A/N: Play the songs when directed! Long chapter, but crucial to read! Enjoy!

The rest of the day came and went without a hitch, and it was soon time to head to the bandroom where the auditions for the school's jazz and chamber music ensemble were about to begin. And from the relatively-large number of students who had arrived and waiting outside, it looked like I was facing some serious competition.

Yikes.

"Hey, Demario," came the voice of Gianna as she, Jose, and my foster family arrived with smiles on their faces as I also caught the arrival of Dr. Nguyen and a young man who looked like his twin brother. "Are you ready for the moment of your life?"

I pasted a smile on my face, though my nerves were saying otherwise. "Ready as I'll ever be," I replied, gripping my backpack straps as if it was my life preserver.

Jose frowned, noticing the look of apprehension in my eyes. "I don't think you are, man," he commented. "You're nervous, aren't you?"

Damn that man for seeing right through me! "You have no idea," I said, my facade easily crumpling to the ground as I found myself being led into a classroom by the older Hispanic nurse. "I never expected things to be like this, you know? What if I end up falling flat on my face and become an instant pariah, Jose? This is one of these moments that I fear about when I started my debut here at PGHS- being the hot topic one moment and a total loser the next."

All the better for you to bow out and end it all, like I want you to, I heard the nagging and bitter voice of my mother in my head. You ain't worth shit, and you're never going to be anything unless I say so! End it all, Demario Bader! End it all and grant my posthumous wish if you don't want me to forever haunt your mind!

I closed my eyes, vainly fighting the nervous breakdown that was soon to follow just as I felt Jose's rough and calloused hands rub up and down my back. "Breathe, Demario," I heard him say gently. "Inhale deeply and hold for ten seconds.

I took in a deep breath. One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten.

"Now, exhale slowly," he said as his hands continued to rub on my back.

I did so, keeping my eyes closed while bowing my head.

So pathetic! You ain't a real man, Demario Bader! I wish for thunder and lightning to kill your scrawny ass! Why didn't I abort you from the start?! You sicken me! Mom continued to rant in my head!

"Shut up, Ma! Please shut up!" I couldn't help but bellow out loud, catching Jose off-guard as I opened my eyes to find him staring at me in shock!

Oh, God.

"That woman's voice is still giving you a headache, isn't she?" Jose asked me softly.

I nodded. "I feel so stupid coming to this audition," I croaked just as Dr. Nguyen came into the classroom with his twin following suit. "I don't know what the hell I was thinking to agree to this in the first place. This isn't for me, I know it isn't! I gotta-"

"Cold War," Dr. Nguyen said, cutting me off. "Do you have that mp3 player on you?"

I nodded, extracting it from my pocket alongside the earbuds.

"Listen to the song and calm down, Demario," my therapist instructed me. "You need to listen to that song, and I want you to perform it at the audition."

"What? Dr. Nguyen, I-"

"No, Demario," came the domineering voice of Taylor as he and his husband came into the room with matching glares on their faces. "You need to do this, right here and right now! You got too much potential to let it all go to waste just because that witch of a mother loved to belittle and degrade you just because you lived. It's time for you to shine for once in your life."

I sat back and found the music that I was told to find. Janelle Monae. "Guys, I don't know if I can even go through with this," I rebutted weakly. "What if I end up-"

"Take a chance, Demario Bader," Dr. Nguyen's twin said, his voice calmer than his counterpart's. "From what my brother told me about you, you'll need to learn what you have fighting for is worth it and so much more."

I just nodded, placing the earphones in before playing the music. And as the first few bars began to emanate through my ears, I knew that they were right. But I wasn't even sure if I could handle the pressure.

Save face and end it all, Demario, Mom's voice nagged. End it all.

***************

Fifteen minutes later, I was back in the bandroom with the gang (plus the Callaways and Judge McGillivray) waiting for me alongside other students (Holly included as Derrick had to head home) as I took to the piano. "You got this, Demario," I heard Gianna cheer me on as the crowd applauded lightly.

I took a deep breath as I sat down and closed my eyes. Here goes nothing, I thought to myself as I raised my hands over the piano keys.

A/N: Play the song NOW!

A soft melody similar to Janelle Monae's song began to flow throughout the room as I soon began shutting everything out. "So you think I'm alone?" I sang with a bluesy feel as I launched into the first verse. "Well being alone is the only way to be. When you step outside, you spend time fighting for your sanity..."

My life right now was really one giant cold war of rejection and bitterness and up until I had attempted suicide, I had somewhat survived off of handouts and semblances of acceptance from the Tuckers.

I entered into a more gospel-flourished sound on the piano. "If you want to be free, the underground's the only place to be. 'Cause in this life, you spend time running from depravity."

And then came the chorus, "This is a cold war. Do you know what you're fighting for? This is a cold war. You gotta know what you're fighting for," I sang with more conviction. "This is a cold war. You gotta know what you're fighting for. This is a cold war. Do you know what you're fighting for."

Do I even know what I was fighting for now that I was alive and my parents and siblings were dead? I wasn't sure. But I guess it really was up to me to find out, starting with this audition.

"I try to hold my peace. I was made to believe that something's wrong with me. And it hurts my heart. Lord have mercy, ain't it plain to see that this is a cold war? Do you know what you're fighting for. This is a cold war. You gotta know what you're fighting for," I played on, the music in my blood and heart growing more and more virbrant with every stroke of the key.

