Everyone has something worth fighting for, Demario," Gianna said. "You may not know it now, but as long as you're here up until you face the judge to see if you could find a foster home; Jose, your therapist, and I will make sure of that..."

**************

A/N: Play the song in the header as you read the second part.

"How are you today, Mr. Bader?" Dr. Anthony Nguyen, my designated therapist, asked me on day four of my stay in the loony bin as I sat down in his spacious and sterile-white office with Gianna and Jose playing guard.

"I feel more or less the same since I arrived here," I answered honestly. "Other than my roommate now being released after he gulped down my meals, I guess you can say that nothing ever changed for me since I arrived."

"Anyone else from your relatives coming over?" the doctor asked me as he took his notes.

I shook my head no. "They made it clear that they wanted nothing mroe to do with me since that day," I replied bitterly. "I guess it's what I get for not being their shining examples as a kid born in the ghetto and all that."

"Well they all made their choices to be backward and playing along with people's feelings. You, on the other hand, have been straightforward and candid yet they all treated you like nothing more than gum underneath a shoe," Gianna replied, crossing her arms.

"I feel it," I couldn't help but mutter.

"Demario," Jose admonished me. "Remember, man. Speak life and talk yourself into being a winner. Find peace, love, and balance for your soul."

I inhaled sharply. "Well, that's not easy to do with my family's specific hop-hop culture that might have made my late maternal grandmother come down from heaven and beat everyone with a stick."

"Anyway," Dr. Nguyen said, steering the conversation to the situation regarding me. "You'll be pleased to learn that the judge is willing to hear about your case, Demario, and wants to truly help you find a more-stable foster home. I'm sure you're at least relieved to hear about that."

"I have some doubts, whether or not I'll be abandoned or whatever. If anything, people just might use me as yet another whipping boy or even a verbal punching bag if not physical," I answered honestly. "And forgive me, doc, but with family like mine; I learned to keep my guard up and never let myself be betrayed all over again."

"But don't you think that you deserve some happiness?" Gianna asked me.

"Maybe, but I can't allow people to break me anymore."

Dr. Nguyen gave me a pointed stare as he sat his notes down before pulling out some earbuds and his phone. "If I may recommend something for you today, Mr. Bader?"

I gestured for him to go on. "Why not?"

"Optimistic. Sounds of Blackness. Have you heard their music?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "As if," I scoffed. "Mom believed that any music that didn't promote our ghetto mentality and didn't celebrate being nasty and bass-ackward was considered useless. But it didn't do me any good since I wasn't seen as cool enough to listen to it."

Jose narrowed his eyes. "No wonder that you're cynical," he retorted. "That family really did a mental and emotional number on you."

"Tell me about it," I replied as Dr. Nguyen handed me the earbuds as he fiddled with something on his phone until he found what he was looking for.

"Well, that'll change since I think that this song right here is what you desperately need," the therapist commented. "Get the earbuds on and let yourself be blown away."

I did so before sitting back and letting the New-Jack-Swing-like beats take me away.

***************

After dinner, I was back in my room as I saw my newest roommate (a soft-spoken Asian kid named Jun who heard voices) packing up. "Leaving earlier than planned?" I asked, sitting the magazine that I was reading to the side.

Jun nodded. "I'm switching to a new hopsital," he replied in a light Korean accent. "Mom and Dad think that I might find better luck at Southland Memorial."

I nodded just as I saw Gianna come in with a middle-aged Asian couple who could give the Obama a run for their money. "Ready to go, Jun?"

He nodded as he grabbed his suitcase. "Ready as I'll ever be," he commented.

Gianna turned to me. "Any parting words for Jun?" she asked.

Might as well, I thought before facing Jun. "If you hear the call for a reality check, answer it immediately before it's too late," I stated plainly. "If only I had taken my advice earlier, then things might have been different."

Jun's mother nodded. "So true," she said.

"Well said," Gianna agreed. To me, "You'll face the judge in two days, Demario. Make sure to use the time here to find a firmer foundation and know that you don't have to go through this alone. You'll be stronger after this."

I sighed heavily as I saw Dr. Nguyen come in with a new set of earbuds and what looked like a brand-new MP3 player. "Let's hope so, Gianna," I breathed. "For your sake and mine, let's hope so."

"Don't just hope for it," Dr. Nguyen sternly said. "Truly believe it. And I figured that you could use some music that will help you be more open. Start with Optimistic by Sounds of Blackness to help you wind down for the night. And even when you leave here, make sure to listen to the songs when you feel like you're having a bad moment. Even add some songs to liven things up."

"I'll consider it, Doc," I replied, stifling a yawn before taking the earbuds and getting my new MP3 player set up. "Thanks for the gifts."

I watched the adults leave just as I put on my earbuds and let the familiar a nineties-centric gospel choir take me away.

In two days, I'll be meeting my new foster family for the first time. Let's just believe that things will not end up going down the tubes. Because I had a strong feeling that my life was going to change yet again.

Pretty good stuff, right?

And at least we know that Demario has a few good allies to help him along the way. We'll see more of Dr. Nguyen, Gianna, and Jose throughout the story- even more so with the nurse and orderly as they play a crucial part for Demario's transformative journey.

But in the next chapter, it's off to the courtroom where the judge has some words regarding Demario's family...and you might be surprised with what she has to say.

Song: "Optimistic" by Sounds of Blackness. Dedication: MissBonnett.

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