You're pathetic, going on like you're some kind of rockstar! Mom spat in my head! You're making a fool out of yourself like this, boy! Stop this right now!

I continued to play on as I reached the musical solo with a hint of Rachmaninoff.

You'll be sorry for not listening to me! End it now!

But the more I played, the more that I didn't want to.

Aren't you even listening to me, you abomination! God, why won't you just give up already!

Because something other than you won't allow me to succumb to your will, Mom. And while you're still mocking in my head, this other force is making sure that I keep fighting for my life and pushing me to live on.

You're an embarrassment! Stop, Demario Bader! Stop this bullshit, head back to your temporary home, and swallow some antidepressants with some alcohol! Mom continued to rant and rave, sounding more and more like a rabid woman. DEMARIO! END IT ALL RIGHT NOW! DIE! DIE! DIE!!!!!!

I soon began to play with more fever and fire, the melody getting more and more wild as I added some rock-and-roll and bluegrass to the now-extended chorus before I reached a spiraling climax. "Bye-bye, bye-bye. Don't you cry when I say goodbye," I sang loudly. "Bye-bye, bye-bye. Don't you cry when I say goodbye."

I felt tears rush down my face. "Bye-bye, bye-bye. Don't you cry when I say goodbye. Bye-bye, bye-bye. Don't you cry when I say goodbye."

I began to sob as I staggered through the closing coda, transitioning into the first bars of "Waves" by Mr. Probz.

A/N: Play the song below: "Waves" by Mr. Probz from the Album "The Treatment."

"My face above the waters. My feet can't touch the ground- touch the ground. And it feels like, I can't see the sand on the horizon every time...that you are not around. Slowly drifting away, drifting away. Wave after wave, wave after wave. Slowly drifting away, drifting away. And it feels like I'm drowning, pulling against the stream, pulling against the stream."

I wish for thunder and lightning to kill you, Demario. I wish for thunder and lightning to kill you.

"I wish I could make it easy," I went on, sobbing away. "Easy to love me, love me. And so I reach the final wave, stuck here in between and looking for the right words to say. And I'm slowly drifting, drifting away. Wave after wave, wave after wave. Slowly drifting away, drifting away. And it feels like I'm drowning, pulling against the stream, pulling against the stream."

I reached the final bars of the song, adding some Brahms into the mix as I soon felt emotionally drained. I bowed my head low as I stopped playing.

"Wow," I heard a student breathe out, her voice full of awe. "That was..."

"Intense," another female student finished. "I heard the rumors, but I know that Bader has the chops."

The room suddenly exploded with loud applause as Mrs. Bermudez-Estrada came to my side with tissues on hand. "Demario, are you all right?" she asked me.

I looked up into the woman's face, her eyes full of sadness as she looked into mine. "No, but I think I will be," I managed to croak.

"That was beautiful," Joel said as he and his husband joined the fray. "Demario, I think that you playing those songs was what you needed to finally unleash all that pent-up emotions no thanks to your mother."

I believe it. "Joel, I'm not even sure if she'll ever let me have any peace," I replied softly as the Nguyen clones came over. "The more she continued to wish for my demise, the more I kept playing just to spite her. And she wouldn't relent unless I stopped my performance, headed back to the house, and swallowed some pills to grant her wish of me dying. But there was something else that kept me at the piano, playing like I was a madman wanting to be free from the wild. And whatever it was wanted me to fight like hell to escape from her venom."

"And you did just that," Taylor replied, giving me a nod. "Your mother, may she burn in hell, didn't see what the rest of us sees in you: a talented and no-nonsense kid who just wanted to be loved in the same manner that she and her husband loved your siblings. They used you like some chew toy and continuously tossed you around in hopes you'd finally waste away to nothing. But even as they made sure that you were left to fend for yourself when they died, they didn't expect for people like us- people who truly care for you- to help you bounce back. This audition is the start of something new, Demario. Don't let HER dictate your life anymore."

I sighed deeply as I felt Gianna's arms wrap around me and the others circled around me. "I'm a lost boy who wants to be found," I couldn't help but say out loud. "Please help me find myself."

"We will, Demario," Holly promised me. "You're not alone in this fight. But you gotta start somewhere. And this was just what you needed."

"Indeed," commented the therapist, his twin nodding in assent. "Demario, you're to join me for a meeting tomorrow morning, but my twin brother Eric here is the leader of group therapy for teens who attempted suicide. You're to see him beginning next week."

"And don't worry, Demario," Eric said. "We'll take things slow. Sometimes people need other people to lean on."

I never felt so drained in my life, my mind unable to allow me to refuse. "I'll do it," I breathed. "I'll go to therapy and do whatever it takes. Just don't let me be abused or misused. I'm afraid that I'll be shattered beyond repair."

And that, dear friends, was the truth.

This...was a chapter that I didn't expect to turn out like this! But here it is in living color! And Demario has a LOT of mommy issues thanks to his mother using him as a whipping boy and a verbal punching bag! Send him some love and support, you guys. He could use a lot of it!

In the next chapter, Demario's back in therapy with Dr. Nguyen before he's surprised with a visit from Serenity and Epiphany. You can't afford to miss it!

And before I go, here's the second song for what Demario played. "Waves" by Mr. Probz is something to listen to when you need to low-key chill after a bad day.

Dedication: DachetGrival.

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